Progress (The Progress Series) (23 page)

Jake!

Jake is the one committing this assault, because that’s what it is now. She can’t imagine someone else’s hands, or feet, upon her now. Jake is cute enough all right, but he isn’t her Jess.

“Whoever is sticking their foot up my crotch can stop now. And please note that I’m neither pleased nor amused,” she says sternly, eyeing up both of them, trying not to stare too long at either one.

Jesse’s and Jake’s mouths hang open for a split second too long. Proud of herself for saying something, it’s the only way she can attempt to rectify the humiliation of the situation.

Jesse’s head snaps over to Jake, and he slowly spreads a shit-eating grin across his face. A brief look of remorse captures Jesse’s expression just before he begins laughing hysterically.

Charlie hadn’t realized this had been planned.

And that this was a joke.

Charlie quickly gathers her purse,
her eyes pooling, and walks fast towards the door before a tear trickles down her cheek. Sick of the torment, she finds her keys and runs for her car.

In a hurry to open the driver’s side door, she drops her purse. Her cigarettes, cell phone, three lighters, garter belt, and stockings tumble out and cover the pavement.

“Of course.”

As she is bent over picking up her belongings, she hears fai
nt laughter from behind her and freezes.

She wipes her cheek and has mere seconds to compose herself before they notice Jess has made her cry. Again.

“Haven’t you laughed enough at my expense this evening?” she says without turning around. “I mean, is this what you do, Jess? You sit at home thinking of different things that will make me feel like shit?” Sniffing, she continues. “My whole life I’ve been fighting with these demons – and you have the audacity to turn it into a joke! Just when I think I’m--” She sounds a lot angrier than she intends; her voice has escalated on its own and she stands to face him.

But it’s Jake. And he isn’t smiling anymore.

“He told me…he told me that you’d understand why,” Jake says, looking down at the curb, ashamed.

There are so many things she considers saying to him. She had really hoped that Jesse would’ve heard her confrontation rather than Jake.
Could this night get any worse?

She opts for silence. Opening her car door, she keeps her eyes closed as she gets inside and locks it behind her. She needs to escape this night. Go home and fantasize about a world where she is safe and happy.

Before she can start the engine, she hears a tap on her window. She can’t move. She doesn’t want to talk to Jake about this. She doesn’t want to talk to
anyone
about this, but she risks a peek at his face. And as she opens her eyes and gives a glare to her window, she sees Jesse’s huge smile.

Fuck.

She rolls her eyes and cracks her window as he nods and drops the smile.

“You dropped this,” Jesse s
ays, his smile returning. Holding up her garter belt, which had fallen outside of the car door, he’s teasing her.

A horrible feeling sweeps over her.
This is just like high school all over again!
What is she supposed to say to defend herself? She has been teased before, but this hurt so much more than Aaron Paulson. Her defenses have crept up and she can only think of one thing to say to Jesse.

“Funny, I’ve never met your father, but I could swear I just saw him.”

“Well, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you weren’t fat. So I guess we’re even.”

“Jesus, Jess!” Jake sna
ps, grabs the garter belt from his hand and stuffs it through the crack in her window. Jake sees the look on Charlie’s face and his heart sinks. “I’m sorry, Charlie,” he says as she starts the car. He steps back to allow her to drive away and turns back to Jesse, who is still laughing.

“You’re such an
asshole!” Jake shouts while shoving Jesse towards the brick building. Jake turns around and sees Charlie’s tail lights a half mile away.

Jake walks straight to his car and debates leaving Jesse in the parking lot. But a minute later,
he gets into the car. “Don’t tell me you’re pissed at me, too? I thought it would help her. Besides, what do you care if we hurt her feelings? It’s not like you’ve invested anything into a relationship--”

“What, like you?” Jake interrupts. “Charlie is a sweet girl. You need to stop fucking with her head. She deserves better. Whatever this obsession is with her, you need to figure it out. She just broke up with her boyfriend, you shouldn’t have--” he
stops short.

Jesse’s face pales and he swallows.

“How do you know that?”

“What?”

“They broke up?”

“She told me before you got here.”

Jesse looks out the window, pretending to ignore their conversation, and begins fumbling with his labret. But he knows that Jake is right. Just when Charlie was feeling the most insecure and vulnerable, Jesse had wounded her right where he didn’t think he ever would.

I want
ed her to feel like she deserves to be touched. I want her to believe it.

Charlie finds whatever motivation it takes to get rid of her remaining ten pounds. She diets strictly and has never worked out so much in her life. She starts running every day – five miles. If she has time in the afternoons or after work, she does cardio, cr
unches, and lifts weights. She’s a machine. And when she works out, she listens to the CD Jesse made for her. Every time.

He’s her motivation. He’s her revenge. He i
s her goal.

She doesn’t stop to think about how disturbing that is and how disturbed he would be if he ever found out. After all that has happened between the two of them, and how he has treated her, she just can’t rip herself away from him. She’s drawn to him and continues forgiving him for his words and behavior. The pull between them is too strong for her to ignore.

I should be angry with him! He and Jake had no right. He should have known exactly what something like that would do to me. What was he thinking? Does he just enjoy being an asshole or did he think I would find it funny? What kind of person does that? Why do I continue to let him do this? Why do I care? Why can’t I get him out of my head?

If I stay mad at him, he’ll be gone. It’s not like he’ll feel the need to apologize for his actions.

I’ve always been able to understand different logics, why people do what they do, the things they feel compelled to say. That’s my problem. I can’t understand him. Nothing about the way he thinks makes any sense to me. I’ll continue to torment myself with trying to figure him out, because I will not be defeated. I will make myself understand. I need to know. I have to know. He is my weakness.

*

“I missed it again!” Charlie says.

“Then quit turning around – watch it. They’re gonna show it again!” Jesse says while pointing to the fifty-inch mounted television screen behind her head.

She turns and stares at the screen. They are showing a track and field meet of a man running hurdles. Slowing the video footage down, it shows the man leap over a hurdle and his leg hyperextend at the knee just as he crashes down onto the pavement. Charlie flinches and looks away.

“Did you see it that time?”

“That’s disgusting. How did you watch that three times?” She shakes her head at him.

“I’ve seen a lot of crazy shit out on the trails, too. Once, I was riding at Lebanon and I was on a steep decline that wasn’t well worn at all. I was trying so hard to not spill that I hadn’t noticed halfway down the hill a guy had fallen. So I’m three feet away from him when I realize I’m about to run him over.”

“Oh my god. What did you do?”

He shrugged. “I ran him over.”

“Holy shit!”

“His shit was all messed up already though – a broken leg, broken nose. I only irritated it. But I fell, too. Hurt like a bitch. But I was really pissed and had to walk back towing my bike with a broken arm.”

“What about the other guy?” she asks, concerned.

He pauses and cocks his head to one side. “What about him?”

“Well, I know
you
survived! Did you make sure he was okay? Did you call for help once you got back?” She briefly waits for a response. “Do you even know what happened to him? Did you even bother to find out?”

He takes another gulp of his beer while shaking his head and smiling. “No. I don’t know what happened to him.”

Her arms shoot up and she stares in disbelief. “You’re unbelievable. You should go back to that spot tomorrow and make sure there isn’t a rotted corpse on those rocks! You are just an ass. I mean, you’re like morally
inhuman
. Do you not care about anyone but yourself?” They both continue laughing.

He watches her as she enjoys their conversation. He finds her glow and intrigue endearing. And he is going to have to find out what perfume she uses; it’s intoxicating.

“Let’s go smoke,” she suggests after a quick pause in conversation, and he escapes his last few thoughts.

“Do you have some?” he asks.

“Jesse! You owe me a carton already! And I’ll probably quit smoking by the time you buy me some.” He is in a fun mood tonight. She loves it when he is playful.

He takes a moment to snap out of her spell.

“What are you doing? Get your cute little ass out here!” She waves her arm towards the door to the patio. “C’mon! Slowpoke!”

She is such a lightweight. It is obvious to her she needs to slow down on the beer tonight. She hasn’t eaten much all day and is starting to get gutsy and feisty.

But he likes her feisty.

“Tell me something.” He eyes her cautiously.

“What?”

“How much weight
have
you lost?” His eyes shift over her body.

She suddenly feels very warm, and nervous. Her giggling is cut short and is replaced with a frown. Her entire torso is aflame and she is very thankful that the outdoor patio lights aren’t on, revealing her pink cheeks.

She can see that he is looking at her new body. What she didn’t expect was how it would make her feel. After years of wondering what it would feel like to be thin, and getting the positive attention, she feels uneasy. This is
her
Jess, why is she feeling so…ugly?

“Um…” She looks down and hesitates in her response.

“You’re too skinny now. You looked better about a month ago.” He smiles.

Are you kidding me?

Interrupting their conversation, Adam walks onto the patio and lights a cigarette.

“Oh, hey Charlie,” Adam says, taking a step closer to her. His proximity is alarming and it causes her to look down.
He shakes his oversized coat off and throws it over Charlie’s shoulders.

“So, what are you doing after work tonight?” Adam asks.

“Going home,” she says.

Adam licks his lips and attempts to make eye contact with her.

She tries to sober herself in her mind. Her playful buzz mutates into anxiety as her head spins and her hands shake.

She composes herself and is ready for a rebuttal to Adam’s invitation when Jesse takes a step closer to them.

“She’s coming home with me tonight,” Jesse says. He takes Charlie’s hand and pulls her gently toward him. His thumb rubbing her palm, he turns toward her slowly and plants a soothing kiss on her lips while she stares at him in awe.

“She’s not interested, Adam. Leave her alone,” he warns. “Forever.”
Removing Adam’s coat, Jesse hands it back.

Adam glares in Jesse’s direction and puts out his cigarette. He slams open the patio door and walks back into the restaurant.

Charlie and Jesse walk back inside silently and she orders her last beer.

“Do you wanna come over tonight?” he asks quietly.

“Why?” She didn’t know if she was mad or excited or crazy or aroused. “And what was that outside? You can’t just do that, I was fine! I had a plan to get him to back off. Were you trying to save me, or were you trying to claim me?” Yep, mad. Definitely mad. “Either way, you sure have a shitty way of showing someone you care. The other night with Jake? And now, the complete opposite! What do you want from me? I mean, what are you trying to do to me?” she shouts.

He shrugs and looks around at the attention she has brought their table.

“Jesse? I asked you a question. Answer me.”

He panics. He has continually pushed the question aside, himself.

For two very long minutes they stare at each other without words. The only noises to be heard are the clinking of glasses and chatter from across the bar. Wondering how she can broach the subject of their relationship, she gestures toward the front door. “Come out to the parking lot with me.”

He pays their tab, as if he knows the night will end now. Afterward, he joins her outside and she hands him a lit cigarette.

“What are we doing out here?” he asks, avoiding her eyes.