Pink Wellies and Flat Caps (19 page)

‘I’m sorry if you think I’m an ungrateful bugger,’ he says gently, ‘And you’re making this ten times worse.’

‘I don’t think that, not really. I mean maybe sometimes I do …’

Oh hell, I really am making everything worse aren’t I?

‘Sorry,’ I mutter, ‘About the shirt.’

I realise his hand is still on mine and that I’m pressing the wet J Cloth against his skin.

‘Not your fault,’ he mumbles attempting to avoid my eyes but somehow they lock. ‘Charlie was a fool letting you go,’ he says quietly.

He steps away from me so abruptly that I stumble and have to grab the table for support.

‘I’m not here Friday anyway. Sara and I are going to the
Petplan Veterinary Awards
in London. We won’t be back until late Saturday morning.’

He makes it sound like the Oscars.

‘Ooh, will you come back with a trophy?’ I smile.

‘They are very serious awards as it happens. Not that I would expect you to understand.’

Why do I bother?

‘Good night Miss Lane, I hope you’re in a more agreeable mood tomorrow,’ he says tersely, walking past me.

Bloody cheek.

‘Ditto Mr Fairfax.’

Before he can respond I have marched to the door. In my room, and with the door locked, I burst into silent tears. Bastard, I hate him and I hate Charlie even more. I can’t believe I am here. I’m thirty-two and just been jilted. I should really have checked myself into The Priory or somewhere, like any normal person, and had a mini breakdown like everyone else. For some reason the whole business with Charlie makes me see red. How could he do this to me? We were the perfect couple, everyone said so. It’s me isn’t it? There is something very wrong with me. Dominic is probably only interested in me because he thinks as a London woman I’ll have sex at the drop of a hat. Well, he can think again. Charm and money won’t get me into bed that quickly. And Edward can’t stand me it seems. I’m going to end up a shrivelled old spinster. I’d better get ready for that and learn how to knit. After all there is sodding all else to do here in the country. The height of fashion here seems to be boiler suits and wellington boots, both of which do not sit well on me. Talking of sitting that is all I have to do. Stick it out until I have enough money to return home. There’s every chance Charlie will come to his senses. Oh stop it Alice, Charlie isn’t going to come to his senses because he never lost them in the first place. It seems he prefers Big Tits Brunette to you, and he has probably been seeing her for weeks. I pull the duvet over my head and weep a bit more. Chloe likes me anyway. I have certainly reached rock bottom if my best friend is a cow. I’m pathetic. I can’t get a man, and when I have one I can’t keep him. I feel my heart flutter and take a deep breath. I’ll have a heart attack next, that’s all I need. That would be the ultimate embarrassment, being brought out feet first from this dump. No, that would never happen. My mother would be that embarrassed she would do it under the cover of darkness. Deep breath Alice, remember Lydia’s relaxation advice and for God’s sake, drink less wine. You’ll be known as the village lush at this rate, not quite the fame Cas and Georgie had in mind for me. Thank God, they will be here next weekend. With that thought I close my eyes.

‘Darling,’ whoops Cas, ‘you could have told us you were living across the borders. It’s a good job I brought my passport, and that bloody
collie sniffed my crotch so much he’s passed out from the fumes. I’ve booked another session for this evening though.’

I am so thrilled to see him that it is all I can do to stop myself from crying. I almost feel like cracking open a bottle of champagne. My legs are trembling from the excitement. I have so much to tell them. I have overwhelming love for Chloe and can’t wait to introduce her to Georgie. I know Cas won’t appreciate her at all and he certainly won’t understand me swelling with pride. He encircles my waist and spins me around before stopping abruptly at the sight of Jed.

‘Ooh hello, you must be Edward?’

Jed smiles.

‘Where’s this bloody bed and breakfast place then?’ mumbles Georgie as she stumbles in with the cases. ‘Cas wants to change already. It’s been a bloody nightmare travelling with him …’

She stops and looks at Jed in wonder. Heavens, I don’t recall Georgie ever looking at a man like that before.

‘Oh, you must be Edward,’ she repeats like a parrot.

‘This is Jed,’ I say quickly.

‘God, that’s a country name if I ever heard one. You can almost see it on the cover of one of those cowboy magazines ‘Ride ‘em Jed’,’ says Cas.

‘Sounds more like the cover of a
porn magazine,’ giggles Georgie. Good heavens, is she blushing? That’s a Georgie first. Jed throws his head back and roars with laughter.

‘
I’m so sorry Jed, they are a lame excuse for friends,’ I say appalled.

‘A lame excuse for friends who have just driven five hours to see you. She’s an ungrateful bitch. Here you are madam, I bring gifts
,’ smiles Cas holding up a fabulous pair of pink wellingtons.

‘If you must wear
wellingtons then at least wear designer darling. These are Hunter’s, and from Harrods don’t you know.’

I whoop with delight. They are adorable.

‘Oh, Cas, they’re fantastic.’

‘Of course.’

‘Are you joining us for lunch Jed?’ asks Georgie. ‘We promise not to embarrass you too much, do say yes.’

Oh God this is mortifying.

‘Where can I change darling?’ asks Cas, looking around and pulling at his shirt. ‘I feel like I’ve played three sets with Andy Murray, I’m that sweaty. Not that you can smell it over the stink of this place mind you.’

‘Cas,’ I admonish.

‘The farm darling, I don’t mean the house. We can see you have performed wonders and shit miracles here.’

What must Jed think?

‘Jed I’m so sorry, there is just no excuse …’

‘It’s fine. I’m delighted to have been here when they arrived,’ he laughs.

‘And we’re ditto delighted that you were here when we arrived. He is coming to lunch with us isn’t he Ali?’ asks Georgie without taking her eyes off him.

‘Of course he is. How can he possibly refuse such a divine invitation as that?’ says Cas.

‘Georgie, I’m sure Jed has other things to do and you’re putting him on the spot,’ my words tumble out. ‘You haven’t been here five minutes and he doesn’t even know you,’ I say pushing Cas up the stairs and directing him to my bedroom.

‘What better way to get to know us?’ Georgie responds.

‘I’d love to,’ says Jed walking to the door. ‘Where are you going?’

‘The Heifer.’

‘That’s a bloody sexist name if I ever heard one,’ calls Cas. ‘Surely there’s a pub called The Gay Farmer, or is it The Jolly Farmer?’

Oh these two, for God’s sake. You just don’t realise these things are going to happen do you? I love Georgie to bits and I had been thinking that Dominic would be a great catch for her. I hadn’t for one moment thought Jed may be an even better one.

‘We’ll see you later then,’ Georgie grins.

As soon as the door closes she grabs me in a tight embrace.

‘God, he’s lovely, why have you never mentioned him?’

I shrug.

‘I guess I never noticed him in that way.’

‘Does he have a girlfriend?’

I shake my head and fill the kettle.

‘I’ve no idea. I don’t think so. All I know is he works for Edward.’

‘Christ on a bike, is this your bedroom?’ shouts Cas. ‘How old is this Edward? You don’t need to excavate this room to find relics. This fireplace is one for a start.’

Georgie leaps up the stairs with me lamely following. We all stand in my bedroom. Me with a sense of pride, Cas with a look of horror and Georgie with a smug smile as she prods at my crumpled dress on the floor.

‘Not a room without action though I see,’ she comments dryly.

‘Nothing happened,’ I insist
of my evening with Dominic, ‘but it was a lovely evening. He lit all these night lights. There must have been about forty in the room. It was so lovely …’

‘Sounds great Alice,’ Georgie says, hugging me.

‘Sounds a bit crass if you ask me,’ snorts Cas.

‘Well I don’t recall anyone asking you,’ retorts Georgie, picking up the dress. ‘He sounds really romantic.’

I find myself thinking back to last night and it all seems so surreal. After my first refusal to go out with him he had been relentless in his pursuing of me. I was deeply flattered and after Georgie telling me I was mad not to go, I finally gave in. There were candles everywhere, even in the bathroom and small bottles of champagne. Dominic had cooked the perfect dinner; at least he claimed he had cooked it. He served duck terrine to start, and then wild salmon with beans and buckwheat and finished with a chocolate mousse to die for. But if I’m honest, I much preferred my dinner of Cornish pasty and chips that I had shared with Edward. I almost let Dominic kiss me but thoughts of Charlie stopped me somehow.

‘I came close,’ I say aloud, turning my back on Cas as he changed clothes.

‘To orgasm or actually having sex?’ questions Cas.

‘Oh honestly, is there an old tin mine we can throw him in?’ sighs Georgie.

‘I’m sure we can find a cesspit. Or we could set Molly the dog onto him for half an hour,’ I laugh.

‘Now, you’re just trying to get me excited,’ grins Cas, jumping in front of us. ‘How do I look darlings?’

As camp as Christmas but of course we don’t say that. But the thought of traipsing into the local with Cas is mildly disturbing to say the least. But we nod in appreciation and fall onto the bed.

‘Are you seeing him again
?’ Georgie whispers into my ear.

‘I heard that,’ Cas says harshly, studying his reflection in the mirror. ‘We don’t want you jumping into bed with the first man you meet just because you’re on the rebound. Christ, this mirror is awful, no reflection on
your cleaning darling, but crikey.’

‘Edward says the house isn’t priority
…’

‘So what is? The estate isn’t exactly
Tara
darling is it?’

‘And this isn’t Georgia and she isn’t Scarlet O
’Hara,’ quips Georgie.

‘Edward could certainly be Rhett Butler,’ I say, and quickly apologise. ‘I’m joking, it was just a joke. He is a bit miserable but he has got a lot on his plate.’

I leap off the bed.

‘Let’s have tea. I’ve made a cake. I’m entering one of my cakes in the village show,’ I say proudly.

‘You’re what?’ cries Georgie in a voice so shocked that you’d think I’d just announced I was having a baby.

‘I need a stiff drink,’ mumbles Cas. ‘Who knows what she’ll spring on us next.’

‘Oh God, cakes,’ Georgie mumbles under her breath. ‘She’ll be crocheting blankets next.’

I’d better not mention the knitting. The truth is in the past ten days I have acquired a taste for the country life. Okay, a small taste but a taste never the less. Georgie accepts her tea and piece of fruit cake in a bit of a daze. She stares at my Post-it Notes on the fridge and gives Cas a sidelong look.

‘God it’s like you’ve been brainwashed by scientologists or something. Post-it Notes? When did you ever use fucking Post-it Notes?’

‘We’ll be kidnapping her next and getting someone to reboot her,’ sighs Cas.

‘De-programme,’ I correct, ‘You reboot computers not people and anyway I don’t need de-programming. I’m just making a determined effort to make the best of things until I can save enough money. The villagers are nice, and even you liked Jed. It’s also nice to be noticed by someone as charming as Dominic. It makes me feel I haven’t lost my pull.’

I sip my tea and my thoughts wander to Dominic, who is charming in every way, which is more than can be said for Edward-chip-on-the-shoulder-Fairfax. Ever since the night of the flood he has only spoken to me in short sentences. Our after dinner chat has gone from
Nice rabbit stew
to simply
Thanks
.
Good morning
went to
Morning
and now it’s just a nod. After finally getting online, and discovering that not only had Charlie updated his relationship status to single but he had also deleted all our joint photos and uploaded a new profile pic of him and Big Tits Brunette, I finally saw the light. Don’t panic, I haven’t found God, although I did find some knitting needles and wool in the local charity shop, which is perfect for passing the evenings and as close to God as I’ll ever come. I am in danger of sounding like my granny. I’m getting to know how the Aga works and am finding cooking very cathartic. I make a mean oxtail soup. Oh yes, I’m buying all kinds from the butcher now. I did consider pheasant the other day but then decided against it, but only because I had enough in the freezer and not on any moral grounds. I decide not to mention all this to Georgie and Cas just yet. Maybe I will after lunch when they have drunk a few glasses of wine. I feel a little glow of pride when Cas asks for another piece of cake.