Red Hot Touch (5 page)

Take It Slow

Moving a massage along at too brisk a clip is by far the most common error committed by amateurs. Try to match your pace to your partner’s deep breathing pattern, only completing a squeeze or stroke every time he or she inhales or exhales (which can take anywhere from four to eight seconds depending on the state of relaxation). If your movements are making you breathe heavily or break a sweat, you’re going too fast. Giving a massage shouldn’t feel like a cardio workout. Also keep in mind that muscles take time to relax, so make sure you aren’t pressing into them too quickly, which will only make them tense up. Instead allow your fingers to sink in slowly. Your massage should gradually build in intensity over time before tapering off gently at the end.

Don’t Massage Too Hard—or Too Soft

Not surprisingly, men generally make the first mistake, squeezing women within an inch of their lives, while women’s caresses are so gentle they barely make a dent in the knots in the neck. So be sure to check in with your partner to see how you’re doing. Don’t just ask, “How does that feel?” since most people will say “fine” or “good” out of politeness or because they might not know how good it
could
be. Instead ask, “Would you like it harder or softer?” That way your partner can voice a preference without feeling like he or she is critiquing your efforts.

Don’t Freak Out if Your Partner Starts to Cry

Strange things can happen during a rubdown … like, suddenly, out of the blue, your partner starts dripping like a leaky faucet for no reason. Some massage therapists might theorize that you’ve stumbled across a spot on the body that has been storing painful memories and emotions; others might just say that a relaxing massage can bring down anyone’s defenses. Either way, while your first reaction might be to think that giving this massage was a bad idea, on the contrary, crying is good. Think about it: People almost always feel better after a big bout of blubbering, right? That said, crying
can
be embarrassing—and it’s your job to let your partner know you’re cool with it. Only how?

Whatever you do, don’t recoil in horror or ask, “What’s wrong?” since this presumes there
is
something wrong and might make your partner feel even more uncomfortable. Instead look your partner in the eye, say, “It’s okay” (which may bring on a fresh flood of tears), then ask, “Would you like me to continue or should we take a break?” If the time-out option is picked, try to maintain a little physical contact, whether it’s holding hands or placing your palm reassuringly on one shoulder. This will subtly reinforce the idea that you’re not weirded out by this impromptu sob-arama. In fact, going through it together might even bring you two closer.

Ease Out of the Massage Slowly

If all goes well, by the time you finish your massage (or whatever other shenanigans it may lead to), you’ll have squeezed and kneaded your subject into a puddle of gratitude. At this point, the very last thing you should do is rush him or her back into the real world. After a massage, people can feel pretty disoriented; if they stand up too quickly they may feel wobbly or keel right over (believe us, we’ve seen it happen). So instead once you’re done let your partner lie there for a while. Then your partner should sit up—but not stand—and swing his/her feet onto the floor for a few minutes. A glass of cool water can also help snap your subject back to reality. Recipients should stand up only once they feel ready.

ON THE RECEIVING END? SOME THINGS TO REMEMBER

While the person giving the massage bears the brunt of responsibility for making sure the experience is a pleasurable one, the person receiving the massage also needs to know a few things.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP QUIET—
Like sex, a massage is always better with a few sound effects. So go ahead and moan if you’re so inspired, and if you have something you want to get off your chest, say it. A simple “That feels amazing” is always appreciated and helps steer your massager in the right direction. Or, if he or she is headed in the
wrong
direction, try pointing that out in a constructive way with “That technique you’re trying on my shoulders doesn’t do much for me, but I loved what you were doing on my lower back. Could we go back to something like that?”

YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIE STILL—
Just because you’re kicking back doesn’t mean you have to act like you’re paralyzed from the neck down. In fact, it can be darn sexy if you start to undulate your hips or reach up and start caressing your partner’s face. If you’re afraid your partner might be rattled if you start moving out of the blue, give a heads-up before the massage begins, or during the massage, say, “I feel like moving my hips a little, is that OK?” We’ll bet you twenty bucks the answer will be “Please do!”

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SUGGEST A CHANGE IN PLANS—
What can we say? People are wishy-washy, and that’s okay. Even though you two agreed earlier that your massage would unfold a certain way, if you start getting other ideas while it’s happening, go ahead and suggest a change in plans. Say, “I know we agreed that you would focus on me, but I just thought I’d let you know I wanna kiss you so much right now,” or “I know I told you I’d rather not have sex, but this massage is so good it makes me want to throw you down on the bed and ravish you.” Maybe your massager will be open to it, or, maybe you’ll get back “Hold your horses, let’s stick with the plan. We can do
what
you
want later.” But no matter what your massager’s reaction is, it’s worth getting your desires off your chest so they don’t spiral through your mind in an endless feedback loop of
Should I say something? Would my partner be up for it?
Say your piece and see what happens.

RELAX AND ENJOY—
It might seem odd that guilt may crop up during a massage, but it’s fairly common to feel a little bad about kicking back while someone toils away pampering you like some modern-day sex slave. Or maybe you’re uncomfortable being the center of so much attention, or worried that since your massager has focused 100 percent on you sans distractions, he or she is finally noticing your cellulite, or your hairy testicles, or how your nostrils flare when you’re really enjoying yourself.

Oftentimes people will attempt to quell these feelings in a funny way: by reaching out and simultaneously touching their partner to even the playing field a little. If you suspect your motivations are along these lines, remember: (a) your massager is
not
noticing your cellulite, hairy testicles, flaring nostrils, or any other flaw you’re obsessing about, (b) you’ll have plenty of time
later
to return the favor by giving your partner a massage, and (c) your partner is probably enjoying the act of giving all on its own. Why provide a distraction? Instead allow yourself to indulge in the sensations your partner is creating without worrying about anyone but little old you.

A HEAD-TO-TOE GUIDE TO
ALL
YOUR HOT SPOTS

MONICA: Now, everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. You got [starts labeling her diagram] one, two, three, four, five, six, and seven … okay, now, most guys will hit one, two, and three and then go to seven and set up camp.

CHANDLER: And that’s bad?

RACHEL: Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don’t spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.

—FRIENDS

L
ike rock stars, genitals get tons of attention. But let’s take a moment to consider the rest of the body. As the gals on
Friends
so aptly point out, hot spots galore cover the expanse from head to toe. In fact, we’d say they undershot the mark, since by our count there are a whole lot more than seven erogenous zones worth visiting.
Given that your hands can flip each switch in a variety of ways, the turn-on possibilities are nearly infinite.

To get you started, this chapter contains more than fifty of our hottest techniques. Feel free to pick and choose which body parts and moves you want to try. Or, if you
really
want to impress your partner, follow this chapter step-by-step to treat your partner to the ultimate full-body massage. Done in its entirety, this rubdown is the perfect warm-up to more amazing antics. Try it and you may be surprised how many
ooohs, ahhhs
, and
omigod’s
ensue before you have even laid a hand on the genitals—or how explosive things will be once you do reach for the ultimate prize.

REV YOUR ENGINES: WHERE TO BEGIN

Ask your partner to lie facedown. Many of the body’s large muscle groups lie along the backside—by relaxing them, you create the perfect foundation on which to build arousal later. While you can start your sensual massage at the head or the feet (feel free to ask your partner’s preference), we’re going to start at the head and work our way down. For most of these moves, you can either stand or kneel to your partner’s side or straddle your partner’s butt, a much sexier alternative. Remind your partner to breathe deeply before you get going. Here are some areas that are begging to be touched, and how to rub them right.

The Scalp

The scalp is rich in nerve endings, and it doesn’t take a neurosurgeon to know that the more nerve endings there are, the greater the pleasure potential. To start firing things up, place your fingertips along the hairline at the base of your partner’s skull and start massaging the scalp in dime-sized circles as if you were washing your partner’s hair. Slowly work your way up the scalp until you reach the front. For added measure, occasionally sift your fingers through your partner’s mane like a comb, grip a chunk of hair near the roots, and gently tug (make sure you grasp enough hair that you’re not pulling on just a few strands—that will hurt). Gently pulling on your partner’s hair will stimulate the nerve endings
underneath
the skin’s surface, where your typical scalp massage can’t reach.

THE BODY’S EROGENOUS ZONES

Nape of the Neck

This technique requires the steadiness of a surgeon, so for added stability, rest your right hand on your partner’s right shoulder and your left hand on the left shoulder. Your thumbs, however, should remain free, and be perfectly situated to stroke the nape of the neck. Let your thumb pads move up and down along this extra-sensitive area like two sideways windshield wipers. Use a barely there touch that tickles the tiny hairs but not the skin underneath.

Once you have thoroughly tantalized the nape of the neck, inch your thumb up to the base of the skull and feel around for a tiny indentation. In Tantric traditions this spot goes by many names: the Bindu Point, the Mouth of God, and the Inner Smile since if you contract the muscles here (most easily done by wiggling your ears), this dimple morphs into a tiny U-shaped grin. Given that many muscles in the neck and skull are connected at this point, pressing down here with a thumb pad or massaging the area in tiny circles will relax the entire head and neck with almost zero effort on your part. Your recipient will want to breathe deep to enhance the effects and get in a deeper state of relaxation.

BONUS TIP TO TRY

This technique (which is done with your partner lying faceup) doesn’t fit into our overall head-to-toe massage extravaganza, but it is a great one to try some other time. It’s derived from cranial sacral therapy—a type of treatment used by chiropractors to balance cerebral spinal fluid levels, which can often get out of whack resulting in headaches, backaches, and other mood busters. Lucky for us, there’s a spot on the back of the head that acts like a “reset” button that can reboot the body. To find it, make a fist with one hand and wrap your other hand around it. Then slide this mega-fist under your partner’s head so the back of the skull is resting on it like a pillow. Hold that position for twenty seconds or until you notice your partner’s breathing deepen, which is a sign that cranial sacral therapy is working its magic.