Parts & Labor (10 page)

"Dude,
ice cream is even more excellent."

"I
know my ice cream."

I
ordered another one. When we all had our cones, we piled into the Suburban and
drove to Scarlett's football game.

"Two,
four, six, eight, who do we appreciate? Tigers! Tigers!"

An
eighth-grade football game isn't like the pros. But the players try to play
like the pros. They wear the same gear and hit each other helmet first, going
for the "big hit" the fans love. I didn't play football for three reasons:
One, every year boys in Texas break their necks playing youth football; B, Mom wouldn't let me; and third, I wasn't big, strong, or fast.

Norbert
gazed at Scarlett cheering and jumping and somersaulting on the sideline with
the other cheerleaders like he was star-struck. It's really embarrassing when
a younger boy gets a crush on an older girl. Especially when the older girl is
your sister.

"I
like her round bouncy things," Norbert said.

"Hey,
dude, that's my sister."

"The
green and gold are an appealing color combination."

"
What?
Green and gold?" I looked back at Scarlett. "Oh, you mean her
pompoms."

"I
like her pompoms."

The
cheerleaders somersaulted on the sideline.

"So
the females cheer the males?" Norbert said.

I
shook my head. Man, did he ever get out?

"Of
course."

"Why
do the males not cheer the females?"

"Because
girls don't play football."

"Where
I come from, the females are the stronger of the species."

I
nodded. "I heard California was different."

"The
cheerleaders, they are quite good."

"You
should see the pro cheerleaders."

"Females
are paid to cheer the males?"

"No.
Guys are paid to play football, and girls are cheerleaders. They don't get
paid anything."

"Then
why do they cheer?"

"So
they can get on reality TV shows."

Norbert
nodded. "Ah."

After
the game, Scarlett came over to us and said to Mom, "Can I go shopping
with Chrissie at the mall?"

"Honey,
I can't afford to buy you new clothes."

"I
know. I'm just going to help her accessorize. She has no fashion sense."

"You're
okay with that?"

Scarlett
shrugged. "It's entertainment. Like going to the movies."

She
was good about money being tight now. Like I said, she's the perfect child.

"Norbert,
don't stare at that stuff—it's creepy."

We
had returned home, and I took Norbert upstairs to show him my room. The
bathroom door was open, and Scarlett's personal items were hanging on the
shower rod. Norbert had stopped dead in his tracks. He didn't have a sister,
so this was all new to him.

"I
find it oddly fascinating."

"Dude,
that is just wrong."

I
pulled him away and into my room before he suffered brain damage. I showed him
my science fiction books, my telescope, my chessboard, the Legos, and the
Ripstik I got for Christmas.

"And
what is the purpose of this device?"

"You
ride it." I turned it over. "See, it's a caster board. These two wheels,
they're casters. You stand on it and swivel your hips and it goes. I'll show
you later."

"I
would enjoy seeing you ride your Ripstik."

I
turned the solar system lamp on. Norbert knew every planet and galaxy.

"My
dad fixed my room up like this, with the black ceiling for the lamp. I'd love
to be an astronaut, travel into outer space."

Norbert
pointed at the
Star Wars
poster over my bed.

"I
am not aware of the Star Wars."

"It's
a great movie. That's Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Jabba the
Hutt."

"It
was not an actual war?"

"You
haven't seen
Star Wars?
The force be with you?"

"What
force?"

"What
about
Men in Black?
"

Norbert
shook his head but pointed at the poster. "That is an amusing
quote."

"
Star
Trek?
"

Another
shake of his head. Man, I was so glad I wasn't home schooled.

"Dude,
these are like the best movies ever made."

I
dug the
Star Wars
DVD out of my closet and put it into my player.
Norbert started laughing during the first scene—"This Darth Vader is
hilarious! A villain with nasal congestion!"—and hadn't stopped laughing when
the movie ended.

"That
is the funniest movie I have ever seen."

"It's
not a comedy."

"Jabba
the Hutt, the Sand People, the life forms in the bar—I have never seen
creatures like those in my entire existence."

"Well,
duh.
No one has, Norbert. They're aliens."

"In
what universe?"

"Hollywood."

"Hmm.
I did not see any such creatures during our time in Los Angeles. But, I did
not get out much."

"Wait
till you see the SoCo creatures."

He
picked up the broken iPod off my desk.

"Max,
may I have this?"

"Yeah,
sure, it's worthless now."

He
put the pieces in his pocket then stepped over to the Lego bin. I picked up
two pieces and showed him how they connected.

"I
see," he said. "These little bricks interlock."

"Yeah.
You build things with them."

"What?"

"Whatever
you want. Buildings or cars or robots."

My
stomach felt funny. The hot dog had come back to haunt me.

"Uh,
I gotta go to the bathroom. You can play with the Legos."

I
was gone for ten minutes tops. I swear. When I walked back into my bedroom, I
stopped just inside the door. I know my mouth was hanging open. Norbert had
built a white Lego building that stood three feet tall.

"How'd
you do that?"

"I
connected the bricks."

"That's
amazing. What is it?"

"The
Taj Mahal in India."

"Legend
Jones," I said, "he's the greatest basketball player ever, except
maybe for Jordan."

"Jordan who?"

The
poor kid.

"Michael Jordan. He was a basketball player, then he invented Nike sneakers."

"What
is a Nike?"

I
shook my head. "Dude, you've got to get out more."

We
had come downstairs to the den where we had
a TV and the family computer, a Mac. Dad said we could have bought two PCs for
the same price, but Mom said Microsoft was an even bigger corporate conglom … one of those … than Starbucks. I turned on the TV and clicked through
the eight Spanish channels and four English channels until I found the Austin
Armadillos preseason basketball game, but the reception was grainy with only
the rabbit ears. We had to cancel cable.

We
didn't usually watch sports in the den. That was the female Dugans' TV. Mom and Scarlett watched
Dancing with the Stars, Amazing Race, Biggest Loser
—boring stuff
like that. Dad and I watched sports out in the man cave. But since I no
longer went into the man cave, I watched sports here in the den. But not as
often now.

"You
have many athletic contests in America," Norbert said.

"Oh,
you should see cable, there's like a hundred sports channels. But it's too
expensive now." I gestured at the TV. "That's why we don't get good
reception."

Norbert stepped over to the TV and fiddled with the rabbit ears and … the picture suddenly became perfectly clear.

"How'd
you do that?"

"I adjusted the mechanism."

"Sweet."

We
sat on the couch and watched the game.

"Number
one, that's Legend Jones," I said. "Six-ten power forward, he
averages thirty-seven points per game. Leads the league. Legend grew up here
in Austin, played at UT—he even graduated—then he turned pro with the Austin team, now he makes like, fifty million a year. He lives in a mansion on the lake,
rides around in a long black limo with plates that say 'Legend'—I heard he has
a hot tub in there—and he owns a restaurant called 'Legend's' in downtown. He
wears diamond earrings, and he's even got his own line of apparel and
shoes."

Just
then the game went to commercial—a Legend Jones sneaker commercial. "Buy
my sneakers, be a star," Legend said with a big smile.

"Those
cost a hundred and fifty bucks," I said.

"Like
the bullies' sneakers on which you regurgitated?"

"Regurgitated?"
I heard my mom say that word once; it was a nurse kind of word. "Oh, you
mean hurled? Yeah, like those." I again smiled at the memory, like Mom recalling when we were born. "That was amazing."

"Max,
are you going to war?"

After
the game, I had gone upstairs to get my Ripstik to show Norbert how it worked.
When I walked downstairs, he jumped back.

"War?
What do you mean?"

"You
are clad in armor."

I
had put on my bicycle helmet so I didn't hit my head on the concrete and suffer
a closed-head injury—being a nurse, Mom worried about stuff like that—my elbow
pads, wrist pads, knee pads, and soccer shin guards. I had a hard time
walking.

"Oh.
My mom won't let me ride my Ripstik without pads and a helmet. I'm injury
prone."

We
went out to the front sidewalk. It was a quiet day in the neighborhood.
Usually on a nice afternoon there would be dads mowing lawns and washing cars
and walking dogs and admiring Mrs. Cushing's garden; but today, the
neighborhood was quiet. Then I remembered: the Texas Longhorns football team
played Oklahoma on TV today. So all the dads were inside watching the game.

I
put the Ripstik down then carefully stepped on, first my left foot and then my
right foot. I wobbled and had to step off three times before I finally got my
balance. I held my arms out and swiveled my hips and the Ripstik moved a few
feet, but really slowly. I wasn't very good at this sort of thing.

"That's
the idea, anyway," I said. "The faster you swivel your hips, the
faster you go."

"May
I attempt to execute this maneuver?" Norbert said.

"Uh,
yeah, sure. But you'd better wear my pads."

"That
will not be necessary. I have excellent balance."

I
sat down on the last step of our front walkway and watched Norbert. No doubt
this would be a disaster. He looked like less of an athlete than me. He
studied the Ripstik a moment then carefully placed his left foot on the board and
then his right. He stood perfectly straight and didn't wobble at all. He did
have good balance.

"That's
real good," I said. "Now swivel your hips."

He
swiveled his hips. The Ripstik moved a foot forward. He swiveled his hips
again. Another foot. Swivel, foot. Swivel, foot.

"Yes,
I understand the required movement now," Norbert said.

He
swiveled his hips a little faster, and the Ripstik rolled slowly up the
sidewalk past the hedgerow between our houses. Not bad for a beginner. My
shin guards were rubbing me wrong, so I pulled the Velcro straps loose and
removed the guards. From where I was sitting, the hedgerow blocked my view
down the sidewalk so I couldn't see Norbert. He was probably taking it nice
and slow so he didn't—

"Whoa!"

Norbert
raced past on the Ripstik! Man, he must be going fifty miles an hour!

I
jumped up and watched him speeding down the sidewalk. He got to the end of the
block, then did a U-turn without stopping and headed back toward me. His
little hips were swiveling so fast they seemed like a blur. He had a big smile
on his small face as he zoomed past me.

The
little guy was good!

He
made a few more passes then abruptly stopped in front of our house and hopped
off.

"That
is excellent fun!" he said.

"How'd
you do that?"

I
tried the Ripstik again, but I couldn't get my hips swiveling fast enough to
achieve any speed, only enough to get tired. We decided to take a rest and
swing in Norbert's backyard. The family who lived there before him had put up
a swing set.

"I
find the swaying motion very enjoyable," Norbert said.

"The
kid who lived here before you used to twist the swing around then let it spin
him real fast so he'd get dizzy. He'd try to walk and fall over. He thought
that was hilarious. He was a weird kid."

"Do
you think I am weird?"

I
shook my head. "You're different. But I've always heard people from California are different." After a moment, I said, "Hey, Norbert?"

"Yes?"

"Today
at the game, why'd you tell me to swing with great force?"

"I
wanted you to hit the ball far."

I
smiled. "I did."

Norbert
smiled, too. "Yes. You did. I enjoyed watching the ball fly through the
air."

"Me,
too. Say, you want me to show you the neighborhood tomorrow?"

"Yes.
I would enjoy that."

"After
church. You go to church?"

"No.
I have never been to church."

I
nodded. "I heard people in California don't go to church, but here in Texas going to church is like a religion. You can come with us, if you want to."

"I
will ask my father."

"When
will he get home?"

"Late."

"Why
does he work so much?"

"He
is working on a special project. Top secret."

"You
want to eat dinner with us?"

"Hot
dogs and ice cream?"

"Get
real, dude. Mom always fixes something organic and nutritious, like bison
meatballs and whole wheat spaghetti."

"Maddy
wears her food," I said.

She
had put a handful of spaghetti and meat sauce on her hair. Norbert stared at
his plate of spaghetti like I did that time we went for Chinese food and they
gave us chopsticks instead of forks. So I demonstrated the recommended method
of eating spaghetti: I stuffed one end of several strands in my mouth and sucked
them up. Norbert watched me then gave it a shot. He was a quick learner.