Play It Away: A Workaholic's Cure for Anxiety (6 page)

Don’t try to change a vampire’s behavior (it doesn’t work
¹¹
), and don’t worry so much about
their
happiness. Look out for yourself by limiting your time with them, or cut them out of your life completely.

ANCHOR 4: Trying to live up to people’s expectations

SOLUTION: Stop doing work that doesn’t matter to you

It was pretty stressful quitting two cool gigs (Tim Ferriss’ assistant, co-founder of a startup) within a matter of months. I felt spoiled and embarrassed whenever I had to explain why I’d left –
I had no desire to do the work
. I wasn’t interested in what I was doing anymore, and no amount of money or prestige could excite me enough to work on things I didn’t want to work on.

And yet, I still felt obligated to live up to people’s expectations. Everyone asked me about my future and what I was going to do next. And there was this voice in my head that kept telling me how far I’d come, and now I was blowing it. I needed to be a rich entrepreneur, or a CEO of a startup, or someone who’d changed the world in order for everyone to permanently accept that I was successful.

This pressure I felt to
make it
was such a burden, until I realized that I would never be content. I’d be working harder and harder just so I could keep regaining everyone’s approval. No level of success would ever be enough because I would always be chasing the world outside of me. What was the point of working so hard if I wasn’t doing it for myself?

The solution for removing this anchor became very clear:
stop doing work that doesn’t matter to you
.
¹²

You might roll your eyes at this.
I can’t quit my job! No one is hiring! The economy is terrible! I have a family and bills to pay!
I understand. You don’t have to quit everything you don’t want to work on right away. You just have to start working on projects you actually care about. Here’s how I did it...

The first step was to change how I thought about work.
Rather than viewing work as a stressful obligation or a means of getting rich,
my work was just a game I was choosing to play.
This subtle shift immediately snapped me out of my bad habit of accepting work I didn’t care about.

During the months prior, my days were spent working on email campaigns, running P.R. and social media for random clients, and a bunch of stuff I had zero interest in doing. I was just so

caught up in the money and my own sense of importance that I kept overlooking how much I disliked the work itself.

I wanted my work to be a game I would willingly play, so I thought back on my
Play History
(the activities I repeatedly turned to throughout my life because they were fun and I was good at them):
¹³

• Creating my own art (film, writing)
  
• Making people laugh (performing, comedy, pranks)
  

• Learning and developing skills
  
• Team sports (playing with fun people)
  
• Building and fixing things with my hands
  

I wanted to spend more of my time doing these things. Those were the games that truly mattered to me. I gave myself a new rule:
Any project I pursued had to be aligned with my Play History.
In other words, all of my work had to allow me to create my own art, make people laugh, develop my skills, play with fun people, or build something with my hands. If the gig didn’t meet my criteria, then I would turn it down.

It was
my life
, and I wanted to play
my games
. If other people didn’t like my games or how I played them, no problem! There were plenty of desperate job-hunters who were willing to play by someone else’s rules. For me, the work had to be its own reward.

I started setting aside 20 minutes each day to work on a project I cared about.
This ensured that I was regularly practicing my favorite games, even if I wasn’t being paid. The project could be as small as repairing a leaky sink, or drawing a funny picture, or practicing guitar… Giving myself at least 20 minutes each day to work on something personally rewarding was enough to make me
happy
. 

I kept brainstorming ways to make money through my favorite games. I already knew the formula:

Solve a big problem that you and a lot of other people have

Create the best possible solution

+ Charge for your solution

=

Profit!

I’d already solved some of my biggest problems, and I was an expert in a few areas that a lot of people needed help with. And because creating art was one of my favorite games, I decided to write a couple of books on those topics. Look, you’re reading one of those books right now!

Work shouldn’t feel like indentured servitude; it should feel like a game you would willingly play because it’s rewarding and it energizes you. The good news is that your work can be a game, so long as you allow yourself to view it through that lens. All you need to do is give yourself permission to have fun by working on things you enjoy each day.

Continually putting up with work that you hate is a path that leads to unhappiness and regret. If you find yourself spending months or years working on things you dislike — due to your fear of quitting someone else’s game — it’s probably time to rethink how you want to live your life.

Now it’s time for you to try the
Remove Your Anchors
exercise. This will be critical to your success in curing your anxiety. Once you’ve removed your top sources of stress, a path will be cleared in your mind. The energy you spent dragging those anchors around can then be used to lift yourself back up. When you reach that point, you’ll be able to heal yourself in a matter of weeks.

Part 1 – Identify Your Anchors

Grab a pen and piece of paper. Spend the next 5-10 minutes writing down everything you worry about on a daily and weekly basis. Think of all the things that consistently drain your energy or make you feel anxious, and jot them down. Don’t go into too much detail; just write 3-5 words per item. For instance: lack of exercise, being around [vampire’s name], panic attacks, etc.

After you’re finished, look back at your list. There are probably a couple things that really stand out as your top sources of stress…

Put a star next to your 1-2 heaviest anchors.
These are the biggest stressors that you’ll want to work on relieving and/or removing first.

Part 2 – Remove Your Anchors

Now it’s time to frame your 1-2 heaviest anchors as “How can I eliminate” questions. For instance…

If your heaviest anchor is “loneliness,” you would frame it as:

How can I eliminate my loneliness?

If your heaviest anchor is “student loans,” you would frame it as:

How can I eliminate my student loans?

You might be laughing already.
Impossible
, you say. I get it. But before you jump into armchair critic mode and reject this as a futile exercise, you need to actually TRY IT.

Remember: Countless people have experienced and
triumphed over
the things that are stressing you out right now. The difference between you and them is that they removed their anchors intentionally and strategically. They figured out a game plan and put it into action, rather than sitting around feeling helpless. That’s why you need to do this exercise – it will force you to brainstorm ways to make your life better.

After each
How can I eliminate
question, you should jot down three potential solutions that you think could remove that anchor. Your solutions don’t have to be perfect; you’re just trying to come up with something. Write down your “How can I eliminate” question for your heaviest anchor (or two), and your three potential solutions like so:

How can I eliminate
?

1

2

3

Put a star next to the
simplest solution
you come up with. A great simple solution will be: (A) small and uncomplicated, (B) fun and exciting to implement, and (C) easy to stick with.

For instance, the simple solution I came up with for my fear of being attacked was to cut out the news. This worked because it was straightforward, enjoyable (I replaced the news with happier content), and a painless change for me to make.

Same deal with my fear of having a panic attacks. My simple solution for removing that anchor was to eliminate caffeine. The solution was clear, rewarding, and relatively effortless (I replaced coffee with water).

Once you have your own simple solution, put it into action
immediately
to see how effective it is for removing that anchor. If your simple solution hasn’t noticeably alleviated your anxiety within one week, try your second best solution the following week. Keep experimenting until you hit upon a solution that removes (or significantly relieves) your heaviest anchor within one week. The process won’t always be easy or quick, but it is absolutely worth the effort.

Continue doing this exercise once each week.
Set a reminder to
Remove Your Anchors
every Sunday. When you really commit to this exercise, your brain automatically shifts from
Why me?
to
Let’s take action!
Suddenly, you’re no longer paralyzed; you are setting yourself in motion. And as a result, your anxiety goes down, your energy goes up, and your life is already 1% better.

⁷
For a list of my favorite anxiety-fighting content, visit
playitaway.me/antinews.
Just remember: Sad people tend to focus on the lyrics, while happy people just listen to the music. Don’t over-analyze the deeper implications of the content; just enjoy how it makes you feel.
⁸
For those who think it’s their civic duty to stay up-to-date on world affairs… Bear in mind that almost every source of news makes their money through
advertisements
. In order to stay in business and earn a profit, these news outlets need as many people to see their ads as possible. And because they’re all selling the same product, they have to fight each other for your attention
every single minute
. The way the news earns your attention is NOT by providing you with useful or accurate information, but by shocking you with sensationalist headlines and artificial drama. In other words, the only way the news knows how to stay in business is by winding all of us up. We’re especially profitable for them when we are collectively terrified or enraged. Terrorist attack?
Cha-ching!
Non-stop coverage!
The sad truth is that news outlets no longer care about investigative reporting, biased agendas, relevant information, facts, or whether they’re poisoning their audience’s psyche. All they care about is numbers: page views, shares, and eyeballs for their ads. Even the “truth deliverers” and conspiracy websites play this game. It’s an impossible undertaking to sort through their incessant distortion of reality, and you can never be sure if what you’re reading is true… But that’s not what this book is about. All I can say is that the news was making me afraid of the world. When I cut it out, I stopped being afraid. You are free to do the same.
⁹
After some experimentation, I found that I could only have a half serving of coffee before I started feeling jittery. I also discovered that I couldn’t have caffeine past 5:00
PM
without disrupting my sleep.
¹⁰
Yes, it’s selfish to dismiss people. But selfishness is a virtue when it makes you a better person. Constantly accommodating unhappiness and bad feelings - just so two people can be in the same room together - is a waste of everyone’s time and energy.
¹¹
Some people change, of course, and you can always give them another shot. But true change must come from within. You can’t command someone to be a different person; they have to want to change first, and then make it happen on their own terms.
¹²
Warning:
Quitting work you don’t care about is a fantastic long term decision. However, quitting may intensify your anxiety if you don’t know what to replace your old job with. Try to have an enjoyable alternative lined up before you make the leap. And if your alternative doesn’t work out, don’t give up. Keep experimenting with your work conditions and trying things that interest you until you find a mix that’s fun and rewarding.
¹³
If you want to discover your own Play History, skip ahead to
Enjoy Guilt-Free Play with Friends
.