Packed and Ready to Go (2 page)

“
Oh no. It can wait. I really miss you, Walt.” She sweetened her voice, like she always did when she wanted to wrap me around her pinkie.

My resolve to break up with her circled my heart. The idea seemed absurd, but I need to stick with it this time, even if it meant limiting my sexual thrills to no frills. Returning to faithful husband should have made me happy, instead I felt like a man marching towards the guillotine.

Finding excuses to feed Tracy was exhausting, and Sasha wanted more. I saw it in Sasha’s eyes every time we talked, the way she clung to me when it was time for me to leave, and her unexpected visits to my office. Designer handbags, diamonds, and trips were easy, but time, commitment, and relationships were not.

Now the threats of major lay-offs at the company meant I’d have to cut back on the money going out. Which meant I couldn’t keep lavishing expensive gifts on Sasha. Which meant my twenty-something exquisite lay would be moving on to someone more age-and-funds appropriate. Which meant I’d have to settle for what I had, at least until everything settled down at work.

I cupped my hand over the mouthpiece. “I’ll try to stop by before the weekend is over. After the graduation things will settle down.”

“
I’ll be waiting with no panties, just the way you like me.”

I disconnected the call, entered my office, and dropped into my leather executive chair. I’d tried to resist Sasha. What was supposed to be a routine book purchase from her bookstore had turned into three trips. I knew she was baiting me by playing hard-to-get, but I liked a good old-fashioned cat and mouse game. Especially when the prize was young, single, and undemanding. Giving up Sasha wouldn’t be easy. She was a fun distraction from the routine, a link to my youth. Being with her was like being back in college with fast girls and quick sexual encounters. When sex was just about sex and not about securing a future or paying a mortgage or raising children or grocery lists or where to vacation. With Sasha I didn’t have to pretend to have all the answers because she had so few questions. As long as I satisfied her in bed and brought her a few baubles, she was fulfilled.

Someone else would eventually take her place, but until then, I could be happy with Tracy. She wasn’t as imaginative in bed as she used to be, but she was always willing. Maybe when I got older, the everyday sameness wouldn’t be so detestable. Tracy seemed to thrive on routine. How she managed to be happy with the dull regimen amazed me. But I’d give it another try. The next time I’d cross my fingers tighter and try harder to keep my dick in my pants. Tracy deserved better.

Chapter Four - Tracy

I wanted to be mad at Walter for buying the car and breaking one of our marital canons, but I couldn’t hold on to the anger. Watching our daughter receive her hard earned, expensive degree pushed everything else aside.

When the ceremony ended, the graduates filed out of the auditorium. I came to my feet and took long strides to catch up to Walter. Once in the aisle, his progress came to a halt. A crush of family and well-wishers inched out of the auditorium, like a slow wave of cold molasses.

The unhurried egress benefited my parents. They moved like snails. I turned around to find they’d fallen well behind Walter and me. With his long legs and easy gait, Walter pushed towards the fresh air outside. I grabbed his arm.

“
We need to wait for my parents.” I stepped aside to allow the flow towards the exit to continue. A bead of sweat dangled between my breasts. I swiped it away and willed my parents to pick up their pace before I melted.

“
Is everything okay?” I asked when they caught up.

“
We’re fine.” My mother shuffled alongside my father, her lips pulled tighter than a length of thread. “Your dad’s a little slow, that’s all.”

“
Don’t listen to your mother. She likes to make mountains out of a mole hills.”

“
Look at how slow you walkin’. Ain’t nobody making mountains. You can barely keep up.”

“
Frances, I’m fine. What’s your hurry anyway? Go on ahead. I’m right behind you.” My father waved his hand like he was shooing flies.

“
We’ll talk later,” my mother mouthed to me.

Inches away from the main exit, I felt the promise of less humid air. I used my hand as a fan to dry the perspiration beading on my forehead.

We stepped outside. The temperature was only marginally better than the auditorium, but at least there was room to move around and the air didn’t feel used. Walter crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at me. His sharp jaw and pronounced cheekbones caught the sun, reminding me how much I loved his fierce good looks.

“
Are we heading home now?” he asked.

My stomach pummeled. The rosy expectations I had for the day vanished like pixie dust.

“
Don’t you want to see Crystal and Max? We need to take some pictures to remember this moment...the whole graduation thing.”

“
Can’t we do that later?”

Before answering him, I drew a deep breath. His debonair style nor my need to make him happy wouldn’t change my mind about leaving him this time. The car was the nail that bit me in the ass and sealed my decision. I reached for my reservoir of patience, using just enough to get through this moment, because I knew I’d need more before the day was over.

“
It won’t be the same later. I want to capture this moment, not some made-up moment. And after the pictures, we’re taking them to dinner to celebrate.”

Instead of answering, he sighed and repositioned his arms.

“
We’re going out to dinner,” I said again. “Our daughter just graduated from college. We talked about this a week ago and you agreed.” When he didn’t respond I continued, “Carla and Ursula are coming too.”

“
No! Not the loud mouths. I’ve got to deal with your parents, and now you’re throwing your two friends into the mix. Is Carla bringing that talkative Javier, too?” His eyes followed the lines in my dress down to my shoes. “Besides, I thought you were dieting again?”

Again.

He said again.

And he said it loud enough for everyone within earshot to hear. I sucked in all the air my lungs could hold. His comment was like a sucker punch. My weight was not open for discussion. Not ever. In fact, never. Even if I got tent big.

My favorite pair of Jimmy Choo shoes and new Ellen Tracy dress didn’t make me look like the svelte girl he married, but I didn’t need his help counting calories or to remind me of the weight loss promises I made and failed to keep.

“
Yes, Carla’s coming, and I’m sure she’s bringing Javier. He’s her husband. And Ursula might bring a friend too.” He looked pained. Ursula was coming alone, but I threw that comment out to rile him.

“
I thought we were going to have something at home. At least then I could watch television or get some work done.”

“
Having something at home means you get to sit down and I get to do all the shopping, all the preparing, and all the running around.” I paused, trying to find a level of Zen to get me through the day. “There will be no television tonight. We’re going out to dinner in your new car and I hope my parents don’t piss in the back seat.”

The stricken look on his face let me know I’d hit my target.

My parents weren’t incontinent, but getting back at him for the diet comment rumbled through me like a child well past nap time.

“
Fine, Tracy. Where are we going?”

“
We talked about this, Walter. Don’t you remember?”

“
I’ve got a lot on my mind. You know, with work and all.” He shoved his hand in his pocket.

“
I made reservations at Ruth’s Chris at the Baltimore Inner Harbor.”

“
That means I have to pick up the tab for your parents, your friends and Crystal
and
Max?” He punctuated each word. “Damn! Why did you pick such an expensive restaurant?” I expected him to stomp his foot like a child.

“
Walter, please, not today. This is supposed to be a happy day. Where do you think we should celebrate—McDonald’s? You weren’t thinking about money when you bought your car. Besides, you made it clear we don’t have to consult each other on expenditures. Right?”

He clenched his jaw.

“
Fine.” His curt tone and rigid stance indicated he wasn’t fine.

His right eye twitched, a telltale sign that my position chaffed him. We needed quality time, and soon. When we’re in sync little things like this didn’t ruffle us.

Walter towered over me by a foot. Even at forty-two, his stomach remained flat and his thighs were as solid as iron rods. His salt and pepper hair gave him a distinguished appearance. More than twenty years of marriage and I still adored him. But we were out of rhythm and I was out of solutions. Other women gave him long hot looks. He didn’t think I noticed, but I noticed everything. Everything.

Crystal rounded the corner of the brick building, her gown flowing behind her and her arm linked in Max’s. The huge grin on her face made me smile, too. Even the corners of Walter’s mouth tugged upwards.

After a few photographs, Crystal and Max dashed off to take more pictures with friends. Walter retrieved the car and huddled us in. The drive to the Inner Harbor started out quiet.

“
Well, Walter, you must be very proud today. Your baby girl graduated from college with honors, she’s getting married to a fine young man and you’re married to a beautiful woman. Life has been good to you.” My father’s slow southern drawl pierced the silence. From the back seat, he laughed and slapped Walter on the shoulder.

“
I’m real proud, Carl,” Walter replied without expression.

My father chuckled. I wondered if he detected the sarcasm in Walter’s words.

“
This sure is a nice car. You got all the bells and whistles I see. Nothing beats the smell of a new car. How much did it set you back?”

I jerked around in my seat. Perspiration dotted my father’s forehead. “Dad, you don’t ask people that question,” I admonished him.

“
Carl, you know better,” my mother chimed in with a disapproving look.

“
Oh, I didn’t mean no harm. You ain’t mad are you, Walter?” My father rubbed his stubby index finger along the plush leather seat.

“
It’s alright Carl, don’t worry about it.”

“
I don’t believe you,” my mother hissed.

“
Aw Frances, if Walter ain’t mad, don’t get your knickers in a knot.” He patted my mother on the knee. “You gonna tell me what you paid, Walter?”

“
Not in front of Tracy. She’s already having a fit about this car.”

“
She don’t like it?”

“
It’s a fine car, Dad,” I said. “Now let’s change the subject.” The last thing I wanted to talk about was this expensive vehicle and the problem it’d unleashed.

My father sat back in his seat, content to be quiet now that he had caused a sufficient stir.

“
Dad, you’re sweating, do you want me to turn up the air conditioner?”

“
No, honey, I’m fine.” He pulled a handkerchief from his breast pocket and mopped his forehead.

“
You see, it’s not hot in here, and you’re sweating like you stole out the church offering basket.” My mother’s southern drawl had an added dose of concern.

“
Oh Frances, don’t go starting that. Not now.”

I turned back around. From the corner of my eye I watched Walter gnash his teeth.

I reached over and squeezed his thigh. “Hang in there, baby. In a few weeks you and I will get away and really relax. Just the two of us.”

Chapter Five - Tracy

Walter’s cell phone chimed while we waited for the restaurant valet to park the car. He snatched the phone off his belt loop and looked at the display.

“
I thought you didn’t like silly ring-tones. Whose ring is that? It sounds childish.” I asked, trying to ignore the sudden chill washing over my body.

“
One of the salesmen—a royal pain-in-the-ass. I gave him his own ringer so I’d know when he called.”

“
You promised you weren’t working today.”

“
Tracy, I’m always working. What can I do?” He accepted the call, then covered the mouthpiece. “Why don’t you and your parents go in? I’ll end this call and be right there.”