Pushing Reset (15 page)

“But you don’t want to actually get married?” He asked and Jude’s brows pulled together.

“I don’t know. Do you?” Jude looked like someone waiting for bad news and Brandon dropped a kiss on his hair as he considered.

“I don’t know either,” he admitted and sighed. “I did that once and it wasn’t great. I’m not comparing you to Emma or what we have to my marriage. All of this is so much better. I just know that marriage isn’t a guarantee that we’ll be happy.” Brandon felt Jude’s hand slide through his hair and he sighed contentedly.

“I get it. Part of me hates the idea of being your second. Everyone will remember that I’m not your first and it will be like bringing her back. People are going to wonder whether you were hiding the truth before or if I’m just something you tried out and decided to keep around because it’s easy,” Jude murmured and Brandon shut his eyes as more regret crashed into him.

“I can’t undo Emma and I wouldn’t because of Noah. I wish there was some way I could make us all forget,” he said and Jude’s arms tightened around him.

“We already have a lot to deal with. We’re going to have to have another talk with Noah. And we have to talk to Mrs. Kelly. Let’s do that and adjust to being a real couple at home, first. Then, we can decide how to handle our families and what we want to tell them. We can’t give them answers if we haven’t had time to figure them out for ourselves,” Jude suggested and Brandon exhaled in relief. It felt good to have a plan. Especially one that started with baby steps.

“That sounds perfect,” Brandon whispered as he dropped his head and nuzzled his face into the warmth of Jude’s chest.

Everything had happened without any warning and much quicker than Brandon would have liked with Noah but as his eyes became heavier, he decided that it had gone alright and was relieved that it was over. If they hadn’t been half naked and in bed, he would have considered it a complete success.

Chapter 32

“Mrs. Kelly, can we have a word with you?” Brandon asked and Jude cursed under his breath when Brandon’s hand shot out and grabbed his wrist as he tried to slip back into the hall. Brandon tugged as he stepped into the kitchen and Mrs. Kelly’s eyes were big as they bounced back and forth between Brandon and Jude. She nodded slowly and Brandon offered her a strained smile and waved toward the table. “I know it’s not in your nature, but could you sit down for a moment?” He asked and her eyes stayed locked on his as she stepped sideways and sank onto one of the long benches.

Brandon stepped forward, dragging Jude with him. Brandon gave Jude a hard look and his head jerked toward the bench in front of them. Jude stifled a groan and his stomach twisted as he sat. Brandon sighed as he sat next to Jude and the three of them were silent for several moments as their eyes flicked awkwardly from face to face. Brandon turned and gave Jude an expectant look before he tilted his head toward Mrs. Kelly and Jude shook his head.
No fucking way,
Jude was not going to be the one to do it.

“Technically, she’s your employee,” Jude whispered and a nervous whimper slipped from Mrs. Kelly. Brandon and Jude both turned to her and Jude shook his head and Brandon held up his hands and made a soft shushing sound.

“No, no, no! I swear, everything’s fine,” he promised and Mrs. Kelly looked uncertain.

“You’re not letting me go?” She asked and Jude’s heart started to pound all over again at the thought of not having Mrs. Kelly around to take care of them. She was more of a mother to them than their actual mothers. Both Brandon and Jude protested and she relaxed.

Brandon offered Jude another pleading look which Jude ignored. Brandon deflated and scrubbed a hand across his forehead. Jude felt terrible. They agreed that she had to know. Once Noah knew, there was no point in hiding it from Mrs. Kelly and it didn’t make sense to tell anyone else before her. Also, Noah knowing meant that there was no reason they couldn’t at least live openly at home while they worked out how to handle Brandon’s coming out and them being a couple publicly. They had agreed that it was time to tell Mrs. Kelly but Jude didn’t actually want to be the one to do it. He’d already suffered through the discomfort and awkwardness of his own coming out, he wasn’t looking forward to doing it all over again with Brandon.

“Fine,” Brandon grumbled before he looked at Mrs. Kelly and his cheeks puffed out as he exhaled loudly. “Mrs. Kelly, Jude and I are…” He shook his head and took a deep breath. “It turns out that I’m…” Brandon shook his head again and stretched his neck and groaned. Mrs. Kelly leaned forward nervously, her eyes locked on Brandon. He chewed his lip for a second then his eyes swung back to Jude’s. He grabbed Jude’s hand and pressed their palms together and set their hands on the table in front of them and her eyes grew so wide, they could have fallen out of her head. “We’re in love and we don’t want to have to sneak around in our home anymore. Noah knows and we thought it was time to tell you,” Brandon said carefully and Jude had to blink several times to stop his eyes from burning as tears threatened. Mrs. Kelly’s hand covered her mouth and her eyes shimmered as she looked between them.

“Oh, this couldn’t be more perfect!” She declared as she reached across the table and grabbed their hands. “I did suspect but I didn’t want to pry,” Mrs. Kelly said and Brandon’s head pulled back in surprise.

“You suspected?” He repeated and she nodded and looked at them knowingly.

“You forget that I do your laundry,” she announced and Jude groaned as he slouched and wished he could make himself invisible. She gave Brandon a pointed look and Jude was certain that if Brandon released his hand, he could be in his car in under thirty seconds. “Jude’s bedding looks like it’s barely been touched and Brandon’s…” Her lips pursed as she tried to find a less graphic way to describe it. “I have two sons and it has been like puberty all over again,” she said gently and Brandon’s head slammed on the table. “And there was the bottle of lubricant I found in Brandon’s room. It did seem odd that he was suddenly using the same brand as Jude. And I did find one of Jude’s shirts under Brandon’s bed.” She stopped when Brandon cursed under his breath and raised his head.

“I think we get it,” he mumbled. “We haven’t been as careful or clever as we thought.” Brandon pinched the bridge of his nose and Mrs. Kelly waved dismissively.

“Nonsense! Brandon, if I didn’t notice these things, I wouldn’t be much of a housekeeper. If I’m honest, I care for you two like my own boys and it was because I was so concerned that I started paying closer attention,” she explained and Brandon frowned.

“Why were you concerned?” He asked and she patted Jude’s hand.

“The dry cleaning,” she said and Brandon looked at Jude but he had no clue. She laughed softly. “He stopped going out, so he didn’t need as many of his shirts and pants dry cleaned. I thought he might be sick, at first. Then, I was worried that he was seeing someone and that it would lead to him moving out.” Her eyes twinkled as she looked back and forth between them. “I can’t tell you how wonderful this is. The two of you just belong together,” she announced before she became serious. “Are you going to tell your parents?” Mrs. Kelly asked and Brandon sighed heavily.

“Eventually. We would like a little time to get used to really living as a couple before we decide what we want to tell people. You know how this town is, everyone already knows everything and they’ve probably been suspicious about us for years,” he said and Jude nodded in agreement. Again. Brandon turned and gave him a hard look. “Are you ever going to take the lead on this, or do I have to do all the work?” He asked and Jude shook his head slowly.

“Probably not. I’ve already been through this and I can’t make these decisions for you. And I can’t speak for you either. I’m just here for support,” he added and Brandon threw his hands up.

“Fucking wonderful,” he grumbled and Mrs. Kelly laughed.

“You two are just perfect!” She declared and Brandon shook his head in disbelief then jumped to his feet.

“Whatever. I’ve done what I came to do. I’m going to my office and don’t want to be bothered for at least an hour,” he announced as he strode from the room. Jude watched him go before he turned back to Mrs. Kelly and offered her a boyish grin.

“Would it be possible to get a beer and a sandwich? That was exhausting,” he said and she chuckled as he reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I think we can manage that,” she said as she rose and bustled toward the fridge. “You’re going to have to tell me all about how Noah took the news,” Mrs. Kelly demanded as she started pulling items from the fridge and Jude laughed as he got up to get a beer.

Chapter 33

So far, everything was going really well. Brandon poured his father a glass of wine and Mrs. Kelly had outdone herself with dinner. Brandon winked at her as she set a bowl of lobster bisque in front of his mother. The conversation before dinner had been safe and comfortable and all appeared completely normal, as far as Brandon could tell.

“It’s been a while since you came out and golfed. I could use an extra man tomorrow,” Brandon’s dad said as he stirred his bisque. Brandon shook his head and laughed softly.

“You know I’ll just embarrass the both of us and we were planning on taking Noah to the pumpkin patch,” Brandon explained and his father didn’t look very disappointed. Brandon decided that his mother had probably been behind the offer and was glad they had cleared that hurdle when Noah rose on his knees and leaned across the table, toward Jude. Brandon was about to grab a handful of his shirt and drop him onto his bottom before his father could remind him that he didn’t approve of children at the dinner table when Noah stretched for the basket of rolls. They were just out of reach and Jude gave Noah a stern look as he plucked a roll and handed it to Noah. He grinned as he sat on his heels.

“Thanks, dad!” Noah said loudly and three things happened at once.

Brandon’s mother dropped her spoon and drops of bisque splashed onto her silk blouse.

Mrs. Kelly said “Shit”. Probably a little louder than she intended.

Brandon’s father’s eyes locked with his and were filled with accusation.

Nothing happened with Jude. Once again he was completely frozen, pale and silent as he stared at Brandon.

“Why did you call Jude dad, Noah?” Brandon’s mom asked carefully. Noah’s eyes scanned as he chewed. He took his time before he swallowed and Brandon’s hands were slick as they gripped the arms of his chair. He prayed that whatever came out of Noah’s mouth wasn’t as bad as he was expecting.

“Because him and dad are in love and they share a room now. But they don’t know if they want to get married,” he informed the room cheerfully and Brandon squeezed his temples. It was worse than he was expecting. When Brandon looked at his father he didn’t have to wait to know that he was furious.

“Noah, dear,” Mrs Kelly said softly, “Why don’t you come to the kitchen with me and help me frost the cake?” She gave Brandon a soft, sympathetic smile as she went around the table to retrieve Noah. He was unsure as he looked between Jude and Brandon. Jude nodded and cocked his head toward the door but Noah still turned to Brandon.

“Can I go? I didn’t eat dinner,” he said and Brandon smiled as he lifted him from his seat.

“We’ll make an exception this time. Try not to make yourself sick,” he warned and Noah jumped up and down in excitement as he looked around. He stopped and his expression sobered.

“Did I say something wrong?” His eyes were huge when they reached Brandon’s. “You said I couldn’t talk about my dads
outside
of the house and we’re
inside
of the house right now,” Noah explained and Brandon bent and kissed his hair.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Go help Mrs. Kelly and make sure you save some frosting for the cake,” Brandon ordered and Noah smiled brightly as he grabbed Mrs. Kelly’s hand and tugged her toward the door. The room was silent as everyone listened to Noah’s voice fade. Then Brandon’s father’s fist slammed on the table before he fell back in his seat and glared at Jude.

“I fucking knew you’d ruin him eventually,” he growled and Brandon’s mother gasped.

“Robert!” She whispered loudly and he held up a hand to silence her. He pointed across the table at Brandon.

“And I told you that letting him stay would be the worst mistake you ever made. I don’t know how he turned you but you need to kick his ass out and pray to God Noah doesn’t tell anyone else about your disgusting little secret,” Robert declared and Brandon clenched his jaw and tugged at his collar as he waited for his temper to recede.

“Let him stay?” Brandon asked loudly as he rested his elbows on the table and stared his father down. “I’m grateful for every day he chose to be here with us instead of off somewhere building his own life,” he said and his father rolled his eyes and Brandon shook his head, refusing to let him start. “He didn’t turn me, dad. He’s patiently and quietly spent every day loving me and expecting nothing in return. I’d be lost without him. And don’t think for a minute that I’m ashamed. We told Noah not to say anything because we wanted time to figure this out.” Brandon looked at his mother and her eyes were flicking rapidly between Brandon and Jude. Robert shook his head as he tossed his napkin on the table.

“We didn’t raise you like this. You were married for fuck’s sake. To a woman,” he added and Brandon laughed.

“Tell me that doesn’t make more sense now,” Brandon said and his mother’s hand flew to her mouth and Brandon nodded. “I didn’t know what was wrong with me and I thought I was taking the easy way out by marrying a woman that wouldn’t care if I didn’t want her. I was just getting it over with, dad,” he explained and Robert’s tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek as he pushed his chair back.

“Is this what you think my grandson deserves? To watch the two of you act like perverts until Jude gets bored or you come to your senses?” Robert snapped and this time Jude’s hand slammed on the table.

“You’re out of your mind if you think that anyone cares more about Noah’s wellbeing than we do,” he said loudly as he reached for his wine. “And you can believe whatever you want about me but don’t you ever suggest that I don’t love your son or that I haven’t proven my commitment to him,” Jude’s eyes dared Robert to argue. He sneered as he looked back at Brandon.

“I wasn’t going to be the one to tell you but now that your reputation is at stake, I will.” Robert said and Brandon’s mother begged him to stop. “No, Anne, Brandon needs to know before he’s humiliated,” he announced as he stared at Brandon. “Jude’s been fucking his way around town for years, son.” Robert paused when Jude jumped to his feet and Brandon held his hand up, warning Jude off. He threw his arms up and went to the window. Robert nodded and grinned at Jude’s back. “The Buckley boy decided to get back at Gerald for not buying him a Ferarri so he bragged about fucking the hottest piece of ass in town. Jude’s real popular with the caddies at the club, the waiters in town, the bartenders, the shop boys, the…” Brandon cut him off.

“That’s enough,” he yelled and Jude sighed as he leaned against the window. Brandon watched his father cross his arms over his chest and hated him for thinking he was superior. Brandon leaned back in his chair and tried to look relaxed as he rested his ankle on his knee. “First, you’re exaggerating.” He watched as Robert snorted and Brandon grinned as he rubbed his jaw. “Oh, I’ll admit that Jude got around. But it’s not nearly as impressive as you’re suggesting.” Jude chuckled as he turned and pretended to be offended. Robert glared at them and Brandon shrugged. “I know all about Jude’s past and it’s no worse than any other single man in his thirties,” he suggested and Robert narrowed his eyes. “And you and I know more than a few married men that have done a lot worse.” He dared his father to argue but he remained silent. “I love him, dad. And I have no doubt that Jude loves me and will never betray me. I’m happy, for the first time in my life, and it’s because of Jude. And Noah’s happy. Nothing else matters.” Brandon watched as his father shook his head and rose.

“I expected more from you,” Robert said before he gestured for Anne to get up. “We’re leaving,” he announced and Anne shook her head and pulled her shoulders back. She picked up her spoon and dipped it into her soup.

“No. I’m staying. You can wait in the car, if you’d like,” she announced and Robert’s head pulled back and his face reddened.

“Anne, you will get up,” he growled and her eyes rose and met his.

“No, Robert, I’m going to have dinner with my son and his beautiful boyfriend.” Anne raised her spoon to her lips and took a small sip. She swallowed and her head tilted as she stared at Robert’s shocked expression. “I will remind you what happened the last time we had a disagreement,” Anne said softly and Robert paled. She nodded faintly. “I think that if it hadn’t been for Jude, we wouldn’t have a son. He saved Brandon and I don’t think we can ever thank him enough. If you had payed attention, you’d know that the only times your son has ever been happy, were because of Jude. There have been very few times that I’ve been proud of you as a father but right now, I’m rather ashamed, Robert.” Anne lifted her spoon again and Brandon had to blink rapidly to keep his eyes from filling with tears. His mother had always been quiet and docile, he couldn’t remember her ever standing up to his father. It seemed that she’d saved up all of her nerve for this and Brandon was struggling not to reach for her. Robert’s face was drawn and ashen as he nodded at Anne. He ducked his head before he turned on his heel and quickly strode from the room.

“Mom.” Brandon reached for her hand and she smiled serenely at him as she squeezed it.

“Jude, dear, please sit,” she commanded and he nodded as he went to the table and dropped into his chair. Anne stirred as she stared in her bowl. “It’s gone cold but it’s still very pleasant,” she insisted and Brandon knew she was doing what she always did, she was pointing out the positives and making the best of it. Suddenly, Brandon understood his mother and his parents’ marriage clearly.

“Will everything be alright when you leave?” He asked and she patted his hand.

“The advantage of picking your battles with Robert is that you have plenty of time to gather your ammunition,” Anne’s voice was airy and delicate. “I think I can get him to come around. If not, he’ll at least pretend he’s fine with it,” she offered a placid smile and Brandon raised a brow in response. “I think our time is better spent discussing the marriage question.” Anne’s eyes swayed between Brandon and Jude. Brandon bit his lip as he looked at Jude. Jude shrugged and Brandon knew he was letting Brandon take the lead again and wished he wouldn’t.

“We’re not sure that marriage is right for us, mom,” Brandon explained and she narrowed her eyes as she considered.

“I’m sure you have good reasons to think so,” Anne said softly and Brandon held his breath. He knew his mother was about to turn their reasons upside down. “Have you thought about Noah?” She asked and Jude’s brows pulled together and he leaned forward.

“Of course we have,” he argued and Anne nodded softly. “Right now, we can’t see how our marrying would make much of a difference in his life. I think it would make it more complicated, in some ways,” Jude’s eyes met Brandon’s across the table and he nodded in agreement before he looked back at his mother. She pursed her lips as she looked back and forth between them.

“What if something happens to Brandon?” Her eyes were heavy as they met Brandon’s. “I’m assuming you’d want him to stay with Jude.” Anne said carefully and a wave of panic rolled through him. If Noah lost him and then was separated from Jude, it would be the end of his little world. Anne nodded and patted his hand again. “I might not be able to stop your father if he decides to take custody and I don’t think a court is going to side with Jude.” She gave Jude a sympathetic look and Jude’s eyes were wide and distant.

“I don’t know how I’d survive losing Brandon, but if I lost Noah too…” Jude swallowed hard and rubbed the back of his neck as he stared at his bowl. Anne cleared her throat quietly and dabbed at her lips with her napkin.

“You should marry because you love each other, first. But know that you’d also be protecting Noah and each other.” She paused and took a sip of her wine. “I’m sure you’re aware of the romantic benefits but you need to think about what you’d want done with your property and assets. Would you want Noah to be able to live in this house with Jude? If something happened to Jude, would he want any of his assets to go to Noah?” Anne looked back and forth between Jude and Brandon expectantly. Brandon’s lips pulled tight as he studied his mother.

“Of all the arguments you might throw at us, I never expected you to go with the law and finances. I thought you’d be focused on how romantic it would be,” he offered her a teasing smile but her eyes were flat as they met Brandon’s.

“Darling, after almost thirty-six years with your father, I’m aware of how irrelevant romance can be and just how important a good legal and financial strategy is when it comes to marriage.” Anne’s head tilted as the sound of Noah’s laughter reached them. He skipped into the room and he looked confused when his eyes stopped at Robert’s chair. Anne called for Noah and held her arms open when he ran to her. “Your grampa is in time-out for a little while. Why don’t you sit next to me?” She winked at Brandon and for a moment, he was completely disoriented. She hadn’t just turned their arguments against marriage upside down, she turned Brandon’s entire perception of his parents’ marriage and everything he knew about his mother on its head.

The rest of dinner was pretend peaceful and the conversation was strained and somewhat awkward at times as everyone acted cheerful and relaxed for Noah’s sake. Basically, a normal Sunday dinner with Brandon’s parents with the addition of deeply altered psyches for Brandon and Jude.