Play It Away: A Workaholic's Cure for Anxiety (9 page)

I’d set an alarm on my phone for 20 minutes,
²⁵
lie on my back, close my eyes, and focus on the rhythm of my breath. I never tried to fall asleep; I just relaxed and focused on breathing in and out. Even if I didn’t fall asleep (about 10% of the time), I always felt refreshed and calm when my alarm went off.

Naps are awesome. I wish I could be a salesman for naps. We all took them every day when we were kids, so… why should we stop taking them just because we’re older? Take a quick nap in the afternoon, even if you have to cut your lunch break short. Then force yourself to get ready for bed at the same time every night. You’ll be more relaxed and far less anxious — guaranteed.

FREQUENCY:

Aim for 8 hours each night, and one 20-minute nap every afternoon.

COST:

Free.

DO IT NOW:

Set a daily reminder on your phone to
Get Ready for Bed,
nine hours prior to your target wake time. Set another reminder to take a nap after lunch. Plug your cell phone charger in an outlet that’s far away from your bed. Cover your windows so your bedroom is as dark as possible. Drop the temperature in your bedroom to 68-70 degrees. Download the Relax Melodies app to drown out disruptive noises.

RESOURCES:

Sweet Dreams Sleep Mask (playitaway.me/sleep)
The light! It buuurns! Use this mask to block it out.

Relax Melodies
(playitaway.me/relax)
The most popular free sleep aid app, with more than 10 million users worldwide. My personal favorite sleep sounds are ocean waves and crickets.

Flux (playitaway.me/flux)
The bright white light that you refer to as your “computer” might be disrupting your internal rhythm. Download the free Flux application to have your screen’s lighting automatically switch to a sunset hue in the evening.

Philips Wake-up Light (playitaway.me/wakeup)
If you despise alarms as much as I do, then check out the Wake-up Light. It makes waking up gradual and pleasant.

²²
My roommate once called me “the Chuck Norris of all-nighters.” Not a good thing.
²³
To ensure I never felt too warm at night, I only slept in gym shorts
²⁴
No business or “thinking” books. Relax your mind with a story. Check out the books listed in
playitaway.me/antinews
²⁵
Do not exceed 20 minutes for your daily nap. Otherwise you run the risk of falling into a deep sleep.

Bonus Points

Cuddling

Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.

—
C
ALVIN AND
H
OBBES

I knew isolation and loneliness were major contributors to my anxiety.
²⁶
I hated feeling so disconnected from other people, so I started making a real effort to NOT be alone – even when I was sleeping.

Cuddling turned out to be an extremely effective anxiety-killer. It allowed me to feel safe and comfortable while having extended physical contact with someone I cared about (which – in my humble opinion – is a vital activity that isn’t encouraged enough in our culture).

My girlfriend usually slept over, but an alternative was just to curl up on the couch and embrace each other for a half hour. It wasn’t always a romantic activity; it was mostly just about relaxing, feeling secure and affectionate, and synchronizing our breathing.

Humans need to touch each other in order to remain in good health. Infants who don’t experience enough physical contact with their caretakers fail to develop properly. Sadly, it’s very difficult for single adults to experience extended physical contact on a regular basis. That’s one of the unfortunate byproducts of our isolating culture, but there are ways to remedy the problem.

If you don’t have a significant other, you can either cuddle with your pet (dogs are the best) or get a massage each week. And if you’re feeling brave, you can ask someone if they’d be willing to help you ax your anxiety via cuddling. I know this sounds like an awkward request, but as long as you pose the question in a non-creepy way, you can usually get someone on-board. Want to know why? Because most people are deprived of physical touch and true companionship, and they secretly crave it just as much as you do.

For those who are tapping their fingers together like a scheming Mr. Burns — Don’t be a creep. Asking somebody to cuddle isn’t a ruse to score at the frat house; it’s a legitimate means to help you feel better. You have to be sincere while proposing this or they’re going to be a little freaked out. It’s not so much
what
you’re proposing, it’s
how
you’re proposing it.

Whether your cuddling is platonic or sexual isn’t really my concern, though the latter is certainly effective for reducing stress (and you get to tell your partner that you want to... wait for it... ...
Lay It Away
²⁷
). However, if your desire to get romantic while cuddling is going to create more anxiety, then you should either pick a different partner or just sleep solo.

And if your ideal cuddling partner turns you down, don’t sweat it. Just stay focused on getting consistent quality sleep, 20-minute naps, hugging friends (i.e. standup cuddling), and the occasional massage.

FREQUENCY:

As needed.

COST:

For obvious reasons, you should not pay for this.

DO IT NOW:

Invite someone over for a movie/cuddle night. Accept that there’s no way to make this request sound normal and that it might get turned down. Try it anyway. Then schedule a massage.

RESOURCES:

Cuddle Party (cuddleparty.com)
This organization has been hosting events for the last 10 years all over the US, as well as Australia, Canada, England, Denmark, Sweden, and South Africa. Attendees get to relax, chat, cuddle, or just hang out. It may not be right for you, but it’s an option.

²⁶
Loneliness is as strong of a predictor of early death as alcoholism or smoking a pack of cigarettes a day. It’s an even stronger predictor than obesity or a sedentary lifestyle. That’s why anxious people need to do whatever they can to spend more quality time with positive people (playing and cuddling are great places to start).
²⁷
See what I did there? This book is already a franchise.

Observe Your Thoughts

‘Stop!’ I cried imploringly to my god-like mind.

—
A
C
ONFEDERACY OF
D
UNCES

When I first started meditating, I was constantly stressing over how bad I was at it. I couldn’t resist the urge to scratch my skin. I couldn’t sit in the lotus position. My shoulders would hunch. My back would get sore. But the worst part was that my mind was always wandering:

Breathe… Straight spine… Breathe… Waste of time… You’re barely a minute in… Look who can count... Easy... Zen imposter… Fake Buddha... Silence... What’s the ex up to... Facebook knows... It always knows!... Santa… Jesus is Santa... Buddha... Meditate... Breathe… Zen things... Ren rings... Ren and Stimpy... Stop it... Nicki Minaj… Cultural bankruptcy… You can’t rhyme “Nicki” with “Nicki”… ‘Starships’ is catchy... I hate myself... I love myself... Millenials... Silence... Don’t scratch... No touching!... Prison... Stop thinking... When did I get old... Santa Minaj... Damnit.

Then I’d give up and distract myself with the internet for the next several hours. Impressive, no?

I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was
my resistance to my own thoughts
that was making meditation so difficult. The more I tried to shut my brain up, the more noise it made. The more I resisted my thoughts, the harder they fought back.

Then one day, out of sheer frustration, I gave up. I stopped wishing for my bad thoughts to go away, and just let them run wild while I sat there in silence. I was like a parent who was tired of chasing their crazy kids around, so I just gave up and calmly watched them.

Amazingly, it worked. Meditating became so much easier when I observed my thoughts like a detached outsider. Each morning, I would sit cross-legged with my back against the wall and close my eyes for 10 minutes. Then I’d just observe myself. Every thought that my mind produced – no matter how nerve-wracking or obnoxious – was allowed to make as much noise as it wanted. Instead of trying to control and change these thoughts into peaceful silence, I just watched them do their thing, like they were clouds passing by.

My thoughts weren’t good or bad; they were just thoughts. I didn’t need to make them perfect, or assign them any value. They all received the exact same treatment:
detached indifference.
When I got bored with them, I’d shift my focus back to the rhythm of my breathing. It was like a relaxing mental workout where there could be no failure.

After two weeks of observing my thoughts for 10 minutes each morning, my mind wasn’t able to scare me. My thoughts only had power when I granted them that authority. The incessant chirping in my brain that freaked me out for months was now background noise.

Think of it this way: If you were in a room full of people who were all laughing and pointing at you, and there was no way for you to escape, how long would it take before you stopped caring? How long would it take for your panic and shame to turn into apathy and annoyance? That’s how you should think about your stressful thoughts — as a room full of obnoxious people trying to wind you up. You can either let them harass you every single day, or you can practice not responding to them.

Don’t resist your stressful thoughts or wish for them to change. Welcome them, observe them, and get bored with them. Calmly return to your breathing and observe that instead. If you struggle with this, try to inhale deep into your belly, then think of a single word (like Peace) as you slowly exhale.
²⁸
You can also lay on your back with your eyes closed while you’re meditating.
²⁹

FREQUENCY:

10 minutes in the morning, or as needed.

COST:

Free.

DO IT NOW:

Sit cross-legged with your back against a wall, or lay down on your back. Set a timer on your phone for 2 minutes. Close your eyes. Practice watching your thoughts as though you’re a detached observer. Alternative: Go on a 10-minute solo run and only pay attention to the rhythm of your breathing (no music allowed!)

RESOURCES:

Meditation Timer (playitaway.me/meditate)
I use this app to transition out of mediation sessions. Instead of alarm clock  noises, this app has a variety of singing bowl and chime sounds you can choose from.

Turning the Mind Into an Ally
(playitaway.me/mind)
This beginner’s guide to meditation is highly recommended for those interested in Buddhism.

Remember Be Here Now
(playitaway.me/now)
This book’s reminder to live in the present changed my life. I later discovered that
Be Here Now
inspired Steve Jobs’ trip to India and his experiments with LSD.

Search Inside Yourself
(playitaway.me/search)
Based on the hugely popular meditation course at Google, this book shows how you can practice mindfulness in life and work.

Zazen (zazensf.com).
This place was my sanctuary in San Francisco. Once a week, I’d spend an hour meditating in a soundproof, pitch-black floatation tank that was filled with warm water and Epsom salt. Sounds extreme, but floating was super relaxing and peaceful for me. Search on Yelp for “floatation tanks” near you and give it a shot. Costs about $60 per hour.

²⁸
Or you can just count; think of the next number with each exhale.
²⁹ 
I prefer to sit, as I have a tendency to fall asleep whenever I’m laying down.

Ninja Technique

Play Away Your Panic Attacks

My focus is to forget the pain of life. Forget the pain, mock the pain, reduce it. And laugh.

—
J
IM
C
ARREY

The thought of having a panic attack in public kept me locked up in my apartment. I envisioned myself laying on the floor of some restaurant, clutching my chest while trying to assure everyone around me that I was fine… Yikes. I wanted to prevent that scenario at all costs.