Red Hot Touch (3 page)

Homeopathic Lubes

If you find that lubes tend to irritate your genitals or you’re just extra conscientious about what’s allowed on the premises, consider trying a 100 percent natural alternative. Sympathical, Sylk, and O’My are three brands we’d recommend. They’re water-based and often contain extracts of fruits or herbs—and since they contain no artificial dyes, flavors, or preservatives, they’re less likely to cause itchiness, irritation, or infections. They’re also safe to use with condoms.

HOW TO KEEP SEX SAFE

We can’t emphasize this enough: Protecting yourself against sexually transmitted diseases is paramount, especially if you and your partner aren’t in a committed relationship or haven’t been tested for STDs. While most people know they should use condoms during vaginal or anal intercourse and dental dams during oral sex, they’re often unaware of what precautions they should take (if any) when it comes to using their hands. So here’s the scoop. Generally, hand-to-genital contact is one of the safest ways to engage in sexual activities with someone. Provided there are no cuts or open sores on your hands, you’re pretty well protected against HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and many other STDs. That said, hand-to-genital contact does carry risks of transmitting herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), which can lead to genital warts and other health problems. And if your hands have open cuts or sores, you are vulnerable to HIV as well. If you’re concerned about any of the above, you can protect yourself and your partner by using latex, vinyl, or nitrile gloves. Just be sure that massage oil or any oil-based substance does not come in contact with latex, since oil will break down this material. To check for holes in gloves, inflate the glove by blowing into it then hold it closed and see if any air leaks out. If so, use a different pair.

MMMMMASSAGE
OIL: HOW IT CAN MAKE SEX MORE SENSUAL

Pouring massage oil onto your partner’s body is similar to putting hot fudge on a sundae—it transforms an already good thing into a truly decadent indulgence. Massage is a great way to relax and warm up for phenomenal sex, and given that your hands should ideally glide over the skin rather than create so much friction they leave scorch marks in their path, it’s best to keep a bottle of oil handy.

You can buy massage oil at spas, but be warned: You may cough
up extra cash for the fancy packaging. So here’s a little secret: You can buy the very same oils at a much cheaper price at your local health food store. Here are a few of the most popular types.

Coconut oil:
Since coconut oil closely mimics the natural oils in your skin, it gets absorbed easily so you won’t feel greasy, but it won’t be absorbed so easily that you’ll need to be constantly applying more. Plus it’s antifungal, antibacterial, and has a long shelf life (many oils go rancid quickly). And let’s not forget about the smell, which is bound to bring back fond memories of your last beach vacation and put you both in a pretty sexy state of mind. Coconut oil may also be used as a lube; it’s our favorite. We recommend unrefined extra-virgin coconut oil for the best aroma and flavor.

Almond oil:
Don’t worry, it won’t make you smell like a nut; refined almond oil is almost odorless. It also easily absorbs aromatherapy scents.

Sesame oil:
This oil is often used in Ayurveda, the traditional medicine of India, and is reputed to improve circulation, constipation, bloating, and other health woes. It’s thicker and can leave skin feeling greasy, but it can be blended with lighter massage oils to counter this tendency.

Grape seed oil:
For those of you who would prefer a lighter oil, try this one, which is less greasy and is easily absorbed into the skin.

Avocado oil:
This dark green oil is a little pricy, but it’s worth it if you have dry skin and want to remedy it fast.

The oils we have just mentioned can be used on their own for a massage, but these so-called carrier oils can also be jazzed up if you mix
in an essential oil. Extracted from certain plants, fruits, or flowers, essential oils are usually highly aromatic, which means a few drops will fill the room with a heady fragrance.

The benefits of using essential oils don’t end there: A mere whiff of certain scents can have a dramatic impact on people’s moods. So if you’d like to steer the evening in a certain direction, here’s what to use:

To relax your partner:
Cypress, lavender, orange, patchouli

If your partner is
too
relaxed and needs a wakeup call:
Cedarwood, jasmine, peppermint (be careful with this one; use only a few drops)

To get your partner in a more amorous mood:
Rose, sandalwood, vanilla, ylang ylang

Warning:
Since essential oils are extremely concentrated, they should never be rubbed directly on the skin since they may burn like battery acid. Instead add a few drops to every ounce of carrier oil (or just read the directions on the bottle). And since essential oils evaporate quickly, make sure to cap the bottle afterward unless you want your first use to be your last. Some final pointers:

• If you’re worried about the mess potential of massage oil and aren’t in the mood for a big post-massage cleanup, there is an alternative: massage cream. It might not ooze sexiness like oil, but it won’t spill and is easier to keep where you want it (on the skin versus on the sheets).
  

• Steer clear of household substitutes. Maybe you’re wondering whether you can just grab the tanning oil/olive oil/moisturizer sitting around your home. But trust us: You’ll regret it. For one, olive oil and tanning oil aren’t easily absorbed into the skin and will leave you feeling like you’ve been dipped in butter. Body moisturizers get absorbed
  too
  quickly; you’ll mow through your entire jar of Nivea before the fun has even begun. Finally, in case you might want to kiss or lick any area you have touched, the chemicals and preservatives in tanning oil and moisturizer don’t taste very good. All in all, unless you’re truly desperate, save these items for cooking, tanning, and moisturizing.
  

• People with sensitive skin or allergies (especially to nuts) will want to carefully check the ingredients in massage oils and possibly avoid brands that contain dyes, perfumes, or preservatives. If you’re not sure how you’ll react to an oil, massage a tiny bit onto your wrist and leave it there for twenty-four hours to see if the area gets itchy or breaks out. If it does, that oil is probably not something you want to slather all over your body.
  

• We’re not chemistry whizzes, but this much we know to be true: Massage oil and rubbers don’t mix. That’s because male condoms (and dental dams and diaphragms, for that matter) are usually made of latex, and latex breaks down in the presence of oil. So be careful to make sure that latex items stay well away from massage oils. Another option would be to use female condoms, which are made of vinyl and are safe for use with oil.
  

• Ideally, massage oil should not be used internally on a woman or on a man’s genitals if intercourse might happen later, since the oil can linger in a woman’s vaginal canal and possibly cause infections (the one exception to this is coconut oil, which is reported to keep the vaginal environment healthier due to its antifungal properties). Generally, your best bet for below-the-belt areas is a store-bought lubricant.
  

LET’S GET COMFORTABLE: WHAT YOUR LOVE NEST NEEDS
TO STAGE SOME
VERY
HOT SEX

Comfort is key to making a sensual experience sizzle, and not surprisingly, heading to bed is certainly a step in the right direction. That said, a bed’s surface may be too cushiony, and you might want a little
less
give if you’re planning to start off with a massage. If so, throw down some blankets on the floor. A large futon on the floor is another option; or if you become die-hard massage aficionados, consider buying a folding massage table. Granted, a good massage table will run you at least a couple hundred bucks, but there are marked benefits. Not only is there that nifty donut hole for your head (massage therapists call it a “face cradle”), the height is usually adjustable so shorties and tallies alike can flex their manual moves at the ideal elevation. And if you get to the point where you want to jump each other, go ahead and climb on top. Collapsible or not, quality massage tables are usually built to hold up to six hundred pounds and should be able to handle some pretty rough use.

No matter where you decide to roll around, you’ll want to make sure to put down some bed sheets, especially if you’re using massage oil, since the stains are difficult to remove. If you’re worried oil will seep through the sheets, place towels or a waterproof picnic blanket underneath. A second set of sheets can also come in handy for what massage therapists call “draping”: If your subject is shy about baring all, throw a sheet over the body parts that need covering (you can also cover areas of the body you aren’t turning on so that they can keep warm). When you throw these sheets in the laundry, keep in mind that many detergents won’t fully remove massage oil stains. Consider
using dish soap instead. Dawn, we’ve found, works especially well. To spot treat, place a dime-sized dab of Dawn on the stain and rub the material together before throwing it in with your regular laundry and detergent. Or add a teaspoon of Dawn per load along with detergent (do not use more, or you may end up with a bubbly disaster on your hands).

Last but not least, what your love nest needs are some towels of various sizes. Not only are they great for mopping up oil spills and other messes, but by folding and rolling them up in various ways you can create adjustable-size cushions to prop up body parts that’ll appreciate the extra support. A rolled-up hand towel, for instance, can be placed under the neck; a larger towel can be wedged under a flexed knee. Comfortwise, some extra padding and support can make a huge difference and pave the way to a much more sumptuous experience.

YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE: HOW TO GET YOUR GLOW ON

Lighting is crucial to a sexy ambience, which is why we think it’s funny that most people restrict themselves to two choices: on and off. If you’d like to expand your options beyond pitch black or a harsh, I-can-see-every-pore-on-your-body glare, get a dimmer switch at your local hardware store. Don’t worry, it’s easy to install (instructions usually come with the dimmer, and the only tool you’ll need is a screwdriver); it may be the best five bucks you’ll ever invest in your sex life. With a dimmer switch you can adjust the lighting levels so they’re low enough to set a mellow mood but bright enough so you can enjoy a little eye candy and read your partner’s facial expressions,
which is a surefire way to gauge whether your subject is happy, bored, or ecstatic over your efforts.

If you don’t have a dimmer switch, turn on a table lamp and throw a light, colorful scarf over it (make sure it doesn’t touch the bulb); this should work passably well in bathing the room in a warm, diffuse glow. Or break out some candles—flickering flames add instant atmosphere, so light one, a few, or a whole shrine’s worth. We like to use candles made of soy or beeswax since your typical candles are made from petroleum-based paraffin, and the fumes can be unhealthy (ever seen how candles can blacken nearby surfaces? That gunk’s getting in your lungs, too). Soy or beeswax candles, on the other hand, burn much more cleanly, which makes for better breathing. One final safety note: Don’t fall asleep with the candles lit.

MUSIC TO MY EARS: TUNES THAT’LL TURN YOU ON

Nothing ruins an intimate moment like an untimely phone call from Mom, so make sure to turn off your phone, Blackberry, Treo, or anything else that might ring, beep, or interrupt the action. If you have an answering machine, turn down the volume (because long-winded messages from friends and family members can be equally libido killing). Unless you’re a fireman, paramedic, or the president of the United States, whoever’s trying to reach you can wait.

Now that we’ve nixed any potential distractions, consider popping in a CD or plugging in your iPod. Not only does music provide some mood-setting sounds; it may even alter the very
way
you two go at it. Beyoncé might inspire you to get the whole bed jiggling; jazz might get you improvising right along with those sax riffs.

CRANK UP THE HEAT: WHY YOU SHOULD TURN UP THE TEMPERATURE

It’s all but impossible to melt into lovemaking if you’re chilly, which is why we recommend keeping the room at a toasty 80–85 degrees (if turning up your thermostat isn’t enough, use a space heater). Before you start rolling around, ask your partner if he or she is warm enough. Even if you’re fine, keep in mind that everyone’s ideal climate is different, plus the more active partner will generate more heat than the one who is lying still.

Also pay attention to the temperature of other things that could come in contact with your partner, namely, your hands (if they’re cold, rub them together) and liquids like massage oil or lube. Rather than pouring oil or lube straight onto the body, consider heating it in the microwave, setting the container in a mug or bowl of hot water, or pouring it into the palm of your hand first to warm it up.

IS THAT A SPOON IN YOUR POCKET OR …?
TOOLS THAT’LL TRIPLE THE FUN

Skin craves variety. In the same way your taste buds would rebel if you ate cheeseburgers for two weeks straight, the organ responsible for your sense of touch also prefers to feel a range of sensations. While your hands can provide an impressive medley of strokes and squeezes, why stop there? Consider using the following household items to caress, press, or tickle the skin and kick things up a notch:

• Ice cubes
  

• Feather
  

• Spoon
  

• Hairbrush
  

• Silk
  

• Satin
  

• Velvet
  

• Fake fur
  

• Natural sponge
  

• Loofah
  

• Warm wet washcloth (kept in a bowl of steaming water)