Parts & Labor (13 page)

"But
you can't drink salt water."

"We
can."

"Oh.
And what about us?"

"Labor.
We enslave the local life forms to operate our equipment to convert the natural
resources for our use. In our ancient history, many in our society were
workers, but no longer. Now we outsource all our labor requirements. So we
use the local work force."

"
Enslave?
You mean, like, make us your slaves?"

"Cheap
labor." He shrugged. "It is the universal economy."

"So
you're saying your dad is here to decide whether to take over Earth?"

"His
official assignment is to evaluate the natural resources available on Earth and
the indigenous life forms and determine if the resources are of sufficient
value and the life forms of sufficient intelligence to render them worthy
enough to conquer, dominate, and subjugate to our every wish and whim."

"Well,
that sucks."

Norbert
shrugged again.

"How
much longer do we have? Before your government conquers us?"

"My
father has not yet completed his evaluation. That will take another month, perhaps,
then he will make his report, and our government will decide. Perhaps two
months."

"
Two
months?
Dang, can't y'all wait till after Christmas to conquer Earth? I'm
hoping to get an Xbox."

Norbert
smiled. "Y'all. I love human speech." He put his finger to his head
then nodded. He stood. "I must go now. Father beckons."

Norbert
walked me to the hedgerow.

"Okay.
See you tomorrow."

Norbert
stuck out his fist. I gave him—it—an alien—a fist-bump.

"Max,
it is a secret."

"Oh.
Yeah. Sure."

"Mom—aliens live next door!"

I
had run back into the house and found everyone in the kitchen.

"Norbert
and his dad—they're aliens!"

"Honey,
Norbert's a little different, but he's home schooled—"

"He's
outer space schooled!"

Mom gave Maddy peanut butter crackers, and Scarlett poured her some milk in a cup. They were
acting as if aliens living next door was no big deal.

"I'm
not making this up! Norbert's wearing a rubber skin suit to disguise his true
appearance and he saved me from the bullies with his finger!"

"His
finger?" Scarlett said.

"Yeah.
He can move stuff with his finger."

"I
can move stuff with my finger, too." Scarlett used her finger to move
Maddy's cup across the table. "See?"

"Yeah,
but he can do it without touching the object. He held Butch up in
midair."

"Butch
got out again?" Mom said.

"Yeah,
and—"

"That's
it. I'm calling Randy right now. He's got to keep that dog in his yard before
Butch bites a kid."

"He
would've bitten me, but Norbert saved me—with his finger. Butch lunged at me,
but Norbert stopped him in midair. Then he carried Butch—without touching
him—and dropped him over the fence into his dog run. It was
unbelievable."

"You're
right, Max," Scarlett said. "It is unbelievable."

"He
has superpowers here on Earth, like Superman."

"I
thought you had superpowers, like the Hulk?"

"I
don't. He does. How do you think I hit that home run?"

"I
don't know."

"I
didn't. He did."

"But
you had the bat."

"But
he made the bat hit the ball."

I
decided not to mention catching Maddy falling out of my window.

"Max,
this isn't healthy."

"Scarlett,"
Mom said. "It's okay."

"Mom," I said, "it's not like that therapy stuff. I'm not making this up. This is
real. His dad works for their government. He's here to decide if they should
take over our planet. Before Christmas!"

"Why
would they want to take over our planet?"

"Parts
and labor."

Mom bit her lip. I could tell she was trying not to laugh.

"Parts
and labor?"

"Water
and workers—Mom, they can drink salt water! His dad is analyzing Earth to see
if our natural resources would make good parts and if we would make good slaves
for them. Cheap labor."

Mom and Scarlett glanced at each other then Mom's face brightened.

"It's
Sunday," she said. "And tomorrow's a holiday, so there's no school.
Let's make cookies and have a movie night. We'll watch
ET
."

I
gave her a look.

"
ET?
Are you being funny?"

"What?
Oh." She smiled. "No, honey. It's your favorite movie."

It
was. She was changing the subject on me, another mother ploy I was wise to, like
I was going to fall for it … Did she say cookies?

"Chocolate
chip?"

"Sure."

"Okay,
I'll get the den set up and the movie ready and can I stir the dough?"

Dang,
her mother ploy had worked. But back to the aliens next door.

"So
you guys don't believe me? Fine. I'll make friends with the aliens and learn
more about their diabolical plan for Earth."

"Okay,
you do that, Max," Scarlett said. "But let's work on your fractions
first."

"
Fractions?
Aliens are trying to take over the world and you want me to worry about
fractions?"

"Don't
you have another quiz this week?" Mom said.

"Oh.
Yeah. Okay."

"Mommy," Maddy said, "I jumped out Max's window and he caught me."

Mom frowned and gave me a suspicious glance. I gave her my innocent look.

"Kids,"
I said then patted Maddy's head. "What imaginations they have."

 

 

Monday
was Labor Day so we didn't have school. Normally, I slept in on holidays, but not
this holiday. I woke up at six-thirty. I mean, learning that your next-door
neighbors are aliens makes sleeping in a little difficult. I jumped out of bed
and looked out the window; Norbert wasn't in his backyard.

I
went downstairs.

I
found Mom at the kitchen table eating a bran muffin and drinking a cup of
coffee. She was already dressed in her scrubs. She had to work because women
had babies even on holidays. She seemed sad, but I knew it wasn't because she
had to work on Labor Day.

She
missed Dad.

They
always woke up early and had their coffee together. When I came downstairs,
they would be smiling and laughing and having fun—since like, five-thirty in
the morning! She said it was their quiet time together to talk about the day,
their schedules, our schedules, who would be there when we got home from school,
that sort of stuff. Now Mom had her morning coffee alone.

"Hi,
Mom."

She
wiped her eyes then looked up. "Morning, Max. Did you have a good
night's sleep?"

"Uh,
yeah."

I
could tell she hadn't.

"Help
Scarlett with Maddy today. And no alien talk, it might scare her. Okay?"

She
was acting as if this were just another day like any other day. She would go
to the hospital and women would have their babies and the new dads would hand
out cigars and stand at the nursery window and point at their new sons and
daughters who would be wrapped up like papooses and everyone would be all
excited about the new babies just as if all were perfect in the world—
as if
there weren't aliens living next door who were trying to take over our planet
and make us their slaves!

"Okay."

Mom left out the back door. I fixed a bowl of Cheerios. I needed a nutritious breakfast
because I had work to do. I ate my cereal and thought,
What would Dad do?
I
wasn't sure, but I knew he'd do something. He wouldn't let aliens take over
Earth without a fight! He'd fight to save the world! That's what Dad would
do. That's what heroes do. That's what I would do.

But
first I had to poop.

But
how? Not poop. Save the world. I grabbed a pencil and a little notebook and
went into the bathroom. Normally I read on the toilet. Usually a
Star Wars
book, but lately I've been reading
Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
But today I
didn't have time to laugh at Greg's antics.

I
needed a plan to save the world.

I
also needed toilet paper. Dang. I hate it when you've already sat on the
toilet and gotten all comfortable and then you realize the TP roll is empty.
So I got up and waddled over to the sink and found a new roll in the cabinet
below. Then I waddled back to the toilet. I got comfortable again.

I
made notes of what I knew and what I needed to know. One, I knew that the
aliens had not yet decided if they even wanted Earth for their parts or Earthlings
for their labor; Norbert's dad was still evaluating us. And B, that meant we
had some time. But how much time? Norbert said his dad would make his recommendation
and then their government would make a decision—he figured that would take
perhaps two months. But it might take less time. And three, how could we stop
him? It? Them? Whatever they were.

That's
all I knew. I needed to know more. I had my work cut out for me.

I
wondered if I were up to the task. I mean, I was the man of the house now, so
I was supposed to act like a man—and I don't mean hitting the wall in anger. I
had to put my anger aside to save the world. I had to think this out. I had
to do what a man would do. I had to be like my dad. I had to be brave like him.
I had to be a hero like him. I had to …
dang.

I had to flush the toilet.

Scarlett
was getting her beauty sleep, and Maddy—who went to sleep in her own bed but always
woke up in Mom's—had crawled into bed with Scarlett when Mom had gotten up, so I
went downstairs and checked outside. Norbert was sitting on our front porch
steps. I stepped outside and sat next to him. I had a hard time getting my
head around the fact that I was sitting next to an alien from outer space! It
was cool and scary at the same time. But the harder thing was that I had to
save the world from him—from my friend who had saved me from the bullies and
Butch. Talk about conflict!

"Hey,
Norbert."

"Whazzup,
dude?"

"You're
up early."

"We
do not sleep like you do, but we try not to arouse suspicion, so we turn off
the lights during your nights."

"Good
thinking."

"You
told your mother and Scarlett about me."

"Uh
… well … yeah. Sorry."

Norbert
smiled. "You are an interesting life form, human beings."

"Is
that a compliment?"

"Oh,
yes. I have met many different life forms in my years. Humans are the most
interesting yet."

"Are
there lots of life forms out there?"

"Many.
Only humans think they are alone in the universe."

"I
had to tell my mom. I mean, your government might conquer us and make us your
slaves in a couple months. She should know."

"She
did not believe you."

"No.
They never believe me."

"No
one will believe you." He shrugged. "It is of no consequence. There
is nothing humans can do to stop us, if my government decides to conquer
Earth."

"Why
aren't our germs killing you, like in
War of the Worlds?
"

Norbert
frowned. "What war was that? I do not recall reading about such a war
when studying Earth?"

"Oh,
it wasn't a real war. It was another movie war, like
Star Wars
. Creatures
from another planet invade Earth and Tom Cruise can't stop them, but our germs
do."

Norbert
smiled. "Max, that is science fiction. This is real. And we are immune
to all germs and diseases on Earth. We checked first."

"So
you didn't have to get the swine flu shot? That's lucky. So how'd you get
here? Did you beam down from your mother ship?"

"Beam
down?"

"You
know, like in
Star Trek?
"

Norbert
shook his head. "No, we do not beam. We arrived in our spaceship."

"Cool.
Can I see it?"

"Sure.
It is in a mini-storage unit."

"So
it's not real big?"

"No.
It is a compact. More fuel efficient."

"Like
our hybrids."

"I'll
give you a ride."

"Thanks.
So how old are you, Norbert?"

"In
your time, about two hundred years."

"But
you look like a kid."

"Max,
this is a disguise. I do not look like this. But I am young, in our time. My
father is a thousand years old."

"Wow.
Where's he at today?"

"The
hospital."

"He's
sick?"

Norbert
smiled. "No. He is researching your doctors. He said they are very intelligent
humans."

"So
he's investigating our smart people?"

"Yes.
Doctors, professors, scientists … we need millions of laborers who are
intelligent enough to operate our technology, but my father was surprised how
few scientists there are on Earth. Do young humans not want to study and become
scientists when they grow up?"

"They
study to become athletes."

"Why?"

"There's
a lot more money and fame in sports than science."

"Odd.
On my planet, scientists are our celebrities."

"This
is Earth, Norbert."

Norbert
stood. "Come, I will show you our science."

We
walked through the back door of Norbert's house and into his kitchen. Our
kitchen always smelled of food from breakfast or lunch and was usually a mess.
But Norbert's kitchen didn't smell of food; it smelled like Pine-Sol, like when
Mom can't sleep so she gets up in the middle of the night and cleans the
kitchen. It was spotless and empty—no dirty dishes in the sink, no old pizza
boxes lying around, no table or chairs.

"Do
you normally eat out?"

"No.
We eat pills."