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Authors: Christina Lee

Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary, #New Adult & College

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BOOK: Promise Me This
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Chapter Eighteen

Nate

What in the hell was this girl doing to me?

She was basically asking me to fly free, to be completely uninhibited.

Could I do that with her, this one time?

Jessie and me were on this abandoned bridge with nobody around. No one to hear us or judge us. Only her—to judge me later.

My hard-on was pulsing against my zipper. I wanted so desperately to let it all out that my toes and fingers and brain were becoming numb.

“Turn around,” I growled. The look of surprise in her eyes made me pause. Until it changed over to lust. When she spun slowly and gripped the railing, I drew in a harsh breath. Her ass lifted in the air and her skirt was riding up her thighs as she waited on me to make the next move.

I sucked on the back of her neck as my fingers found her breasts. She moaned and rocked against me. My hands slid beneath her shirt, skimming up her bare stomach to her bra. Her gorgeous breasts were encased in lace and I needed to feel them again, how full and lush they’d been in my hands.

I pushed up her bra to let them loose and then grasped onto her nipples while she arched her back. “Oh God, Nate.”

“You like that?”

“Yes,” she said. “Harder.”

What the hell was she saying?

“Still promise to tell me if it’s too much? You’ll tell me to
stop
?” I asked.

She nodded instantaneously. “Yes.”

I pinched and rolled her hard buds and she cried out, spurring me on.

She attempted to reach for me, her hands grabbing behind her and I grunted, “Keep your hands on the railing.”

She immediately complied and the idea that this amazingly strong girl was allowing me to be in control made my dick ten times stiffer.

Damn, I was a sick fucker for enjoying that, wasn’t I?

My mind tried to keep my body in check, but my powerful yearning for this girl had already won out.

My fingers glided down to her ass and I ground against her, showing her how much I wanted her.

I yanked up her skirt and saw the same black lace. Last night the room was dark but with the sun high in the sky, her ass was round and firm, her thighs milky white.

“This needs to come off,” I said, tugging at the material. Her fingers slipped to her waistband and she wiggled her skirt down her legs and then kicked her feet out of it.

She repositioned her fingers on the railing and I could hear her uneven breaths. The sight of her practically naked on top of a bridge was such a complete mind fuck.

Smoothing my hands over her ass to her thighs, my fingers curled beneath the fabric of her underwear, reaching for her center. She was dripping wet. For me. And that just made me greedier for her.

I inserted one finger between her legs and she let out a breathy moan. “Please, Nate.”

I drove another inside and I felt my balls tightening, I wanted to fuck her so damn badly.

My thumb reached up and circled her clit. “Beg me again.”

“Please, I want you so bad,” she moaned. “I’m desperate to feel you inside me.”

Goddamn.
Hearing Jessie say those words was my undoing.

I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans and with one hand, slid out my wallet to remove the condom I never imagined I’d need on this trip.

I easily slid the latex over my hard length as she wiggled her hips to nudge me nearer. I sucked on the back of her neck and then bit her shoulder and she responded by gasping and grinding against me.

“Let’s get this pretty ass naked,” I said, ripping down her underwear with little resistance.

I lost my breath, seeing her naked like that. She had the most perfect ass with the smoothest skin. And now I could plainly see her lower back tattoo. I moved closer to get an intimate view. It was another roll of film to match the others on her arms but this one had some kind of writing in the center.

Promise Me This.

My breath whooshed straight out of my lungs. It was from the story Jessie had told me on the ride up. The one about exploring all of yourself. Even your darkness.

Whether she realized it or not, it was that dialogue that might be forever imprinted in my brain. It had affected me so poignantly that I now had trouble getting air. I couldn’t get those words out of my head all weekend long and here they were laid out before me again.

Did I believe in signs? No fucking way.

Did I want to believe in them now? Hell yes.

“You look so damn gorgeous right now,” I panted as I leaned over and licked a trail along the small of Jessie’s back, my fingers tracing over those words, as if revering them. My tongue circled the edges of her tattoo and then without even questioning it, my mouth slipped over those letters one by one.

Jessie blew out a fluttery wisp of air, as if she knew unquestionably what my mouth had done. “Nate.”

I couldn’t even speak. I only reached out to encircle her chin with my fingers, needing to see her eyes. When she finally looked back at me, her gaze spoke volumes.

She knew. Fuck, she knew how affected I’d been by those words.

My lips reached to brush over her mouth and the tips of our tongues met to taste each other softly, soothingly.

“Yes,” she said. Simply. Quietly. “Show me, Nate. Show it all to me.”

I felt like I was in some surreal, lust-induced dream.

I merely nodded and began kissing her everywhere I could reach—her ears, neck, arms, and back. I positioned myself lower and spread her cheeks, licking the flat of my tongue up her center, while she moaned and nearly collapsed on the tracks. I grasped at her thighs, holding her steady and laving gently before standing up and arranging myself behind her.

As my head slipped inside her wetness, I raised my hand and slapped her cheek, hard enough that a pink line stretched across her skin. When she whimpered, I shut my eyes and held my breath waiting for her reaction.

“Do that again, Nate,” she said thrusting her ass toward me. “And then fuck me,
hard
.”

Holy shit, this girl might be the answer to all of my fantasies.

My tip rested at her entrance and I slapped her, harder this time, as I plunged even further inside.

And goddamn, she was tight and warm and I was practically seeing stars.

I fucked her repeatedly, sliding in as deeply as her body would allow, and then pulling almost all the way out before ramming hard again. Her ass cheeks were red as she continued to beg me for it, propelling against me wildly, using the railing as leverage.

I was going out of my mind for this girl.

I pounded into her over and over again, while tugging her hair and biting her neck. I had never been given the liberty to let loose like this and it was the most exhilarating sex of my life.

Even still, something was missing. Jessie was laid out in front of me like some sexy vixen and was already on the verge of coming undone. But I didn’t want her to be some faceless person I was screwing—I had already done that too many times to count.

And Jessie—fuck—she had just given me a goddamn gift. If I had ever allowed myself to dream, she would’ve been my flawless, sacred vision.

I slowed my thrusts and pulled her against me, my arms wrapping around her middle. “Baby, I want to see your eyes. Turn around.”

What was I even saying? With every other girl I didn’t give two fucks about her eye color, let alone whether or not she was looking at me during sex.

With help, Jessie swiveled her petite body around to face me and she immediately repositioned her legs to grip my waist.

Her gaze on me, I saw that her irises were glassy with lust and her lips were wet and puffy from biting down on them.

I needed my mouth on her that instant. I nudged her toward the railing, placing my arm behind her back to cushion her spine and then began kissing the hell out of her. My tongue invaded her mouth because I needed to taste all of her. She moaned loudly against my lips as I plunged deeply inside her.

Her fingers tunneled roughly through my hair and she began kissing and biting my mouth and jaw and ear now that she had free rein.

And it felt so damn perfect to have her lips and hands all over me. My fingers circled and rubbed her swollen nub while my mouth clamped on her nipple to help send her over the edge. She sighed and mumbled incoherently and then sagged against me.

I was on the precipice of my own orgasm and my legs began shaking as I continued driving into her.

“Give it to me, Nate,” she said, digging her nails into my back and I did, with one final hard thrust. I groaned out my release, collapsing against her, my face melding into her neck, my lips capturing the hollow of her throat.

We stayed that way—me a quivering mess, breathing her same air—not willing to lose our connection just yet.

Chapter Nineteen

Nate

With effort, I lifted my head and stared over her shoulder to the landscape down below. We were on a goddamn railroad bridge and I just had the most amazing sex of my life.

As I reluctantly withdrew, Jessie’s legs came down and found purchase on the tracks. I stepped back as if snapping out of a haze. She bent down wordlessly to gather her underwear and skirt from the ground and I caught a brief glimpse of her backside.

Her skin was swollen and red and my heart dissolved that instant and bled down to my shoes, the poison of what I’d just done to another human being seeping into my veins.

As she tugged her skirt up I stepped closer and lifted the back of her T-shirt, also witnessing evidence of our night in the hotel room. I’d marred her skin with my teeth, leaving red marks, and closer to her shoulder, what looked like the formation of a bruise.

“What are you—” When she looked back at me, her eyebrows slammed together as she took in my expression.

I was so stunned and mortified at my handiwork on this perfect girl that my legs refused to support me any longer. I sank to my knees and placed my head in my hands. “What the fuck have I done?”

I heard Jessie gasp and then felt her presence as she leaned over me. “Nate. No, it’s okay.”

“It’s
not
okay,” I said, rocking back on my knees. “I . . . slapped you. I . . . left marks on your beautiful skin.”

“I had plenty of marks on my skin already,” she said, her hand snaking down my back. “You didn’t hurt me. If you did, I would have told you to stop. But
that
, I wanted that. I
asked
for it.”

“Don’t say that!”

“Look at me.” Now she dropped down to the tracks with me, but I couldn’t look in her eyes. I was afraid I’d see evidence of my worst nightmare present in them. “I did want that and so did you. And it was amazing. I’ve never had a more intense experience in my life.”

“Fuuuuuuck,” I drew out the word. Could it be true that she enjoyed it just as much as I had? How could she?

“Nate, please, it’s okay . . .”

“I . . . no . . . no goddammit, it’s not okay!” I had to get away from her so I could breathe. I sprang up and headed a few feet down the tracks.

Never again . . . it’ll never happen again.

Shit, is that what my father used to say to my mother?

I felt her heat behind me and I jerked away. “I can’t, Jessie. I can’t see what I’ve done to you.”

She relented, wrapping her arms around my stomach and leaning her full weight on me so that I was forced to rest my elbows on the railing.

“Nate, what happened to you?” her voice was soft. “What happened in that house?”

Had she guessed it? Should I tell her so she could understand how I could never be with her like that again?

I’d been keeping it a dirty little secret for so long, it would feel foreign to finally release it, let it go.

“Was it your dad?” she asked and I went completely motionless, barely allowing any air to escape my lungs.

I felt her warm lips through the thin material of my T-shirt as she kissed the center of my back. “Did he . . . hit you and your brother? Is that why you . . .”

I squeezed my eyes shut as a sound erupted from the back of my throat. Her grip on me tightened. I shook my head. “No. Not as much as he hit . . .”

I stopped myself. It would sound so ugly saying the words out loud.

“Your mom?” Her voice was small and shaky, as if unsure of whether she’d crossed a line.

Fuck, was I really that transparent to her?

I sucked in a harsh breath. That was confirmation enough.

She wriggled her way beneath my arm, forcing herself between me and the railing, so that she could be directly up against me. It felt good having her warm body so near, that I surrendered and encircled her in my arms.

She didn’t look at me, only rested her head against my chest before she spoke again. “And now you’re afraid that what you did with me was the same thing he did to your mother?”

She said it so calmly, so quietly that I pulled back to look into her eyes. Because now she saw the whole truth and there was no use hiding. “Isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not,” she said, so plainly. “What we did was very different.”

I squeezed my eyes shut, exhaustion seeping in. “How’s it different?”

“Have you ever talked to someone about this, Nate?”

I jolted away from her, panic rising in my throat. “You do think I’m like him.”

“No!” she said, grasping at my shirt and forcing me back to her. “I meant just to get it out, to help you understand the distinction.”

I shook my head. “I’ve never told anybody. My girlfriend in high school? She guessed. Saw evidence of it herself.”

She nodded, probably because she herself had connected the dots. And maybe others would have too, had I permitted anyone to get as close as I allowed Jessie to get this weekend. And what had that gotten me—but a whole shitload of panic and guilt.

“Your father,” she said, her voice soft, cautious. “Used it as a fear tactic. To beat someone down, take away their dignity.”

I cringed at the truth of her statement, remembering just how plain it looked on my mother’s face time and again.

“We,”—she motioned between the two of us—“were seeking pleasure,
together.
That’s the difference.”

“I’m not so sure,” I whispered against the top of her hair.

“A few months after my father died from cancer, I made an appointment at the counseling center on campus. It’s free for students,” she said and then shook her head, as if remembering her point would have no staying power because I wasn’t a student struggling with finances. But it did, because my parents would never pay for a counselor. “Talking to someone helped me get through some hard months of grief.”

“I’m glad,” I said, squeezing her. “But what does that have to do with me?”

“In a way, you’re grieving, too,” she said. “You’re grieving your lost childhood. I saw it so plainly in your eyes in front of that house.”

My breaths were coming harder, faster. She was so spot-on. But she didn’t know the other part of it. “What if I end up just like him?’

“You won’t,” she said.

“But there’s already confirmation that I have. Just look at the marks on your body,” I said pulling away from her. “I’m so damn sorry, Jessie. This . . . what happened between us . . . it can never happen again.”

BOOK: Promise Me This
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