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A conversation between Elliot and Madeline

A conversation between Elliot and David

A conversation between Madeline and Emily

 

 

 

Subject: Idiot

From: David Meyer

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 9:45 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

You went home with Ellie, didn't you? Please tell me you didn't go home with Ellie.

I know she's way too hot for you and everything, but Jesus, you are a weak, weak man.

 

Subject: Re: Idiot

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 10:06 AM

To: David Meyer

I did not go home with her.

I mean I
did
walk her back to her apartment, tell her I'm still madly in love with her, and offer to stay over (just spoon) and do her laundry in the morning . . . but she said no to everything, so I didn't technically go home with her.

Except the laundry part. She did let me come in and do that.

 

Subject: Re: Idiot

From: David Meyer

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 10:07 AM

To: Elliot Rowe

The sad thing is I can't actually tell if you're joking or not.

 

Subject: Re: Idiot

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 11:12 AM

To: David Meyer

Dude, relax. I told you, we are just friends (“friends”). We hung out. Made some jokes. I pretended not to eavesdrop when she was talking to that asshole French DJ—who, for the record, I hated before I found out that he's been trying to bang my ex. I saw the card he was giving out to people: “DJ/Model/Freelance Writer.” Very curious as to who's ever paid him to write anything.

 

Subject: Re: Idiot

From: David Meyer

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 12:15 PM

To: Elliot Rowe

I still don't get why you feel the need to have friendly relations with a girl who has basically just existed to make your life miserable for the past year, but you do you, buddy.

BTW—who was that brunette you were talking to when I was leaving? She was cute. That kind of looked like a thing?

And not that I would ever suggest this, because I am not this calculating, but if you REALLY wanted Ellie to like you again, it wouldn't hurt for you to, you know, start dating again.

Hey what should I eat for lunch? I am so sick of everything around my office.

 

Subject: Re: Idiot

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 12:30 PM

To: David Meyer

Her name was Madeline. That's kind of a wifey name, right? I feel like I could marry a Madeline.

Guess it's a little weird to associate your future wife with the protagonist of a kids book, but yeah, she was cute. Didn't get her number last night but got her email today.

It's kind of cold out. Ramen? I don't know, stop asking me this every day.

 

 

 

Subject: Is This Awkward?

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:12 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Hey Madeline,

It's Elliot, the cute scruffy dude who was wearing flannel last night. Wait, that doesn't narrow it down, lemme try again: I was the cute scruffy dude wearing flannel who also worked at the restaurant.

Shit. Still doesn't narrow it down, huh? We talked okay?! For, like, three whole minutes! You told me you loved the brick chicken but that the brussels sprouts were a little overcooked. I said, “Yeah, well why don't you try making perfectly roasted brussels sprouts for 100 drunk people in a restaurant that isn't even technically open yet.” (Kidding. I just thought that.) But you left before I got a chance to ask for your number, which is why I had to get it from our PR girl, which is how this email ended up in your inbox.

Anyway. My evenings are a little tied up with said restaurant, but maybe you'd like to get coffee sometime? Like Thursday?

(Here's where you think, “I can't agree to Thursday, that's too soon. Maybe I'll suggest next Tuesday?”)

Tuesday works for me too.

—Elliot

 

 

 

--------Forwarded Message-------

Subject: Is This Awkward?

From: Elliot Rowe

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:12 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Hey Madeline,

It's Elliot, the cute scruffy dude who was wearing flannel last . . .

 

Subject: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:14 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Presented without comment.

Okay, presented with
some
comment . . .

This is the guy I was telling you about. Maybe he doesn't have a girlfriend?

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:16 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

He gives good email.

It's flattering, don't get me wrong, but also maybe a work thing? It almost sounds like a work thing if he's going through the PR person. Plus all the (albeit charming) notes about food.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:20 PM

To: Emily Roberts

And the coffee. Also: he's a little “tied up” or “tying someone else up,” specifically the lightbulb-changing-height blonde he had his arm around half the night. She has a name. Don't ask me what it was since I had difficulty paying attention to this she-beast once I started talking to him . . .

He was cute. First time I've felt that way in a while.

Anyway, charming. Even if it is not a date and he maybe has a girlfriend.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:23 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

Oh, are you the one?

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:23 PM

To: Emily Roberts

The one what?

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:24 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

The one who doesn't have access to Facebook?

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:31 PM

To: Emily Roberts

haha. Yes, and I also look for my shoes under the bed. We have like 27 friends in common but i can't see anything but his profile pictures and they're all of him in glasses/dark alleys behind bars/Coachella (which is captioned “Brochella” btw. Oy).

Or pictures from when he was a kid. I hate kid pics! It's like, yes, yes, you were innocent once. Congratulations. Me too.

Maybe you can see more? Plug in “Elliot Rowe” and see.

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Emily Roberts

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:33 PM

To: Madeline Whittaker

I can't see anything either. But I am rereading this and i think it's a date. Have you written back yet?

x

 

Subject: Re: [Fwd: Is This Awkward?]

From: Madeline Whittaker

Date: Mon, Mar 3 at 1:35 PM

To: Emily Roberts

Nahh, will write tomorrow. Later! xo