Pink Wellies and Flat Caps (18 page)

‘Besides, the last thing I need right now is another woman in my life. I’ve got enough to contend with.’

Well, that throws cold water over everything.

‘Oh,’ is all I say but I swear it is much too breathless as my fertile imagination re-creates the
Fatal Attraction
sink scene. It is suddenly very hot in here.

‘She’ll make a good vet too.’

Whether Sara would look twice at him or not I don’t know, but he has most certainly looked twice at her. There is unmistakable admiration in his voice that I don’t recall ever hearing when Charlie talked about me. I suppose at this moment he is sitting in a nice vegetarian restaurant with the big-breasted brunette while
she
gets all breathless. It doesn’t bear thinking about. I stand up and feel myself sway. I scrabble for the edge of the table.

‘It’s terribly hot in here,’ I mumble.

I never drank this much at home. I suppose in the country there isn’t much else to do is there apart from eat and drink, and have sex of course. I must stop thinking about sex. It’s true though isn’t it? They don’t seem to have anything else to do here. The local cinema must be miles away. I can’t imagine these farmers’ wives go off on spa weekends. The thought of the spa reminds me of my planned hen weekend. Georgie had bought all the stuff. She had, much to her amusement, given me the ‘L’ plate in advance. I should be on my honeymoon now, right now. At this very moment I had imagined Charlie and I getting very romantic over tiramisu and a bottle of champagne in a beautiful spot overlooking Lake Maggiore. I never for one minute imagined I would be in some dump of a kitchen, eating pasty and chips, accompanied by Lidl wine. What have I come to? I’ve reached rock bottom that’s what.

‘I should have been on my honeymoon now, drinking champagne and eating
tiramisu,’ I say aloud and swallow hard.

Come on Alice, don’t think about that. I’ll never snuggle up to Charlie in bed again. Big Tits Brunette has no doubt taken my place. Well, I hope the dodgy spring in our bed shoots up her arse. Oh Alice, that is an awful thing to think. No doubt Charlie and Big Breasts have gone out and bought one
of those fancy foam mattresses.

He always talked about those.
Edward looks uncomfortable.

‘I’ve got some
tiramisu as it happens,’ he says thoughtfully. ‘It’s in the freezer. It’s been there some time mind you.’

I stare at him.

‘What?’

‘If you wanted some. I could thaw it out. I can’t help with the champagne though.’

Is he mad?

‘I don’t like
tiramisu,’ I say gripping the table as my head spins.

‘But you just said
…’

‘I said I should be on my honeymoon. In Italy you eat that sort of thing, on your honeymoon don’t you? Are you going to marry me too?’

‘Unlikely. Shall we get some air and feed the calf?’

That was a quick response.

‘Are you changing the subject?’ I ask boldly.

‘Absolutely,’ he smiles, taking me gently by the arm. ‘Are you sure you can cope with the teat bucket this evening?’

What a cheek. I’m not
that
drunk.

‘Good
God yes. Lead me to the penis bucket. I’ve had so much excitement today let’s end on a high note.’

Then again, maybe I am
that
drunk. Outside it is lovely and cool. It is also frighteningly dark. I look up at the stars and gasp. I don’t think I have ever seen stars in my life. Well, you don’t in London do you? What with the smog and the street lights and the constant awareness that it could be a mugger walking behind you rather deflects from gazing into the sky. Chloe greets me by chewing at the sleeve of my jumper.

‘She obviously likes you,’ smiles Edward while filling the bucket with milk.

‘Yes, so it seems. Love is having your sleeve chewed. Charlie never chewed my sleeves, not once. That should have been a clue.

Hello Chloe.’

‘He sounds like an idiot. Maybe you’re better off without him.’

I stroke Chloe’s head and she nudges her face against my hand. At least someone appreciates me.

‘Your penis bucket ma’am,’ he says.

Is that a saucy grin on his face?

‘Now there’s an offer I don’t get every day,’ I laugh while taking it from him, and then, with his help, aim the teat at Chloe’s mouth. She grabs it urgently and begins sucking.

‘Ooh I feel quite maternal,’ I say stroking her head.

He laughs and pulls two stools forward. I flop down onto one of them and concentrate on feeding Chloe. Edward’s hand touches mine and I feel my pulse quicken and the hairs on the back of my neck rise and I shiver.

‘Relax your hands, you’re too tense. That’s better. Animals pick up on anxiety.’

I hope
he
is not picking up on my nymphomaniacal urges.

‘You’re the vet, you should know,
’ I say shakily.

‘Indeed.’

He produces a bottle of wine and two glasses.

‘Can I tempt you?’ he as
ks with that gleam in his eyes.

Good God, yes you can. When you’re not
tetchy and irritable you’re actually quite likeable. His smooth educated voice seems to be hypnotising me and I accept more wine. Thoughts of Lady Chatterley unwillingly enter my head. Okay, maybe not completely unwillingly. It’s just the barn, the stars and the country, and all that. I mean, it’s classic Lady Chatterley bonking territory isn’t it? I’ve never had thoughts like these in my life. I need to talk to Georgie or better still Cas, or even better, both of them. For some time we just sit and watch Chloe guzzle the milk. Her big brown eyes look into mine as I hold the bucket. When I shiver with the cold Edward gallantly places a blanket around me. A smelly cow blanket mind you, but a blanket all the same. I can’t help feeling grateful even if a little manure covered.

‘So what’s a milk licence?’ I ask innocently.

His sharp intake of breath warns me that may have been the wrong question.

‘Why do you ask?’ he asks barely able to k
eep the frost out of his voice.

If he was to breathe over me now I think I would turn to ice.

‘It just went through my mind I suppose,’ I say, very much wishing it hadn’t. ‘Dominic Montfort mentioned you’d lost yours and would be forever getting it back, milk licence that is, not your mind,’ I say, trying to inject some humour into the conversation.

His shoulders stiffen.

‘Without a milk licence the farm can’t sell milk, the farm lost its licence and the contract with the dairy. We can only use our milk to feed the calves and sometimes Jed takes some to the pig farm, but we make no money from the milk. This farm is running at a loss.’

‘But how did you lose the licence?’

‘It was the people my father hired when he was ill, they were careless with hygiene, they broke the golden rule when it comes to milk production.’ He stops and bites his lip as though fearing he has said too much.

‘But that’s terrible.’

I jump as Chloe’s mouth wraps itself around my hand. I look down to see the bucket is empty.

‘Yes it is. Next time you meet up with Montfort ask him to fill you in a bit more on the situation,’ he says crossly, standing up and
taking the teat bucket from me.

His hand brushes mine again and heat rushes through my body.

‘You’re cold, let’s go back in. That stew must be well and truly cooked.’

I give Chloe one last pat and unsteadily follow Edward back to the house. The smell of the stew reaches our appreciative nostrils. I’m about to say how good it smells when the cat darts in front of me. It is so dark that I only hear her and the next thing I know there is a screech when I step on her. I jump back
, lose my balance and fall straight into Edward Fairfax’s arms, sending him wobbling and, would you believe it, we land against the sink. I’m seriously beginning to think they put something in the wine here. I don’t recall being this out of control back home. My face is so close to his that I can smell the wine and chips on his breath. If anything should be a turn off that should be, but I’m more aware of his hands. One is on my arm steadying me while the other is tightly around my waist. If I move a fraction closer we could kiss. He mutters something under his breath but I have closed my eyes and can only discern the humming of the cooker, the now purring of the cat and yes, the phone ringing.

‘I need to answer that,’ he repeats, leaning closer and reaching over for the telephone.

‘Hello.’

A pause, and then, ‘Well you’ve got me.
I think you should ask Alice that. I’ll pass you over.’

Another pause.

‘No, why would I? You know my answer.’

He
glares at me angrily.

‘Montfort for you,’ he says with an irritable snarl.

‘What?’ My head jerks up in surprise.

I hold the phone to my ear while Edward looks
on with interest.

‘Alice, I hope I didn’t interrupt anything. I presumed dinner would be over.’

‘It is,’ I say licking my lips nervously.

‘I hope Edward appreciated your rabbit stew?’

‘Mmm yes,’ I lie.

Edward begins to crash the plates
and cutlery into the sink. He couldn’t make more noise if he tried.

‘It will be the first time he has appreciated a woman.’

I don’t reply.

‘Sorry Alice, it’s just the thought of you working for the miserable old bugger. It’s just, well you’re too nice.’

Another crash as cutlery hits a glass. What is Fairfax’s problem?

‘I’m fine,’ I say, which is more than can be said for the china in this place as another plate is thumped onto the drainer.

‘We didn’t arrange a date to meet again. Are you free on Friday?’

Blimey, he’s a bit forward, as my mother would say.
I look at Edward whose face is thunderous.

‘I’m not really sure if I’m free on Friday,’ I say nervously.

Edward’s head snaps up.

‘Well,
let me know if you are. Ted has my number.’

Edward frowns as I replace the phone.

‘If you want time off can you check with me first? I am paying you after all.’

I feel tears prickle behind my eyelids. I didn’t ask Dominic Montfort to call. I’m not even sure I like him. I can’t believe Edward is being so horrible to me. I’ve cleaned the house thoroughly, attempted to cook rabbit stew when I have never
cooked a stew in my life, let alone a rabbit one. I was a vegetarian before I came here and I still cooked it for him. I took my life in my hands going to Lidl, not to mention cleaning up the flood. Okay maybe that was my fault for not putting the buckets out. What am I thinking? It’s his house not mine. He should take responsibility for his own roof. Dominic is quite right about him. He is a miserable old bugger and has no idea how to appreciate a woman.

‘Dominic Montfort is quite right about you
…’

‘What does Montfort know about anything
?’ he snaps.

‘He knows you’re an ungrateful bugger for a start,’ I say reaching for my glass.

‘And that’s your opinion too is it?’ He looks coldly into my eyes and I turn away as I feel a tear splash onto my cheek.

‘I don’t know,’ I say, looking into
the glass.

‘You don’t know?’

Why is he cross examining me?

‘You don’t know, but you feel able to say what an ungrateful bugger I am?’

This is terrible. I didn’t fight like this with Charlie.

‘I didn’t say anything about you,’ I protest and take a gulp of wine.

‘Oh really,’ he scoffs. ‘That’s not how I understand it. Seems to me you talked about everything from my milk licence and how difficult a person I am. You even discussed the rabbit stew didn’t you?’

Oh, this is getting so childish.

‘Maybe I mentioned the rabbit stew, but …’

‘So you
did
mention it,’ he says triumphantly.

My head is thumping and I just want to get away and lock myself in my room.

‘For God’s sake, you’re acting like a child. At least Dominic is polite and knows how to behave around a woman …’

What am I saying? I barely know Dominic Montfort. He snatches the wine bottle as I reach for it.

‘Is this another of my weaknesses that you have discussed with Montfort?’

I feel my eyes smart.

‘I’m going to bed,’ I say sharply, squeezing past him. He turns abruptly to ensure we don’t touch and the next thing I know my wine spills from the glass and lands all over his shirt. Oh bugger.

‘Brilliant,’ he mumbles.

‘Oh God, Edward, I’m so sorry.’

I take a deep breath and grab a J Cloth from under the sink, wiping my eyes as I do so. There is a deafening silence broken only by the
hooting of an owl. I turn back and dab gently at the shirt and realise I’m making it a hundred times worse, but if I stop I will burst into tears and he will know how upset I am. His hand stops mine and that odd little jolt rushes through me. He’s a slob, Alice, remember? Not to mention a grumpy old bastard who has no interest in women. Well, one woman maybe, but that one isn’t you.