Pushing Reset (17 page)

Chapter 38

Jude’s eyes snapped open and his head whipped toward the clock. It was almost 8:00 and he frowned as he looked over and found Brandon snoring softly next to him. They were usually up by now. He sighed as he recalled that Noah wasn’t home and was probably watching Spongebob with Anne. They had overslept because they’d drunk a little too much and things had gotten a little out of hand after they got home. Jude shook his head in disbelief as he replayed the whole conversation.
I can’t believe he thought I was getting bored and holding back,
Jude thought as he took in the relaxed expression on Brandon’s face. His face was so precious to Jude and he ached to see his eyes open, to sink into the soft, endless blue.
I spent my whole life wishing for this. How could he think I’d ever give him up, once he was mine?
Jude’s mouth fell open and his eyes watered.
He’s mine. He’s mine and Noah’s mine and this is the only thing I’ll ever want,
Jude realized and his hand clapped over his mouth to hold in the insane, sudden burst of laughter that tried to escape from his throat.
All of this is real and it’s mine,
his mind reeled and Jude had to sit up, his heart was pounding so hard.
He has to know. How do I explain to him that he’s mine and I’ll never get bored or let him go?
Jude wondered and his eyes grew wider and wider until they felt dry and he couldn’t see.

“Jude?” Brandon murmured and his hand slid up Jude’s back. Jude squeezed his eyes shut until the burning faded then turned to Brandon. He looked drowsy and disheveled. He was so perfect that Jude’s chest hurt.

“Marry me,” Jude insisted and Brandon’s brows fell as he blinked rapidly. Then, his hand shot out and he pushed Jude.

“Shut up,” he grumbled and Jude’s arms flailed as he toppled sideways and rolled off the bed.

“Mother fucker!” Jude yelled as pain exploded within his elbow and hip. He got his knees beneath him and pushed off the floor. “What the hell was that for?” He asked as he looked up at Brandon.

“I’m hung over and my ass hurts. I’m not in a joking mood,” Brandon explained and Jude grabbed a pillow and whipped it at Brandon’s head. Hard.

“Son of a whore!” Brandon yelled as he snatched the pillow from Jude and threw it across the room. “What part of hung over didn’t you understand?” Brandon growled and Jude stood and rested his hands on his hips as he glared at Brandon.

“I wasn’t joking,” Jude said and Brandon’s face fell. “I want to marry you, you ass. At least I did, before you pushed me off the bed and almost broke my arm,” he complained and Brandon’s lips twisted as he stared at Jude.

“Don’t be a baby, you fell like three feet,” he said before he pushed a hand through his hair. “You were serious?” Brandon asked and Jude nodded.

“I need to marry you,” he announced and Brandon’s head pulled back.

“You do?” He asked and Jude couldn’t help but notice that they were in the middle of the least romantic marriage proposal ever. He ignored the pain in his not close to broken elbow and crawled toward Brandon. He sat on his heels and took Brandon’s hand in his. Brandon’s eyes were huge and flooded as he looked at Jude.
This is more like it,
Jude decided as he kissed Brandon’s knuckles.

“You’re all I want and all I’ll ever need. The life we have together is everything to me, Brandon. I need to marry you so that you know that this is it for me, I’ll never want anything else.” He wrapped his hand around Brandon’s jaw and cradled his face. “You’re mine. I need you and everyone else to know that. You’re mine and I’ll never be able to let you go,” Jude explained despite the breaking of his voice and the tears that blurred his vision. Brandon nodded slowly as he reached for Jude.

“Ok. We’ll get married,” he agreed and a watery laugh burst from Jude.

“Holy shit. We’re getting married!” He whispered loudly and Brandon nodded.

“Can it just be something really small and quiet, though? Just for us?” He asked and Jude laughed again as his lips pressed against Brandon’s.

“That’s all I want. I just want to marry you. I don’t want a big ceremony or a reception or a registry. Just you, me, Noah, Mrs. Kelly and whichever parents we can trust to be civil,” Jude said and Brandon sighed in relief.

“Good. That sounds perfect,” he agreed as his hand slid into Jude’s hair. He fell back on the bed and pulled Jude with him. A smile curved Jude’s lips as he rested on his elbows and gathered Brandon’s face in his hands.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this!” He said as his eyes spilled into shimmering clear blue. “Can we call everyone and do it this weekend? I think we could find a judge to do it, our parents know at least a dozen between them,” Jude asked and Brandon shook his head as he wrapped his arms around Jude and pulled him tight against him.

“We’ll do it Monday. We have the weekend to ourselves and I want to take advantage of it,” he argued and Jude felt warmth fill his chest. He sighed happily and his body melted over Brandon’s as his face dropped into the corner of Brandon’s neck.

“I didn’t even think about all of the Naked Time,” Jude murmured as he wrapped his arms around Brandon. “This is going to be like paradise,” he said and he felt Brandon nod faintly.

“MmmHmm…” He hummed drowsily and Jude raised his head and found that Brandon’s eyes were closed and his breathing was already heavy and slow.

“Are you going back to sleep?” He asked in disbelief and Brandon’s lips tilted gently.

“I’m trying. I did mention that I’m hung over and sore, didn’t I?” He mumbled and Jude snorted.

“I’ve been waiting for you to get tired and sore like a normal human for months and you pick the morning I propose to finally start. Unbelievable,” Jude complained and Brandon sighed happily as his hands slid up Jude’s back.

“You’re welcome,” he whispered. Then, “I love you,” Brandon breathed before a large snore ripped from the deep within his throat.

Chapter 39

“I don’t hate you anymore,” Jude said softly as he set a rose on the ground in front of Emma’s headstone.

He squatted and balanced on the balls of his feet and began plucking tiny weeds as he tried to remember what she looked like. Noah was so much like Brandon, Jude was usually able to pretend that Emma never happened.

“I think that if he hadn’t tried to rescue you and he hadn’t gone through so much with you, he wouldn’t have had Noah and he wouldn’t have eventually figured out who he was. He would have married some other quiet girl and he’d still be lost. I’m sorry that you were never able to break free of whatever hell you were trapped in but I imagine that it had to be a great comfort to have Brandon with you for part of it.”

Jude fell back on his bottom and crossed his ankles and hugged his knees. He stared at her name for several minutes and her face finally came to him. It was during the wedding reception and she was alone in front of a window. Her eyes were shut and for a moment, Jude thought she was enjoying the sun on her face. She opened her eyes and looked directly at him and they looked so haunted. At the time, Jude thought she was just overwhelmed with the circus that had been the wedding and the hundreds of people in the reception hall. Emma gave Jude a weak, forced smile before she turned and went back into the hall.

“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be your friend. But, I think you knew. I think you knew you were taking the man I loved away from me. I think it’s why you always seemed so much more nervous when I was around. Or, maybe I was a dick because it hurt so damn much to be around you.” Jude laughed softly and shook his head.

He watched the clouds for a while and tried to imagine what would have happened if Emma had lived. If Brandon had got through to her and she’d gone to a therapist and took her medications. She would have been lovely if she could have smiled and held her head up. Brandon might have been happy. He never would have fallen in love with her and there would have been no intimacy but Jude knew that Brandon would have found a way to make it work.

“I know you knew he didn’t love you but he cared. He cared so damn much. And you were closer to him than I was, in some ways. You had things in common that I’ll never understand. He went through hell when you died and he was so scared for Noah. I think there were a couple of times that he wanted to go with you. God, I hated you for that,” Jude admitted. He clenched his jaw as his nose began to burn and tears filled his eyes. “But he wouldn’t have needed me and I wouldn’t have figured out what I was supposed to do with my life. So, you gave Brandon back to me. And you gave me Noah.”

He sighed as he waited for his emotions to settle. Jude genuinely hoped that Emma was in a better place and she could see how beautiful Noah was. He hoped that she was able to laugh at him and was proud of how brilliant he was. He didn’t think he had enough hours to tell her everything he’d want her to know.

“I love Noah so much. You did amazing work, Emma. Some people work their whole lives and they never accomplish anything half as important or perfect as Noah. You did one thing so right before you left the world and I’m so grateful.” Jude’s voice cracked and tears streamed down his face. He ignored them and waited until he could speak again. “I’ve never said a bad thing to Noah about you but I think from now on, I’m going to try to find as many good things as I can to tell him about you. I barely knew you but I think I can do a little research. Or, if you don’t mind, I’ll make up a few lovely things.” Jude offered a teasing grin and decided she’d approve. “And you obviously know that I love Brandon. I’ve always loved him. We were four when my parents bought the house next door to his and one of my earliest memories is of Brandon. We were playing cowboys and I kept trying to kiss him. I don’t know how everyone missed that,” Jude said and he laughed softly as he picked up a stone and tossed it toward the woods. “All I ever wanted was to kiss him, it seems.”

Jude rose and reached for her headstone. He patted it and imagined he was hugging her and that she felt better. Maybe it was just because he felt better.

“I married Brandon three days ago and we’re so happy. I think Noah’s the happiest. He couldn’t wait to tell everyone that he has two dads. We set him straight about the uncle thing so it’s only a little weird now. But, they’re happy, Emma. Your boys are happy now and I promise that I’ll always take good care of them. I hope you aren’t suffering anymore and that you’ve found some peace.”

Jude gave the headstone one last tap and then turned and pushed his hands in his pockets as he made his way back to his car. As he drove out of the cemetery and turned back toward town, Jude felt lighter and his new marriage a touch more solid. He’d finally made peace with Emma and she no longer felt like a dark weight hanging over them. For the first time since Brandon introduced her so many years ago, Jude smiled when he thought about Emma and he prayed that she was truly happy.

Epilogue

Jude walked past the den and he heard a soft giggle. A feminine giggle. He quietly pushed the door open and his brows rose when we found Noah stretched out of the floor with a girl sprawled across his chest as he held what appeared to be her phone out of reach. Jude leaned against the door frame and cleared his throat. Noah’s friend gasped and quickly sat up and brushed her long blonde hair out of her face. She was blushing furiously and was quite adorable. Noah squeezed his temples and Jude couldn’t help but notice some slight tenting in the front of Noah’s track pants.

“Hellooo…” Jude drawled and Noah groaned as he sat up.

“Hey, dad,” he mumbled. “This is Poppy Crane,” Noah announced and Jude’s eyes flared.

“
The
Poppy Crane?” Jude asked and both kids looked confused. He waved dismissively. “It’s a long story,” he said and couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “I’d love to have a chat with your moms,” Jude said and Poppy’s eyes grew wide and Noah turned red.

“Dad!” He protested and Jude held his hands up soothingly.

“Not about this,” he reassured them before he narrowed his eyes and pointed back and forth between them. “Yet. This door stays open from now on and I assume you’re meant to be studying,” Jude nodded toward the forgotten book on the rug in front of them. “We might still need to have a talk later, Noah,” Jude warned and Noah nodded. Jude gave him a quick wink before he turned from the room.

Jude listened as Noah and Poppy whispered and smiled when Poppy giggled again. He grinned as he walked down the hall and turned toward Brandon’s office. He smiled and waved at Brandon as he went to grab a bourbon.

“It seems our son has become a bit of a player, like his old man,” Jude said as he poured. He turned and Brandon rested his cheek in his palm and he waited for Jude to explain. “He’s in the den with Poppy Crane,” he explained and Brandon blinked slowly and raised a brow.

“I know. He introduced her when she arrived and I went by about fifteen minutes ago to check on them,” Brandon said and Jude’s jaw dropped as he fell onto the sofa.

“You knew the door was shut?” He accused and Brandon shrugged.

“They weren’t up to anything too serious,” he murmured as he raised his glass and took a sip. Jude shook his head in disbelief.

“We can’t let two sixteen year olds be alone like that in our house!” Jude scolded. “What if her parents find out? What if something happens?” He asked and Brandon rolled his eyes.

“I was monitoring it,” Brandon said. “Besides, we both know that if something is going to happen, it’s not going to happen in our den in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday,” he argued and Jude threw his hands up.

“Whatever. We’re going to have to have The Talk with him,” he mumbled and Brandon shook his head.

“I already did.” Brandon got up to refill his glass and Jude’s brows rose to his hair.

“You? You talked to Noah about sex?” Jude asked in disbelief and Brandon grinned as he reached for the door and shut it before he crossed the room and dropped onto the sofa next to Jude.

“Why not? I have had sex. With a woman, even,” he pointed out and Jude clapped a hand over his mouth to cover his laugh and Brandon nudged him with his elbow before he wrapped his arm around Jude’s shoulders. “He came to me a few weeks ago and we talked.” Brandon relaxed and took a long drink. Jude’s brows pulled together and he frowned.

“He went to you?” Jude asked in disbelief and Brandon’s eyes flicked to the ceiling in confusion.

“Why wouldn’t he come to me?” He asked and Jude sighed as he raised his glass.

“I’m the cool one. I’m the player,” he mumbled and Brandon squeezed Jude’s shoulders and made a soft shushing sound.

“Of course you are. Maybe he was a little intimidated and he wanted to get the basics from me. I’m sure he’ll go to you for the more advanced sex stuff,” Brandon soothed and Jude gave him a hard look before his eyes fell to the textbook on the coffee table.

“What’s that?” He asked as he nodded at the book and Brandon cleared his throat as he flicked at some imaginary dust on his knee.

“I believe that’s Noah’s Calculus book,” Brandon mumbled and Jude narrowed his eyes.

“What is he studying with Poppy?” Jude asked and Brandon grinned as he lifted his glass to his lips.

“Calculus.” He took a long drink and Jude looked at him expectantly. Brandon set his glass on the table then relieved Jude of his glass before he scooted closer.

“I thought it might be nice if they shared a book so I slipped it out of Noah’s backpack earlier,” Brandon murmured as he slid his hand around Jude’s neck and pulled his lips close. “And I might be trying to keep you distracted,” he whispered as his lips slid along Jude’s. Jude hummed softly as Brandon’s tongue slid along his lower lip and goosebumps spilled down his neck.

“Why would you do that?” Jude asked and he felt Brandon’s lips curve.

“Because you might have been a player back in the day but my game is much stronger now.” Brandon’s tongue teased and probed as it swirled around Jude’s as he eased him onto his back. Jude felt Brandon’s hand wrap around his thigh and he moaned into Brandon’s mouth as heat and need pooled in his groin. When Brandon lifted his head his eyes were heavy as they poured into Jude’s. “I love you and you should go upstairs with me so I can show you how much of a player I am by doing awesome things to your naked body with my naked body,” he suggested and Jude bit his lip as he considered.

“What about the kids?” He asked and Brandon shrugged.

“They’ll be fine. I had The Talk with Noah and he has protection if anything should happen. But he told me that Poppy wants to wait and he’s fine with that. It’s not the end of the world if they make out a little,” Brandon argued and Jude shook his head in disbelief as he let Brandon pull him to his feet.

“I can’t believe you’re ok with this,” Jude said as Brandon pulled him through the door and into the hall. Brandon laughed softly as he stepped close and curved his hand around Jude’s jaw.

“I trust him. Mostly because I know he hears your voice in his head and he’d never want to disappoint you,” Brandon explained and Jude’s knees started to wobble as Brandon stepped closer and brushed his lips against Jude’s.

“Ugh, dads!” Noah groaned loudly and Brandon sighed as he raised his head and looked down the hall. Jude coughed softly as he examined his shoes and waited for the heat to leave his cheeks before he looked back at Noah and Poppy. “We’re going to the kitchen to get a snack. Do you think the two of you could chill out until my company leaves or take it someplace more private?” Noah asked before he pushed the kitchen door open and held it for a blushing and giggling Poppy. As soon as the door shut, Brandon turned and raised Jude’s hand to his lips.

“Unless you’d like to get caught again, I suggest we get ourselves upstairs quickly,” Brandon warned and Jude nodded as he stepped closer.

“Last one naked and in bed has to meet with the guidance counselor next week,” Jude announced before he pushed Brandon and dashed up the stairs.

“Oh, God damn it!” Brandon swore as he crashed into the banister then rushed after Jude.