Remember to Forget, Revised and Expanded (15 page)

“I'll get you some dry clothes,” I tell him.

He shakes his head, but I go into my brother's room anyway. He's at college right
now, but some of his clothes are still here. I grab a shirt, sweatpants, and towel
for Levi.

He's moved up to the kitchen, and he's standing awkwardly in the entrance. There's
a small puddle around him because he is so wet.

“Here. The bathroom's right there. I'll read this once you're out, okay?”

He nods and heads into the bathroom to change. He comes out a few minutes later.
The shirt is a little short, and I can see the lining of his underwear since the
pants are a little small too. I try not to laugh at him.

I walk into my room and sit on my bed. Levi stays standing, so I pat the spot beside
me. He hesitantly sits down.

I unfold the paper again and read it out loud.

“I have to let this out, so I'm telling you. You know, for your project, I guess
. . . And because I need to tell you this. But, anyway. My girlfriend, her name was
Delia, did you already know that? I can't remember if I told you that. It's a lot
like your name . . . She died in May. It was a car accident. It was nighttime, and
they say she was on the phone sending someone a text and I think it was to me. She
went off the road and died instantly. She would've turned 17 a week later. Just like
that, she was gone.”

I look over at Levi, and he looks like he's trying not to cry. He's biting his nails,
and his eyes are watery. I look back at the note and keep reading.

“And everywhere I go, things remind me of her. Especially you. And that scares me.
I don't think I can do any more for your project, it hurts too much. So I'm telling
you this so you have enough information to finish it. I don't think I can do anything
with you anymore.
I think I have to be alone, not with you or Aiden or anyone. I
don't like how I'm feeling lately, and I don't want to get attached to anyone here.
I think I just need to figure things out on my own. And I don't even know if we're
considered friends, but I just need to be alone. I hope you understand, and I hope
this is enough for your project. I hope we can all just pretend like we never met
each other because it's too much for me to handle right now. I'm sorry.”

I look at Levi again, and he won't look me in the eyes. I don't say anything for
a while. I don't know what to say. What do you say when someone tells you that?

Levi doesn't want me or Aiden or anyone in his life.

“Levi, I understand, but—”

He shakes his head quickly and covers his ears. I put my hands over his and slowly
bring his hands down.

“Just listen, please. It's okay to be afraid of how you're feeling. I don't know
how you feel, and I won't try to figure it out. But Aiden and I are here for you
if you ever need us. I hope you know that. If you have to be alone, you can do that.
But I can't pretend like I never met you.”

Levi finally looks at me, and he starts to cry. He quickly wipes under his eyes.
He then reaches out and hugs me, which I didn't expect. His wet hair rubs against
my cheek as he pulls away.

He slowly stands up from the bed and grabs his wet clothes from the floor. He waves
and heads out of my room, leaving me sitting alone.

I'm kind of stunned and confused by what just happened. I didn't expect that at all.
I feel like Levi is constantly leaving me confused.

I feel sad too. I thought we were becoming friends, maybe.

I fold and unfold the paper. I read it again and run my fingers over the words Levi
has written.

And everywhere I go, things remind me of her. Especially you.

For some reason, I remind him of Delia. I don't know if it's just because of the
names or if there's more.

“Levi, wait!” I yell, quickly running out of my room. I can't just let him leave
like that.

I stop short in the hallway because Levi is standing there, his hair dripping, his
eyes red, and his cheeks stained with tears.

He drops his clothes on the ground and pulls out his phone to type something.

“I didn't make it very far. I forgot my socks.”

“Oh, um, all right,” I say awkwardly.

He gets his socks and stands in the doorway.

“I guess this is good-bye for now,” I tell him from the top of the steps. He opens
the door and leaves. I watch him walk down the street until I can't see him anymore.

Just like that, he's gone.

Chapter Twenty

LEVI

I
walk into the waiting room for a therapy session, and of course Delilah is behind
the front desk. It's been almost a week since I last saw her, and I've been doing
pretty well avoiding her until now.

“Hi, Levi,” she says quietly when I walk past the desk.

I don't do anything in response. I sit in the farthest possible seat from Delilah.

I can't help but notice that she's wearing a shirt Delia had.

“That song is horrible, Caleb. How do you—Levi! You just spilled your water all over
my shirt!” Delia shrieks.

I bite my lip to try not to laugh. “Oops, sorry!”

“You're so clumsy. You're lucky it's just water.”

“Want my shirt?” I offer.

“Please, say no,” Caleb says.

“It's fine,” she says, laughing. “It'll dry.”

“Sorry,” I say, snickering.

“I hate you,” Delia mumbles as she leans her head on my shoulder.

“I hate you more,” I whisper.

“I hate you guys the most,” Caleb says.

“Shut up,” we say in unison.

“I'm just saying, this is my house. You guys come in here and eat my food and curl
up together on the couch. It's my house. You're supposed to do things with me.”

“We're not going to do things with you,” I say, laughing.

Delia slaps my shoulder, but I can tell she's trying not to laugh.

“I hate you so much, Levi,” Caleb says, rolling his eyes.

I get off the couch and run over to Caleb, who's sitting in a beanbag chair. I wrap
my arms around him and nearly crush him.

“Caleb needs a cuddle,” I say in a childlike voice.

“I do not,”he says, shoving me off of him. “Go back to your girlfriend.”

I lay on the floor and poke Caleb in the cheek. “C'mon. Smile!”

He pushes my hand away. “No.”

“You're no fun,” I say. I hug in my knees and rest my head on top of them. I smile
cheesily at Caleb, and he looks up at Delia.

“Your boyfriend is a weirdo,” he says.

“When will you stop referring to us as boyfriend and girlfriend? We have names,”
Delia says.

“When you break up.”

“Who says we'll break up?” Delia and I say in unison. Again.

Caleb laughs. “It's creepy how you always say the same thing.”

“You're just jealous,” I tell him.

Delia leaves for a second to go get something to eat, leaving Caleb and me alone.

“Have you told her that you love her yet?” Caleb asks quietly.

Caleb knows everything about me, and vice versa. We tell each other everything—he's
like a brother to me.

I look down at my hands. “No.”

“You need to tell her.”

“Tell me what?” Delia asks, returning quicker than expected.

“I, um, there's a, uh— That I'm really hungry,” I say, reaching over for some of
the pretzels she brought.

She rolls her eyes. “You could've told me before. I would've brought more.”

“Levi?” I hear Delilah say. I look up and see Candace standing in the waiting room.

“I called you a few times, Levi,” Candace says, smiling widely.

She's way too happy all the time.

I stand up and walk past Delilah without looking at her. I sit on the same couch
I always sit on, and Candace sits across from me.

“So, how are you feeling today?” Candace asks.

Anxious. Upset. Tired. What else is new?

I shrug.

“How's everything going with your dad? You haven't been in to see me for little over
a month.”

I give her a thumbs up. I kept cancelling appointments because I didn't want to come.

“That's good. You don't want to write on the board today?”

I shake my head no.

“All right. Hmm . . . Have you met any other people yet? Made any friends?”

I think about Aiden and Delilah.

I shake my head no.

“Maybe you could try one of the support groups again. I know you did one a few months
ago in Australia, but maybe now you'll like it more. You'll get to meet some people.”

I glare at her and raise my eyebrows. I am not going to another support group. You're
supposed to talk at those, which is something I clearly don't do.

I know that Candace is trying to be helpful, but today she's annoying me. I want
to leave; I don't feel like being here today. I just want to go to sleep.

I look up at the whanda painting. I still haven't determined if it's a whale or panda.
It could be neither.

“I know Delilah lives in your neighborhood. Have you met her?”

I look at Candace, a little shocked from the mention of Delilah's name. I shake my
head yes slowly.

“See! You have met people!” she says happily.

I roll my eyes.

I've barely thought about Delilah since I last saw her. Now Candace has to bring
her up, which is making me think about her.

I wonder what Delilah wanted to tell me when she ran out into the hall before I left.
She looked so upset and sad.

I hadn't really forgotten my socks. I was standing there debating whether or not
to leave. I almost walked back into her room.

But I couldn't. I trudged home in the rain, feeling horrible and strangely upset.
I thought I would feel better knowing that I wouldn't have Delilah in my life.

Even though, in a way, I feel better when I'm with her.

No, I don't. I can't.

I need to stop thinking about her.

Candace asks a few more questions in hopes of getting some responses from me. She
asks I've been taking my pills, which I nod in response to. I'm getting better and
try to take them every day.

The visit with Candace finally ends, and thankfully, when I leave, Delilah isn't
anywhere to be seen. The car ride home is silent like it usually is.

When we get home, Aiden is outside. He waves when we get out of the car.

“Hey!” he yells, walking over.

I guess Delilah didn't tell him.

“Hi, Aiden!” my dad says, shutting his car door.

I force myself to smile a little. I'm not really in the mood to see Aiden right now.

“I haven't seen you in a while,” Aiden says, smiling. “Thought you went back to Australia
or something!”

I shake my head no and roll my eyes. Not in the rude way, though.

I yawn and walk inside, leaving my dad and Aiden outside.

I go into my room and find a shipping box has tumbled off my desk. I still haven't
unpacked a lot of my things, and I don't think I will since most of my stuff was
sent over after I got here. I bend down and pick up the box, but most of the things
fall out.

Everything inside is old pictures, newspaper clippings, awards, stuff like that.

As I move the box, a picture of Delia and me lands on top of my foot.

I put the box down and grab the picture, holding it tightly in my hand. I run my
finger gently over the edges.

I've tried not to look at pictures since she died. I didn't even know that I still
had a box full of them. My mum must have packed it without me knowing. I used to
have a lot of pictures, especially of Delia.

The photo is of us outside. Both of us are laughing. I don't remember what was so
funny, but we're in our school uniforms. It looks like it was taken a few months
before she died. Her nose is crinkled, which always happened when she laughed too
hard.

I quickly put the photo into the box before I start crying. I decide not to look
at the rest of the pictures; I'll save those for another day, when I'm ready. If
I ever am. I doubt I will be.

I quickly pick up the rest of the things that fell out of the box and put them back
inside. It will probably be months before the box is opened again.

After looking at the picture, I can't help but notice that Delilah scrunches her
nose like that when she laughs too.

They have so many similarities. I'm not sure if I'm imagining them, or if they really
are alike. It seems impossible for two girls to be almost exact replicas of one another.
Even their names are alike. Maybe it's all in my mind. They do act somewhat differently,
though. Delia was outgoing and loud, while Delilah is a little quieter. Maybe she's
only quiet around me, because with Aiden she seems more comfortable, which is understandable.
I haven't been so great to her since I met her.

I really do mess everything up, don't I?

Suddenly, Aiden barges into my room.

“Hey, haven't seen you in awhile!” he says happily, sitting down on my bed. “So,
what's up?”

I type quickly in my phone, “I take it Delilah didn't tell you?”

“Tell me what?” he asks, tilting his head to the side.

I sigh. I didn't want to have to go through this again, as it was hard enough the
first time.

I search through my desk drawer for the letter I have for Aiden. I wrote one for
him too just in case this happened. I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this.

I hand him the letter. It's almost exactly what I told Delilah, except I didn't include
the things about Delia. I just told him I needed some time alone to think about things.