Queen of Jastain (17 page)

His eyes shuttered. He pushed her away and turned his back.

It was over.

The door of his heart was closed, and it wouldn’t open again. His will was settled, and she knew he would never change his mind.

A heavy sigh blew from her lips and her chest ached from his rejection. She had to get away…escape…
now
. A light amassed around her, and her jaw tingled.

“Abigail!”

Shaking from her trance, she stared at his face, which was white with concern. Sympathy filled his eyes.

The light faded around her. Tears welled, but she held them back with surprising resolve. She could stand anything but his sympathy.
That
she couldn't tolerate.

She jumped out of the spring and dove into the icy water, swam through the tunnel and climbed out the other side. Shivers wracked her body as she dressed. She mounted Imperial and took off for the manor as fast as she could without falling.

* * * *

Avant gasped for breath as he watched Abigail go, unable to stop her for fear his resolve would fail.

For the Light’s sake, what had he been thinking? He hadn’t been thinking. Not with his mind. His recklessness had hurt her and put the entire quest at risk. “Damnable Darkness!”

The pain in her eyes ripped at his heart like the teeth of mountain lion. She'd almost accessed her Gift to leave. He slammed his fist into the rock. Two knuckles crunched and blood ran down the wall. He welcomed the pain, earning every moment of it.

Where had he gone wrong? Not having realized her intent until the soft flesh of her lips brushed his, it had been too late. Her kiss had rendered his will powerless. He flexed his bleeding hand and wiped the sweat from his brow. Overconfident in his self-control, he never could have imagined such a test.

He glanced around the large inlet. Having found this cave during a dark and lonely time of his life, he had wanted to share it with her. He would never be able to return without thinking of her. A sickening feeling churned his gut.

What a knave! How could he have allowed this? He bent in front of the meal he'd so painstakingly set and laughed mirthlessly. His carelessness had placed Abigail in harm’s way. To seduce her had not been his intention. Far from it. He had merely hoped to communicate with her in companionship.

Picking up a piece of crusted bread, he twirled it between his fingers and let it fall back on the untouched food. She'd never gotten around to asking him how he'd gotten the supplies into the cave.

He'd thought Abigail could be a companion, a friend, but their fierce mutual attraction precluded that from happening. He was a fool for thinking otherwise.

His conduct was intolerable and unforgivable. The memory of her openness and abandon assailed him. After the harvest festival, he'd known she cared for him, but now, he'd seen the love she held for him and silently cursed himself.

“Argh!” He hurled a plate of food at the wall. It splattered with a loud
clang
.

He wanted her. More than he'd ever desired any woman, including his wife. Had it not been for the thought of the restored kingdom, he would have taken her without a second thought. He shivered at how easy it would have been.
Still would be.
Even now his mind betrayed his will with a vision of her in his arms, and his body still throbbed with the need to feel her soft flesh beneath him.

A sense of duty, the Light itself, whatever had brought the Crown of Light to his mind, he would never know, but had it not come, he would have given in to his lust. He had
already
given in. Desire wielded his flesh like a sword, and he had fully intended to take her.

Disgusted with himself, he stomped out the fire and slammed the supplies into his bag.

His purpose was clear. His wife waited for him. This could not, and would not, happen again. Regardless of his desire, he would not put Abigail’s heart at risk.
Ever.
His focus would be her training, and he would make certain to guard himself from even the appearance of impropriety.
That is how it must be.

* * * *

Still shaking, Abby dropped from the saddle and led the horse to the stables. She fought back tears, not wanting Petra to see her cry as she approached. “Will you please help me with this animal? She needs tending. I have some idea what to do but have never actually done it.” Her voice cracked, and she swallowed the lump in her throat.

Hurt filled Petra's eyes, but he took the horse and motioned for her to follow. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Was he hurt because of her trip to the falls with Avant?

Glancing back as he led the mare into the stall, he scrutinized her wet clothes. “Abby, is everything all right?”

“Why do you ask?” She shifted her weight from foot to foot.

He unsaddled Imperial without looking at his hands. “Because you left with Avant and now you’re alone and soaking wet.”

She shrugged and tried to smile with half-hearted effort. “Right. We had a…misunderstanding. I left him on the trail from the falls, but no need to worry, I am sure he’ll be here shortly.”

Petra nodded and dropped the subject. Relief flooded her chest. He couldn’t know how much she appreciated his understanding.

He showed her how to remove the saddle and how the animal should be tended. His practicality put her at ease and the sharp pain in her chest abated.

Abby’s stomach growled. “Are you hungry? I’m starving.”

“I'm a little hungry. I haven’t eaten much today due to the festivities of last night.” He grimaced.

She smiled at his mention of the evening. “Come on. Let’s go get something to eat.”

They walked up to the house and into the kitchen. The sun sank below the horizon. Helean finished preparing dinner while they watched. The sturdy little woman stared at Abby with a tilted head. Abby shrugged her shoulders. She and Petra washed and ate a small meal. They talked about the previous evening and exchanged gossip. Neither mentioned their kiss or Avant.

“So what do y’all do around here for fun on non-festival days?”

Petra pushed his seat back from the table and dropped his napkin in his plate. “Not too much, there’s always something that needs to be done and no time for fun.”

“This is a tragedy we’ll definitely have to remedy.” She stood and took his hand.

They made their way to the parlor. Abby tried to think of something they could do. All the games she knew were either drinking games or had to be played with some form of technology. She did know a few of jokes, especially blonde jokes. So putting on her best comedy routine and drinking a full glass of 'the good stuff' in the parlor, she entertained Petra.

He grabbed his sides, and his rich laughter washed over the room. The tension in her eased. He told her a few jokes, and the smile on her face became more than a façade. Petra emanated genuine warmth, and she gravitated to him. Just like last night, Petra made her feel safe and cared for. He was unassuming and lighthearted. His gentle comfort filled empty places within her.

He sat on the sofa, and she on the floor between his legs, while he massaged her shoulders. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned. Hands strong with labor carefully kneaded crunchy muscles with perfect pressure. God, she was tense. Avant had apparently rubbed off on her. She snorted. No he hadn’t, and that was the whole problem.

She took a deep breath and focused on the man with her. “How did you come here, Petra?”

His hand squeezed the back of her neck. “Avant found me in the forest after my parents were killed.”

Goose bumps rose on her arm. “I had no idea. What happened?” She could never have guessed the tragedy of his past by his demeanor. The epitome of grace under pressure, he gave no indication that his life had ever been anything but sunshine and wildflowers.

“My parents had been in hiding for several years, but the king’s lands had become so vicious we sought asylum in the Freelands. I led the horse carrying our family possessions behind my parents. Several men came from behind the rocks and ambushed us. My father was killed immediately.” He paused and a tremble ran through his hands. “My mother was…killed too. I tried to help her, but I was knocked unconscious. When I came to, they were gone and so was the horse. I buried my parents the best I could. I was twelve years old. I'd wandered in the forest for several days when Avant found me starving and half-crazed. A wooden box was all that remained of our possessions. It had fallen off the horse and I clung to it with all my strength.” He stopped rubbing and his hands began to shake, sending tremors through her body.

Abby got to her knees and turned around to hug him. To think that someone could do that was unbearable. “Oh honey, I am so sorry. Nobody should have to endure such horror.” His eyes held a distant rage that frightened her by its absolute contrast to his normal disposition. She put her arms around him and stroked his hair.

The shaking subsided. He exhaled. “I’ve never told anyone that story. Not even Avant.”

Abby pulled away to look him in the face and touched his cheek. She didn’t know what to say but his face relaxed and the sweet sparkle in his eyes returned.

He asked, “So, what happened with Avant?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. I feel like I’ve lost part of my heart, and I don’t know how to get it back. He certainly doesn’t want it.”

Petra gazed at her and nodded. “Avant has a way of drawing you to him with his charisma, and it can feel overwhelming. But he has a hard time reciprocating with his emotions. His presence requires so much from those who love him, and he is mostly unaware of the effect he has over people. He’s an intense man, but a great one.”

“I know what you mean.” She stared up at the picture of the falls over the mantle then dropped her gaze. “I think you are in need of an Abby Randall special back massage. Sit here, fine sir.”

He laughed as they traded seats. Abby rubbed his back and neck as she explained the finer points of her world, like shopping, studying, and Mexican Minesweeper.

“Oh, please don't talk to me about drinking. If I never take another swallow, it will be too soon.”

They laughed at their previous evenings escapades. But in mid-chuckle, Petra froze then jumped to his feet.

“W-What—” Abby's gaze fell on the dark shadow in the doorframe.

Petra stepped toward the door. She grabbed his arm. “Petra, you don’t have to leave.”

The look that stormed in Avant’s eyes told a different story. How long he'd been standing there was unclear, but she suspected it had been a while.

Petra turned to her. “I’ll meet you for lunch tomorrow.”

Abby nodded and let him go. She glared up at Avant. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Abigail, I need to speak with you.” His face was a mask of formality.

“Why? The situation is pretty clear.” The emotion of her words made her voice rise. She gazed up at him, hoping for a miracle, but his eyes were remote, closed off.

She knew he cared for her and battled a fierce attraction. She'd wanted to give him time to come to terms with how he felt. That is, until he opened his heart to show her that damned cave. The cave he'd never shown anyone. Mistaking his gesture, she'd assumed he'd recognized and accepted the feelings he had for her. She'd assumed wrong. Or maybe she hadn't.

She glared at him. “You can pretend that you don't feel something for me.”

He didn't speak but stared at the rug.

“You can say that you made a mistake—because that's what you were going to say, wasn't it?”

“Abigail, it was a mistake.”

“I thought so.” She smirked. “And you can deny that I stir something in you that you've never felt, but save that bullshit for yourself. Because I know the truth.”

He lifted his chin. His eyes flickered with all the emotion she'd felt in his kiss, but the door slammed shut again. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“Don’t,”
she spoke to his mind.
“Just don’t.”
She squared her shoulders and stomped to her room. All of the pain rushing down on her again, she threw herself on the bed and cried herself to sleep.

Abby rode Imperial to the falls. The autumn trees poked spindly fingers into the crisp blue sky. The mare’s hooves crunched through the dry leaves scattered across the trail where the wind had gathered them in piles. She pulled her new wool cape tightly around her shoulders to ward off a chill. This was most likely one of her last trips to the falls until after spring. Petra had said that once winter set in, it would be too cold to travel there.

In the three months that followed her arrival on the fief, Abby had settled into a routine. Each day Helean woke her before sunrise. She rose and ate, and then helped around the house until midday when she met with Avant for several hours. In the open field behind the stables, he trained her to use her Gift, driving her like a demonic taskmaster hell-bent to conquer the world.

He taught her mind exercises that strengthened and increased her control. She worked hard every day. He didn't tolerate slackers. Her Implanting improved quickly. In a short time, she’d gained skill and could exercise basic control over it. She moved small objects with her mind, spoke thoughts into the minds of animals, and she and Avant could still communicate, though they rarely did.

He also required her to do physical labor on the fief, in the mill, and with the animals.

“Abigail, the state of your body is merely a reflection of your inward self.” He straightened his spine and lifted his chin, which he always did in
instructor mode
.

Abby rolled her eyes. “Fine, Tony Robbins. Just show me what you want me to do.”

In the weeks since her training commenced, Avant had pushed her well past what she considered her physical limitations and brought her to tears many times. Forcing her to run exercises regardless of the weather or how she felt, he barked out commands and expected perfect compliance.
Was he putting her through his military drills or was he just pissed because he hadn’t gotten laid in two decades?
She made sure he heard that thought.