Personal Experiences (16 page)

"I can't believe this is happenin"; he murmured as he went down to run his tongue over my left nipple. I closed my eyes but arched my back to urge him to keep going. He took the hint and shifted over to the right one. His warm breath and the soft tissue of his tongue sweeping over me was an amazing feeling. I bowed further into him.

"Goddamn girl, you want it bad, dontcha!"

Blushing a little and feeling my temper rising from embarrassment I blamed it all on the pregnancy.

"These fucking hormones are insane…I'm sorry, if you want to stop I will understand."

"There aint no way in hell I'm stopping what we're doin…I love it!"

Seriously then shut the fuck up and keep going was what my hormones were telling my brain to say oh my god call a fucking priest, I need an exorcism, I'm possessed! but I didn't say shit I just let him hold the reigns and drive on.

While still showing my breasts ample attention he began to move his hand down lower, over my stomach, lower down over my panties and that's when I realized I had no control over this body anymore, not one single cell in my body was mine to command. My panties felt like they had been ran through the sink and I put them back on soaking wet. Are you fucking kidding me???

I tensed up, because I knew he noticed it as well, but he didn't say a word. He did notice the tensing up though.

"Elleny, it's ok. Didn't we have this chat earlier where you told me your body was going to be doing some crazy things? Well if this is crazy then honey, you are going to be staying pregnant."

I busted out laughing I couldn't help it, I was beyond embarrassed. I might as well get out all the humiliating scenarios now, on our wedding night, I guess.

Finally, I cleared my throat and I touched his face and I spoke sincerely; "Honey, I'm so sorry that this is not the most romantic first time ever. I'm sorry that I have made a mess of this and I want to start again and make love to my husband the way a wife should on the night of their wedding".

I reached up and kissed his mouth so gently and fervently that he picked up where he left off like nothing had ever happened. He ran his finger up the side of my panties and then back down, I pushed the sides of my panties down so that he would take them off and he did. I pushed the back of his pants down and he leaned up and followed through on removing his pants as well.

I suddenly felt him entering me slowly and his head lowered so that his face was in my neck, his moans were low in his throat, then his face was an inch away from mine and his eyes locked with mine and I felt him enter me, all the way in. He just sat there for a minute our eyes locked.

"Are you going to move babe?"

"Give me a minute Ellie, you're pretty tight. I really would like to enjoy this for more than a minute."

"Oh, ok."

Slowly he pulled out, stopped, then slowly entered me again and when he was all the way in he let out a breath of air, like it was a relief. Then he would do it again and eventually it became faster and faster then we found a rhythm and it was a good rhythm. But something was off, it was like we didn't fit together like TJ and I. We fit like a hand in a glove. I had to stop thinking about this. That was never going to be again. I couldn't keep comparing Bear to TJ.

Just as I thought this I felt the tightening in my belly my legs wrapped around Bear's back so I could get closer to him. My breathing became more erratic. Fuck…it was coming and I could tell he was getting close too because he started moaning and mumbling.

It hit me, it had been several weeks since I had had sex and this orgasm hit me like a tidal wave. I thought I was going to pass out. I couldn't breathe I just opened my mouth to scream and nothing came out the whole time I rode over the wave of ecstasy. Smiling, I knew what it was; fucking hormones, I said to myself as calm and as peaceful as a hippy smoking the best fatty he had ever rolled.

"You ok?" I heard Bear's voice somewhere in the background.

"Yeah…how ‘bout you?" I said staring back at the ceiling but for some reason I couldn't lose the smile.

"Oh I'm fan-fucking-tastic."

I looked over at him lying next to me staring up at the ceiling with the same smile on his face and I just busted out laughing.

And we laughed for twenty minutes straight.

Chapter Eight

Present Day

Waking up that next morning was worse than waking up the day before. My whole body ached and I knew that the bruising would be worse. It was going to be a skirt and jacket kinda day. Becoming fully awake I could tell Bear was in the bed with me. He was sprawled out all over, most of the covers wrapped all around him. Christ, just looking at him made me want to vomit. I eased out of the bed and headed for the shower I knew I needed to get to work early today not only to catch up on what I had missed yesterday but also to have time to mentally prepare myself for today's meeting. I was looking forward to this as much as I wanted Bear touching me, yeah; that much!

I picked out my clothes, shit, it was going to be hot wearing this fucking jacket but fuck-nut in there doesn't give a shit that I have to go and meet with people. I jumped in the shower, I wasn't going to shave my legs but just because I didn't want to impress the man I was meeting today didn't mean I had to make myself uncomfortable. So, I ended up shaving my legs.

I got out of the shower and turned on the radio in the bathroom to the news channel but I kept it quiet. I applied my makeup and kept my hair up in a towel, I will go in the girl's bathroom and blow-dry my hair, I didn't want him to wake up preferably at all, but hey fairy godmothers weren't real and murder was illegal.

I decided that since I was going to be wearing a business jacket I was going to wear my hair up so I put a ponytail around my wrist and headed downstairs. When I went by the kid's rooms I opened the doors and went in and gave them a kiss on the cheeks and attempted to wake them up.

"Good Morning my sweet baby, time to get up for school…by the way it's cereal this morning."
"Mornin momma, and that's fine" came from Lucas.

Going into the girl's room, I turned on the light and headed to JoJo first since she is the hardest to get up.

"Morning, my angel." I said in her ear. "Time to get up, you're eating cereal this morning and you better hurry up in your bathroom cuz I need to get in there and blow-dry my hair."

"Mornin, momma" I heard come from Harlee.

"Mmmmm" was what I heard come from JoJo.

I went downstairs and brewed myself a cup of coffee and got four different boxes of cereal down from above the in-wall oven. I set them out on the counter for the kids to choose from along with three bowls, a pitcher of milk and a quart of orange juice. I went to the fridge to grab a yogurt and leaned against the counter to eat breakfast and read the paper. I heard the TV in the kitchen come on so I knew a kid was up.

"Gotta hurry today and I aint playin, I got lots to do since I missed yesterday." Noticing it was Luc, he was such a good boy, never gave his momma no problems, other than wanting to kill the man he knew to be his daddy.

"Luc, can Evan give you a ride home today? I have to work late then I'm meeting Rachel and Lilly and I don't know what time I will be home. I will leave money on the counter for you to get pizza."

"Pizza…did I hear pizza?" Harlee came zipping down the stairs so fast, it's a wonder she didn't fall.

"Yes, I have something to take care of this evening." I replied while handing her a bowl of the only kind of cereal she will eat. Both kids planted themselves in front of the TV and was watching cartoons while they ate their breakfast.

"momma, can I have a yogurt" JoJo said as she came into the kitchen.

"Sure baby".

I walked to the fridge for her and bent down to grab a yogurt…

"Damn, look at that ass! It looks like two pigs fuckin…baby, you better lay off the sweets!"

It got so quiet in my kitchen, a pin dropping on the kitchen floor next door would've made someone in my house ask "what was that?"

I just closed my eyes and stood up straight and acted like it was a normal day.

"Coffee?"

"Ya"

I went to the single cup coffee maker and plugged in a container of his favorite coffee and set his mug underneath it. I didn't even want to look at him so I went to the sink and washed some dishes and washed them again and then put them in the dishwasher. I went to go grab any dirty dishes off the table where the kids were sitting and take them back over to the sink when I felt an arm wrap around my neck.

Luc dropped his spoon in his bowl and stopped chewing. Harlee yelled for me and JoJo just stood up; not knowing whether to get Harlee out of the room or run for the phone. I opened my eyes, that I didn't realize were closed and smiled a fake smile back at my children, especially my son letting them know I was alright as Bear drug me out of the room.

"Bear, let go of me, you're scaring the shit out of the kids." I muttered through my teeth.

I could tell his face was near my ear because I could feel and smell his breath on my skin, even after brushing his teeth this morning I could still smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Bitch, shut the fuck up." He whispered in my ear, while still dragging me out of the kitchen and into the foyer by the stairs. "We need to talk…bout the other night."

"I'm not gonna say anything Bear. Nothing happened…remember?"

"Yeah, you better think twice about runnin your mouth to someone."

It took everything in me not to vomit on this man. I didn't even want him touching me. Now even thinking about it, I was going to have to go visit my doctor and have blood work done to make sure I didn't have any sexually transmitted diseases for whatever fucking hooker he was sticking it to.

I put my mask on and choked up the words.

"Honey, it's ok. You just drank a little too much but we worked everything out remember? Look baby, I got to get to work and I still have to take the kids to school. You gonna be home for dinner?"

"Fuck no, I aint gonna be here for dinner…am I ever?"

"Ok, I just wanted to check, I might get us some pizza or something."

Good, I didn't have to worry about him being home before me. I didn't want my kids here without me.

"Well, your coffee is ready, I'm gonna finish cleaning up breakfast and take the kids to school. I'll see you later."

I quickly walked back into the kitchen and Harlee was on me like butter on bread. I rubbed her back.

"See, everything is ok, daddy just needed to talk to me." I looked up at JoJo and Luc and they were staring at me.

"Ok, now ya'll put your dishes in the sink and get your stuff together, I gotta just go dry my hair and we will be on our way." As they passed, I told the twins to make sure they kept themselves and Harlee up in their rooms until I was done.

* * *

I drove the kids to school and gave Luc the money to order pizza and told them to rent Harlee a pay per view and kissed each one and told them I loved them and then went onto work.

Just as I was about to enter the highway that took me to work my phone rang. Not being able to look at the caller ID I answered it like it was a business call.

"Elle Barker-Jackson."

"Hey Honey, just checking on ya."

"Lils, oh sweetie, it's so good to hear your voice."

Not wanting to bring Lilly or for that fact Rachel into this anymore than I already had I didn't say a thing about what had happened this morning.

"You ok Elle?"

"Yeah I'm fine, ah, just a little nervous about this afternoon."

"Well just remember, we are with you in spirit and then we are meeting at Rachel's and to drink the spirits."

"Oh my god Lils, that was bad."

"I know, I was just trying to cheer you up."

Laughing, I told her that I would talk with her tonight and tell her every last detail.

I made it to the office and walked up to my desk, I had beat Loren there, which was good I didn't want to be bothered. I turned on my computer and waited for it to boot up. I went into the break room and made a pot of coffee, which I knew I would probably drink the whole thing before anyone else made it in. Coming back to my desk I noticed my welcome screen was up so I removed my jacket and put it on the back of my chair, sat down and pulled up my email. Three-hundred and fifty emails.

"Fuck me! What the fuck did I miss" I whispered to myself.

Not even opening up the main email page, I dug in my purse and grabbed my iPod, I knew I was going to be here for a while. I put my iPod next to me and put the earplugs in my ears and turned it on. The first song that hits my ears is George Strait "I Cross my Heart". Hearing the lyrics took me back to my place. This time we are dancing in a country bar. Saw dust all over the floor. I was wearing my cowgirl cut jeans and matching tan suede vest. Boobs were all perky just showing enough to know that they were there but they weren't going to make an appearance, best of all, what made my whole outfit; my tie up ropers that matched my cowgirl hat. Oh yeah, baby I was smoking hot!

TJ was wearing a black and white quartered Cody's western shirt, just like the one Garth Brooks wore in his video; Black boots and black cowboy hat. He so wanted to get laid the night he wore that outfit His soft blonde curls that hung out the back of his hat made my mouth water.

I'd had a couple of drinks before we left his house, so I was feeling pretty buzzed. I dragged him out on the dance floor to do some line dancing but as soon as we got out there the song changed.

"Ah, that's more like it" TJ said as he pulled me to him.

"Now, now…let's keep it clean."

We began swaying back and forth; he started singing the song. I looked up in his eyes and heard every word. At the chorus he crossed his heart and held up his fingers like he was doing the scout's honor; which he never was. like he was promising. I giggled a little and shook my head. I brushed my fingers across his cheek then when he finished the chorus I leaned up and kissed him so fervently. His mouth was taking over mine, his tongue softly touching inside of my mouth as though he was dancing his fingers over the most sensitive skin on my body. He was revering me, showing me he meant every word he had just sung to me.