Pretty Pink Ribbons (31 page)

“Hey,” I sigh, shifting in my chair. “What are you doing here?”

Harley pushes a chair toward Levi and he grabs it, putting it as close to mine as he can get without disturbing the IV pole, and sits down. He reaches his hand out, lacing his fingers with mine, and I close my eyes, relieved that he’s here. I knew I needed him here and I was a stubborn fool for not asking him to come.

“Laney, open your eyes.” I peek up at him under my nonexistent lashes and he cocks his head to the side. “That’s a silly question, Lane. I’m here for
you.
” He leans forward, dropping a sweet kiss on my mouth. “I’m always here for you. I want to be here for you; you just have to let me.”

Tears drip out of the corner of my eyes and Levi catches them with his thumb. “I do want you here. I just . . .” I look away and blink several times, trying to collect my thoughts, and Levi grips my chin to pull my face back to his.

“You just what?”

“I just didn’t want to make things harder on you than I already have.” His brows dip low and his lips thin into a flat line. “You already help me with so much, and I just—” I glance away, swallowing hard before looking back at him. “I guess I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

Levi runs his free hand down his face. “See you like this,” he says, shaking his head. “Laney, that’s not what it’s about. It’s about me
needing
to be here, me
wanting
to be here. Every single time that you’ve come, I’ve wanted to be here, and it has killed me to hear about Luke or Benny or Mia getting to sit with you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” My voice cracks and I squeeze his hand.

“I wanted
you
to want me here, Lane. I wanted
you
to ask me to come because you need me to be here as much as I need to be here.”

“I’m sorry,” I cry, wiping furiously at the tears that are once again tracking down my face. I yank him to me so I can bury my face in his chest. “I’m so sorry. I wanted you here so bad.”

“Shhhh.” He strokes a hand down the back of my head several times before dropping it to my back. “It’s okay,” he croons. “I’m not mad, but I couldn’t stand the thought of going another day. So I texted Mia this morning and told her whoever was scheduled needed to come up with a reason to stay home, because I was going to be the one sitting with you from now on.” I nod my head against his chest, still too caught up in my emotions to say anything.

“If this is too much . . . if it’s
ever
too much—”

“You’re my salvation, Laney, my miracle,” he interrupts gently. “I told you I was doing this with you, and I meant it. If you cry,
I cry.
If you break,
I break.
”

“If I die?” I whisper breathlessly.

“Then you’ll take me with you because you’ve ruined me, Laney. I’m no good for anyone else because you
own
me. So if you go, I go.” I know he’s only speaking figuratively. Levi would never do anything to hurt himself, but it both breaks and warms my heart to know that he’s going through this with me. “But you’re not going to die. You’re going to survive this, because you’re a fighter and that’s what fighters do—they survive. Plus, you’re too darn stubborn and I know that you won’t let this take you down.”

“I love you so much, Levi.” I fist his shirt, anchoring myself to the one person that I need more than anyone else in this entire world. “I feel like the words aren’t even enough . . . that they don’t do justice to what I feel for you.” Tears are still running down my face, but we’ve both stopped trying to catch them—there’s just no use. At least they’re happy tears, and right now, that’s what matters. “I don’t ever want to lose you,” I stress, pulling him in as close as he can get. His hand wraps around the back of my head and he places three slow, chaste kisses to my lips before pulling back.

“You don’t even have to worry about that. You’re stuck with me, babe.” He kisses me once more before sitting back in his seat. Then he links his hand with mine and looks up at the IV pole. “So, this is it? This is chemotherapy, huh?”

“Yup. Real exciting, isn’t it?”

“And what do you do, just sit here and wait for it all to drip in?” he asks, looking around the room at everyone else who is hooked up as well.

“Pretty much. When that bag is empty,” I say, pointing to the IV pole, “she comes over and pushes another drug straight into my IV . . . that’s the one that usually makes me a little sick. And then I have one smaller bag and I’ll be done.”

“Wow, that sounds like a lot.” His face looks strained and I’m sure that for someone who has never seen it or known someone with cancer, this is probably a lot to take in.

“It’s not too bad.” I give his hand a gentle squeeze. “It’ll be much better for me since you’re here.”

His eyes soften and a smile tilts the side of his mouth. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” I reply.

And it was better—much better. Not to mention different than when one of the three stooges comes with me. Levi sat by my side the entire time, only getting up once to go to the bathroom. Harley talked to us a few times as she changed out my bags. I heard him whisper to her that he had a ‘keeper’ and that made me smile, even though I’m sure it wasn’t meant for my ears.

As always, the second medication made me a little sick, but Harley quickly counteracted it with an anti-nausea medication. I could tell that made Levi a little uncomfortable. As soon as I started heaving, he was all over me, asking if I was okay and wondering what he could do. When I glanced at him, he looked so helpless and it literally split my heart in two to see that look on his face. I could tell he wanted to take all of this away for me, but unfortunately that isn’t an option. So I did the only thing I could do—I told him I’d be fine and that this always happens . . . that he was doing exactly what I needed by being here with me.

By the end of the treatment, I think Levi was just as exhausted as I was. It took a toll on him in ways that I’ll probably never understand. I’ve tried several times to look at the situation through the eyes of my loved ones, but I can’t . . . it’s just different. I know that if the roles were reversed, it would be incredibly hard and I would be devastated. But right now, I can’t fully grasp the depth of what they’re feeling.

Even after we finished at the treatment center, Levi didn’t leave my side for the rest of the afternoon. He cooked me dinner, washed the dishes and then tucked me in bed, where he climbed right in behind me without saying a word. It was the first time in I-don’t-know-how-many days that I fell asleep without worrying or crying. Being wrapped up in Levi’s arms was so incredibly peaceful, and it was right then that I knew something without a shadow of a doubt. If I didn’t make it through this—if this horrible disease did take me away from this wonderful man—then I would at least die happy.

“WHAT THE HELL?” LUKE growls when Levi saunters down the hall in nothing but a faded pair of his favorite blue jeans. “Did you stay the night again?”

“Luke,” I scold, giving him my best stink eye. My lungs tighten and I cough several times, covering my mouth with my arm.

“You okay?” Luke’s face instantly transforms from annoyance to concern, and I wave him off.

“I’m fine.”

“They’re horny humpers,” Mia chimes in. I slap her on the arm and she giggles. “What?” she asks innocently. “It’s true. Why do you think I’ve been sleeping on Benny’s couch the past several weeks?”

“And you fucking snore. God, do you snore.” Mia shoots Benny a death glare and he shrugs. “You do. It’s very unladylike, Princess,” he says. Mia rolls her eyes and pours herself a cup of coffee. Levi bends down and kisses my nose before walking over to make himself a cup.

My life feels so full right now. The four most important people in my world are all packed into a tiny kitchen, and despite the words that are being thrown around, I can feel the love. It’s a feeling I wish I could bottle up and store on a shelf for a rainy day.

Levi brings his cup and sits down next to me. His hand finds my thigh under the table and he rubs it gently several times before settling it above my knee. I look over at him, smiling from behind my mug, and he winks. Luke makes a gagging noise, and I nearly spit my coffee across the table at his childish reaction. But it’s all fun and games—I know he’s happy for me and that he completely approves of Levi.

I feel like life has been flying by at warp speed ever since the day Levi showed up at my chemotherapy treatment. I’ve been working a ton, Levi and I have been volunteering regularly at the Senior Center, and there are some days that I feel like I barely have time to think, let alone remember what I’m going through.

Levi even managed to check another thing off my bucket list. He said he’s not happy about it now that he knows the meaning behind it, but he’s promised to keep working on it anyway.

“Bring a towel,” he whispers into the phone and I smile, wondering who is standing near him that he feels like he has to whisper.

“Why do I need a towel?”

“Why do you have to ask so many damn questions?” he fires back, causing me to laugh.

“Fine, I’ll bring a towel,” I submit, knowing it’ll be easier that way.

“Good girl,” he answers. “I’ll see you in an hour.” Levi shows up fifteen minutes early, and I run out of my front door when I see his truck pull into the driveway. He hops out to open my door for me and swats me on the ass as he hoists me into my seat.

“Where are we going?”

“You have to wait and see,” he says with a smirk, shutting my door and jogging around the front of the truck to climb in the driver’s seat.

Twenty minutes later, we pull up to the old rock quarry where we used to go swimming after football games. “Levi?” He looks over at me, a shit-eating grin splitting his face. “What are we doing here?”

“Don’t you trust me, Laney?” He hops out of the truck and comes around to open my door. When my feet are planted firmly on the ground, he reaches for the bottom of my Henley and pulls it over my head.

“Levi!” I shout, trying to wiggle my shirt back on. “What the heck are you doing?” Frantically, I look around to see if anyone is watching, which is stupid because we are literally in the middle of nowhere.

“Get naked, Laney.” His demanding voice sends shivers up my spine, but I stand tall, determined to fight him on this.

“I will not get naked. It’s freaking cold out here. If you want to have sex, we can do it in your truck.” I cross my arms over my chest, covering up my white bra because I’m certain that my nipple is standing at attention.

“It’s sixty degrees and you’ll be fine . . . a little cold water won’t hurt you.”

“Cold water?” I screech, backing away from him. “You are out of your mind if you think I’m stepping foot in that quarry.”

“Laney Jacobs, you have ten seconds to get naked or—so help me God—I will throw you in that water myself.” He’s not joking. I can tell by the look on his face, but I still jut out my chin and straighten my spine. There is no way I’m dipping any part of my body in there.

“One.” He leans up against his truck and watches me, but I don’t move. “Two.” He cocks an eyebrow, and I fail miserably when I attempt to cock one back. “Three.” I move slowly around the other side of his truck, but he sticks his hand in his pocket and clicks the automatic lock button, thwarting my attempt to seek shelter.

“Shit,” I hiss.

“Four.” Levi walks toward me, stopping when we’re toe to toe. His fingers land on the button of my jeans and he pops it open, then lowers the zipper. “Five.” His blue eyes are smoldering.

“I am not taking my pants off.” My hands disobey my words because I push my jeans over my hips and let them pool on the ground below. Levi’s eyes flash with desire as he takes in my white lace panties. I take several steps backward.

“Six.” He stalks toward me, nudging me toward the water. I kick off my shoes and rip off my socks. “Seven.”

“Damn it, Levi. Stop counting. This isn’t funny.” My feet hit the edge of the water and I squeal at how cold it is. “It’s freezing in there, Levi. You’re nuts if you think—”