Penelope and Ulysses (19 page)

for all the things they have not done,

for all the things that they have done:

we call them neither dead nor living.

There are those that we cannot find or see

in our transparent and invisible world.

There are the ones that have lived their lives,

and have been in their lives,

and have conducted themselves

in balance with the laws of the living and the dead.

They have not transgressed,

or gone beyond the doors inscribed with:

“all who enter here abandon all hope.”
41

We sometimes feel them

on the wings of the birds

or in the flicker of light.

I could not move beyond and above into the wings.

I needed and wanted to face you, Ulysses.

Will you be gone another twenty years?

There is no time in the other world.

Have you gone to conquer another Troy?

Or has life conquered you?

Have you gone to save a world, any world,

in exchange for the one that you burned to the ground?

I am the child who was murdered in Troy

You voted for me to be dropped from the walls of Troy,

and there I fell and broke into a million pieces.

I have come here

to guide you back into the Wooden Horse,

the Wooden House you thought about and devised

to trick and conquer the weary, embattled Trojans.

From that Wooden Horse

at night you entered our beds while we were asleep

and murdered all of us—

children, women, old men, young men—

and I was left alone, with only my grandmother, Hecuba.

You took my mother from me for your servant.

You could not let me live,

I being the son of the most noble man, Hector,

and you thought of another clever plan—

“See if the child can fly!”

I sense you wandering and searching

to change things

among the rivers of blood.

You would change things now, would you not?

And here our human frailty begins and ends.

We cannot change the past.

Agathon says, “This only is denied to God:

the ability to undo the past.”
42

[
ANDROMACHE,
a
tall
noblewoman,
enters
the
room
dressed
in
mourning
clothes.
Her
hair
is
long
and
golden,
like
that
of
ASTYNAX,
and
her
skin
is
pale.
Her
face
is
gentle
and
kind.
She
is
the
mother
of
ASTYNAX
.]

ANDROMACHE: My child, I can hear you.

I have been able to hear you,

but I could not see you until this moment.

I wanted to reach you and could not.

Give me your hand or at least your little finger.

Dear child, so young in my arms,

so precious.

How well I remember the smell of your skin.

How well I remember our parting,

a parting that cut my life in half.

I was no longer in life.

What happened to me afterwards did not bother me.

I could not cry as I had no more tears in me.

I could not laugh, I could not love, I could not live.

And yet live I did, and I carried my body around,

weighted down by the coffin I live in.

Dear child, my life stopped when you lost your life.

ASTYNAX: Mother, sweet mother,

at last I can see you.

So long I could hear you,

I could smell you,

but I could not see you,

I could not touch you.

Mother, hold me.

I have missed you for all eternity.

Look, mother, look at Ulysses.

Isn’t he a man full of regret?

ANDROMACHE: My precious child,

you are still loving the world.

You are still wanting to do good,

even to the murderer of your life

who stands motionless across me.

Look at him.

He doesn’t look like a fearless warrior now, does he?

What is the matter, Ulysses?

Can’t you out trick, outwit, break the laws of this law?

Look at you, Ulysses.

Look at what you have reduced my son to:

a shadow to be seen only by the dying.

Look at what you have reduced my life to:

a shadow in another shadow.

And look at what you have reduced your life to.

ULYSSES: Astynax, what can I do for you?

ANDROMACHE: You can give him back his life,

let him grow into a man,

let him know of love and let him die from old age.

What is the matter, Ulysses?

You, who defied the gods.

You, who thought you defeat and beat all.

You, who could outwit and outfox the fox.

Here you stand, knowing

you are at the hands of something

bigger and greater than you.

You are in the laws of life and death,

and you cannot move forward or backward.

You are helpless, as my son was.

You are helpless like I was.

You are helpless.

ULYSSES: I am here and I am accountable to all of you.

I draw you all into me.

I have searched and ached

for this wreckage of my life,

for the wreckage that I made out of your lives.

I have two marriages:

one of love and the other of blood,

and the blood has drowned me and consumed me.

The armies of those I love,

the armies of those I have driven into the ground,

consume me and engulf me

and in turn I have engulfed them.

They will not let me be until I go with them,

respond to them.

And I charge them full with the force

of my passing and coming life;

they charge into me.

And here we both are found,

locked in a struggle:

neither one winning, neither one losing.

Now I can hear.

When I was in full life

I was deaf to the suffering of others.

Now I can hear

“the splashing of tears,

the measureless rivers of human tears,”
43

tears that I have caused—

and for what?

What am I taking with me in my other journey?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

What have I left in kindness, in generosity?

Who will remember me?

Children and inexperienced men

that marvel at the conquests of war

and think me a hero

because I had a powerful army with me,

because I caught the enemy asleep and slaughtered them.

But no one will go into the life of the slain and butchered,

as if they did not matter in the scheme of things.

Now, in my last moments on this earth,

I can truly see with my own eyes

and with the eyes of those that I have destroyed.

SIREN: Ulysses, Ulysses, I kept you safe on the sea.

Return to the sea

DESTINY: He cannot escape me.

I am him and he is me.

We have a division within us.

I am the anchor of his nature,

the outcome of his choices,

the outcomes he did not want to face,

the compass of his human journey.

All he has touched in love or violence

will now seek and collide into him.

He seeks and collides into them

with the full force of his body and heart.

[
ULYSSES
falls
to
the
floor
.]

ASTYNAX: There are particles of light.

Look at the particles of light.

[
points
]

I can see them.

SIREN: [
weeping
] Those particles of light

came from the collision of his past into his present.

There are also particles of the night.

[
There
is
weeping.
]

ASYTNAX: At last I see your hand and face clearly, Ulysses.

I am no longer afraid of you.

I no longer hide from you.

You have come to be with me.

You have come willingly.

ULYSSES: I embrace all of you

for all of you are parts of me,

parts I have lost,

parts I have killed,

parts that find me in the darkest night of my soul.

It is through my death that I embrace you.

I should have been a balanced and wise man

and embraced you in my life

and kept all of you alive.

It is through my embrace of you,

through my death,

you release me, and I release you.

We are no longer bound to each other,

we no longer seek each other out,

we no longer weep for each other.

We have undone the knot

that has kept us bound and haunted to each other.

SIREN: No, no! Ulysses, don’t leave!

Don’t leave me!

I won’t be able to reach you!

Who will listen to my song?

No! No!

PENELOPE: Ulysses, my love,

you have cut the thread.

The knife and law of the unseen

has cut the thread to your life.

You have taken another journey;

I cannot follow.

Haunt me, follow me,

give me no peace or rest.

Be with me.

Curse me, bless me with your tears.

ULYSSES: My darling, you are so lovely.

Your eyes reveal the promise of dawn

and I have so much growing life around me.

Here the thread quivers and breaks and you cannot follow.

There are many in the room

and all seek me.

SIREN: Ulysses, I cannot reach your hand!

Swim to me!

Swim to the sea!

VOICES TOGETHER: Ulysses,

are you ready for your arrival?

Are you ready for your departure?

The world that you burned,

the world that you have saved,

will claim you, will consume you.

You wanted it this way.

The unspoken laws of the universe want it this way.

You have fallen in this battle.

The spear that is made from the bone of a sting ray

will pierce your heart.

Are you ready for your departure?

PENELOPE: My love.

ULYSSES: I seek you all.

I seek you all.

I embrace you all.

I am ready for my departure.

PENELOPE: Whisper to me. I am being engulfed by darkness.

The sun has gone from my world.

My love, I cannot bear to lose you for an eternity.

Take me with you.

ULYSSES: I am taking you with me

and you are keeping me with you.

We suffer from a tension and suspension,

for the finite is in the infinite,

and the infinite in the finite.

We have found our home in each other’s hearts.

This is how we keep each other alive.

This is how we keep our love alive.

When a bird and a fish fall in love, where do they live?

PENELOPE: In each other’s hearts,

my love, my life.

ULYSSES: We are the bird and the fish.

Look for me in the sea, in the sky, in your heart.

I live inside you now.

PENELOPE: My love, you have become more powerful,

for now I have our youth,

our life together and your death together.

You live inside of me

and that has made you more intense and alive in me.

I have known love, and therefore,

how can this love ever die?

It continues in a different shape or form.

It continues,

the seed continues.

SIREN: Kiss me, Ulysses.

ASTYNAX: Kiss me, Ulysses.

DESTINY: Seal your destiny.

Die well, Ulysses.

SIREN: Ulysses, you never told man the secret of the siren’s song.

It is the opening of a man’s heart

to reveal either the emptiness or fullness,

and how much truth can you bear?

SIREN/ASTYNAX/ANDROMACHE/

DESTINY: [
together
in
voice
and
thoughts
] Do you see him?

My eyes cannot follow him

He has gone beyond the abyss and beyond separation.

Did you know him?

Did you love him?

Will you remember him?

It is in the last moments of life that a man sees—

truly sees—

the purpose of life,

the mystery of death,

truly sees, with the eyes of his soul,

the beauty, miracle, and wonders of the world.

These things that he did not really see while alive.

It is at this time that trees, flowers, and mountains,

rivers, birds, and the sunrise and sunset return

and envelop all his senses.

It is upon our death that the world and

life becomes precious and lasting to us.

[
There
is
weeping.
The
stage
is
in
total
darkness
.]

ACT IX
I Am Ready For My Departure
 

Colours of Sunrise

[
In
this
section
of
PENELOPE’S
dialogue
with
herself
and
the
reader,
we
are
once
again
returned
to
the
secret
chambers:
“in
my
beginning
is
my
ending”
and
“in
my
ending
is
my
beginning.”
44