Out of The Box Awakening (7 page)

Days turn into weeks. Alan’s phone calls to me are few and far between. Ash, though working in the city, does come home often to stay and spend time with me. I work five days a week, now, and love every minute. I miss Alan, but find I now have something to occupy my time and satisfy my needs. I finally feel like I have found “me.”

Halloween is in a few days, and I am looking forward to it. I ask Reba if any kids trick-or-treat in the neighborhood.

“Mr. Harper isn’t usually here for Halloween, so we haven’t done trick-or-treat here in a very long time. If you want to give out candy, just turn on the porch lights and they will come. If you want candy, just let me know and I will be happy to get some. It will be fun for you.”

With Ash in the city, I’ve been keeping busy with my work. After a long day at the store, I stop on my way home and stock up on Halloween candy. Just as I come in, the house phone rings, and I answer it.

“Oh, hey, Olivia! How’s it going?” It’s Tommy. I am so glad to hear from him.

“Hi, Tommy! How are you? Look, your dad is in the city tonight. You may want to call him there.”

“I was just checking in to see what the holiday plans are. Dad said your family would be in for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think that’s awesome. We haven’t had a real family holiday season in forever. After mom passed, Dad usually just took us to the Country Club for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It’s not what you’d call a real family environment.”

I tell Tommy that I’m planning a real family holiday for Thanksgiving and Christmas. He sounds excited and tells me that he’ll definitely be there. He thinks Hayden and Wesley will probably come as well, but isn’t sure, since their line of work may require holiday hours.

“Listen Tommy,” I say, “I don’t know what your band members do for the holidays, but I’m sure your dad wouldn’t mind if you wanted to invite them too…even Todd. Sorry, but I just can’t call him Bert…it really creeps me out. But, anyway, Todd is welcome, too!”

“You’re too funny, Olivia. Okay, I’ll tell him. I’m sure he will be down. Thanks so much for taking charge of the holidays. We haven’t had this in so long. I can’t wait to get home.”

After I get off the phone with Tommy, I call Lainey, Bradley and Dalton. I tell them that I have made reservations at a hotel in town for them. They are all excited and can’t wait to come. They will all be coming for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. I am elated and can’t wait. They ask about Alan and when he will be home. I tell them that I don’t know exactly when, but he promised he would be home for the holidays.

Lainey is so glad that I’ve found work with Sarah. “Mom, I can’t believe you are actually working and doing something you love. It’s about time! What prompted that?” When I tell her that Ash was the driving force, she is so happy for me.

Halloween night is here and I am ready for the trick-or-treaters. I’ve gotten candy, turned on the lights and put pumpkins out on the front porch. I have decorated the house for fall and feel totally at home here. Ash calls and says that he wishes he could be here, but is on a case. He asks if I have talked to Alan; I tell him that Alan called me two days ago.

“Two days? What is going on, Liv?”

“I wish I knew. Lately, he just seems so vague.”

I ask him if he knows something I don’t. He swears he knows nothing. I tell him that I’ve had several calls to my cell phone from a number I don’t recognize. They don’t leave a message, but keep calling and hanging up once I say hello. He tells me he can check out the number if I want him to, but I refuse.

“It’s probably just random calls. No need to worry.”

“Well, if the calls continue, text me the number and I’ll be on it.”

“Thanks, Ash, I know you have my back.”

We have lots of little trick-or-treaters and I remember when my own kids were little. Halloween was one of my favorite nights. The kids had so much fun getting candy and dressing up. I miss those days so much. Transforming the boys into ninjas and Lainey into a princess was so much fun! Since I don’t sew, I had to get creative with a glue gun, but we always had so much fun creating the perfect costumes.

Halloween in our neighborhood was the best. The moms put the little ones in wagons and we all walked around the neighborhood with our solo cups full of wine. The dads didn’t trick-or-treat back in those days—they stayed back to hand out candy. Times have sure changed. I see moms and dads out trick-or-treating with the little ones. Tonight, the little ones are so cute. I am so happy that I turned on the lights and participated.

After the trick-or-treat traffic has ended, I turn off the porch lights, lock up, and head up to soak in the tub. I decide that, since Ash is gone, he probably won’t mind if I soak in his tub. I turn on the lights, and the music starts. Gosh, I love this house.

As I am soaking in that incredible, fragrant bath, my phone rings. Maybe it is Alan! I really miss him, and would love to hear his voice! I look at the caller ID. It’s Ash. Of course, it would be Ash. My heart skips a beat as I answer.

“Hey handsome! What’s up?”

“Just calling to make sure someone didn’t kidnap and trick-or-treat you…”

“That didn’t happen but I did have a lot of kids come by. You have a lot of precious little kids in your neighborhood. It was wonderful.”

“So glad to hear that. It’s been a very long time since there has been trick-or-treat action at the Harper house. Thanks for bringing life back to the place!”

I told Ash that Tommy had called, and that I invited his band members over for Thanksgiving. “I hope you don’t mind Ash, but I figured they may not all have family here, and wanted them to feel welcome.”

“You’re. Amazing, Olivia. Has anyone told you that lately?”

“No, I can’t say anyone has. But just in case you want to tell me, I’m all ears.”

“Not even your husband?”

His question hits me like a bullet. “No, Ash, not even my husband.”

Sensing that he has hit a nerve, he responds, “Well, he’s crazy. I’m telling you that you are amazing. I’ll be home tomorrow night, so if you are free, would you have dinner with me?”

“I can make something here if you want,” I offer.

“No, absolutely not. I want to take you out somewhere special. I’ll make reservations; you just be ready.”

My heart skips a beat. I am looking forward to seeing him again. “Yes! I would love that! I can’t wait to see you Ash. Sleep well. I’ll be thinking about you in the morning, while I have coffee and read the paper. I’ve been missing my coffee buddy.”

“Ditto for me, Liv! See you tomorrow. Sleep good, Sunshine!”

As I head off to work in the morning and I'm already getting excited, knowing I’ll see Ash and go out for a nice dinner. Around noon, I check my phone and find I have a text from him.

“How is work going? Are you having a good day?”

“Yes, we are really busy, but the day is going by fast and I can’t wait for dinner!”

About that time, Sarah comes back to the stock room where I am checking in new merchandise. “There is a floral delivery for Olivia Petersen,” she says.

“Seriously?”

“Yep! Wonder who these are from?”

I look at the flowers. They are gorgeous. At first, I think they may be from Alan—perhaps an attempt to apologize? Then I read the card and, though I am somewhat disappointed, I smile when I read, “Hoping your day is as beautiful as you are. See you tonight! Ash”

“Who are they from?” When I tell her they are from Ash, she nods, studying me. “He is such a great guy. I think he is sweet on you, lucky lady. I can’t name one lady in this town who hasn’t tried to make her way into his life—all unsuccessfully, I might add.”

I meet Ash at the restaurant, just down from the shop. We have a wonderful dinner. We start with drinks at the bar, taking our time to talk and enjoy spending time with each other. At dinner, we sit directly across from each other. Ash holds my hands on the table and gently rubs his thumbs over my wrists. He looks into my eyes and smiles.

“What?” I ask.

“Nothing, just enjoying the view. You’re so pretty, Olivia. Can’t take my eyes off of you.”

“Ummmmm…I believe you stole that line from a song, Mr. Harper.” We sure do flirty-flirting well! He actually makes flirty-flirting fun. I never talk like that with Alan. He’s very reserved, and not a small talker. We talk about our day, and I tell him how thoroughly I am enjoying my job. Sarah is the perfect boss. She gives me the freedom to make decisions and interact with the clients. It seems like she is confident that I will do a good job, and for that I am grateful. Next week, she has me going out to a new client to do a consultation for holiday decorations. Holiday decorations are one of Sarah’s biggest moneymakers, so I hope I can do a good job. I tell Ash, and he reassures me that the client will love me.

After a remarkable dinner, we head back to the house. I make us each a coffee and we go up to the den to relax.

Ash asks me about my relationship with Alan. I’m not sure I am comfortable talking about this with him. He is curious why Alan hasn’t called. I tell him that I am feeling very insecure—I know something is wrong and I just can’t pinpoint why the sudden change. I tell him that Alan has taken calls at odd hours and swears they are from the office. He usually goes into another room to
talk, so I have no idea what the content of the conversation is. Then, suddenly the company sends him to London. I just don’t get it.

I tell Ash that Alan and I don’t have an affectionate, “love-y” relationship. We never did. Alan was attentive, but not overly affectionate. Maybe because he was from such a large family that his folks just didn’t have enough affection to pass around? There was quite a difference in our upbringings. I was an only child, and received a fair share of affection from my parents. My parents weren’t overly affectionate, but I always knew I was loved... That was just how we rolled. I’d tried to impart this trait to my children as well.

Ash tells me that he and Anne, although they loved each other, didn’t have a demonstrative relationship either. Anne, it seems, was a type-A personality. She always had to have control of every situation. Perhaps that was what made her the brilliant, successful attorney she was. She was at the top of her game in a man’s world. Respected all over the city, she took no prisoners.

Ash, on the other hand, was mellow, conciliatory, and non-confrontational. He says that he and Anne had a marriage of convenience, by the end. Her dad was a general in the Army, and had gone to West Point. He both demanded and commanded perfection. Anne was forced to live up to his high expectations and that pattern continued into her married life. She had to have everything her way, and Ash said he just got used to it. He told me that while he loved her very much, he felt that maybe after all the years he just wasn’t “in love” with her.

I began to think that was exactly how I had come to feel about Alan.

In confidence, I tell Ash that I feel unattractive to Alan, and that I’ve totally lost touch with myself.

“I can’t believe you feel like that, Olivia. You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen.” He gives me a hug and whispers “So beautiful and confident, but yet so insecure.”

“Right you are, Ash. That would be me.”

Ash sits on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table. I am lying in his lap. I’m totally at ease and relaxed. He strokes my head lightly and brushes my face. Every nerve in my body comes alive. His touch is addictive, gentle, and I crave more.

I cannot let myself do this. I keep reminding myself that I am married. I have never so much as thought about another man touching me before, but suddenly my thoughts are headed that way.

“Liv, if you’re uncomfortable with this, please, just say so and I’ll stop.”

I tell him that I just can’t do this… it feels so right, but it isn’t.

He tells me that he understands. “I am so sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“You aren’t upset with me, are you Ash?”

“Of course not, Olivia. It’s my fault. I won’t let it happen again, I promise. Okay?”

I sit up, feeling that I should sit at the other end of the couch, or leave the room altogether and just go to bed.

“No…wait, Olivia…don’t get up. Just stay here…please. No more touching. I promise.”

I just can’t get up. This feels so right. I begin to rub his arm and he reciprocates, rubbing mine, then stops.

“No more touching…remember, Liv?”

His touch brings about so many sensations I haven’t felt in forever. Feelings and sensations I haven’t experienced—well, ever, I suppose. I shiver and he responds.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m more than okay. Ash, I swear, your touch is amazing and very arousing.”

“God, Liv! Didn’t you and Alan ever touch each other,” he asks.

“Look, I am really embarrassed talking to you about things like this, Ash. No, we didn’t tenderly touch. When we had sex, to me it was just ‘doing the deed.’ No real earth shattering things going on. I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. Alan wasn’t keen on my needs, so I guess I suppressed them.”

“I’m so sorry, hon. That’s his loss. Don’t ever be afraid or ashamed to feel, Liv. You need to experience touch and sensation. You’ll be amazed at what you are missing.”