Questing Sucks (Book 1) (27 page)

Sehn crossed his arms and shook his head in defiance. “Rainbows suck! I’m never casting this stupid spell again…after I try it two more times just be sure.”

“Kallas MAHR!”

“Kallas MAHR!”

Another two rainbows popped into existence. Now princess Saerina looked somewhat frightening, completely covered in an eerie red light. “Why won’t it work!” Sehn yelled. “Nero, where are you? Nero! Get over here, right now!”

Nero came running, his ears wobbling. In his hands was the care-cup he was supposed to fetch for Cah’lia. She sighed at her brother’s stupidity.

“Nero,” Sehn growled. “You cheated, there’s no way you made it rain and not me.”

“I didn’t, Sehn, honest. Look, I’ll show you.
Kallas MAHR!”

A rain cloud appeared just above the boy’s head, and Sehn danced and screamed in agony. “This is ridiculous! Nero, you must be accidentally channeling my greatness, that’s the only explanation. That’s why it’s not available for me to use.”

Nero scratched his head. “Well, I guess that’s possible, but I didn’t mean to do it…Sehn, how come you’re looking at me like that? Wait, no, it was an accident! I didn’t mean to steal your greatness.”

Cah’lia watched as the two biggest—yet most adorable—idiots she’d ever known, ran throughout the valley, the big idiot chasing the little idiot.

Well,
Cah’lia thought.
At least he’s not making any more rainbows.

The sky cleared up in just a few minutes, the valley once again returning to its fullest beauty. Cah’lia had always loved rainbows growing up, the rare majestic sights that appeared every so often above the forest of Elvar. Thanks to Sehn, that was ruined forever.

She kicked her horse, and the animal sped up.
I just hope it’s an easy journey from here on out,
she thought.

Chapter 28: Prince Patrick, for Love of the Land

 

Sehn was displeased. It was already their second day since entering the valley, and still he hadn’t perfected the rain spell. Worse, Cah’lia kept bugging him if he tried to use it more than once every few minutes. Sehn wasn’t afraid of Cah’lia, not at all. It was just that he didn’t want to hear her annoying voice.

The horses seemed much happier to be back on smooth terrain, something which had Sehn in a foul mood. He hadn’t given them permission to feel happiness, yet the beasts were moving with a cheerful spring in their step. In fact, everyone seemed to be happy traveling through the beautiful Valley of Hahl.

“Cah’lia!” Sehn growled. She was riding to the right of him, with Nero off to the left. “I just saw you smile again.”

“Sehn, this is ridiculous,” she said with a drawn-out moan. “How long are you going to keep this up?”

“Hmph!” he shouted crossing his arms. “Until you pay what you owe.”

Cah’lia sighed, and wiped a trickle of sweat forming on her brow. “This is ridiculous, Sehn. I’m not paying you every time I smile. What kind of nonsense is a ‘smile-tax’ anyway?”

Sehn opened his mouth to shout at the foolish girl, but was distracted by the sight of Nero, his ears wobbling and eyes filling with wonder, looking at the heavenly waterfall in the distance. A delighted smile crossed his lips, taking in the sights of the Valley’s natural wonders.

“Nero!” Sehn called, snapping his head toward the boy. “I saw that one.”

“Aww man,” Nero said, failing miserably at hiding his disappointment. “Do I have to pay? I’m your disciple, Sehn.”

Sehn looked at him, growing impatient. “We’ve been through this a hundred times today, Nero. I’m already giving you a fifty-percent smile discount, on top of another fifteen percent disciple voucher. Your total comes to ten Elvens per smile.”

Nero reached into his child-pouch, a small grey stuffed animal shaped like a bear. Sehn held out his hand as Nero dropped the coins into it. “Sister,” he whined.

“I don’t even want to hear it,” Cah’lia said. “I’m not giving you any more money, because you always end up giving it right back to Sehn.”

Nero looked around with pleading eyes, before settling them on Rina. The girl was still riding double with Cah’lia. “Rina,” he moaned.

“Rina does not want to hear it either!” the girl buzzed. “Last time Rina gave Nero money, he used it all on stupid things. Rina will not give any of Cah’lia’s allowance away.”

Sehn shook his head at the two. Since they’d departed Koringrath, Cah’lia had given a weekly allowance to each one of them. This by itself would be fine, but they had neglected to pay Sehn his money transferring tax. This—coupled with the growing smile-tax—landed Cah’lia approximately…

“Eighty thousand Elvens in debt,” Sehn thought out loud. “That’s how much you owe, Cah’lia.”

They passed another hot-spring, surrounded by boulders and small palm trees. Steam was rising from the center, and for what seemed like the millionth time that day, once again smiles were forming all around Sehn, from the princess up front with Patrick, down to Daniel leading their wagon trailing behind. Sehn’s brain had to speed up to finish calculating all the money owed.

“You might as well forget it,” Cah’lia said. “Even if I was dumb enough to pay it, I don’t have that kind of money.”

Sehn nodded. “That’s actually quite understandable, Cah’lia, and luckily for you I’m a reasonable God. Instead of the payment, I shall accept one of your organs, kidney, liver, or lungs—your choice—to be sacrificed at an altar in the shape of my face.”

Cah’lia burst out laughing. “All right,” she snorted. “Just show me where to find a pineapple that big.”

Sehn cried out a muffled, hissing shriek. “Quit calling me a fucking pineapple!” he shouted. “If this continues, I will strangle you with a rainbow!”

“I don’t think it works that way, Sehn,” Nero said. His voice was innocent, he had no idea he was assisting Cah’lia. Still, it didn’t make it feel like any less of a betrayal to Sehn.

“Rina is thirsty. Mistress Cah’lia, can Rina have some water please?” Cah’lia smiled at the girl, a motherly display of affection for the former slave. “I don’t think we have any more, I’ll have to go get some from the wagon.”

“No need,” Nero said. His voice was commanding and filled with confidence. He held himself with a straighter posture while he spoke. “Rina, hold out your water-skin. The Great Nero is here, nobody ever has to go thirsty again!”

“Hmm?” Rina said. She leaned into her little pouch and pulled out her water-skin, holding it open. “Rina is confused, but she is doing what Nero said.” Sehn felt a tug of worry and fear in his heart.

No,
Sehn thought.
Tell me he wouldn’t!

“Kallas MAHR!”
Nero shouted. Cah’lia, princess Saerina, even Prince Saerith, all clapped as a small cloud the size of a rabbit appeared just above Rina’s water-skin. The cloud kept pace, traveling along with them at the same slow speed of the horses. Water tricked out of the cloud, filling Rina’s water-skin to capacity. There were cheers from all around and Sehn’s face drained of color.

“Nero!” he roared. “Are you trying to take my place?”

“No way, Sehn. I’d never try and replace you.”

“Then why, Nero, why have you used the rain spell? You promised me you wouldn’t do it anymore until I could do it better than you.”

“Well, Rina was thirsty, so…”

“She can go to the wagon! Never let me see you use that spell again.” Nero nodded, and Sehn let the matter rest.

“Halt!” called Patrick from the front of the formation. The horses all came to a stop behind Patrick’s, forming a line behind him. Everyone turned to look at Sehn. Daniel eyed him with caution, and backed away from Patrick.

“I have no idea why we’re halting,” Cah’lia began. “But please, don’t do anything stupid. Every time Patrick calls a halt, you end up doing something stupid and getting yourself or other people hurt. Daniel can’t handle being set on fire again.”

“Hah! The Great Sehn is incapable of stupidity. Out of my way, Fool’lia.”

Sehn made his way to Patrick, riding next to Saerith and the princess. Rillith was lying prone on the ground, sniffing the sand of all things. To Sehn, he looked ridiculous. “I’m sure of it,” Rillith said. “It’s definitely a shift in the sands. A great number of men are heading our way.”

Patrick seemed to pause, considering his report. “Do you believe them to be Kingdom soldiers? This is after all, our land.”

“No, my Lord,” Rillith answered. “I sense a fair bit of menace. Nay, these men are here to kill.”

Daniel left the wagon and rode up next to Patrick. “That shouldn’t be possible,” he said. “The latest reports say that the army should only just be breaching Steadrow-Pillar.”

For the first time that Sehn could recall, princess Saerina seemed to tremble. “Forward scouts,” she said. “Would you say that it is roughly fifty men, Squire Rillith?”

“Aye, but, how did you know?”

“I have my ways.” She spun around, and her eyes filled with a bold look of determination. She stared at Sehn, sending shivers down his spine. She always had a powerful gaze, but now it was greatly intensified, her features becoming tight and stern. In an instant she seemed to grow even more determined, and her eyes became alight with alarm.

“We must hide Sehn!” she shouted. “They must have snuck a small patrol through the Kingdom’s guard, a scouting unit. There is no way that they have come here for Sehn, no, they’re just scouting your terrain. We must not let his presence be discovered, hide him at all costs! It is far too soon for Sehn to meet with that man. He mustn’t be informed yet of Sehn’s existence, such a thing would be a catastrophe!”

Daniel spat on the ground. “Hide him? What about the rest of us, we can’t take on fifty men.”

“We can,” Saerina insisted. “The man uses a dark, and terrible magic, a magic most fowl. Even if we should slaughter all of them leaving none to escape, their final moments will be known by our enemy. It is for this reason we must kill them before they lay eyes on Sehn. Then, we must keep him hidden still, until their bodies are burned, and their eyes destroyed. Even death doesn’t stop the man from seeing through them.”

Sehn didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, not in the slightest, but it didn’t bother him. He was enjoying everyone using his name and speaking about him like he was so important.
Finally,
he thought.
Things are getting back on track.

Patrick looked worried, but Rillith maintained his stern look. “I have to agree with Daniel,” Rillith said. “How are we to take on fifty men?”

“If it is only fifty, it will not be an issue,” the princess insisted. “You let me worry about that.” For a few moments they continued to ramble about the approaching army, and Sehn could stand no more of it.

He frowned. “How come everyone’s stopped talking about the Great Sehn? I demand I be made the topic of discussion again at once!”

“Cah’lia!” Saerina called.

“I know, I know,” she answered. “I’ll make sure Sehn stays hidden.”

“I’ll do no such thing!” Sehn declared. “The Great Sehn hides from no one. If fifty men are approaching to steal our treasure, then I shall personally dish out Godly justice.”

“We don’t have time to argue,” Cah’lia said. “Sehn, listen to me very, very, carefully. If you’re spotted by any of these men, then…” she paused for a moment.

“Then what?” Sehn asked. Cah’lia’s face took on the look of sadness she’d been frequently displaying as of late.

“Then the treasure will be lost. If they know we’re coming after it, they’ll move it somewhere else.”

Sehn had the feeling she was lying to him, but he didn’t press the point. After all, they could move it all they liked, why would Sehn care? He’d just track them down and take it from them. There was a loud rumbling in the distance, and men on horseback could be seen riding on the horizon. Even from such a distance, their black armor darkened the area around them.

Patrick’s face exploded in anger, a dark and grimacing look Sehn was not used to seeing on him. “Those men,” he snarled. “Those are the ones that have been murdering our children, pillaging our villages, even destroying one of our cities!”

“My good Prince Vasilis,” Saerith said. “Please calm your rage, and remember the words you told me. Everything we do is for our people.”

“I know that, I know it very well. Yet, I have heard the reports of what these men have been doing. Their army is vast and unstoppable. It crashes through and burns everything in its path. Gods, they even kill the infants.”

For the first time Sehn felt the desire to know more. “Patrick,” he said. “What army are you talking about? Who is killing infants?”