Price of Desire (29 page)

“Then how?”

“John wanted my happiness above all
.
He fretted at all that he deprived me of and hinted constantly that I should continue to grow as a woman
.
I always laughed
.
And then I met you
.
I had been dealing with his loss for so long
.
I spent my days watching my best friend die
.
I felt myself slipping away along with him
.
I was frozen in despair.

“Then you took my hand and it burned me through
.
I truly believed that I could take a day out of time and no one would suffer.

“When I found I was with child I approached John with fear
.
I could not bear to hurt him further – he lived with so much pain
.
I was not prepared for his pleasure
.
He delighted in my condition
–
truly had meant every word he said.

“Anna truly was his daughter in spirit.”

For the
second
time, he touched her
.
He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him harshly, a boy pulling a reluctant puppy
.
He held her near, staring down at her tear-streaked face.

“Is this true?”

“Why would I lie?”

“You did not speak the truth at the time.”

“I’ve already said that you did not ask, but I didn’t mean to hurt you
.
I never thought to see you again.”

“And that made it right?”

“
I did no harm to my husband.”

“
M
arry me now and make
everything
right.”

“
Marrying the wrong man will not make everything right
.
No matter how many times you ask
.
It cannot be.”

His fingers bit into her arm
.
“Why
?
Just tell me that.”

“You are not the husband I need.
”

“I should have known better
.
What lady would marry so beneath her
?
You have titled lords at your beck and call
.
Why would I dream you’d deign to entertain a penniless ex-soldier anywhere but your bed?”

“No, that’s not . . .”

“I don’t really care
.
Don’t know why I’ve denied your true colors for so long.
”
He ran a hand through his hair, pulling at its immaculate order
.
“I guess I didn’t want to admit that I was such a fool, such a victim of beauty and fire
.
You are right
.
That long-ago encounter was only a dream
.
It’s magic unreal
.
I knew you had a heart of ice beneath those perfect breasts, but I thought maybe your daughter’s need for a father would melt it some
.
I should have known without a fat purse to lay at your door I’d just be left a beggar.”

“No, you
just aren’t listening . . .”
She gave it one last try
.
“Would you let me manage the estates, trust my decisions before your own?”

“Of course not.
”
He didn’t even look at her.

“
Then you are not the man
I want,
the man
I need
.
I want a husband
, a man like Burberry,
who will respect me for all that I am – not just what happens in the bed chamber.”

“Why would I trust the whim of a lady on important matters
?
A man would be a fool to trust his fortune to untried hands
.
Now tell me what prevents our marriage.”

“You do not even take my concerns seriously
, not listen to all I have told you of my life, my experience,
and yet you think I should marry you.”

“You are talking nonsense, making excuses
.
You don’t need to worry about these things
.
I can adequately care for you and Anna
.
I may no longer be the heir to an earldom, but I learned my lessons well
.
I will handle your affairs with competence.”

“
Have you heard nothing that I’ve said
.”

“Just say something that makes sense
.
Ladies do not manage estates
, not when there is someone else to help
.
Just admit you want a title and a fortune
.
I may surprise you.
”

He would never accept her as she was
.
“Go ahead think what you like
.
You’re right, I am just a slightly used baggage after another title and rich husband
.
That’s the only thing you’d believe any way.”

He turned and walked away
.

Damn him
.
If only had listened to a word she said
.
How was she supposed to find a solution when the blasted man didn’t even hear her
?
She’d tried being calm
.
She tried using reason
.
Why couldn’t he be the one to watch his temper, the one to try and imagine himself in his position
?
Hah, the big
lummox of man should try being a lady for even one day, then he’d learn not to question her every word
.

She pulled her shawl tight and turned back towards the house
.
She refused to let him ruin everything.

             
             
Chapter
Ten

The first bright streaks of dawn crossed the sky as
Wulf stared at his mirror
, irritation prickling along his skin
.
He had not slept the night before, his thoughts restless and unformed
.
He should have told her the truth about his
opportunities
.
He’d been so distracted by his own internal debate he doubted he’d heard half of what Rose said last night
.
It wasn’t as if it had made sense, anyway
.
Ladies did manage estates. Undoubtedly
,
she had a competent manager who knew when to let her think she was making a decision.

Hmm, maybe he could do the same
.
If he accepted his uncle’s legacy he’d have a decent future to offer her
and he could let her think she played a part in its management
.
Still, w
as it worth going against his instinct, accepting Holly House, if it would secure Anna’s future
, secure Rose as his wife
?

Yes.

It was not a large price
.
It might bring him all he ever dreamed
.
He closed his eyes and pictured Anna running up the long brick walk
.
He could feel her leap into his arms as he swung her around – only too meet Rose’s glare
.

Even in his dreams she refused to cooperate.

He didn’t want a wife who saw only his purse, no matter what his reason for wedding her
.
Besides he didn’t have a title to offer and she might hold out for that
.
Why should she settle for the great hulking likes of him?

He stared at himself in the mirror, seeing the rough features and plain dark hair
.
His large awkward frame w
as of little use off the battle
field
.
He should never have left the army
.
It had offered him a home for near a decade
.
Soldiering was all
at which he’d proved proficient
in recent years
.
Even his debt to
Westlake
had only been paid with death
.
What did it matter if the war was truly over and that after Waterloo he
had
dreamed of blood and mud for months
?
If the smell of gunpowder still never truly left him?

If he
had
stayed in
the army he would
never
have
met Anna, never
have
held her in his arms and felt the glory of loving her
.
Never known the pain of knowing he would lose her
.
He picked up his riding crop and swung it hard against his leg.

He marched down the stairs and headed for the stables as the first fires of dawn spread across the sky
.
Emotion drove him to consider actions he would
once
never have imagined
.
He would do anything for his daughter
– he’d accept the legacy, his misgivings be damned.

Rose had finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning
.
She tossed and turned half the night wondering if she’d done the right thing
.

Yes, Wulf held her in no high regard and his opinions on the role of women were clear, but she’d seen him with Anna, seen the soft glow that could come into his eyes when passion was spent
.
There were many marriages built on less than parenthood and passion.

It just wasn’t what she wanted.

She roused herself out of her bed and went to the tray set before the window
.
A hand placed on the smooth china pot revealed that the chocolate had long gone cold
.
She hadn’t even heard the maid come in.

Was she wrong
?
Should she have said yes
?
It was not the marriage she
had
dreamed of, but there could be no better father for Anna than her true sire.

Wulf was Anna’s father.

“Wulf, M
ajor
Beowulf Huntington
,
is Anna’s father.
”
For the fi
rst time in her daughter’s life
Rose spoke the words out loud
.
Even John had never known
.
He had
never inquired into
the
circumstance
of her conception
, had taken the gift of a daughter and been endlessly grateful for the chance to love her.

John was gone
.
Not all the tears and all the wishes in her heart could bring him back
.
But Wulf was here
.
Anna’s father was here
.
Could she really think of searching for another man when Wulf was ready to make the offer?

She swallowed down a
cup of cold chocolate
, pursing her lips at the slight bitterness
.
She needed to think
.
If he did ask again what would she say
?
Was the desire for a well-ordere
d life really reason to deny
her daughter her father, really reason to put aside the flickers and flames of passion that no other man could ignit
e
?

Yes, it was.
She needed to think with her head, not her heart
.
She would provide best for her daughter by
finding a man who would give them both safety and security
.
She could never marry a man who did not see friendship and liking as part of package

She rang for
her
maid
.
She did have guests and
,
no matter the heavy thoughts that swirled around her
,
she had other responsibilities.

An hour later, dressed and coiffed, she prepared to go and take responsibility
.
If only she didn’t wish they’d all just disappear and le
ave her time to think
.
It was hard to search for a husband when she had so little desire to speak with her suitors
.
She strode towards the library, past the cracked door
to
Wulf
’s
bed chamber, skirts swirling, then drew to a sudden stop.