Red Sun (34 page)

He looked my way again. 
“Why not?”

I took a deep breath and exhaled my response.  “Because they aren’t just friends…..they’re brothers.”

Words can’t even describe Tarik’s facial expression.  I watched him and waited for him to close his mouth, but he was still in shock.

“I know it’s bad,” I added.  “That’s why I didn’t
wanna tell you.”

“Dang, Solei….”

“You don’t have to say it…..I already know.”

Chapter
Thirteen

Earplugs, headphones, and a pillow over my head – none of it worked to drown out the sound of her moaning and the headboard slamming against the wall over and over again
.  It almost sounded like my father was assaulting Alicia in the next room.  We hadn’t even been back a full hour and they’d been at it almost the whole time.

“
Huhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” I yelled loudly, hoping to remind them that I was still in the house.  “You’re disgusting!”  If they heard me they didn’t care.  In fact, they may have even gotten louder.  I was getting ready to earl all over the place just at the thought of what was going on in their room.  Old people humping is bad enough to have to
think
about, but
hearing
it is ten times worse. 

Christina was smart.  She was gone before we even got here so that she wouldn’t have to relive what she must’ve experienced the week before when my dad came home to visit.  Apparently time away had taken a toll on him and Alicia both.  “
Ahhhhhhhhhh……” I yelled out when I heard her say his name.  “I gotta get out of here!”  I banged on the wall for about ten seconds and then gave up trying to stop them and just went out to sit on the front porch.  I sat there, only being subjected to the faint thud of the bed from out there.  At least I didn’t have to hear them talking to each other while they did it.

Kaya had messaged me while we were driving out here, but I didn’t have the nerve to respond.  Not only was I a bad girlfriend to Elan, I was also being a bad friend to Kaya.  Her message was simple, not pressuring me about anything that would stress me, but I was still having a hard time figuring out what to say.  All she said was
:
“What’s up?  Where you been?”
,
but I was still nervous.

While I sat there I decided to reply
,
“Not much.  Back home for a while.”

So much time had passed that she called instead of texting back.  I stared at her name flashing across my phone and finally picked up timidly.  “Hello?”

“Way to respond to my text ten hours later, loser,” she joked.

I laughed nervously.  “Sorry about that.  We were in route and I was taking my braids
down,” which was true, but I still could’ve responded if I really wanted to talk then.

“Oh,” she replied.  “So, you said you’re
back home, right?”

“Yeah, for a while anyway.
  We were supposed to be coming back tomorrow night, but my dad got extra time off so now he changed it to Sunday.”

“
Hm…that should be fun for you – stuck there with your step-mom and all.”

“
Loads
of fun,” I replied sarcastically. 

She laughed.  “I was hoping me, you, Jolon, and Elan could all hang out again this weekend, but I guess
that’s not gonna work with you being gone and all.” 

Now I was actually
relieved
to be out of town.  “Yeah, maybe some other time,”
I said insincerely.

“Yeah, maybe…..”  She paused.  “So, we never got to talk about that night.  Did you and Elan finally…
you
know?”

I watched a car go past.  “No, we didn’t do anything at all.”

“Hm…”  She sounded disappointed.  “Well, that sucks a little.  I thought you’d have some juicy details by now – some kinky, sexed-up story for me.”

“Sorry, but no,” I lied.  Not with Elan anyway.

“Oh well.  Maybe next time.  I just wanna know if all the rumors about him are true.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed.  “Don’t you have something better to think about?”

She sighed to pretend that she wasn’t excited when she nearly sang the words, “Well, I suppose I could tell you about me and Jolon instead.”

My hands went numb and I almost dropped the phone.  “What about him?”  I asked nervously.
In my head I could hear him clear as day telling me that
nothing
happened between the two of them that night, but Kaya was making it sound like that wasn’t so.

She cleared her throat theatrically before speaking.  “Well, after you and Elan went to his ro
om, me and Jolon sat out there alone for a while – you know, talking about stuff – friends that we have in common, what we like to do for fun, that sort of thing.”

“And?”
  I asked impatiently.  “What else?”

“I started kissing his neck and r
ubbing his chest and stomach – you know, letting him know that I was down for anything he wanted to do.”  She paused because she was smiling too hard.  “Then I touched it!”  She yelled excitedly.

“Touch
ed
what
?”  I asked defensively – luckily Kaya didn’t pick up on that.

“
It!
  What do you think I’m talking about?”

I didn’t respond.

“And let me tell you….
that
is one rumor that I definitely dispelled about
him
.”

Through my disgust, I asked dryly, “What rumor?”

“About him being big everywhere except…..
there
.  Most of the girls out here who’ve tried to get with him and got turned down say it’s because he’s ashamed of what he’s working with, but now I know better.  He has
nothing
to be ashamed of.  In fact, he should put it on display just to shut people up.”  She sighed and added, “It’s definitely beautiful enough…”

“And then what happened?”  I asked nervously.

She sighed again.  “As soon as I got my hand around it, he pulled away – suggested that we go to his room.” 

I wanted to throw up.

“So we got in his bed and I went for it again, hoping that he was thinking the same thing I was thinking, but turns out he’s too nice of a guy for that.  I mean…..I practically handed him my panties and all he wanted to do was talk.  He slept on the floor and let me have his bed.”  She paused again.  “I think that means he really likes me.  Don’t you?  Cause most guys would’ve went for it…..but I think he respects me too much to just let me throw myself at him.”

Her image of Jolon
was very different from mine.  I remembered how he took charge the night we did it and left me feeling helpless.  He can definitely come across as the nice, laid-back guy who only likes a girl for her mind, but that night it wasn’t my mind that he was interested in.  Hearing her tell the tale of how he nicely turned her down, brought me a strange sense of joy.  It was twisted seeing as how he broke my heart hours after we had sex, but at least I got
that
far.  Poor Kaya couldn’t even get her feet wet.  I laughed a little to myself.  Granted I hated the fact that she’d touched him, but I loved the fact that he stopped her.  “Yeah, Kaya.  I think that’s what it means too,” I lied.  Forgive me for indulging her, but I was trying to keep from hurting her feelings.

I could tell she was smiling through the phone.  “I’m gonna call him.  Call you back,”
she said hurriedly, like her finger was already set to hang up on me.

“Wait!  What?”

“Call you back in a few.  I’m gonna see what he’s up to.  Maybe he’ll want to hang out……or
in
,” she said suggestively.  “Whatever he wants.” 

“But, Kaya.
  Don’t you think you should slow it down a little?  You don’t want him to get the wrong idea.  Do you?”

“Well, yeah…..I
kinda
do
, Solei.  Not everyone can wait an eternity like you.” 

“But you already said that he stopped you the last time, right?  Do you think maybe you’re coming on a little too strongly?”  I knew that I should’ve just stopped talking, but I couldn’t.

She was quiet.  “What is this?  Did he say something about me or….what is it?  Why do you sound like that?”

Oops
, perhaps I’d come across a little too emotional
…..  “I’m not sounding like anything.  I’m just concerned about you.  That’s all.”

She didn’t say anything right away.  “
Well, thanks, but I’ve got this under control.  Don’t worry about me.  Just worry about you and Elan.”

It wasn’t
really her that I was concerned about.  I almost got angry thinking about Jolon being intimate with her in the way he was with me.  I pictured him kissing her, touching her, letting her get as up close and personal with his body as I had.  That was unacceptable.  I’d never be ok sharing that experience with anyone else – especially not a girl that I knew.

“Call you tomorrow,” Kaya finally added once she realized that I wasn’t going to respond.  When the phone went dead, I automatically started worrying.  What if he gave in and let her come over?  What if he ended u
p giving Kaya what she wanted just so he could forget about what happened with us?  I slammed my phone on the glass table and pouted on the bench.  There was absolutely nothing I could do.

The next morning
I was up before the sun.  Between the noise my dad and Alicia kept up and worrying about Kaya and Jolon, sleep evaded me.  I decided to use that time to request the college applications that I promised my dad I’d start filling out.  This way, by the time we made it home Sunday night, they’d already be there waiting on me.  I was in the middle of filling out another request form when Alicia came down the steps in her robe.  She stopped in the middle of the staircase and looked at the clock.  She wasn’t used to me being up before noon, let alone before seven a.m.  She looked at me strangely and then continued on to the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes at the back of her head and then finished up so I could head upstairs.  As
soon as I logged out, I hurried back to my room.  Christina was already in the shower of course, preparing for a productive day of whatever it is that she does.  I plopped down on the bed and stared at my suitcase.  I purposely left it packed to keep from prolonging this visit by even a second.  Even the smell of the house reminded me of all the times I’d wished I could find a way out of here.  I looked around at the pink walls that were way more Christina’s style than my own – at the pictures of her and her friends stuck on the mirror behind the door.  Being surrounded by so many of her things was part of the reason that I never felt at home.  I sighed and turned over on my side to look out the window instead.

There had to be something else that I could do to further convince my father that this was not the place for me. 
All I could think about was how much I’d miss Conway if I had to leave and come back here.  I’d miss the smell, the peace and quiet, the scenery, the shop, Ruthann, Kaya, Elan, and – although I hated to admit it – I’d miss Jolon too.  I could stand ignoring him, I could even stand not seeing him, but only because I was comforted knowing that if I changed my mind, he was only a few miles away.  But coming back here?  That was out of the question.  I mean, what if he moved away and I didn’t know anything about it?  I’d go back there someday looking for him only to find that he’d long since moved out and moved on.  I liked still having some sort of connection to him even if that connection was only that we resided in the same town.  Sad…..I know.

In no way had I been successful at convincing myself that I didn’t care about him.  But I was
, however, successful at convincing myself that I had to try.  It would take time to get him out of my system, but it wasn’t impossible.  With Elan constantly showing me that he loves and cares about me, it shouldn’t be hard.  The one thing that was saving me was the fact that neither me nor Jolon wanted to have anything to do with the other currently.  I can only speculate what his reasons are, but I recite my own reasons in my head at least ten times a day just so I never forget them.  The hard part is that now that I’d allowed myself to be intimate with him, not only does my mind keep reminding me that I need him……my body does too.  His giftedness in the bedroom was both a blessing and a curse for me.  The blessing of it is obvious, but the curse is that now I have to accept the fact that I can’t have him, while my body strongly disagrees.  I had to close my eyes and induce thoughts of Elan to deter my thoughts from his brother.  As unsuccessful as I was, I gave myself points for at least
trying
to be good.

When Christina finished in the bathroom, she headed right out the door.  Downstairs, I could smell breakfast cooking and not even that was enough to make
me want to join my father and The Witch downstairs.  The sound of them talking and laughing floated up the stairs while I lay there pretending I was back in Conway.  Twice, Alicia called me down to join them, but each time I turned my music up louder to drown her out.

Why couldn’t my father see her for what she really is?  Am I the only one whose skin crawls every time she steps into the room?  Does no one else see that she wears her hair a little bit fuller on top to hide the stumps from the horns that she files down to blend in with society?  Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but I assure you she’s evil. 
Pure evil!
  On cue, there was a faint knock at the door.  Before I could tell her to go away, Alicia pushed the door open wide enough to stick her head inside.