Operation Soulmate (7 page)

      Geraldine couldn’t help feeling she was slightly out of her depth here. She was no good at being calm and self-assured. This was too hard! And she was beginning to lose the fun factor from concentrating too much on trying to appear to be something she wasn’t. Surely love didn’t involve all this plotting and scheming, did it!? She sighed and smiled weakly. She had, after all, promised to trust Ben completely, and so far it seemed to be working out okay... She nodded dolefully.

     “Okay,”

      “Gerry, this is
great
!! Don’t get down about
this.
This is going better than I thought, much sooner than I’d expected. We’re learning a lot here. This is amazing feedback!! YOU are amazing!!! Okay stand up a bit straighter and remember
he
wants to get to know
you
:
You,
the woman, not you the easily impressed teenager.
You
are the prize here, remember, not him. Until he proves himself to be worthy of your affections, he’s just ‘some guy’, try to remember that.”

     “Okay, okay, but what if he
doesn’t
come back?”

     “Then you let him go. Then he's just 'some guy you had to let go' ”

     “But he was
gorgeous
!!”

     “Okay
this
is your first potential mistake. At this point, he
wants
to have to make an effort to find you, get to know you. The guy’s a hunter; it’s written all over him. He
wants
it to be hard. He so
obviously
thrives on a challenge. Do
not
take that away from him. If he doesn’t have to make the effort about this, he won’t feel the need to make any kind of effort while you’re dating him. If he doesn’t come back, let him go. There’s no scarcity here. The room is
full
of interesting, single guys. Now get back out there.”

      Brogan jumped to attention and almost saluted. She was having a whale of a time. They returned to one of the tall, coffee tables which were placed strategically around the room in such a way as to encourage small groups, while being far enough from the ground to allow standing, and
(
relatively) carefree
sipping....and more mingling.

    “God, he’s
amazing!!
” Brogan whispered, as they wandered slowly back. “He’s totally got the hots for you, though, hon.”

      “What!!!!!???”

     “Shhhhh!” Brogan looked around to see whether her friend’s outburst had registered above the cool, calmly enthused and evolved hubbub. Geraldine was genuinely shocked. Considering what an incredible medium she was, Brogan could be so completely off the mark sometimes.

      “Oh my God. You’re insane!!!
What
are you talking about?”

      “Darlin’, it’s obvious!! Come ON!! Wake up and smell the coffee.”

      “Brogan, you are being
completely
ridiculous. Ben has come all this way on a Sunday to do everything he can to get me hooked up with
some other guy
. Does that
sound
like someone who’s got designs on me?!!!” Brogan thought it through for a minute or two but remained mysteriously unconvinced.

      “All I know is what I just saw, the way I saw him lookin’ at ya. That’s not even what I’m picking up psychically, hon, just obvious boy/girl stuff.”

     “You’re insane!”         

Geraldine glanced over at Ben, just in time to see him making the separating gesture again, and was relieved to be given permission to get away from Brogan, who was quickly becoming a bewildering distraction rather than the sensitive wing-woman that the job required. She was nevertheless heartened to see Toby checking her out from across the room. She detached herself slightly, and went back to looking friendly and approachable, while nibbling affably on a dry bourbon cream, as Brogan returned her attentions to the personal trainer type with the hot bod.

     “Hi, I am Antonio,” said an overly polite-sounding voice coming from behind her. She turned to see a tall, Spaniard with thick, dark curls and penetrating eyes. Hmmm... Not bad. Not Toby but not bad. Ben was really coming through for her today. But then, of course he would. Why wouldn’t he? That was the whole point of this excursion, surely. What on earth was Brogan’s problem?

     “Hi, I’m Geraldine,” She said, offering her hand for the second time that morning... From across the room, she could feel Toby’s eyes burning into her now, and with her peripheral vision, she was sure she could see Ben smirking. He seemed to
be
everywhere at once and
aware
of everything that was happening in the room,
all
the time.

     By the time they actually went into the seminar, Geraldine was exhausted. She’d never seen Brogan looking so happy. She was like the proverbial kid in the candy-store and was, on reflection, the perfect choice for the assignment.

       “Thanks for doing this Brog,” she said squeezing her arm, affectionately, as they took their seats.

       “Are you
kidding
me hon?? I wouldn’t have missed this for the
world
!!”

       The seminar itself was amazing, and just the perfect thing for shoring up Geraldine's optimism about the rest of the day ahead. She couldn’t help noticing that another really gorgeous guy seemed to have made an effort to sit next to her; she’d also noticed him watching her earlier. She glanced across their row just in time to catch a big, ‘thumbs down’ from Ben. He seemed to be rubbing one of his fingers. That wasn’t a code she remembered. What was finger-rubbing a code for? Geraldine panicked for a second. What did it
mean
? Did this man have chubby fingers? Ben knew she had an aversion to chubby fingers. She glanced down at the hunk’s hands, just in time to see him struggling surreptitiously to remove a thin wedding band. Geraldine was disgusted. She looked back at Ben, and shook her head to demonstrate her indignation but for some reason, he pretended not to see her and kept his eyes on the speaker and on the rest of the room. Message received and understood.

He was a consummate professional.

      Eventually, the first tea-break came and Ben was already signalling separation again.

     “So, what did you think of the first part, Geraldine? Or can I call you Gerry?” It was Toby, gratifyingly back for more. Ben was always so right! Toby’s return increased her confidence enormously and signalled a turning point in her approach. She could almost feel the neurons shifting. This time, she even found herself feeling relaxed enough to start flirting with him a little. Antonio hovered in the background, keeping her in view, while listening to an older gentleman wax lyrical on the subject of mind-maps. He looked a bit bored. Geraldine jumped when her phone, suddenly, rang unexpectedly. She’d completely forgotten to switch it off during the seminar. Ben’s name appeared on the display. What could he
possibly
want now?! She hadn’t even said anything yet!

     “Excuse me, just a second please Toby,” She said apologetically. “Hello!” she whispered into the phone, smiling nervously at Toby before turning away from him slightly.

     “Okay,” said Ben “now listen to this carefully. You’re going to have to force the issue with this guy. There’s someone else interested in him, someone very persistent. In order to get him to make a move, you’re going to have to do something drastic or it just won’t happen.”

      “Okay, I’m listening” she mumbled quietly and cryptically into the phone, quickly submerging her irritation in light of Ben’s proven wisdom.

    “Now, when you get off the phone, make your excuses and tell Toby that something has come up at home. You have to leave. Your friend needs you. You make nice -
good to meet you Toby, enjoy the rest of the seminar, take care, keep up the good work, yada yada yada, goodbye
. Then you turn on your heels and leave... without. Looking. back.”

     “No! Oh, no... No
way
” Geraldine almost hissed into the phone. She could feel Toby’s eyes burning into her back. This was all
very
uncomfortable!

      "Geraldine, are you going to trust me on this?” Geraldine’s natural impulses were interrupted once again by the annoying recollection of her promise to trust Ben, no matter what. But all this subterfuge and artifice, all these plots and subplots and counter-plots were just making her head spin. She just wasn't cut out for all these games. Surely, a good old-fashioned rejection was easier to manage! She glanced around at the packed room, literally teaming with possibilities. Who knew there were so many great guys out there?

     “Okay then, fine,” She said, ending the call decisively and somewhat petulantly.

She turned back, just in time to see Toby being finessed by a small, but determined-looking woman, called Indira who was wearing a light, Summer pashmina and smelling of rich and exotic fragrances. Toby made eye-contact with Geraldine again and moved closer to her, as she nervously shoved her phone into the pocket of her summer dress. Eye-contact had to be a good sign, surely!

     “Toby, I’m so sorry; it’s been lovely meeting you but er...something has come up. I have a friend who really needs me at the moment. I can’t really explain just now. I’m sorry. Enjoy the rest of the seminar.” Well.... it
was sort
of true. Ben
was
her friend and he needed her....to leave...now... for some reason. She smiled weakly, before mustering every ounce of discipline in her irate little body, and turning towards the exit. But before she even had a chance to walk away she heard Toby’s velvety tones, travelling into her consciousness in a dangerously evocative way.

     “Perhaps, you’d like to explain some other time....
over dinner
...” He said, with exactly the kind of calm self-assurance she’d been trying to conjure up all morning. She was stunned. Ben was a genius; It was official, and there was just no doubt about it. Geraldine promised herself, once again, that from now on, she would absolutely and
definitely
do whatever Ben asked of her, without hesitation. After quickly giving Toby her number and waiting while he insisted on calling her straight away to make sure she also had his, she very calmly and elegantly shook his hand before gliding out of the room, looking every bit like someone who was not at all ruffled in a crisis. In a flash, Brogan was by her side, like a flaming, red super-heroine and Ben, lovely, wonderful, genius, Ben stood waiting in the hotel lobby, holding the door open for both of them as they skipped lightly out onto the pavement.

     “Wow! What just
happened
in there?” said Brogan, happily. “That was
wild
!”

     “Oh my God, I think I’ve got a date,” said Geraldine, unable to contain her sheer amazement. “Oh thank you Ben, thank you, thank you, thank you,” she added, squeezing his arm for good measure and then reaching up to give him a kiss on the cheek, when arm-squeezing just didn’t seem enough to express her gratitude. Ben blushed, ferociously but Geraldine didn’t see it. She was too wrapped up in all the excitement about her date with Toby. But Brogan saw it... and Ben
saw
Brogan seeing it. Brogan smiled a slightly, irritating lop-sided smile, while Ben collected himself quickly and slipped, almost seamlessly back into professional mode.

      “Okay, that’s just the first step.” He said. “Welcome to the wonderful world of dating...”

      “Oh Ben,” said Brogan, grinning mischievously, “That was such a great day, thank you! And it’s so
nice
of you to come along with us... all this way...and on a Sunday.” Ben smiled, nervously.

      “That’s okay, Brogan, any time; anything to help out a friend.” He said genially, carefully avoiding eye-contact.

     Brogan smiled to herself. Yeah, I’ll bet, she thought.. Anything to help out a hot little friend you’ve totally got the hots for...

The next day at work, Geraldine was beside herself with excitement, wondering when Toby was going to call, wondering
if
Toby was ever going to call, wondering why Toby hadn’t
already
called and wondering whether
she
should call
Toby
. At 1.30 p.m. Sandra, the medium who often worked in the cubicle next to her, stood at her door and looked her up and down slowly.

    “Your energy’s weird today,” she said, scrutinising the air all around her. Geraldine cringed slightly. People who could see auras so clearly and physically always fascinated her and, if she was completely honest, secretly crept her out a bit
.

     “Really?”

    “Yeah, your aura’s all pink. Found yourself a man, haven’t you...”

     “Oh God, is it that obvious?”

     “Kind of....” She said, throwing her head back and laughing raucously. “Come on then, let’s have a look,” Geraldine felt her heart leaping, as Sandra stood motioning her into her cubicle for a mini reading. “I’m taking my break now and I’ve brought lunch in with me. If you’re free for a while we can see what the cards have to say about it. Geraldine wasn’t sure she was ready for Sandra’s laser-like vision and no-nonsense approach. She knew that with Sandra, there would be no dressing things up to make them more palatable. Bad news and good were dished up with the same brutal honesty, leaving little room for ambiguity.
Then again, her approach left little room for future mistakes either. But was she really,
ready
to hear the truth?

      Sandra, a tall, regal, Nigerian tarot reader with a hearty laugh and an almost infamous no nonsense approach, had no time whatsoever for the lies people told themselves, and even less patience for the reasons they continued to tell them, long after she'd made them wise to what was really going on in their lives with a generous offering of cards and concern. One of their most popular readers, and quickly gaining an international following, due to the fact that she had an almost other-worldly rate of accuracy and was brimming with confidence, intelligence and counselling qualifications, Sandra was a force to be reckoned with at the best of times. Geraldine tried to avoid her intense stare by becoming preoccupied with some angel figurines that were suddenly in desperate need of rearranging, but somehow failed to avert her eyes quickly enough. Then, suddenly, it was too late. As soon as Sandra began staring more intently into the spaces above her head, she knew she was hooked and there was just no going back.

      “Okay,” she said, darting into the beautifully decorated cubicle, accompanied by more raucous laughter. Sandra handed the cards to her.

      “Okay, what’s his name?”

     “Toby,” said Geraldine, glancing at her phone for the hundredth time that day. Sandra noticed that she’d carried it into the cubicle with her and kept glancing over at it, even as she began to shuffle the well-worn deck.

    “You got it bad, girl.” She said smiling in a way that lit up her face. They both laughed. “Okay, just concentrate on Toby. Is Toby a good match for Geraldine? Is that a good question?” Geraldine thought for a minute. With what Ben seemed to have planned for her, she was sure there were going to be plenty of guys who’d prove to be ‘a good match’ for her. She wanted more.

      “No,” she said, straightening up and clearing her throat as if clearer speech would somehow allow the universe to hear her question a little more easily, as if it didn’t already know what was already written on her heart. “Is Toby THE ONE?” Sandra smiled. Ah yes, she thought, The ONE, the unceasing obsession of every lightworker she’d ever met. She knew it only too well, herself; the quest for the elusive twin flame.

      “Okay, is Toby the one, Geraldine’s Divine twin flame and partner in service to humanity...and to love?” Geraldine inhaled the question. She liked the question ..a lot; it was perfect. In fact, she almost wanted to cry suddenly, just hearing it. She looked at Sandra and smiled, nodding slowly as a moment of deep knowing passed between the two psychics, and they allowed the Angelic influence in the small room to begin to guide their thoughts and words. “Okay, so just stop shuffling when it feels right.” said Sandra, inhaling the immense weight and reach of the question.

      Geraldine tried to stay reasonably detached from the outcome as she shuffled the cards in silence; knowing that too much attachment could sometimes muddy a reading and that, even in life, wanting something too much could sometimes push that very thing away.

If only she could
always
stay in this state of non-attachment. She stopped shuffling just as she had a clear image of Toby’s beautiful smile.

     “Okay, split the pack into three piles and pick one.” Geraldine carefully split the pack, and couldn’t help noticing that her hands seemed to be shaking slightly. This could
not
be a good thing. Why did Toby already seem to have this effect on her?!
How
had she done any good readings at all that morning? It was often at times like this, however, that she seemed to give her best readings, when (in consciousness-terms) she had pretty much left the building, and her guides would step in, almost channelling the necessary information
through
her.

      Sandra looked at the first card on top of the chosen pile. “Now,” she said, staring into Geraldine's frightened eyes. “Do you want to know the truth? Can you handle it?” Geraldine thought for a second. Did she really want to know so early on? She’d only just
met
Toby. She hadn’t even been on a date with him yet. Wasn’t it at least worth just going with the flow for a
little
while? Discovering, by natural means, what such a connection might bring? No! She didn’t have time to waste on natural means, or on something that wasn’t the real thing, or on anyone who wasn’t
the one
. And although she was currently obsessing about him, ever-so-slightly, there were still, at this point, no real, deep feelings for Toby, but if there
was
going to be a disappointment lurking,
somewhere
along the Toby & Geraldine timeline, it was just as well to find out in advance, before she fell for him hook, line and sinker.

     “Yes,” She said, carefully searching Sandra's face for signs of impending danger, as she proceeded to lay out several rows of cards in quick succession, speaking quickly and confidently at the same time.

      “He’s not the one. He’s a lovely, lovely guy but he’s not your twin flame. There’s someone else who's already around you now, who’s absolutely made for you; he’s the one, this other guy, but you won’t see him until it’s perhaps too late. Too much karma. There’s nothing wrong with the connection with Toby. He has the potential to make a very good match, and he
is
looking
for someone to share his life with. He's not interested in a fling, and he looks as if he could be completely faithful. Quite devoted actually, but only as long as he feels you're really into him.
And,
I think he’s already quite taken with you, even after just one meeting. You’ve known him before. I see you both as teachers in previous incarnations in ancient Egypt, and again in Ancient Rome. He was your husband a couple of times, and a very good one. He was your wife once as well. This man is a true egalitarian, a very evolved soul with a high degree of sensitivity and self-mastery. Others look up to him for his achievements, and for what he stands for.” Geraldine sighed. Yep, that sounded like Toby alright. Good, old Sandra.

    “My advice would be to choose this Toby guy, because the connection with your twin flame is soooooo complicated. I'd steer well clear of it. You know how it is with twin flames; it's never  smooth sailing. There’s always a barrier, some kind of obstacle. The guy who’s your twin flame has been hurt so badly,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “He’s very disconnected from his feelings. He will love you dearly ...and the power of that love will terrify him. He might never trust himself to reveal his true feelings to you. He will run away from true intimacy, rather than face the possibility of more heartbreak. Sounds a bit like you, doesn't he!!?” She said, laughing raucously, and then stopping, suddenly, to peer at her over the top of her super-trendy, 1950s style glasses. Geraldine shifted in her seat slightly.
Why
did everyone seem to think she was some kind of commitment-phobic? It was the men she went out with that were the commitment-phobes, not her!!! And
why
was it always so
warm
in these cubicles?

      “The problem is,” She continued, mercilessly, “...your twin is your perfect mirror. So, at any given time, either you will be running away...or he will. You'll be forever playing catch-up with each other.  It's almost as if he's afraid to get what he truly wants. He surrounds himself with women who take advantage of him or those who can never understand what truly drives him. So he remains, unmoved, untouched, elusive and unharmed. Never risking hurt at the hand of the one his heart truly longs for. The one who could hurt him beyond repair...or take him to an equally dangerous place of true joy and challenge him to see himself as the Divine messenger he came here to be. He might tell you at some point that
you
have issues with intimacy, but it will be very hard for him to look at his own issues, unless he’s very,
very
evolved and he really,
REALLY
loves you.

     And you see, that’s the
challenge
with twin flames: they force each other to grow, they have to! In order for this kind of connection to even have a chance of working. In order to even recognise each other in the first place, they have to become
so
evolved,
so
self-aware ... almost telepathic....and that process can be long, drawn-out and
very
testing. Do you know how hard that can be? For true twin flames to find and truly love each other when each one has collected so much karma, hurt and mistrust, both together and apart, over years, centuries ... ages!!! You and your twin flame have danced this dance over many,
many
lifetimes, Geraldine... to many different strains of music.... In the end, it’s always the same. The leap is too great, and what you both wish for the most ..is denied you. Are you absolutely
certain
that you’re prepared to take that leap now, to stop being afraid? Only the masters can walk that road. Are you ready to be a master Gerry?”

     “Yes, yes!! It’s what I want more than anything.” Geraldine
wasn’t
sure she was
ready to be a master, but if it meant finding her twin flame and being in the only relationship that would ever be meaningful to her then
surely
she was as close to being ready as a person could ever be...!

     Sandra took a good, long look at Geraldine before peering down at the cards again and shaking her head slowly. “What you’re asking for is HUGE honey. And I can tell you now, it doesn’t come easy.” Geraldine sighed dejectedly into the uncomfortable silence that followed. She tried not to be irritated. No point in shooting the messenger when she had only herself to blame. She’d known what she was getting into by entering the cubicle. It was what she’d asked for ...the truth...and she would have to take responsibility for that. Anyway, she still had the choice of either taking it all with a pinch of salt and just seeing what happened with Toby; or taking every word as gospel and continuing to wait for the real twin flame.

     Sandra smiled sympathetically and continued carefully, sensing the deep disappointment that was filling the cubicle. “This other guy, this ...Toby....he’s easy. He’s aware, strong and ready for love; he could even be a lot of fun. Maybe a bit possessive at times, but only because of what he’s been through in the past, and perhaps because there’s also a bit of residual past-life stuff between you. He’ll get over that if he feels he can trust you. I recon he’s the prize. Don’t you think you could love him? A while ago, you were so sure...” Geraldine, suddenly, wasn’t enjoying her reading as much as she’d hoped she might. Why couldn’t Sandra just tell her what she wanted to hear?!!!

     Sandra pulled a few more cards from the pile. The next card was The Star, followed by The Lovers and then The Sun. They both looked at each other, puzzled. “Right,” said Sandra, trying to process the huge range of information and complexity represented by the equally complicated-looking spread. “This get’s even more complicated. As you know, the lovers card
is
the twin flames, card. The Star ...can be a sign of wishes fulfilled, and The Sun speaks for itself; happiness, fulfilment, satisfaction after struggle, completion and all that good stuff. So it looks, from the cards, as if there might be hope....”

      Geraldine gasped. Hope sounded good. She sat bolt upright in her chair and leaned forward excitedly, only to slump back, deeper than ever when the death card, suddenly reared its unwelcome head, as it so often did in her readings. She had no idea
why
she always reacted to it this way; she knew it didn’t mean a
physical
death, just the death of a way of life, a way of being, an ending of some sort. Usually before a lovely, timely rebirth, or an awakening, or the beginning of something much, much better - one door closing and another one opening, blah, blah, blah - but she still loathed it. Perhaps, it was just the fact that it so often meant endings ...and she was so, so tired of endings...