Revelation: A Contemporary Erotic Romance (Iris Series) (30 page)

He looked her in the eye.  “I don’t believe you.”

“Well,” she growled in frustration and confusion, “tough shit!”  She heard her voice waver.  Why was he making this so difficult?  She was doing him a favor.  Maybe he liked the sex, but he would find someone better. 

When the thought of him doing this with another woman blindsided her, she couldn’t stop the sob that escaped.  She wouldn’t want to know if he found another woman after her.  It might kill her and then she’d seriously want to kill the woman. Then him. 

Then she’d want to crawl into a hole and die. 

She was so confused.  She needed him out of the apartment.  She could feel herself beginning to panic.

He was staring at her face and she wondered how many of her thoughts he could read on her it.

“I need you to go,” she whispered, her eyes looking anywhere but at his face.

“Shh,” he soothed, trying to calm her.  “I’m not leaving.”

“I need you to go,” she said more forcefully, trying to calm her breathing.

“Just like that?  You’re done?  You’re not even gonna try this out?”  He stared at her for what seemed like forever.  She could feel herself tamping down the panic and the tears, and as if sensing she was going to lose it, he rolled off the bed.  She immediately scrambled up the bed so she could sit up, her work clothes in disarray.

Breathe, Em.  Breathe.
  She bit down on her lower lip to stop from begging him to stay.

He turned his eyes on her, looking more tired than he’d looked at the beginning of the night.  The thought that her words could’ve exhausted him more than the murder scene he’d witnessed cruelly smacked her in the face.

I’m so scared, Mike.  Please understand.

“I’m giving you time.  And during that time, I want you to think.  About you and me.  About what’s real.  Not what you
perceive
to be real, not what you’re afraid
isn’t
real, but what
is
real, Em.  The ball is in your court now,” he said.  “I’m not gonna call you,” he said, sounding like he was trying to convince himself just as much as her.  “You want time to think then you take it, but –” 

He didn’t finish his statement, just stared at her one last time, then turned and left.  When she heard the front door close, she buried her face into her hands and for the first time in ages, she cried.

Thirteen Years Earlier

Emily was on her back, reclining on her double bed with her right leg crossed over her left.  She looked up at the ceiling and zeroed in on the poster that was taped there of John Rzeznik, the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls.  She crooned along with the song playing by them on her stereo, falling into a deep reflective state. 

And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand.  When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am…

Emily lay there humming to the music and staring at the ceiling. When she’d seen the movie
City of Angels
the summer before, she’d cried like a baby.  She was such a sucker for romances, whether they were good or bad. The song she was listening to was the main soundtrack for the movie and whenever she listened to it, she always thought of the same question:  Would there ever be a man to love her with such intensity, like Nicolas Cage did Meg Ryan?

She sighed. 

She was lonely.

Ever since ‘the incident’ she’d been in some kind of limbo.

The incident about which she was thinking was regarding her best friend, Taylor.  It had been six months since her friend had been date raped by Richie Sutton, one of the popular football players at their high school in the suburb of Boston where they lived.  Taylor had called Emily the night it happened after she’d gotten home from the date with him, and thankfully Emily had been able to convince her to go to the police.

She knew from being the niece of a prominent lawyer in the city that Taylor shouldn’t take a shower or anything.  Taylor needed to get to the cops as quickly as possible, but Taylor was so scared no one would believe her.  That’s when Emily called Uncle Ethan.  He took care of things and eventually Richie was brought up on charges and sent to a juvenile facility.

It didn’t happen without fallout, though.  In addition to the initial psychological damage Taylor had undergone, things were made worse when many friends turned on Taylor due to Richie being so well-liked.  Even though she had done nothing wrong, kids still taunted her.

Emily did everything in her power to protect her.  She’d convinced her parents to sign her up for self-defense classes so she could always be ready in case she or Taylor was ever in a dangerous situation.  She wanted to feel stronger, more empowered.  She needed that confidence because unfortunately she had been cursed with her maternal grandmother’s DNA, which basically meant at fourteen she barely cleared five feet in height.  She could only hope she still had a few good inches left in her.

Since that awful night, all of the friends she’d had since kindergarten seemed to fall away. 

The defense classes helped.  The instructors were hot and she always felt good after learning moves from them, but she missed her friends.

She missed Taylor and the friendship they’d had.  Things weren’t the same, understandably.  They still remained close, but Emily could feel herself pulling away from her closest friend subconsciously, not wanting to add to Taylor’s troubles by sharing her own issues. 

A knock at her bedroom door pulled her from her musings.

“Come in,” she said over the music.

Her mom popped her head in.  “Hey.  Don’t forget Uncle Ethan and Aunt April will be here for dinner with the boys.  We have about a half an hour before they’re here.  Can you help with setting the table?”

“Yeah,” she said.  “I’ll be right down.”

Her mom smiled and closed the door.  Emily had forgotten they were all coming over.  That immediately cheered her up.  Being an only child and hating it, she loved it when her cousins came over.  They were practically her brothers and seeing them along with her aunt and uncle always made her feel better.

She got off the bed to change. 

Maybe she would talk to Aunt April about how she’d been feeling.  Emily loved her mom to death, but for whatever reason, she and Aunt April just clicked on a deeper level.  Or she could talk to Jonathan or Mark if she needed to. 

Again, she wondered if there would ever be a day when she would find a guy who would
get
her like her cousins did.  When she was with them, she always felt safe and secure.

Understood.

She stood up on her bed then kissed her hand and jumped up to hit the poster of her celebrity crush’s mouth.

Maybe someday.

Present Day

Tuesday, she was a zombie. 
He’ll be happier without you.

Wednesday she wasn’t that much better, especially after getting her period.  She should’ve been happy.  At least she wasn’t pregnant. 
Which is good on many levels because he doesn’t do long term.  It’s better this way.

Thursday, Terrence told her she looked like someone from
The Walking Dead
TV series. 
He was the only man who understood you and you threw him away.

Friday, she decided she wouldn’t go to the training the next day and she called Rene.  She didn’t need to be there anyway. 
I can’t bear to see him.  It hurts too much.

She reached for the phone to call Rene.  Once they were connected and Emily was brought up to speed on how everyone was doing, she mentioned she wouldn’t be at the training.  Then Rene mentioned she was glad that Emily had called.

“Did you have a question about something?” Emily asked.

“Well, I was going to tell everyone at the training, but since you won’t be there, I’ll tell you now.  Guess who I got a call from this week?”  She didn’t sound happy about it, whomever the call was from.

“Who?”

“Remember I was telling you all about the stepfather of one of our kids?  The guy who works at the same hospital as Drew?”

“Yeah.  Vincent something.”

“Vincent Strover.  Well, we sent paperwork home this week with the upperclassmen since it was their first week back.  It was just basic schedule updates and changes, but for the boys we sent along an announcement about the new mentoring curriculum which talked about you, the men in the program and the basic gist of it along with how it’s gonna start in a couple of weeks with each Friday’s health class.”

“Okay?”

“So, Mr. Strover called this morning and gave me an earful,” she said dryly.  “Apparently, he’s not happy with the program.  He actually said he didn’t want it to turn Kevin into a pansy kid.”  She huffed out a breath.  “Can you believe it?  I mean in this day and age, in New York City, I couldn’t believe he said it.”

“Oh, for cryin’ out loud.  What’s his problem with the curriculum?”

“He says it sounds too touchy feely to him.  I assured him the curriculum had been approved by the principal and board over the summer and that the men who were chosen were top notch.  I even mentioned Drew, thinking that might appease him.”

“But it didn’t?”

“No.  He didn’t claim to know him, but planned on doing his own research on the guys.  Pardon my French, but the guy’s an absolute asshole,” she whispered.  It was obvious she was trying to keep her voice down.

“So, is he saying Kevin can’t be a part of it, or something?”

“He didn’t go that far, but he wants to do some research on it first.  I told him I’d be happy to pass along whatever info he needed.  Unbelievable.”

Emily sighed.  “Well, I guess not every person will be open to it.  Hence the reason for doing the program, right?  If these boys aren’t getting healthy examples at home, they gotta get ’em somewhere.  It is ridiculous though.  Makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with people.”

“Yeah.  Well, I’ll keep you posted if anything comes of it, but I just wanted to pass it along.”

“Definitely tell the guys tomorrow.”

“I will.  I just feel bad that Kevin has to live with this guy.  He’s a sweet kid.”

“Yeah.  No comments from the mom?”

“No.  Just the stepdad.”

“Okay, well, like you said.  Keep me posted.  If I need to pull out the lawyerly shit, just let me know.”

“Will do.  You’re gonna be missed this week.”

“That’s sweet, but you guys are good to go.  You need to take this and make it your own anyway –”

“I know, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“Oh?”  Her stomach twisted.

“Yeah.  I think Mike especially will be disappointed you aren’t here.”  She said it with a smile, she could tell.  “Unless he already knows you’re not coming.”  She was fishing.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.”  She swallowed, not sure if she could handle hearing anymore and missing him to the point of pain. 

“Maybe,” she said in a sing songy voice.  “But I personally think you have a fan in Detective Michael Callahan.  Poor guy is gonna be all mopey when you don’t show up,” she teased.

Emily forced a laugh and said, “We’ll talk next week.”  After she disconnected, she didn’t know what to feel.  She honestly didn’t know what to do about Mike. 

Regarding Vincent Strover, she felt invigorated.  It made her realize how much this program was needed.  It also made her think more about the sister program idea.  Maybe she should do a mock-up of something this weekend.  It would help keep her distracted.

And keep her from thinking of tall dark men with soft brown eyes.

……

Saturday and Sunday, she buried herself in work, exercised at the studio, and slept.  She couldn’t get enough sleep.  She knew she was depressed, but she couldn’t get herself out of her slump. 
It’s your own fault.

Sunday night she got a call from Jonathan.

“Hey, Emmie.  Just checkin’ in,” Jon said when he called.

“Hey.  What’s goin’ on?”

“First week of school started last week,” he said on a yawn.  “Back to the grind.”

She smiled.  “Yup.  Did it go alright?”

“Yeah.  I’ve had a couple of the guy students come up to me already about the mentoring program.  Asking lots of questions.  They all look stoked about it which is cool.”

“Good.  Hey, any chance Kevin Nolan spoke to you?”

“Yeah, as a matter fact.  He was curious about it, nervous, I would say.  I’ve already mentioned it to Rene.  I’m hoping his stepfather won’t be a problem.  I’ve only met his mom back when I taught him as a freshman, but I haven’t seen her since then.  Thankfully, I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting the stepdad.”

“So obviously Rene filled you all in on his phone call to her?”

“Yeah.  The guy sounds like a douche.  Ryann called me a couple of days ago after Jeremy told her.  Jeremy had wanted to know if she’d ever taught Kevin when she was at the Academy.  She said she dealt with the stepdad at the end of Kevin’s freshman year when she taught him and said the guy was scary.  Her word.”