Pieces of My Heart (6 page)

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

‘It was the best we could manage in twenty minutes,’ Sally said, trying not to laugh.

‘What exactly am I supposed to do?’ Charlie asked. ‘I’ve never seen the movies so you’ll need to fill me in.’

‘He’s like a modern-day Tarzan,’ Sally said.

‘That’s right up my alley. I’ll –’ Charlie’s jaw dropped. Nancy Mallow had just walked in wearing her very short leopard-print dress with plunging neckline.

‘Me Tarzan, you Jane!’ Charlie hurried over to introduce himself.

Nancy looked confused.

‘Nancy, this is my father. He’ll be helping out today,’ I explained, hoping against hope that Charlie wouldn’t pinch her bum.

‘Nice to meet you.’ She offered her hand for him to shake.

‘The pleasure is
all
mine,’ Charlie said, kissing it as Sarah and Ali made sick noises in the background. ‘May I say you’re a knock-out in that dress?’

‘Oh, well, thank you.’ Nancy looked pleased.

The twins came hurtling around the corner in their safari suits, but stopped dead when they saw Charlie. ‘You’re not Indiana Jones,’ Harry shouted.

‘Yes, I am.’ Charlie puffed out his chest.

‘No, you’re not. You’re old and you’re wearing a girl’s hat,’ Ryan said cheekily.

‘
Mum
, we told everyone that Indiana Jones was coming to our party,’ Harry wailed. ‘This is a granddad. I don’t want him. I hate him – I hate you! I hate this party in the smelly garage.’ With that, Harry and Ryan began to kick over the chairs and pull down the posters.

‘Boys, stop,’ Nancy said feebly, but they ignored her. ‘Please, boys, if you’re good I’ll buy you a –’

‘HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!’ Sally roared. We all stopped dead in our tracks. I knew what was coming. I took Nancy firmly by the arm and said, ‘Tell you what, Nancy, why don’t you let us deal with this? You go and pour yourself a nice glass of wine and relax before your guests arrive.’

She looked at me uncertainly for a moment, but the thought of not having to deal with yet another tantrum won the day and she left, teetering across to the house on her dangerously high heels.

Sally bent down and grabbed the boys by the arm. ‘Now, you listen to me, you little brats. We’ve just spent hours turning this dump into a jungle for you, so don’t you dare knock things down. If I see you being rude or misbehaving again, I’ll get Indiana here to tie you upside-down from the top of that tree and you’ll miss the whole party. Let’s be clear. I don’t like kids, I think you’re all little horrors, so I’ll have no problem making you suffer.’

The boys looked shocked, but before they could run in and tell their mother that the party-planner had threatened them with violence, their first friend arrived.

Sally very rarely had to help out at the parties – only in emergencies like this – and it really was for the best.

‘Why don’t you head home? We’ll be fine now,’ I suggested.

‘This is why I stick to the office. I just don’t like them.’

‘I know, and it’s safer that way! Can you drop the girls home?’

‘Sure.’

‘Can you promise us she won’t try to mow down any kids on the way?’ Ali giggled.

‘My God, Sally,’ Sarah laughed, ‘are you the Wicked Witch of the West or what? I’m glad you didn’t babysit us very often when we were kids.’

Sally burst out laughing. ‘You’re still not too big for me to have a go at you so watch out.’

‘Seriously,’ Ali said, grinning widely, ‘between you manhandling the kids and Mum bellowing at the clowns, I’m amazed you two ever got this business off the ground.’ We all cracked up, laughing.

‘Right, you lot, off you go. I’ll see you later, girls – thanks for helping.’

‘Aren’t you forgetting something, Mum? Where’s our money?’ Sarah demanded. ‘I’m exhausted.’

‘I’ll tell you what, I’ll take you for lunch and we can discuss your wages,’ Sally said.

‘Cool! Can we go to the Asian Kitchen? They do the best dumplings ever,’ Sarah said.

‘That suit you, Ali?’ Sally asked.

‘I’m going to meet David.’

‘Oh, to be in love.’ Sally smiled. To Sarah, she said, ‘OK, big mouth, it’s just you and me.’

I waved them off, then turned to Charlie – there was another threat to be dealt with. ‘Listen to me, Charlie. This is my job. I work very hard and I make a good living from it because my clients are always happy. You cannot under any circumstances grope any of the mothers here today.’

‘But that Nancy one was giving me the eye.’

‘Charlie, I don’t care if she begs you for sex. You do not touch her. She is a client, OK?’

‘OK, OK, I promise. But if she gives me her number, I’ll take it.’

‘You can do whatever you want with her once we get paid. For now, less focus on the mothers and more on the kids.’

When the other boys saw ‘Indiana Jones’ they all started jeering, calling him ‘old’ and ‘crap’ and ‘a big girl’. That was until he started chasing them around, lassoing them with his ‘rope’ and tying them up against the trees, which they loved. The rougher the better with these kids.

After that, we played Giraffe, which involved tying twenty-five doughnuts from the trees and each boy had to eat one with his hands tied behind his back. The first to finish won a prize. We played Ostrich relay racing, where you had to run with a balloon ‘egg’ between your legs, and then we had jungle charades, where they had to act out wild animals.

When it was time for the cake I called in the parents. The twins looked around for their dad. ‘He got stuck in the airport.’ Nancy shrugged.

They looked upset. ‘Hey, come on, guys, I need you to cut the crocodile and see if he bleeds.’ I tried to distract them.

They stabbed the cake aggressively with the knife and raspberry coulis flooded out.

‘
Cooooooooooooooool!
’ all the boys shrieked in unison. The twins smiled and I breathed a sigh of relief.

After eating, the boys were calmer, so Indiana Jones decided to tell them a story about his adventures in Africa.

While he was doing that, I packed the tables, chairs and partyware into my car. As I was coming back in to get the potted palm trees, I saw that all the little guests were mesmerized by the story. I leant in to hear Indiana say, ‘… she had the biggest boobies I’d ever seen …’

7

I looked at my watch – six fifty. Damn, he was cutting it fine. I swore under my breath. This debate meant a lot to Ali and I wanted us all to be there, cheering her on. Finally, he rang.

‘Where the hell are you?’ I snapped.

‘I’m going to be late. We’ve had a crisis here. The back freezer defrosted and all the meat’s off. I’m trying to source some before the dinner orders start coming in.’

‘For God’s sake, Paul, it’s her first debate as captain of the team. It’s a really big deal.’

Paul sighed. ‘I’m not doing this to piss you off. I didn’t defrost the bloody freezer – but it’s a mess and I have to deal with it. I’ll get there as soon as I can.’

‘Fine.’ I hung up and flung my mobile onto my bed. Typical! There was always some stupid crisis to be fixed and Paul seemed incapable of delegating. Having built the pub up from crumbling mess to success, he was a complete control freak. Last year it had won Dublin Pub of the Year, and while I was delighted that his work was being recognized, it had actually made him even more obsessed with the place. Running a successful pub and a kitchen serving high-quality food meant there was always a crisis – highly strung chefs walking out, staff calling in sick, kegs leaking, food deliveries not turning up … There was always something.

I changed out of the jeans and jumper I’d worn to the office and put on black trousers and a cream cardigan with black velvet trim.

‘Is that what you’re wearing?’ Sarah asked, coming into my bedroom and flopping onto the bed.

‘Yes, why?’

‘It’s a bit conservative.’

‘I’m going to a school debate. What did you think I’d wear? A mini?’

‘No, but you’ve got a good figure. You should dress a bit funkier. More edgy.’

‘I don’t even know what dressing edgy means.’

‘Think Madonna meets Kate Moss.’

‘Think mother of two not making a show of herself at her daughters’ school.’

‘Madonna has four kids.’

‘She’s a pop star who wears corsets and thigh-high leather boots. I run a kids’-party-planning company. Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m never going to look like Madonna. Now, come on, let’s go or we’ll be late.’

Ali was the captain of the debating team this year. She had been on the team the year before when they won the all-Ireland championship, so she really wanted to do well again. That night the team’s first debate was against Brookfield College and she was very nervous.

When Sarah, Charlie and I arrived, Sally was already there waiting for us. She waved us to the front row, where she had saved us four seats. ‘Where’s Paul?’ she asked.

‘Some drama in work.’ Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘Mum’s furious – don’t get her started.’

‘Thank you, Sarah,’ I said. ‘He’s going to try to make it later.’

I smiled at Ali, who was busy talking to her team-mates. I gave her the thumbs-up. She smiled back, nervous but excited.

‘So, is David the one in the middle?’ Sally asked, looking at the debating team.

‘He’s not a debater!’ Sarah squealed. ‘He’s way too cool for that.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with debating.’ I didn’t like her slagging Ali’s hobby.

‘There.’ Sarah pointed to David, who was sitting in the back row with his feet dangling over the chair in front.

‘Wow, he’s gorgeous,’ Sally approved. ‘Very Johnny Depp
circa
1989.’

‘Yeah, he’s cute,’ I agreed.

‘And cool,’ Sarah added.

‘Who’s that sitting beside him?’ Charlie asked.

‘That’s Tracy, the new girl I was telling you about, Mum.’

‘The one who looks like a model?’ I asked, turning around.

‘Yes, isn’t she fab?’

Tracy was tall and very thin, with high cheekbones, long, poker-straight black hair and almond-shaped blue eyes. She was very striking and angular, but not soft and pretty like Ali.

‘She’s all right, but she’s not as gorgeous as Ali,’ I said.

‘She’s a matchstick and no man wants that,’ Charlie assured us.

‘She seems a bit flirty,’ Sally noted. ‘We’ll have to keep an eye on her.’

Tracy was leaning over, whispering something into David’s ear.

‘She flirts with everyone,’ Sarah explained. ‘The guys all love her.’

There was a clink of a glass and the chair of the debate stood up to introduce the two teams. ‘Welcome, everyone, to this evening’s debate between Brookfield College and Hodder College. The motion this evening is “Should minorities be treated differently?” Brookfield is for and Hodder against. The winners of this evening’s debate will be chosen by their oratory style and their ability to convince the audience that they are right and not simply by their statistical analysis of the problem. Hodder will begin. Each speaker has fifteen minutes to put their point across.’

Ali went first. She was wonderful. I had goosebumps of pride. She held very good eye contact with the audience and her opposition, used her hands to emphasize key points and spoke clearly and very convincingly. She barely glanced at her notes and used humour to keep the audience engaged. It was perfect. We clapped and cheered loudly.

‘Bloody hell, she’s good,’ Sally whispered.

‘I know.’ I beamed, unable to hide my pride.

‘She gets it from me,’ Charlie announced. ‘I was always able to persuade people that black was white. It’s how I survived in the orphanage.’

‘Pity you couldn’t have persuaded Catherine that water was vodka.’ Sally giggled.

‘You cheeky devil.’

‘Can I go now, Mum? I’ve seen Ali,’ Sarah said. ‘Do I have to stay for all the others?’

‘Yes, you do.’ I laid my hand on her arm to stop her getting up.

‘Come on! There’s five more geeks to speak – it’ll be so boring.’

‘It’ll do you good to listen. It’s educational.’

‘I get it – we shouldn’t treat minorities differently because it doesn’t do them any favours and it just pisses everyone else off. Can I go now?’

Sally shook with laughter beside me. ‘If Ali’s ever stuck for a team member, you should offer your services. You’re very succinct and convincing.’

‘Sit back down and be quiet,’ I warned her.

Sarah crossed her arms and sulked for the next hour and a half.

Ali’s team won and she was singled out for special praise as the best speaker. We all gathered around to congratulate her.

‘I’m seriously impressed. Brains and beauty, you’ll go far,’ Sally said, hugging her.

‘Thanks for coming,’ Ali said. ‘I’m glad it’s over. I was so nervous that we’d lose in the first round.’

David came up with Tracy. ‘You totally nailed it, babe. Well done.’

‘Thanks.’ Ali glowed.

‘Yeah, congrats,’ Tracy said.

Ali smiled politely and then, turning to David, said, ‘The team’s going for a drink to celebrate. Are you keen?’

‘Actually, I’m kind of wrecked. I think I’ll head home. I’ll catch you tomorrow.’

Ali’s face dropped.

‘Hey, I’m driving if you want a lift,’ Tracy offered, while I tried to resist the urge to elbow her out of the way.

‘That’d be great. See you, Ali, have a good time.’ David leant over and gave Ali a peck on the lips.

We all watched him leave with Tracy.

‘Debating’s not really his scene,’ Ali explained.

‘What is?’ I asked, aiming for breezy but sounding angry.

‘Going to gigs and playing guitar in his band.’

‘Oh, God, gorgeous and a guitar player … if only I was twenty years younger.’ Sally groaned.

‘Twenty-five.’ Charlie grinned.

‘Steady on, he’s taken,’ Ali reminded us.

‘Sorry I’m late,’ Paul said, arriving in as the chairs were being stacked.

‘It’s OK, Dad. Mum said you had a crisis in the kitchen.’

‘How did you do, Ali?’

‘She was amazing,’ I said coldly.

‘The star of the night,’ Charlie agreed.

‘A credit to her parents.’ Sally smiled at me.

‘I’m sorry I missed you, Ali. I promise to be here early for the next one,’ Paul said.