Purity (11 page)

“What?” I stared at him in disgust, completely offended. “I’m such a terrible daughter that it’s put you off kids for life? Thanks a lot.”

He held up his hands again. “Wow. That’s not what I’m saying. Not at all. I’m talking about
me
, Perdy. I’m the crap parent here.”

I gave him a blank look.

“Look at you. When was the last time you were happy? When your toad of a boyfriend was around doing who knows what to you?”

“He never did anything wrong to me, Dad. When are you going to start believing me?”

He shook his head. “See? Always saying the wrong thing. Always doing the wrong thing. I couldn’t even raise you alone. Maybe your mother would have stuck around if I had been different somehow.”

“Dad, don’t say that.”

“What if it’s true? Look at me. What kind of a role model am I? No stable relationships, I’ve never owned my own home, I’ve lived with my ex’s mother to help raise my child, and now I can’t even work. It’s pathetic. What kind of provider would I be to another child? What kind of father? I messed up everything with you, and now things are even worse.”

“
Erin
obviously didn’t mind.”

“
I
mind. You don’t understand what it’s like to depend on another person so heavily. It’s hard to free yourself, hard to see a time when you can go it alone. I can’t do this again. I hope you never know what that’s like.”

“I think I have a fair idea,” I admitted, thinking of how the curse made Nathan and I depend on each other in an unhealthy way.

“Everything has fallen apart, and I can’t see a way out.”

“I wish I could explain it to you,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes again.

“I know. You always want to fix everything, and I’ve been taking that out on you. I was so afraid for you when I thought Nathan had to be hurting you. Between that and the attack and your mother turning up, it’s been too much for me to handle. I feel like I can’t protect you.”

“But, Dad, you don’t have to do everything. I’ll be finished with school in a year, and chances are I’ll be taking care of myself. So what will you be left with?”

He stared at his hands. “I may never get better. How can I inflict this on another person? It’s bad enough that
you
have to live with me.”

“And what if you get better tomorrow? Or next week? What then? You’ll be alone out of stubbornness.”

He shook his head. “Maybe you’re right. But I’m not a good person to be around right now. I feel angry all of the time, and I don’t even know why.”

I had a fair idea. The same reason the werewolves got angry easily. Except Dad couldn’t hunt and burn off the excess energy. Dad was stuck.

“It’ll be okay,” I said. “I promise you I’ll figure something out.”

He smiled. “I love that about you. That you don’t give up.”

I stared at the page in his hands. “I give up.”

“Will you ever tell me the truth about him?”

“His secrets aren’t mine to tell,” I whispered. “But he’s never hurt me. He’s gone out of his way to make sure I’m safe. If you can believe anything, believe that. I miss him, but I’ve kept my promise to you, Dad. If you don’t want me near him, I’ll stay away.”

He wrapped an arm around me. “You’re stronger than me. That’s hard for a father to say, trust me. But you are. I know you’ll get through everything that’s upsetting you. Why don’t you do something fun for your birthday?”

“You remembered?”

“I could never forget the day you were born,” he scoffed. “Arrange something with Joey and Tammie. Maybe even Amelia. But not at her house. The police are still investigating, and I don’t want you getting wrapped up in whatever’s going on.”

“Maybe. And maybe you should call
Erin
.”

“I need time to think.” He got to his feet. “I appreciate the effort you’ve made. I might not always show it, but I’ve noticed. I’m glad you’re able to be mature enough to realise that sometimes what we love isn’t necessarily the best thing for us.”

“Are you talking about Nathan or art college?”

He groaned. “Why did
he
have to spring to mind when I said love? We’re talking about art college, okay? Before you give me a stroke.” But he winked at me as he left, and the weight on my shoulders grew a little easier to bear.

Nathan

She ran away from me. Did she actually think I could ever hurt her? Maybe when the curse broke, she saw what we were—monsters—and decided to keep as far away from us as she could manage. I couldn’t blame her.

I had been spending as much time in the abandoned house Perdita and I had hung out in as possible. Byron, Ryan, and Amelia kept acting as though nothing was wrong, leaving me uncomfortable. Besides, I sometimes imagined I caught her scent in our hiding place.

I had gone straight home, dragging Cú with me. The poor dog had been so delighted to see her that he tried to follow her. I didn’t want to get her in trouble with her Dad by being seen around her house, so I let her go and watched her walk away… again.

As I stepped through the front door of my house, I heard Byron’s laughter echoing in the hallway. Curious, I kept going.

“Maybe tomorrow, then,” he said in the phone when he noticed me. “We’ll talk soon.” He hung up.

“Opa?” I asked hopefully.

“No.” He paused. “A friend.”

Since when did Byron have friends?

“Well, let’s get you fed,” he said. “Don’t want you going on the same starvation diet as Amelia.”

Amelia was already in the kitchen, laughing at something Ryan had said. When she saw me, her smile faltered.

“Not too much milk,” Byron said to Amelia. “Don’t really relish the idea of seeing that again.”

The three of them chuckled, highlighting how I no longer fit in with them. I grabbed some stuff to make a sandwich, listening to the three chatting and joking.

After another lame joke by Byron had Amelia in stitches, I interrupted. “What the hell is wrong with you?
Willow
’s missing. Opa and Jeremy are in danger searching for her. Vin’s pack could come after us at any time. What on earth is so funny?”

They all sobered, exchanging glances.

“Why not enjoy the time we have together?” Byron asked.

I shook my head. “We should be worrying. We should be planning. We should be doing something. Not
this
.”

“Nathan,” Byron said. “We aren’t going to spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders. If they come, we’ll defend our territory, but we’re not going to run. This is our home, and we’re going to relax in it.”

Ryan nodded, and as I glanced from one face to another, I was startled by how solid a grouping they had become, how tightly knit. What had changed?

“Yeah, well, while you lot have been at home in comfort playing happy families, we’ve been wandering around getting doors slammed in our faces. There aren’t enough of us to beat them.”

“There are enough of us,” Byron said. “And we have a secret weapon.” He inclined his head at Amelia.

I almost choked on my scorn. “Amelia? A weapon? Have you lost your mind?”

“No, but apparently
you
might have.” Byron’s words were coloured with amusement.

Amelia said, “If you actually let me talk to you for more than five minutes, you might know—”

I threw my hands in the air. “I don’t get it. I’m going to my room.”

“We hunt tonight,” Byron said in his commanding alpha voice. It wasn’t a request.

Once in my room, I fidgeted constantly. I was back to waiting, except I no longer had Perdita to calm me.

I had to see her.

I couldn’t see her.

I argued with myself for hours, until finally, I left for her house. I didn’t get to the end of the road before her face flashed before my eyes. I saw her expression from when I hadn’t protected her from Amelia and when she had run from me on the street.

Ryan’s words echoed in my mind. I kept her safe by staying away from her. I protected her by avoiding her. While it had once been easy to say I would do whatever it took to keep away from my mate, that was before we had met. Even if the curse was gone, even if she was done with me, my wolf still saw her as mate. I still saw her as the girl I wanted to be with more than anything.

I turned around and headed for home, but I hesitated outside my house, unable to give up on her. I couldn’t go; I couldn’t stay. I didn’t know what the right thing to do was anymore.

Ryan approached me, and I sat on our front wall.

“You need to focus,” he said, “not let yourself get distracted. This is more important than a girl. You still understand that, right?”

I shifted slightly to look at his face. Worry lines on his forehead assured me he was talking about his own family and how important it was for him to get them back. We owed him, and we still had to deal with the wolves who had torn my family apart in more ways than one.

“I’m not distracted,” I said. “I just need to know—”

“She’s fine. She’s not your priority. Not right now. When your life is safe, then of course, deal with her. But now? Not a good idea, Nathan.”

He went inside, leaving me unsettled all over again. I didn’t want to hear that from him, of all people.

I strolled around to the swings and sat on one, swaying, until Amelia joined me.

“I need to talk to you,” she said. “Please, talk to me.”

“I’m tired of talking.”

But she looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, and I couldn’t walk away.

“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you,” she said in a low voice. “But I was trying to help. You don’t understand what it’s like for me. You’ve all hidden things from me, made me think everything was fine when it really wasn’t. I was so mad about that, and I wanted to do something brave. Like Perdita. You all looked at her like you were proud of her, like you
respected
her, and I fell apart when I was needed. You all looked at me as if I were some little kid who couldn’t be trusted. And you were all right. If I had been like her… maybe Mémère would be alive today.”

“Or maybe you would be dead, too,” I said, sitting up straight. “You can’t think like that.”

“But you still treat me like I’m incapable of making a difference. I
wanted
to make a difference. I don’t need to be protected from everything. I’m a werewolf now, but even if I wasn’t, I still deserve some credit. I can help. I don’t have to be sheltered from the truth all of the time.”

“That’s what families do.”

“No, families stick together. That wasn’t what happened with us. Even now, you’re still mad at me. What am I supposed to do? You would have been madder if she had died and I could have stopped it!” She walked off in a strop.

By the time for the hunt, I was more than ready for the release. We couldn’t bring the dogs while the gardaí watched us in case they followed us, so we headed out for the hunt alone. The two-hour drive was silent and uncomfortable, but eventually, we came to stop in a rural area.

“Careful where you go,” Byron warned. “Farmers will shoot without hesitation. Remember that if you get too close to livestock.”

I was the last to shift forms. Again. The mental block infuriated me. My stress prevented the wolf from taking over. I phased slowly, painfully, listening to the sound of splintering bones. I let the wolf take over, but that was worse since I wasn’t fuelled by an all-consuming anger. I lay down, giving up, and wolf howled louder than ever before. A mournful howl full of anguish and release.

Byron and Ryan lay on either side of me. Amelia lay before me and nudged my nose. My heart stopped slamming as violently against my chest. Slowly, I calmed.

The pain was ripe and new because I hadn’t given wolf the chance to mourn yet. He was dealing with the breaking of the bond, the ending of the curse, the loss of mate. I might have gone wild with pain if the others weren’t there helping me through it.

For the first time, we were a real pack, a real team, even with Ryan there. I understood how easily I could lose myself, one way or another, without them. I realised I needed their help to ground myself when things got tough. I was shocked Byron hadn’t bitten off my tail for being such a baby about everything. His mate had died. Mine had walked away. I still had the chance to make things right. If she needed time, I would wait.