Red Sun (29 page)

“Should I
stop?”  He whispered, just the slightest hint of a tremble in his voice.  The question was just as much for himself as it was for me; he was obviously still struggling with whether he could go through with this.  I continued to hold his wrist, preventing him from moving.  My mind was cloudy and all I could think about was how good what he was doing felt and how bad I wanted him to keep going.  In my heart I knew that there were other pressing issues to consider, but at that time none of them seemed all that pressing.  Another few seconds passed while I waited for my subconscious to tell me to stop…..but it never happened.  I felt my grip beginning to ease – one finger releasing him at a time - until finally letting him go fully, giving him permission to do whatever he had planned. 

When he
kissed my thighs again he was less timid than before, almost forceful – as if he were rushing to keep from having second thoughts.  Through the surrealistic pleasure, there was confusion.  This was the brother who’d pushed me away for
months
to the point that I’d given up all hope of any reciprocity.  I’d laid my heart out on the table many times before, only to have him shut me down and deny his feelings.  But all of those feelings he’d stuffed inside and tightened the lid on were now spilling over and drowning us both. 

The hand that I’d
once halted now continued along its path and I stopped allowing myself to wonder how we’d gotten to this moment.  It no longer mattered that a couple weeks ago he’d rejected me when we were kissing by the lake.  It no longer mattered that his cold disposition had hurt my feelings day after day after day.  In this moment, it didn’t even matter that I technically belonged to his brother.  All that mattered was that at some point, Jolon realized that he couldn’t keep coming up with reasons why he should keep his distance.  The evidence was the fact that he’d come to me on this night. 

I
paid close attention to everything – the feel of his heart beating against my calf, the weight of his body on the bed, the way he hesitated again when he touched my underwear for the first time.  That was tense for us both.  I felt his chest expand a few times before he finally pulled my panties aside.  He paused again.  I’m not sure which of us he was giving a chance to breathe – me or himself – but I definitely needed that second to exhale. He hesitated still and I could feel his heart racing in his chest before he slowly slipped his finger inside me.  Gasping was my immediate reaction followed by an onslaught of embarrassment as a result of the sounds that were coming from my body.  I’d never done this before.  I squirmed a little, feeling uncomfortable, but I bit down on my lip as the pleasure he brought me made the other feelings disappear. 

One finger turned into two and I
even separated my legs a little to give his hand more room.  Slowly, he drew them in and out again and again, making it difficult to breathe.  This was all new to me.  Vince had never made me feel like this, not even once.  He was always in too big a hurry to bother with foreplay or anything else that might feel good to me for that matter.  He was always concerned about finishing before he had to be at work or before his mom came home or before I had to make curfew.  This meant that my enjoyment was always sacrificed and it never really got to be about me.  Our sex life was definitely one sided, but it took my experience with Jolon to teach me that.

Disappointment crossed my fac
e when Jolon pulled back, leaving a trail of my own moisture behind on my thigh when his hand grazed it.  His touch was gentle, a sensation I was sure I’d never forget.  He gripped my arm lightly, wordlessly asking me to turn over onto my back so that he could carry on.  At first I was reluctant because I knew what was going to happen next.  My hesitation made him pause again. 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he said softly, meaning every word.  I knew deep down that if I said right this minute that I didn’t want to go any further, Jolon would’ve stopped, gone back to his room and never approached me like
this again.  But do I want him to stop?  Do I want this to be over?  Do I want this to be the last time that he ever touches me like this?  The answer came so swiftly that I didn’t even get to finish the last question –
No!
I didn’t want him to go anywhere.  The thought of this being the last time he’d touch me like this made me feel like hyperventilating. 

Again he asked, “Should I stop?”
             

“No…..I want you to keep going,” I breathed.
             

He tugged at my arm again and this time I turn
ed over willingly.  I still couldn’t see anything, but I felt his hands easing my shirt up over my head.  Now the only thing preventing me from being completely naked in his presence was my underwear.  Jolon’s hands lightly gripped my breasts as he kissed from my chest all the way down to my naval, his hair falling over my body as he made his way down.  I placed my hands on top of his and felt them gently massaging as he familiarized himself with my body. 

Between kisses, I could feel his breath on my skin, making the hairs on my arms stand on end with anticipation.  His fingers trailed over my nipples
slowly, leaving them tight and sensitive as he slid his hands down my torso to my hips where they touched the band of my panties.  I knew what was coming.  Once they came off it was going to get even more interesting, and I wanted it.  My whole body was on fire.  It only took him a few seconds to get them down and then I heard them drop lightly to the floor.  That was it, no turning back now.

Jolon’s tongue danced teasingly at the base of my stomach and then he journeyed to the tops of my thighs
where he licked and kissed some more.  I was already panting breathlessly just thinking about what he was about to do.  Again, I felt his warm fingers slip inside me, this time meeting no resistance.  I breathed in and out steadily with the movement of his hand and felt my toes curling under instinctively.  His lips left my skin while he moved his body further down on the bed.  He placed a few kisses on the insides of my thighs and then replaced his fingers with his tongue.  I couldn’t stop myself from running my fingers through his hair, pulling at it a little.  When I pressed my thighs against the sides of his face, I could feel his jaw moving rhythmically against them as he tasted parts of my body that I’d never allowed to be experienced in such a way before. I had to bite my own hand to keep quiet.  My feet were sliding up and down Elan’s sheets wildly as I tried to regain control of my own body.  Jolon felt me struggling against him and eased his hands underneath me and pulled my hips closer to his face to keep me from moving away.

“No,” I whispered. 
“Stop.”  My cries were in vain; my plea went unanswered. 

I felt embarrassed when my legs started quivering uncontrollably.  “Jolon, please,” I begged, tapping his shoulder impatiently
, hoping that he’d stop.  He grabbed my hand and held it firmly as if to say that I was interrupting him.  After a second he released me and ignored my request, knowing that I was only protesting because I had never experienced this before and not because I really wanted him to stop.  I realized that something had changed.  The guilt that was weighing heavily on him when he first touched me was long gone, being replaced only temporarily by this overpowering craving that he suddenly had for me.  I withdrew my hand and instead reached for the headboard above. 

The sheet beneath me was
saturated and that made me feel uncomfortable too.  What if he thought that was nasty?  What if it wasn’t supposed to be like this?  What if it grossed him out and made him never want to touch me again?    With Vince, it was never like this.  Nothing he did
ever
made anything like this happen.  Just when I didn’t think I could take anymore, Jolon stopped and rubbed the insides of my thighs desirously, leaving me to feel like his prey.  He was just as out of breath as I was.  I felt him get up on his knees and then he leaned over me, connecting his mouth to my breast while his body rested on mine.  I could feel his tongue tracing circles around my nipple while he kissed and sucked feverishly.  He backed away for a second to allow the cool air to shock my moistened flesh into stiffening even more and then drew it into his mouth again.  Automatically, I secured my legs around his waist to keep him close.  I wanted to make noise so bad, but the threat of Elan coming home and hearing me kept me from doing such a foolish thing.  Although, if he’d come home at this point, hearing me wouldn’t make this situation look any worse than it already did.

Jolon left my flesh exposed again when he leaned toward my ear to whisper, “Stand up.”

“Stand up?”  I repeated breathlessly.

He laughed quiet
ly.  “Yes, stand up.”

I sat there a minute, feeling nervous a
bout what he planned to do, but when he got to his feet, I hesitantly followed his lead.  We stood there face to face, Jolon kissing my neck and letting his hands roam up and down my entire body like he owned it.  My eyes rolled back in my head as I leaned into him.  Briefly he separated his lips from my skin and rested his hands on my hips while he stared down on me.  Another flash of the pale light illuminated both of our bodies and in the darkness I’d forgotten how beautiful he was.  In those few fractions of a second that I was able to see, his immaculate physique was again imbedded in my mind.  I smiled to myself and ran my hands down his back and then back up again, appreciating his masculinity. 

G
ently, he turned me around so that I was now facing the wall, my back to his chest.  My heart was racing still.  Jolon’s too.  His hands ran up my back and he pressed lightly, encouraging me to lean forward over Elan’s bed.  I felt him move in closer, his aroused body pressed against mine.  I could hardly breathe.  Unhurriedly, Jolon pushed my ankles apart with his foot like he was about to frisk me. He took both of my hips in his hands right before finding his way inside me.

Behind me, he breathed in and out through his te
eth every time he pulled out and entered again. The sounds that he made were like an aphrodisiac to me, making me feel drunk.  It gave me a high knowing that I was capable of making a man feel so good.  That’s what he is, a man.  Not an inexperienced little boy who knew less about his own body than he did about mine, like Vince.  Jolon knew exactly what he was doing. 

I had one hand over my mouth and the other on Elan’s bed to hold myself up a
s Jolon’s powerful thrusts threatened to make me lose my balance.  I wanted to scream. He muffled a moan by closing his lips tightly together and slowed his movement a little.  It felt like his body was made to fit inside mine.  The apprehension that I initially felt about him being bigger than I could handle now faded, leaving me grateful that he was made the way he was.  I developed an appreciation for each and every inch of him.  Again, my legs quaked beneath me and I felt myself getting weak. Jolon noticed the trouble I was having staying upright, so he put one arm under my stomach to steady me.  A warm sensation ran down the insides of both my thighs and dripped to the floor. 

“Wait!”  I breathed.  “Jolon, please stop.”

Instead of slowing down, he moved faster.  “Why?”

I stuttered
a few meaningless syllables and then gave up.

He laughed a little
.  “Just relax.”

I was starting to feel embarrassed again as my body began to tense up
.  Not once with Vince had I reached orgasm.  Quite frankly, I was glad of it.  I didn’t want him to see me lose control like that or see the ugly faces that come along with it.  But it was easy to avoid it with him because he always finished way before I was even close.  I was beginning to see what Elan meant – there was no way this experience could compare to any sexual experience I’d ever had before.  It was definitely easy to grasp the difference between mediocre sex versus this. This was something altogether different.  I had half a mind to consider this the day I lost my virginity because Jolon was truly responsible for stealing my innocence.  I’d never look at him or my own body the same again after this night.  I quickly transitioned from a girl into a woman.

I moaned
and felt a trimmer rush through my body; naturally, I tried to pull away from him.  “Stop moving,” he demanded, turning me on with his forceful tone.

“
I can’t help it,” I replied smiling, only mildly worried that at any minute Elan could walk in and find us.  Just as I felt myself getting ready to release, Jolon secured his free hand over my mouth with the scent of my most intimate place still fresh on his fingers.  He pressed himself deeper and deeper inside my body, further than I knew a man could reach.  I shook from head to toe and whined quietly into his hand.  He moved in and out again quickly and then grunted just before all movement ceased.  We both stood there breathless and soaked from what we’d just done.  It was almost animalistic, as if neither of us could stop what was happening because there was such a need. 

He pulled himself from inside me and kissed my back gently as he rubbed his hand between my legs, collecting the wetness that now belonged to us both.  I’d never experienced anything even close to that in my life, and had a feeling that nobody but him could give it to me like that.  I finally stood upright and lea
ned my face on his chest while he embraced me, in this solemn moment. I found myself feeling sad that after giving myself to Jolon, I’d have to spend the night without him – in the bed of the brother we’d both betrayed by allowing our selfish wants to cloud our judgment.  Jolon continued stroking my back consolingly, his heart racing a mile a minute.  I listened to it beating and closed my eyes.  No matter what happened from this point on, it seemed inevitable that someone was going to get hurt.