Parts & Labor (14 page)

"Pills?"

"One
a day."

"Must
cut down on fast food."

"Humans'
lives seem to revolve around food."

I
nodded. "We're basically eating machines. But Mom says we eat way more
than we need to survive. She says eating is a form of entertainment now."

"We
eat pills that provide all the essential nutrients required to maintain our
existence."

"But
pizza and ice cream taste better than a pill."

Norbert
gave me a fist-bump and said, "Yo, dog."

He
now led me into a large living room, which looked like something out of a sci-fi
movie. Instead of chairs and a couch and a television, their living room was
crowded with machines that looked like futuristic computers with blinking
lights and beeping noises. A dozen big video screens showed CNN and C-SPAN and MSNBC and FOX and BBC and scenes of people who looked foreign. Norbert spoke to the
machines, but not in English. His speech sounded like static on the radio.

"Is
that your language?" I asked.

"Yes."

"You'd
fit right in at our school."

"I'd
like to visit your place of learning, to see the intelligence level of young
humans."

One
screen now changed to a picture of giant machines digging into the ground and
lifting huge rocks and dumping them into a huge machine. The creatures driving
the machines looked like ants. A colorful haze hung over the scene.

"Saturn,"
Norbert said. "The haze is from the rings around the planet. We are
finishing up our work there."

"I
thought Saturn was just a ball of gas."

"The
part that human technology can ascertain."

"So
what do people on Saturn look like?"

"Not
like Earthlings."

"They
look weird?"

"Max,
to other life forms humans look weird. It is just a matter of
perspective."

I
wasn't sure what he meant. Norbert spoke static to the machine again.

"So
you don't have to type on your computers?"

"Oh,
no. Voice commands."

"Cool."

The
picture now zoomed in on one of the workers. He … she … it … really
did look like an ant.

"It
is quite expensive to conquer another planet, so my father has studied Earth
and humans very carefully. He cannot afford to waste our money."

"Our
government wastes our money all the time. Mom says politicians compete to see
who can waste the most."

"Are
they banished to the coldest or hottest part of your planet, these humans who
make those mistakes?"

"Mom says they're reelected. So why'd your government pick Earth?"

"We
have already stripped the natural resources from the other planets in your
solar system. Saturn is the last. My father says Earth is the least advanced
so he put it at the bottom of the list. Before we incur the expense of moving
our equipment to another solar system, our government thought we should take a look
at Earth."

"Makes
sense. How long have you been here?"

"A
year in your time."

"Can
I ask you something, Norbert?"

"Of course."

"Promise
you won't get mad and destroy me with a ray gun … or your finger?"

"Max,
I would never hurt you. You are my dude. Ask."

"Why
does your government think it's okay to conquer Earth and take all our stuff
and make us your slaves?"

"Ah.
That is a very good question, Max, one I have often asked my father."

Norbert
spoke static again. The Saturn scene switched to a scene of tall smokestacks
spewing dark plumes of thick smoke into the air, big earthmovers digging deep
into the ground, bulldozers uprooting tall trees, glaciers breaking apart, huge
dumps overflowing with trash, birds stuck in oil pits, sewage being dumped into
rivers, dead fish floating in lakes …

"Wow,
that's awful," I said. "What planet is that?"

"Earth."

"No
way."

"Way.
My father says, 'Why shouldn't we harvest Earth's natural resources before humans
ruin the place anyway?' "

"But
what about us kids? We didn't do any of that. Why do we deserve to be slaves?"

Norbert
pointed down at my feet. "But you wear those sneakers."

I
was wearing my red high-topped Legend Jones sneakers.

"So?"

"So
where are they made?"

"My
Legends? I don't know."

"Look
at the label."

I
yanked the sneaker off my right foot and read the label inside.

"Made
in Vietnam. That's a neighborhood in East Austin."

Norbert
smiled. "No. That is a small country on the other side of your planet. Your
sneakers are made by the Vietnamese people in factories called sweatshops. They
are paid only twenty cents per hour."

"Twenty
cents? They have to work five hours to buy a candy bar."

Norbert
faced the screen and spoke static again.

"With
this you can see anywhere in the world?" I asked.

"Yes.
I can access any camera or video feed, any computer transmission, email, radio
or TV broadcast, phone calls, videos posted to your Internet, in real time. As
well as archived files."

"What's
that?"

"Old
transmissions and videos."

"How
old?"

"If
it is stored anywhere on Earth, we can access it."

"Can
you find stuff by looking for a date?"

"Yes. Any identifier."

A
picture came up on the screen. It showed more people—hundreds of people—who looked
like Sunny—most didn't look much older than her—sitting at sewing machines in a
factory.

"That
is one of those sweatshops. At this very moment, they are sewing your sneakers."

"How
are we seeing this?"

"Security
cameras."

The
screen zoomed in closer, and I could see the red Legend Jones signature sneakers
on the sewing machines and workers packing them in boxes like you got at the
store.

"How
much did you pay for those sneakers?"

"Fifty
dollars. Mom got them on sale."

Norbert
pointed at the screen. "Those people must work five weeks to make fifty
dollars."

"I
just wanted Legend Jones sneakers like the other kids."

The
camera zoomed in on one of the workers at a sewing machine.

"Her
name is Kim-Ly. She is thirteen. She works fifteen hours each day, six days
each week."

"When
does she go to school?"

"She
does not."

"Why
not?"

"Because
she must make sneakers to support her family."

"How
will Kim-Ly go to college and get an iPhone and have a good life?"

"She
will not. Kim-Ly is very intelligent. She wants to be a teacher. But she
cannot. She must make sneakers to survive. So she is nothing more than a slave.
Why should you not also be a slave?"

I
stared at her image on the screen for a long moment. It made me feel sad for
her. I wanted to take off my sneakers and burn them.

"So
when will your government take over Earth?"

"My
father must first make his report, then our leaders will decide. But they
always follow my father's recommendations. He is very wise."

"So
if your dad decides your government should conquer Earth, what happens? I
mean, is there like a big war or something?"

"Oh,
no. A war with us would be a very short war. But we do not want to kill
humans. We want them to work for us. So we have developed technology that
allows us to control lesser life forms."

"Like
mind control?"

Norbert
smiled. "Version one-point-zero. A very basic form. My father watched
your television and listened to your talk radio and he decided that we could
conquer Earth less expensively since we would not need to upgrade the mind
control software for humans."

"What
will happen to Earth?"

"Earth
will last approximately eight years, by my father's estimation. Then it will
die. Like Mars and the other planets in your solar system."

"But
there's no water on Mars."

"Not
anymore. Once there were many lakes and rivers and oceans."

"There
were life forms on Mars?"

"Oh,
yes. Funny little creatures. Very intelligent. They made excellent
slaves." He smiled as if remembering a favorite moment. "We had
many good times on Mars. That was before my mother's existence was terminated."

"I
won't even be out of high school in eight years."

Norbert
shrugged. "Sorry."

"When
will your dad make his report?"

"Soon."

"Which
way is he leaning?"

"He
does not lean. He has excellent posture."

"No.
I mean, is he thinking your government should take us over?"

"Yes.
He has determined that Earth's minerals would supply our necessary parts for a
few years. He is now making his final evaluation of human intelligence."

"If
we're smart enough?"

"Yes.
We need low-skilled labor, but for most life forms that is a very high skill
level."

"And
if we're not smart enough?"

"Then
it will not be economically feasible for us to conquer Earth. We cannot afford
to import workers, and so many would perish in these harsh conditions."

"What's
that mean?"

"Harsh
means—"

"I
know what that means. What does 'economically feasible' mean?"

"It
means we will conquer another planet in another solar system."

"Wait.
You're saying that if your dad decides we're too stupid to serve your purposes,
then your government will leave us alone and let us destroy Earth on our own?"

"Exactly."

I
had my plan.

 

 

"The
boy living next door to you is an alien?"

"And
his father."

"And
they're trying to take over the world?"

"Have
you been paying attention?"

Eddie
shook his head. "Nothing to worry about. Our germs will kill the
aliens."

"Eddie,
that's science fiction. This is real."

"Our
germs won't stop them," Dee said, "but our stupidity might?"

"Yep."

"We're
going to save the world by proving how stupid humans are?" Sunny said.

"That's
the plan," I said.

Sunny
shrugged. "It might actually work."

The
next day at lunch, I told Sunny, Dee, and Eddie everything about Norbert, his
dad, and their government's plot to take over Earth and enslave humans. It was
pizza day, but I only had one piece. I just wasn't that interested in food
today. My mind was preoccupied with something a bit more important than
pepperoni pizza (although I must say that the cafeteria cooks make a delicious
pepperoni pizza).

"But
why us?" Eddie said. "Why do we have to save the world?"

"Because
that's what my dad would do."

"But
how are we supposed to show we're stupid?" Dee asked.

"That's
what we've got to figure out. We've got to make a list of all the stupid
things humans do."

"That'll
be a long list," Sunny said.

"But
we're fourth-graders," Eddie said. "Saving the world, that's a grown-up
job."

"They
won't believe us."

"I'm
not sure I believe you."

"You
will when you meet Norbert."

"When?"

"Today. After school. We need to commence our plan to save
the world immediately."

Sunny
shook her head. "I can't today."

"You're
too busy to save the world? Why?"

"STAAR
test. My mother won't let me do anything after school when we have achievement
tests."

"Sunny,
we're trying to save the world, for Pete's sake!"

"And
my mother's trying to get me into Stanford."

After
lunch, we walked to the doors where Vic and his gang were loitering like the
homeless people in downtown asking every passing pedestrian for money. But homeless
people were happy when you gave them a buck. Vic wanted six hundred bucks from
me. He stepped toward me just as we headed out the doors, but I held out an
open hand like the crossing guard and kept walking.

"Not
today, Vic. I don't have time."

I
walked outside but heard his stunned voice behind me.

"You
don't have time for me to bully you? What's the world coming to?"

Vic
didn't know that there might not be a world much longer.

"How
is Norbert home schooled," Mom asked, "if he doesn't have a mother
and his father is working all the time?"

"Mom," I said, "his brain is far more advanced than humans'. He doesn't need to go to
school. Especially not ours."

She
ignored that and popped the cork on another long bottle.

"You
think Norbert would like asparagus?" she asked.

I
was setting the table that evening. Five places, including one for Norbert. He
was a regular at dinner now. Free-range chicken tacos.

"Might
give him gas."

"Apparently
everything gives him gas."

"Alien."

She
ignored that, too.

"Oh,
Randy from behind us, he came over and said you ruined Butch."

"How?"

"He said Butch is scared of people now. Won't bite
anyone."

"Good."

"That's
what I said."

Mom was like that, small but spunky.

"Mom, did you know my Legend sneakers were made in Vietnam?"

"I
know most of our apparel is made overseas."

"Why?"

"Cheap labor."

"Like
Kim-Ly."

"Who's
Kim-Ly?"

"A
girl in Vietnam. She's about Scarlett's age, but she doesn't go to school.
She works all day making Legend sneakers."

"How
do you know all that about a girl in Vietnam?"

"Norbert
showed me on his computers."

Mom just frowned.

"How
do you stop something that's not right?"