Promise Me Light (6 page)

We were on the outskirts of town, at least five miles from the
terrorist stronghold. The store we’d just fled sat isolated,
surrounded by woods. Before the EMP, it had been a rundown gas station
that only travelers desperate for gasoline or a bathroom would visit.
Now it was a shell of a store, left abandoned by time.

The road we had followed to get here looked more like a well-worn
path than the busy road it had been months ago. Cash had jokingly called
it the highway to hell and I guess he was right. It led straight into
the enemy’s camp.

When we came across the store an hour ago, we decided it looked like
a safe place to stop and search for supplies. We were wrong. Now here we
were, running. Seems like all we did lately was run from trouble.

As the rain and sleet fell harder, I gathered my jacket tighter
around me as we ran through the woods. Suddenly, my shoelaces caught on
something. I didn’t know if it was a log or a branch, I just knew that
I was going down. Throwing my hands out in front of me, I tried to catch
myself from falling, desperate to stop the momentum. Suddenly, someone
grabbed my jacket from behind, yanking me back.

“You okay?” Gavin asked, letting go of my jacket.

“Yeah,” I answered, shaking from the near disaster. The last
thing I needed was to sprain an ankle or worse harm the baby.

Gavin studied me a moment. Rain ran down his face, soaking his hair
and making his eyelashes spiky. He didn’t seem to notice. He just
scrutinized me like he had a habit of doing lately. Finally, he gave me
a nudge to follow Cash.

A short time later we found our horses. They were hidden in a ditch
that looked like it had once been home to a small creek. The water had
long since dried up, leaving a perfect place for hiding. A small
outcropping of rocks and thick brush lined both sides, making the area
almost feel like a cave.

When my horse saw me, she snorted and danced around nervously. I
patted her neck, trying to calm her down. When another wave of nausea
hit me, I leaned my forehead against her as chills shook my body.

I was struggling to stay upright and fight the sickness when a warm
jacket was thrown over my shoulders. Lifting my head, I saw Gavin turn
away. His jacket was gone, now on me.

Across the backs of the horses, his eyes met mine. The look on his
face was grim. I watched as he dug another jacket out of his backpack
and angrily pulled it over his head.

“Anyone have a dang umbrella or something?” Cash called out over
the rain, digging around in his own backpack. I know he was trying to
lighten the mood but it wasn’t working.

Everything was wet. Cold. Depressing. The wind was high and the
temperature was dropping. Little pieces of ice hit my face despite the
protection of my hood.

My fingers were numb and my feet were blocks of ice.
We’re going to freeze to death. This is how it would end for
us.
I tried to push the thought away but it lingered. We had no
shelter and trying to build a fire in the pouring rain/ice mixture would
just be a waste of energy.
Yep, we’re up a creek
without a paddle.

But despite the cold and rain, I still would have gone along on the
trip. I had to do whatever I could to help find Ryder. We had always
been there for each other and I wasn’t giving up on him yet.

“Hey, I’ve got an emergency blanket,” Gavin announced over the
sound of sleet hitting the ground. He pulled a small square of silver
from his backpack and held it up for us to see. It reminded me of a
piece of aluminum foil that had been folded multiple times until it
could fit in the palm of your hand.

“What the hell are we gonna do with that thing? Wipe our damn
fingertips with it?” Cash asked, removing his backpack from the saddle
and tossing it on the ground.

Gavin shrugged. “Kiss my ass, Cash, I’m prepared.”

“Yeah, a real Boy Scout. Too bad you weren’t prepared for that
shit storm back in town,” Cash grumbled as he walked past me. I
watched his lean frame lean over and start digging around inside his
backpack.

But my mind was not on what he was doing; it was on the cold. It
seemed to be taking over my body, freezing me from the inside out. I
tried leaning against my horse for heat but she stepped away from me.
Not only did I need her warmth but I also wanted to close my eyes and
remember home. The scent of saddle leather brought back memories. I
needed to remember those moments now. They were what kept me going.

Gavin touched my elbow, bringing me back from the past. “Come on.
You need to get out of this weather.”

He led me to the blanket Cash had spread on the ground. I flopped
down, needing no encouragement. I was beyond exhausted. The morning
sickness and the rush to escape the men had drained all my energy.

Cash sat down next to me. I could feel him shivering too. He rubbed
his hands together and breathed into them. A feeling of dread washed
over me.
If someone as tough as Cash couldn’t get
warm, what chance did I have?

I pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to gather myself into a
little ball to conserve heat. Cold wetness began soaking through the
wool blanket beneath me, freezing my legs and bottom. The rock ledge
behind me felt like a huge block of ice. Little pellets of sleet hit the
tip of my nose, slicing into my skin like tiny bits of glass.

Lifting my eyes, I watched Gavin unfold the emergency blanket and
flipped it open. It slowly floated down, looking like liquid metal as it
leisurely landed on top of Cash and me. I didn’t think it would
provide much in the way of shelter but it was all we had.

Gavin’s boots sucked at the mud, making oozing sounds as he headed
back to the horses. A second later he returned, carrying his backpack
and mine. He flung them to the side and dropped down beside me,
practically sitting on top of me. I scooted closer to Cash, giving Gavin
plenty of room under the emergency blanket.

“If this keeps up, we’ll freeze to death,” Cash said.
“Can’t build a damn fire. Can’t find shelter. Can’t get dry.
Can’t find Ryder…”

“Shut up, Cash,” Gavin warned.

“I’m just saying…”

“I know what you’re
just saying
and I’m
saying to shut up,” Gavin snapped.

I closed my eyes and rested my chin on my knees, tired of their
arguing. They had argued all the way out here. They had argued about
going into town. They argued about what to do once we got there. I
didn’t think there was one thing they could agree on.

Except me on this trip.

They had told me repeatedly what a terrible idea it was for me to
come with them. Gavin said Ryder would kill him. Cash insisted the town
was no place for a woman. Their adamant arguments were exhausting and
had started to make me mad.

I had tried to block out their endless ranting, focusing on Ryder
instead. I day-dreamed about finding a way inside the prison. I wished
we would just stumble across him. Cash said they took the strongest out
of camp and made them work. Maybe Ryder was one of those prisoners! He
was strong but he was also stubborn. He would fight anyone that tried
pushing him around. That worried me. His fierce attitude was what I
loved about him but I knew it might get him killed.

“Are we going further into town when the rain stops?” I
asked.

“Plans have changed,” Gavin said, bluntly.

I lifted my head, looking at him. He stared straight ahead, avoiding
my eyes. I knew then we weren’t going after Ryder.

“Gavin…”

“No, Maddie. I’ve got to get you back home.”

I sat up, letting go of my knees. Pushing a strand of wet hair behind
my ear, I stiffened my spine.

“You said we could check it out,” I argued, feeling cheated.

“That was before this sleet started and I saw you throw up. Are you
sick?” he asked, searching my face.

I glanced away, refusing to let him see the truth. “I just smelled
something rotten in the store. It upset my stomach, that’s all,” I
lied.

Wrapping my arms around my knees again, I rested my chin on my
kneecaps. I refused to look at Gavin. I knew he could see right past my
lie,
damn him.
Staring at the muddy ground, I
focused on the sleet landing in the mud, bouncing around like tiny
Styrofoam balls.

“We leave when this lets up,” he said. “We head back home and
try again some other time.”

“No, we need to go look for him
now
,” I
argued. “We’re too close to town to turn tail and run.”

“You did promise her,” Cash reasoned, coming to my rescue like he
always did.

Gavin sighed. “Fine. When this weather let’s up, we’ll head
closer to town. But it’s going to be a fast trip, Maddie. In and Out.
If we don’t find him, we go home. Agreed?”

I nodded, agreeing to his terms. For now.

I drifted awake. My neck felt stiff and a sharp rock poked into my
back, pushing through the layers of clothes I wore. My head was resting
against a hard shoulder, sending warmth through me. I snuggled closer to
the heat, wanting to crawl further into bed and sleep.
It’s so cold. Just a few more minutes then I’ll wake
up.

Keeping my eyes closed, I wrapped my arm around the solid bicep next
to me, feeling content for the first time in weeks. Somewhere in the
back of my mind it dawned on me that it was a man’s arm I had my hands
around, a man’s warmth I was trying to get close to.

Ryder.

I dreamed he was next to me, protecting me from the cold. His leg I
was draped over.

Then I woke up.

It wasn’t the sound of horses stomping nearby that woke me, nor my
subconscious screaming that the man next to me didn’t feel right. It
was morning sickness that smacked me awake.

My eyes flew open. Throwing the blanket off of my body, I scrambled
away from the warmth and safety I had slept next to.

“Maddie!” a voice called out.

I didn’t respond. Crawling on all fours, I rushed to a nearby log.
Pushing my hood off of my wet hair, I dry heaved, having nothing left in
my stomach to throw up. My abdominal muscles tightened painfully, making
me double over.

“Oh, hell!” someone said behind me, putting a hand on my
back.

Gavin.

I didn’t bother pushing his hand off of me. I was too sick to
care.

“Cash, you got any water?” I heard him say.

A few seconds later, Gavin handed me a canteen. “Here, take a
drink.”

With shaking hands, I took the metal canteen and lifted it to my
lips. The cold water felt good going down my dry throat.

“You’re obviously sick, Maddie,” Gavin said, watching as I
drank. “God, I never should have let you come with us.”

I recapped the canteen and handed it back to him. Taking a deep
breath, I finally got the nerve to look at him. He stared at me with
concern, waiting for me to say something.

What I wanted to say was that I was tired of trying to survive. Tired
of struggling to go on without Ryder. Tired of being sick and tired of
hiding it.

It was time I tell everyone the truth.

With a deep breath I gathered the strength to say what I had been
afraid to say for weeks.

“I’m pregnant.”

Gavin flinched like I had slapped him. His hand dropped away from me
as if I was contagious. I saw his jaw clench hard. He glanced up and
down my body, searching for evidence of the pregnancy.

“Hell, no,” he said, falling back to sit on the ground.

“Gavin, listen to me…” I started to explain everything but then
I stopped myself. I didn’t need to justify the baby to him or anyone
else. I loved Ryder and I loved this baby. No one could take that away
from me. Even Gavin.

“Shit. Shit,” he swore under his breath, rubbing a hand over his
face and looking everywhere but at me. Suddenly, he jumped to his feet.
His muddy boots filled my vision as he started pacing in front of
me.

Cash stepped up to Gavin, confronting him. “Watch your mouth.
She’s sick.”

He ignored Cash and glanced down at me. I saw anger mixed with what I
thought was hurt.

I woozily got to my feet and faced Gavin, undaunted by what he might
say or do.
This is Ryder’s baby. Our son or daughter.
The only thing I had left of him. Gavin isn’t taking that small amount
of happiness away from me.

“Ryder didn’t know,” I said. “I was going to tell him when he
came back--”

“Well, now he will never know,” Gavin snapped.

I flinched, each word hurting, striking me like a leather whip.

“What the hell was he thinking!” he continued, growing furious.
“I thought he was smarter than that!”

“Calm down,” Cash warned, stepping between Gavin and me.

“Hell no, I won’t calm down! Does he know what the hell he’s
done? He put her life in jeopardy!” His voice rose with each word, his
hand slashing out toward me. “A box of goddamn condoms in his house
and he gets her pregnant! What the fuck is that about?”

I stumbled back. Gavin had never talked that way to me. Not once in
all the years I’d known him. But he wasn’t done yet.

“Was he thinking of you when he went bareback or was he thinking
only of himself? Cause we know Ryder only thinks of himself!”

Another step back.
I can’t listen to
this.

“No hospital and no doctors. She’ll die or the baby could
die!”

It was too much. I turned and raced across the creek bank. My shoes
felt like lead, the mud attaching to them like leeches stuck to their
host.

Gavin’s words rang in my ears. I had to get away. I didn’t want
to be around anyone, including him. I grabbed my backpack from the muddy
ground, slinging it on my shoulder.

“Where are you going?” Gavin shouted, following me to my
horse.

Don’t talk to him. Go get Ryder
, the voice
inside my head demanded as I checked the strap around my horse’s
belly, making sure it was good and tight.