Prima Donna (7 page)

Not the one to give up, McKinley went to her contacts on her cell phone and pressed Jamil’s name. After two rings she was forwarded to voicemail again.

“
Oh, my God!” She mashed down the
End
button. “Like really? This nigga is straight up sending me to voicemail.”

“
Wow.” Kristen shook her head.

“
Like I swear to God I’ma fuck him up when I see him,” McKinley fumed. “I mean like who proposes to someone then disappears for four days?”

“
Jamil.” Kristen couldn’t help but laugh.

McKinley stopped mid-stride and glared at her.

“
Word?” She shot Kristen a look that could kill.

“
I’m sorry. You left yourself wide open for that one. Look,” Kristen put down the bag of popcorn, “on the real, try callin’ him one more time and if he doesn’t answer then fuck it. Don’t call his ass no more.” She flicked her wrist.

“
That’s easier said then done,” McKinley retorted indignantly. “This ain’t just some nigga. This is the man I’ve been wit’ for the last three years of my life. I can’t just sit back not knowing whether he’s dead or alive. What if something happened to him? Then what?” She threw her hands up in the air.

“
You don’t know his mama’s number? I mean damn,” Kristen responded, not knowing what else to do.

“
No, they don’t speak.” McKinley ran her hands down her face.

“
Then call him again, stalker.” Kristen rolled her eyes and took a sip of her soda.

McKinley eagerly dialed Jamil’s number, praying this time he would answer.

“
Hello?” A little boy answered the phone.

“
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” McKinley took the phone away from her ear to make sure she’d dialed the right number. “Is Jamil there?”

“
This is me,” the little boy replied, cheerfully.

“
No, sweetie, I’m looking for Jamil,” McKinley repeated, but in a louder tone as if the boy was deaf.

“
This is me, silly lady.” The boy chuckled.

“
Ummm,” McKinley looked at Kristen confused, “is your daddy there?” she probed.

“
Are you serious?” Kristen mouthed.

“
Yeah. You wanna talk to him? ’Cause he makin’ me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now,” the boy said.

“
Yes. Can you put him on the phone?” McKinley asked, feeling faint.

“
Okay.” The boy put down the phone. “Daddy. Telephone.”

“
What?” McKinley swore she heard Jamil say in the background.

The next thing she knew the phone went dead and she was left with silence. Shocked by what just took place, she stood paralyzed in the center of the floor.

“
What happened?” Kristen asked, genuinely concerned.

Anxiety was written all over McKinley’s face.

“
Some lil boy answered the phone,” McKinley responded in a daze, “and he said that his name was Jamil. I asked him to put his daddy on the phone and the boy said okay. Then the boy called out for his daddy, and I swear, Kristen, I heard Jamil say ‘what’ in the background.” Her eyes bucked.

“
Hell naw,” Kristen said, dumbfounded. “So you really think it was Jamil?”

“
Who else could it have been?” McKinley checked the number she’d dialed to confirm it. “The proof is right here.” She showed Kristen her phone. “I dialed the right number, so it had to have been him.”

“
How old did the lil boy sound?”

“
At least about five.” McKinley shrugged her shoulders dismissively.

“
Girl, this is too much for me. This is the type of shit you read about in one of them Keisha Ervin novels.” Kristen waved her hand and got up. “I need a drink. You mind if I open up a bottle of wine?”

“
No.” McKinley walked over to the couch and sat down in a haze.

Seconds later, Kristen came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“
Here.” Kristen handed McKinley a glass of Pinot. “This will make you feel better.”

McKinley took a long sip then looked at Kristen, and said, “What if this nigga got a baby?”

“
Don’t even claim that. It could’ve been his nephew, cousin, anybody,” Kristen reasoned, praying to God she was right.

McKinley sat with the glass of wine in her hand, gazing blankly at the floor. It was time for her to leave Jamil alone. Holding onto him wasn’t healthy. Child or no child, he’d told one too many lies and let her down too many times for her to continue to give him chance after chance. It was time for her to accept that this was who he was. She just couldn’t figure out what the tears and long heartfelt conversations that lasted until the wee hours of the morning were for. None of it made sense.

Why did he profusely profess his love for her only to break her heart over and over again? Was it all a game that she didn’t know she was participating in? The only thing she knew for sure was that she was tired of playing the guessing game. It was time for McKinley to put an end to the madness, even if it meant her heart breaking in the process. After finishing a whole bottle of Pinot, and hours of discussing the situation with Kristen, both women became tired.

Kristen yawned. “I am exhausted.”

McKinley exhaled. “Me, too.”

Even after all of the talking they’d done, her stomach was still in knots.

“
You want me to spend the night?” Kristen asked, stretching.

“
Nah, I’ll be okay.” McKinley fiddled with her fingers.

“
You sure? ’Cause I will stay if you want me to.”

“
I’m good.” McKinley stood up and stretched her legs. “Go to your apartment and get some rest. I’ve taken up enough of your time as it is.” She forced herself to smile.

“
Girl, please, I ain’t have shit else to do. Besides, you’re my girl and you would’ve done the same thing for me. Hell, you
have
done the same thing for me.” Kristen laughed.

“
You silly.” McKinley laughed, too.

“
Well, look, call me if you need me.” Kristen gave McKinley a warm hug.

“
I will, and thanks again.” McKinley hugged her back, then opened the door.

“
No problem. Now go to sleep. Don’t call him no more. You’re only going to make yourself feel worse.”

“
I won’t.” McKinley assured, closing and locking the door behind her.

Alone, she placed her back against the door and took in the silence. The sound was excruciating. McKinley hated that she was going through this shit. It wasn’t fair. She’d loved Jamil with every fiber of her being. She’d given him her all. She’d stood by his side through the good and the bad. When he fucked up, she was the one to pick up the pieces.

When he was afraid, she calmed his fears, but when she needed him, he was always unavailable. The whole situation was fucked up. Every time she thought they were making progress he always took ten steps backward, crushing her heart in two. It fucked her up that he wasn’t emotionally responsible with her heart.

Time and time again Jamil would fill her heart with words of hope that he’d change and be a better man, and each time his actions proved differently. McKinley didn’t know whether to believe his intentions or the outcome of his actions. It was all mind-numbing—loving someone who held her heart on a string like a Marionette.

McKinley needed answers and fast. She needed to know what was going on with him and why he was being so insensitive of her feelings. It was obvious he was alive and well because she hadn’t heard differently. Jamil was simply ignoring her, and the sad part was he didn’t even have a reason to.

He was just selfish and until he decided to give up an explanation that was just how it was. Tired of debating with herself, McKinley wearily walked over to the stairs. She didn’t know if she’d be able to sleep or not, but she had to lie down. McKinley didn’t even make it up the steps before she heard the distinct sound of the front door opening.

Quickly, she spun around. Her heart was beating out of her chest in anticipation of seeing his face. Then he walked through the door. She could smell the enthralling scent of his Dolce & Gabbana cologne all the way from across the room. He looked better than he had the last time she saw him, crushing her spirit even more.

Jamil looked absolutely divine in a yellow BLVCK SCVLE T-shirt, Altamont fitted jeans and a brand new pair of $700 Dior Homme sneakers. McKinley was relieved to see that he was well, but confirmation of that signified her worst fear that he’d been dodging her on purpose.

She stormed down the steps. “Where in the hell have you been?”

“
Calm down.”

She pointed her index finger like a gun at his forehead. “Fuck that! Ain’t no calming down!”

“
Why the fuck haven’t you been answering your phone? I’ve been callin’ you for days. I thought you were dead. But no, you’re alive and well. So you’ve been sending me to voicemail all this time like I ain’t shit?” She got up in his face.

“
Like I’m not yo’ fiancée or should I give the ring back?” McKinley pulled off her ring and threw at him. “’Cause apparently the ring don’t mean a damn thing.”

“
Will you let me explain?” Jamil tried reaching out for her, but McKinley snatched her hand away and shot him a look that could kill.

“
Don’t touch me. Touch whoever you don’ been wit’ the last couple of days. Wit’ yo’ lousy ass! And who the fuck is Jamil?”

“
What?” Jamil eyed her, confused.

“
Nigga, don’t act stupid. I called your phone and some boy named Jamil picked up the phone.” McKinley rolled her neck. “Don’t lie to me. Tell the truth. You gotta a kid?”

“
Man, I ain’t come over here to talk about no kid.” Jamil shook his head, never once giving her eye contact.

“
What you mean you don’t wanna talk about no kid? I dialed the right number, Jamil, and I swear I heard you talkin’ in the background.” McKinley’s voice cracked.
“You know what? I don’t even know why the fuck I bother.”

Jamil’s nostrils flared. “This why I can’t never talk to you ’cause you always on some other shit. You always assuming the worst. I know, I’m wrong. I don’t ever do shit right. What’s new? Shit, fuck this, I’m up.” He turned to leave.

McKinley knew she should’ve called his bluff and let him walk out the door, but the part of her heart that needed him more than she needed air to breathe wouldn’t allow it.

“
Jamil, wait.” She jumped in front of him and blocked his path.

“
Nah.” He shook his head. “I’m tired of this shit. I came over here to talk to you. Not be accused of a bunch of foul shit.”

McKinley gazed into his eyes. A world of pain hid behind his irises. She wondered how long it had been lying there. She’d never seen Jamil look so sad before. She felt like shit. Maybe she had overreacted? Maybe the boy who answered his phone had been his cousin?

“
Will you calm down? I just don’t understand what’s going on.”

“
Okay, but instead of jumpin’ to conclusions, how about you listen to me sometimes.”

“
I’m sorry.” McKinley shrugged her shoulders and shook her head.

“
I’m for real, McKinley. Don’t come to me on no shit like this again. You gotta learn how to trust me. I got enough on my plate as it is.” Jamil turned his face and looked away, mad.

McKinley stuck her face in front of his. “I understand. I was just worried about you.”

“
I don’t even wanna talk about that no more. Just come lay down wit’ me. I’m tired and I wanna lie down,” he said, going up the stairs.

McKinley followed Jamil to her bedroom. Once there, she climbed into bed while he took off his sneakers. Once his shoes were off, Jamil got into bed and lay behind her. His strong arms enveloped her waist. Jamil placed a soft kiss on the nape of her neck.

“
I love you,” he whispered.

“
I love you, too,” McKinley said reluctantly.

Sure, this was the side of Jamil she loved; it was just sad he couldn’t be this way all the time. McKinley just couldn’t allow herself to fall back into the same routine just ’cause the touch of his hand on her skin made her feel alive. This shit had to stop. She was tired of feeling like she was the only one dying. No way could he disappear for four days and this be it.