Prima Donna (6 page)
“
That’s really how you feel?” Jamil said, taken aback by her persistence.
“
Yeah.”
“Well, fuck you then.” He let her go.
“
Fuck me?” McKinley’s eyes grew wide. “Fuck me?” Her lips trembled.
“
Nigga, fuck you,” she spat as he walked down the steps and out the door.
XoXo
Around ten o’clock that night McKinley sat in bed watching the Showtime hit
Shameless
. She had a bowl of buttered popcorn and a Mountain Dew slush to wash it down. She’d fully made it up in her mind that she and Jamil were done for good. She’d had enough of being tortured by his lies. It was time for her to take a cue from Kristen and the singer Fantasia and start doing her.
If she was going to be miserable then she’d much rather be miserable by herself. Laughing, she reached inside the bowl and pulled out a handful of popcorn when she received a text message from Jamil. McKinley rolled her eyes and viewed it.
From: Jamil
I’m sorry
Sent:
Fri, May 22, 10:22 pm
“
You’re sorry all right.” She erased the message and threw her phone down.
A few minutes later he sent her another message.
From: Jamil
Baby, please 4give me. You know I can’t live without u.
Sent:
Sun, May 22, 10:26 pm
“
He is so wack.” She smirked when he texted her again.
From: Jamil
C’mon, ma, don’t do this. U know ur my baby. I luv u
Sent:
Sun, May 22, 10:28 pm
McKinley erased the message and continued to ignore him when he sent another message.
From: Jamil
Can I please come talk 2 u?
Sent:
Sun, May 22, 10:31 pm
McKinley inhaled deeply. She couldn’t front, she liked to see Jamil beg. It made her feel like she was the one in charge. Plus, she’d wanted to hear from him anyway. It would’ve killed her if he hadn’t tried reaching out to her, so she texted him back and said:
To: Jamil
Yeah
Sent:
Sun, May 22, 10:39 pm
A minute hadn’t even gone by before she heard him enter the house.
“
This muthafucka been standing outside this whole time,” she said out loud to herself.
Jamil came up the stairs and stood in the doorway of their bedroom with his hands inside his pockets and stared at her.
He spoke softly. “What’s up?”
“
You tell me.” McKinley cocked her head to the side.
“
You know I love you like a fat kid love cake,” he joked, making her laugh.
“
Whatever, Jamil.”
“
Real talk, you and I are good together; you know that, don’t you?”
“
Yeah, I know it.” She placed her head down.
“
You love me?”
“
No.” She bit the inside of her bottom lip.
“
You know I can always tell when you’re lying ’cause you bite the inside of your lip.” Jamil came toward her and kissed her on the lips.
“
Shut up.” McKinley pushed him away.
“
You gotta believe me, baby. I ain’t fuckin’ wit’ nobody, but you.”
“
Well, why would she tell me to ask you if y’all mess around then?”
“
I don’t know. All I know is that I love you.” Jamil took her into his arms.
“
Jamil, I can’t take too much more of this.” McKinley’s voice shook slightly.
“
I know, baby, I know.”
“
No more tryin’, tired of feelin’ like I’m the only one dyin’.”
Dawn Richards
“
I’m Just Sayin’”
After a couple of blissful weeks together, McKinley awoke, expecting to see Jamil’s face, but instead found that she was alone.
“
I know that muthafucka didn’t leave without sayin’ nothin’.” She snatched the covers from off of her and got up.
Dressed in one of Jamil’s oversized T-shirts she searched the second floor of her apartment until she found him in the spare bedroom that she’d converted into an office/sitting room. There he was sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on a footstool, playing Call of Duty.
“
I was gettin’ ready to say.” McKinley let out a sigh of relief.
He quickly looked up at her. “Say what?”
“
Nothin’.” McKinley went and sat on the arm of the couch. “How long have you been up?”
“
Umm . . . almost two hours.” Jamil focused in on the game.
“
Why didn’t you wake me?”
“’
Cause I knew you were tired.” He pressed the
A
button on the controller repeatedly.
“
So you’ve been up almost two hours and the only thing you’ve accomplished is playing this dumb video game? Like really, Jamil? You couldn’t have found something more productive to do with your time?”
“
You complain entirely too much. If complaining was against the law you’d go to jail,” he joked.
“
Excuse you. I am not a complainer.”
“
Yeah, you are. How about instead of running your mouth all the time, you open up your eyes and take a look around before you get to judging.”
“
What have you done?” McKinley’s face lit up with a smile.
“
Go and see,” Jamil said, putting the game on pause.
Before he knew it, McKinley was gone. If there was one thing on earth that McKinley loved more than she loved Chanel was a good surprise. McKinley raced down the steps and found that the dining room table had been completely set and was filled with every delectable breakfast food you could imagine.
“
Oh, my God,” she gushed, inching toward the table.
Jamil had outdone himself. There were pancakes, French toast, waffles, grits, eggs, bacon, sausage, ham, hash browns, toast and a choice of orange juice, coffee or water. But what stood out the most was the small, square, velvet box that sat directly in the center of the table amongst all of the food. McKinley couldn’t believe her eyes.
I swear, if this is a joke I’ma kill’em,
she thought, picking up the box. Holding her breath, McKinley opened the box. Inside was a flawless, 5-carat, canary yellow, Harry Winston, square-cut diamond. The sight of the ring and the meaning behind it brought tears to her eyes.
“
Baby,” Jamil said from behind on one knee.
“
Huh?” McKinley spun around swiftly.
“
I know that we’ve had our ups and downs, but I love you and I don’t wanna spend my life with anyone else, but you. Will you marry me?”
“
Are you kidding me? Yes!” McKinley clasped her hands together and jumped up and down.
Jamil grinned. “Give me your hand.”
McKinley extended her left hand and watched in awe as Jamil placed the ring on her finger.
“
It’s beautiful.”
“
You’re beautiful.” Jamil kissed the outside of her hand and stood up.
“
I can’t believe this is happening.” McKinley wrapped her arms around Jamil’s neck and squeezed him tight.
“
I don’t see why. You know that I love you.”
“
I know.” She released her arms from around him and stepped back.
“
It’s just that—” She tried to speak, but couldn’t because tears had started to rise in her throat.
“
Stop.” Jamil pulled her back into his embrace. “I know that things between us ain’t always been good and that’s mostly because of me. But on everything, I love you. I ain’t on that shit no more. I’ma do right by you. Plus, I think it’s time we start having some lil mini-mes runnin’ around here.” He picked her up in his arms and swung her around.
“
You are crazy.” McKinley giggled, feeling like she was about to burst from happiness.
Finally, everything she’d wished for was coming true. She’d prayed for years that this day would come. Jamil was the love of her life. Yes, he came with flaws, but who didn’t? He loved her and she loved him. Anything her heart desired, he provided. Yes, because he was a drug dealer she often found herself at home alone, but to know that she would now have him to herself for the rest of her life was good enough for her.
“
You love me?” Jamil placed her down and planted a deep kiss on her lips.
“
Of course.”
“
Well, come show me how much then.” He took her hand and led her back into the bedroom.
After spending the rest of the morning in bed, making love, McKinley fell asleep in Jamil’s arms. Around one o’clock that afternoon McKinley opened her eyes once again to find herself in bed alone, except this time when she went searching the house for Jamil he was nowhere to be found. She did, however, find the living room filled with over five different bouquets of flowers.
“
Awwwwwwwww.” McKinley leaned over and inhaled the potent scent. “My day is just getting better and better.” She gleamed with delight.
Seeing the sea of flowers warmed her heart. The gesture made her feel so special. She had to call Jamil to thank him. Using the cordless phone in the kitchen, she dialed his number. McKinley let the phone ring until his voicemail picked up.
“
Hey, babe, thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful. I love them. I wish you would’ve told me you were leaving, but it’s cool. I love you anyway. Just call me when you get this message.”
XoXo
Distraught, McKinley paced back and forth across her living room floor in a purple maxi dress. Days had gone by and she hadn’t heard from Jamil. She’d called him so much, the tips of her fingers were sore. Each time the phone would just ring and then go to voicemail. Sometimes her calls were forwarded to voicemail. She’d even tried texting him, but nothing worked. Jamil just wouldn’t pick up the phone.
McKinley felt as if she’d been sucker-punched. It never failed, every time she got comfortable and made herself believe that things between them would be different, he always revealed his true self. She was so over the sleepless nights, broken promises, excuses and lame-ass apologies that came behind the wack-ass excuses. She desperately wanted to believe that the Jamil who looked her in the eyes and confessed his undying love, sang to her at night and even broke down in tears over her was the real him. But his actions kept showing her that he was an unreliable, selfish liar. He would continue to take her through unnecessary drama for the simple fact that he could. McKinley just prayed that he wasn’t with another chick. She couldn’t go through that kind of pain again.
“
Has he ever done anything like this before?” Kristen asked, sitting on the couch Indian style.
“
No.” McKinley continued to pace the room. “The longest we’ve ever gone without speaking is maybe two days, but that’s when we’re mad at each other.”
“
Does he have a house phone at his apartment?”
“
No, just his cell.” McKinley massaged her forehead.
“
You don’t know any of his friends’ numbers, so you can call and see if they’ve talked to him?” Kristen quizzed.
“
No, and besides, Jamil would kill me if I called his friends lookin’ for him,” McKinley said, flushing in distress.
“
Mmm.” Kristen arched her eyebrow, shocked by her answer.
“
Well, I don’t know, friend.” She picked up the bag of hot popcorn and resumed eating.
