Red Dirt Diary 3 (4 page)

By the time Wes and Fez were rescued, Mum had eighteen guests for dinner. Dad and Mr O'Donnell cooked a barbecue. Mum and the CWA served up mountains of apple crumble, ice cream and custard. Gabby ran around with blankets in case anybody got hypothermia from eating too much ice cream.

Before everyone went home, I stood up on the veranda and said that I had an important announcement to make. I frowned and began, ‘It's thanks to the Colonel that you all had to come out here tonight. He's the one who taught Wes and Fez to use ropes for climbing.'

I was about to point out that the Colonel was not a suitable teacher for our school, but I was
rudely interrupted. Mr Sweeney raised his glass of lemonade and yelled, ‘To the Colonel!'

Everyone else cheered and toasted the Colonel. They laughed and said what a fabulous, fun night it had been,
thanks to the Colonel!!!

Talk about backfiring!

My plan is not working.

Tuesday, 8 May

Received three separate articles for the paper about last night's events. ‘Rescued treasure' by Mrs Flanagan tells the heartwarming story of how Bert Hartley discovered her long-lost recipe for apple turnovers in the pocket of his Bush Fire Brigade overalls. ‘Close shave' by Ted Riley describes how he nearly hit an emu with the fire truck on the way out to Hillrose Poo. ‘Shocking experience' by Gabby tells how Worms needed to be treated for shock when he realised that all the apple crumble had run out before he could go back for seconds last night.

No-one even mentions Wes and Fez. They forgot all about them. Wish I could do the same …

After lunch, the juniors showed us the latest parade they have been practising. They marched
around the yard as they echoed the Colonel's chant:

Everyone clapped and cheered. Except me, of course. I tried to look
totally
unimpressed while being careful not to appear as if I had stomach ache. It was quite difficult but I think I pulled it off.

Wes and Fez fixed up their pit trap this afternoon. As they worked they sang their own special little ditty. Fez sang and Wes repeated the words:

They staggered around laughing so much that Fez fell down the pit and grazed his chin.

Twits!

Wednesday, 9 May

Woken by Macka squealing and chasing the foxes at 5 am. Just got back to sleep and we were woken by Gertrude squealing because she had fallen down the pit trap. Dad had to winch her out using the tractor.

The classifieds section of our paper is looking quite impressive. I have three items:

Tom gave me his first survey. The idea is for everyone to complete and return it so that Tom can publish the findings in the next edition of the newspaper.

What is your favourite fruit?

Good grief! At least no-one other than Tom will be dumb enough to choose chocolate.

Matilda Jane the Mature has been spending a lot of time at her computer sighing, rolling her eyes, clutching her chest and fluttering her eyelashes. I just hope she is actually
writing
something for her romance serial. The paper comes out in two days!

Thursday, 10 May

Mr Cluff gave me an article for
The Bake Tribune
today.

‘Soldiers, prepare for bivouac!' announces that the Colonel and Mr Cluff will be taking the whole school on a good old-fashioned rough and tumble camping trip in the second week of next term. Gumbledong Ridge near the Warrumbungles is the perfect site with a creek, thick bushland, wild goats, rocks and cliffs. The rest of the term will be spent teaching students adventure and survival skills. Students should be prepared for action!

Everyone will be so excited when they read this.

I'm
excited and I don't even want the Colonel to stay! A camp is a brilliant idea.

Bummer!

I think I'll try to bury the article deep in the
paper where no-one will see it — maybe in small print at the end of old Mr Grange's three-page essay on the joys of stamp collecting. No need to make the Colonel seem more exciting than he really is.