Red Sun (28 page)

             
I imagined the look on Elan’s face although I couldn’t see it.  “Are you kidding me?”  He paused.  “Vince must’ve been whack.”

             
I burst out laughing.  “Who says whack anymore?”

             
“That was the only word that fit.  It was either that or lame, but that’s outdated too.  But man…..if he could hear you say that, he’d probably hang himself.  That’s like the worst thing a girl can say – one you’ve been with anyway.”  He laughed again.  “Dang!  Was he that bad?”

             
“Why would you say it was bad?”

             
“Because you don’t even fiend for it at all.  That means he didn’t do it right!”  He was bordering a rant.

             
“Why are you getting all upset over this?”  I asked, laughing at his overreaction.

             
“I’m not upset.  Excited maybe, but not upset.”

             
“Why’re you excited about my ‘
whack’
sex life?”

             
“Because that means I have soooo much to show you.”  He laughed a mad scientist sort of laugh.  “Yeah…..this is good.”

             
I rolled my eyes.  “Shut up, Elan.”

             
“No seriously though.  Did you ever even get into it?  Like, did you even
like
it?”

             
I sighed because this conversation was going on way too long.  “It was alright.  I mean……it wasn’t like I was getting much out of it, but it was ok I guess.”

             
He took a deep breath to keep from laughing again.  “Ok, wait.”  He paused.  “Are you saying that you never……let’s see how I can put this.  He never made you…..”

             
I knew what he was trying to ask and didn’t see the sense in making him say it aloud.  “No, but that doesn’t matter.  Women put way too much emphasis on that one aspect of sex.”

             
This time he didn’t hold back the laugh at all.  “Yeah, I have a lot to show you.  This’ll be fun.”

             
I rolled my eyes again and smiled.  “Whatever.”

             
During the break in conversation, I listened for Kaya and Jolon again but heard nothing.  I decided to stop trying to figure out what was going on out there and focused on Elan only.  We talked a little while longer and then both fell asleep on his bed.  The next morning I awoke alone, a little shocked to find that I wasn’t at home and in my room.  I closed my eyes and shook my head while the evening came back to my remembrance.  I recalled Elan telling me that he had an errand to run this morning which explained why he wasn’t around.  I dragged myself from the bed and looked down the hallway before stepping out.  It was my understanding that Elan was running the errand alone which meant Jolon was still here. 

             
The light of the sun cast a yellow haze throughout the whole house as I walked to the front window and looked out.  My stomach wretched when I saw Kaya’s car still parked in the driveway.  She was still in the house!  I glanced over to the couch to see if I’d absentmindedly walked past her sleeping there, but no.  She wasn’t there.  That only left one place she could’ve been…..with Jolon…..in his bed.  I almost screamed.

             
Now I made it a point to stomp around and make noise while I gathered my things to shower.  If they weren’t up already, they were now.  I slammed the bathroom door behind me and then let my things fall to the counter before turning the water on.  The sound of the water running drowned out the sound of me panting in anger.  I was absolutely furious……and then I stopped to ask myself who exactly I was mad at.  Jolon?  The one who’d only distanced himself from me to keep from hurting his brother?  Or Kaya who had no clue that I was into both brothers?  I stared at myself in the mirror, writhing like a crazy woman.  Neither of those answers made sense.  There was no one for me to be mad at but myself. 

             
I breathed in and out and let myself calm down.  A few seconds later I heard movement in the hall, two muffled voices, and then the front door closing.  After that, a single set of footsteps traipsed back toward Jolon’s room and then there was silence.  I hurried to shower so that I could get ready for work.  Elan was supposed to drop me off at my house to get Ruthann’s car when he finished, so I had to make sure I was ready when he got back.  I washed and then turned off the water.  I reached for one of the fresh towels in the linen closet and wrapped it around myself before gathering up my things, deciding to avoid Jolon completely if I could.  So of course, because I made that decision, I ran right into him when I opened the bathroom door.  I mean, literally ran into him.

             
“Excuse me,” he mumbled and then kept going down the hall as if nothing had happened; as if my girl hadn’t just gotten out of his bed after a long night of doing who knows what. 

             
“There
is
no excuse for you,” I replied coldly, glaring at the back of his head as he passed by.  His feet stopped moving but he didn’t turn around to look at me. 

             
“Is there something you need to say?” He asked mockingly, fully aware of the fact that I was peeved.  Maybe he even knew it had something to do with Kaya.  When I didn’t respond right away, he laughed quietly to himself and then started walking again, ignoring me.  I know I shouldn’t have, but I took that personally.  Maybe because I was pretty sure he’d slept with Kaya and was no longer pining over me. 

             
“You’re an idiot,” I breathed just as I stepped into Elan’s room.  I shut his door behind me only to have it spring back when Jolon pushed it.

             
“What do you want from me, Solei?”  He paused and stared down at me.  I adjusted my towel and stepped back, a little intimidated.  “I mean……you’re guilty of the same thing you accuse me of.”

             
“What’s that, Jolon?”  I asked snidely.

             
He rolled his eyes.  “Not knowing what you want.”

             
I scoffed.  “Please.  I know what I want.”

             
“Really?”  He moved toward me again and I took another step back.  “Just last night you told my brother that you wanted to hook me up with Kaya.  Now, because I went for it, you have an attitude.  It was your idea and now you can’t even handle it.  Does that sound like a person who knows what they want?”

             
I had to rewind his statement in my head.  “Hooking you up with Kaya wasn’t my idea, it was Elan’s.”

             
He looked shocked for a fraction of a second, but it faded.  “It doesn’t matter whose idea it was.  The bottom line is that you and E are officially together now, am I right about that at least?”

             
I looked down at the ground, unable to deny that like I had so many times in the past.  He took my lack of a response as confirmation.

             
“Exactly my point,” he replied.  “So you’re with him, but you have this big attitude about what
I
do.  Where’s the logic in that?”

             
I stared at my feet and shrugged.  There
was
no logic. 

             
“We can’t keep doing this,” he said calmly.  “You’re completely off limits to me, Solei.  You’re the woman my brother loves.”  He made me feel as if there was no hope at all for…..for…I don’t know what.  I didn’t want to think about losing Elan over this, but at the same time I hated that I’d already lost Jolon. 

             
My thoughts were running around my head without a leash and I blurted something out in a sudden moment of clarity. “But what if I don’t love
him
?”  I could hear Jolon breathing loudly as he anticipated what I was about to say.  “What if I love you?”

             
He stood there, his chest and shoulders heaving wildly.  His eyes shifted back and forth like he didn’t know what to say in response to my admission.  Maybe he thought I didn’t mean it – thought that my statement was a last ditch effort to hold onto him.  Maybe he thought it was a set up.  I wasn’t sure because I couldn’t read the blank expression on his face.  His eyes turned red like mine do when I’m trying to hold myself together, but I wasn’t sure if that was the case with him too.

             
He didn’t break his gaze for even a second when he asked, “So he doesn’t have your heart…..but you gave him your body anyway?”  It was a very clear and direct question.

             
I immediately felt defensive.  “I did not have sex with him or even anything like it!  The other day may have looked bad, but that had nothing to do with me.  Elan’s your brother so I’m sure you know how he is, but I’m telling the truth.  Nothing happened!  Not last night either!”

             
I could see that he believed me, but that still didn’t change the fact that he’d crossed the point of no return with Kaya.  When he turned his back on me and walked out of the room, I didn’t know what to think.  He stood there just beyond the door frame and didn’t move.  I watched him, staring at the black ink that consumed the skin on his back, waiting for…..
something
.

             
The tight fists he’d made when I was speaking dropped to his sides as the tension ceased.  Now, his head even hung a little.  “I’m not sure if this even matters…….but I didn’t touch your friend last night.”  He had no idea how
much
that mattered.  I felt like I could breathe again knowing that she wasn’t able to break him down despite the fact that Jolon was hurt and thinking the worst of me.  Maybe he wasn’t able to do it because, somewhere deep down inside, his feelings were similar to mine.  He didn’t look back again before continuing down the hallway until he was out of view. 

             
I closed Elan’s door and was dressed before he made it back to pick me up.  I’m sure that he noticed how quiet I was as we drove to my house, but he didn’t ask why.  I pulled myself away from my thoughts enough to kiss his cheek before saying goodbye.  I was getting ready to slam my door shut when Elan stopped me.

             
“You’re coming back tonight, right?”

             
I nodded.  “Yeah, I’ll be there when I get off.”  He smiled and backed out once I was in my car with the engine started.  I was still in a daze while I made my way to the shop.  Deep down in the pit of my stomach, I had a feeling that something was getting ready to happen, something was getting ready to change, but I couldn’t wrap my head around what that something was.  After finally admitting my true feelings to Jolon, I was beginning to understand why I wasn’t able to respond to Elan’s proclamation of love like he would’ve liked.  I couldn’t say it because I didn’t mean it.  Until talking to Jolon this morning, I didn’t fully realize that.  Maybe somewhere in my heart I knew why, but wasn’t ready to admit it until then.

             
I sighed and shook my head as I pulled into the parking lot.  The truth is, telling Jolon everything didn’t change anything.  He’s still going to be loyal to his brother and I still have feelings for Elan too, enough that I still wasn’t willing to hurt him by satisfying my feelings for his brother.  So where did this leave me?  In the exact same position I was in before…..in the middle of a dead situation.

Chapter
Eleven

             
Naturally, Ruthann was in a great mood when I got in and I did my best not to sully that.  I smiled a little when I waved and sat down on the stool so that she could tell me about her night.

             
“So?”  I asked.

             
Her smile grew.  “It was wonderful! 
He
was wonderful!  I’ve never been treated like he treated me in all my life.”

             
My own troubles began to fade away as I listened.

             
“We ate; we talked; we danced.”  She sighed when she became overwhelmed.  “I don’t know what took me so long to say yes to him,” she added.

             
“Sounds like ol’ Lou really made an impression on you.”

             
“That is such an understatement, Solei.  He didn’t just make an impression on me, I think he changed my life in one night.”

             
“Wow…”

             
She nodded.  “Yeah, when you get as old as me, you don’t have all day to wait for your heart to tell you what it wants.  You have to learn to tell
it
what
you
want.”  A smile crossed her face.  “And I want him.”  She was giddy and all red in the face just like a little girl. 

             
“I’m so glad you had fun.  When’s the next date?”

             
“Tonight.”

             
I laughed.  “Not wasting any time are you?”

             
“Nope.  I already did enough of that, giving Lou the runaround all these years he’s been asking me out.  I just wish you’d come into the picture sooner to talk some sense into me.  Might not’ve been single so long.”

             
She moved to put her inventory book back on the shelf.  “But how was your first night alone in the house?”             

             
I shrugged, unsure if I should tell her where I’d really spent the night.  “Mmm….it was..…”  I found it harder to lie to her than it is to lie to my dad.  “Truthfully, I didn’t stay there,” I finally admitted.

             
She looked at me curiously, waiting for me to explain.  “No?”

             
“No.  There was a mouse in the kitchen and I couldn’t stay there after that.”

             
“So, where’d you go?”

             
This was the part I didn’t really want to tell her.  “Well, Elan came by and caught the mouse, and…….”

             
She nodded, understanding.  I couldn’t tell if the look on her face was disappointment or concern.

             
“Nothing happened though.  We just sat around watching movies and talking.  I promise we didn’t…..”

             
She waved me off.  “Solei, I wasn’t worried about that.”

             
I was puzzled.

             
She looked me in my eye.  “I was just wondering how you dealt with being in the house with both brothers.”  She smiled a little.  “I’m sure feathers were flying last night.”

             
Ruthann knew more than I gave her credit for.  “No, but…..how’d you know that….”

             
“Elan’s very forthright about everything; always has been, so his feelings have been clear to me since I first saw him around you.  But Jolon is the one you always have to figure out and decode everything he does and says.  He may not come out and say that he cares, but he shows it.”  She paused.  “And you, on the other hand…..I see it all over your face when either of them comes into the shop.”

             
I put my head down and stared at my shoes.  “So, you must understand my dilemma then.”

             
She nodded.  “But I don’t think it’ll always feel like a dilemma.  Eventually you’ll sort it out.”

             
“I don’t know.  There are things about them both that I’m attracted to.  Looks aside.  Elan makes me laugh and smile the whole time we’re together.  He’s sweet, funny, and he’s got so much personality.  Jolon makes me feel like I’m the only woman on Earth just by looking at me.  Because he doesn’t really show his emotions all that often, I feel like I struck gold when he does.  He’s guarded, but I feel like he’s let me in a lot and that has to mean something.”  I sighed.  “I don’t know what to do.  At this point I’m already in a relationship with Elan…..but I can’t stop thinking about his brother.”

             
Ruthann sighed which didn’t make me feel better.  “Well honey, all I can advise you to do is follow your heart even if you think someone will get hurt.  Eventually those wounds will heal and everything will work out.”  She paused.  “Just make sure that you never put one in the position where he feels like he has to choose between you and his brother.  That may not be a battle you can win.” 

             
She said those words and walked away to leave me to think on them.  Even when it came time to leave for the day, they were still ringing in my head.  I’ve said from the beginning that I never wanted to come between them.  I sat in their driveway for a minute before going inside so that I could get my mind right.  I had to go in prepared to act like I hadn’t just told my boyfriend’s brother that I was in love with him and like I wasn’t having second thoughts about the relationship. 

             
I knocked and waited, holding my breath the whole time.  When Jolon answered, he stared for a moment like he had something to say but couldn’t.  Elan appeared behind him and I understood why Jolon was holding back.  He stepped aside and let Elan through to open the screen door for me.  Elan smiled when he kissed my forehead and held my purse while I removed my shoes. 

             
“How was work?”

             
I shrugged.  “Fine I guess.”

             
He looked over my shoulder at the threatening sky.  “Looks like you just beat the storm.”

             
I turned to see the deep purple clouds closing in and nodded.  “Looks that way.”

             
Elan sensed that I didn’t really feel much like talking and his smile faded a little.  “Well, the bed’s cleared off if you want to lie down or anything.  Me and Jo were just about to watch TV if you wanted to join us though.  Maybe you could call your girl over again.”  He smiled and looked over at his brother.  “I think they hit it off,” he said suggestively, obviously jumping to the same conclusion I had at first when I saw her car the next morning.  I cringed at the thought.

             
“Yeah…..maybe.”  I felt my head spinning.  “You know what though?  I think I’ll go lie down for a little while.  I haven’t been feeling all that great today.”

             
A look of concern crossed his face.  “Sure…ok.  I’ll be out here if you need anything.”

             
I smiled reassuringly and then paced down the hall, stealing a glance at Jolon on my way.  It didn’t surprise me to find that he already had his eyes on me.  It was killing me to wait and wonder what it was that he wanted to say.  But with Elan here, I’d have to wait until another time to ask.  Maybe by the time the opportunity presented itself, he would’ve lost the nerve to say it. 

             
Elan’s bed was exactly what I needed.  I made sure to close the door and leave the light off so that I could relax, pulling my jeans off and tossing them to the ground before laying back.  My mind was a mess of questions and answers that didn’t really seem to line up all that well.  I was very well aware of what I wanted and yet very unaware at the same time.  Subconsciously, I worked to suppress any feelings that I didn’t feel like admitting to and that made me tired enough that I dozed while I toiled.

             
I was awakened by a loud rumble of thunder that shook the entire house right down to the foundation.  When another flash of lightning lit up the room, I could see Elan lying beside me, sleeping as if we weren’t in the middle of War of the Worlds.  I reached for my phone on the nightstand and checked the time.  It was nearly one in the morning.  My nap turned into a coma that kept me unconscious for the entire evening.  At some point, Elan made his way into bed without me even noticing.  I lay there listening to him breathe when the thunder wasn’t drowning it out.  The arm he had draped over my side was warm and heavy, comforting me through the storm.  I settled my head back on the pillow. 

             
Not even a minute later, Elan’s phone began sounding off on his dresser, barely loud enough for me to hear.  But unlike the sound of the thunder, the ringing caused him to spring to his feet and answer.

             
“Yeah,” he said sleepily.

             
He sighed.  “Is it bad?”             

             
There was a pause while the other person spoke.  “I’ll be there.  Jo’s sleep, I’ll take care of it myself,” he replied and then hung up.

             
He stood there for a moment while he allowed himself to fully wake up, and then he called my name softly.  “Solei.”

             
Hmm,” I replied groggily.

             
“Just got a call that the basement at the library is starting to flood from all the rain.  I have to run over and fix the sump pump.  You gonna be alright if I leave you here?  Jo’s in the next room if anything happens.”

             
“Mmm hmmm,” I mumbled.

             
He leaned in and kissed my forehead before pulling on a t-shirt and leaving the room.  I heard him go into Jolon’s room first before leaving, probably to tell him what had happened.  The sound of his heavy footsteps could be heard again, trudging sleepily down the hallway, only stopping at the front door while he put on his shoes before leaving.  The heavy wooden door slammed and then I knew he was gone.  It seemed like the storm picked up as soon as he left.  The wind was howling and the rain was coming down as a steady sheet on the roof.  It was hypnotic – putting me in a trance that eventually lulled me back to sleep.

Time seemed to speed up from there.  Elan’s door eased open when he returned
quicker than I’d expected.  It closed again gently when he was in and I could barely open my eyes due to fatigue.  I turned over and pulled my shirt down a little.  I lie there on my stomach still aware of his presence in the room.  My eyes flickered open once, but I could see nothing through the darkness, not even the outline of a figure, but I could feel him.  There wasn’t any movement for a while which struck me as odd but I lay there still as ever, waiting, listening. 

Just as I was beginning to wonder if I’d imagined someone coming in at all, I heard the footsteps again, only this time they were coming toward the bed where I was pretending to be asleep.  I waited, he waited.  The sensation of the sheet being pulled off of me was so slight that I didn’t notice it until the back of one leg was completely
exposed.  Goosebumps covered my skin when the coolness of the air hit me and I squirmed sleepily in protest.  But then there were lips – warm, soft, moist lips, all up and down the backs of my calves.  Elan kissed up, and up until he came to the back of my thighs where his tongue caressed my skin in circles and then back and forth.  I exhaled, letting all the air leave my lungs when I did.  His hands, both of them, stroked while he kissed.

The insides of my legs tingled
as he slid one massive hand in between my thighs, burning a blazing hot trail everywhere his skin touched mine along the way.   He stopped about six inches above the backs of my knees – not because he wanted to, but because I made him.  I had a white-knuckle death grip on his wrist despite the fact that he was no longer pushing forward.  That didn’t matter; I still wasn’t letting him go. 

Already my emotions were all over the pla
ce and getting loose with Elan was definitely not what I needed.  I even found myself a little irritated with him for trying to pressure me again after I explained that I wasn’t ready.  My mouth was fixed to tell him that he had to stop and whatever else came out after that wasn’t my fault.  If he had the balls to come at me like this again, then he deserved whatever came to mind to say.  Just as I inhaled a breath to exhale the harsh words that were anxiously waiting to fly off my tongue…..I felt something graze against the side of my leg that caused me to shut my open mouth……
hair
– long hair.

On cue, a
nother roll of thunder made the house tremble and three sharp flashes of gray light lit up all four corners of the room, but I was barely aware of it.  I was suddenly more awake than before, trying to wrap my head around what was happening.  It was clear to me now; my late night visitor wasn’t Elan at all, it was Jolon.  I felt my chest get tight.  I was in complete and utter shock.  In my head, I had a vision of him lying in his bed while the storm raged outside.  After getting the news from his brother that it would only be the two of us here in the house alone for a length of time, the storm began to rage within him too.  I imagined him wrestling with what he wanted and what he knew was right. At some point, he lost the battle and his needs overshadowed morality which was when he decided to come to me.