Riddley Walker (21 page)

So sad I fealt then. Sad and emty with a crying in me. I fealt like that Other Voyce Owl of the Worl musve lissent the woal worl a way and every thing gone. Every thing emtyd out of the worl and out of me.

Funny fealing come on me then I fealt like that Power wer a Big Old Father I wantit it to do me like Granser done Goodparley I wantit it to come in to me hard and strong long and strong. Let me be your boy, I thot.

Stanning on them old broakin stoans I fealt like it _wer_ coming in to me then and taking me strong. Fealt like it wer the han of Power clampt on the back of my neck fealt the Big Old Father spread me and take me. Fealt the Power in me I fealt strong with it and weak with it boath.

And stil I fealt a nother way. Grean rot sweating on the old grey broakin stoans all roun me and number creaper growing on the rubbl. I knowit Cambry Senter ben flattent the werst of all the dead town senters it ben Zero Groun it ben where the wite shadderd stood up over every thing. Yet unner neath that Zero Groun I lissent up a swarming it wer a humming like a millying of bees it wer like 10s of millyings. I begun to feal all juicy with it. Juicy for a woman. Longing for it hard and hevvy stanning ready. Not jus my cock but all of me it wer like all of me wer cock and all the worl a cunt and open to me. The dogs begun running roun me all in a circel roun and roun with ther littl heads up hy and ther hy sholders up. They begun running on ther hynt legs. The sky wer black the stoans gone wite the dogs gone all diffrent shyning colours and the wite stoans shyning thru them. I tryd to hol it like that but I los it I wernt man a nuff right then. I cud boy for the other but I cudnt man for her what has her woom in Cambry.

The sky gone grey the stoans gone grey the dogs gone back to how they lookit befor and come down on to all 4s. It wernt a circel it wer a nother shape they wer running like a black rivver out and a roun out and a roun it wer a big shape they wer running in amongst the rubbl and a roun I begun to run it with them. It wer 2ce as wide acrost as the divvy roof at How Fents I run it 3 times roun befor I knowit jus what shape it wer. It wer a dolly shape it wer like the woman dollys they hang over where a womans bearthing. Which them dollys theyre the same shape as the woman cakes they bake. Not realy like a real woman shape its a bulgy body like a jug or a flask with a littl roun head.

The out line of that shape ben dug out of the broakin stoan and rubbl it wer the line of a old old wall in that woman dolly shape it wer that same and very 1 what has her woom in Cambry.

. . . Shes that same 1 shows her moon self or she jus shows her old old nite and no moon. Shes that same 1 every thing and all of us come out of. Shes what she is . . .

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I cud feal all them millyings of bees humming in me but they wer humming the emtyness they wer humming what I cudnt hol when them dogs ben running shyning colours on ther hynt legs they wer humming what Id los. Yet Id knowit the shape of nite Id gone in to the nite in the day time. Not a nuff. Do your mos nor it aint a nuff. Miss your connexion nor you dont even know til its ben and gone.

The woom of her what has her woom in Cambry aint inside the out line what the dogs ben runnin its a littl to the Wes of that which its unner neath the groun. Thats where I gone sad and emty it wer the dogs took me to it. Old stoan steps going down to it. That wer the hoal where the Eusa folk ben I lissent that strait a way. It wernt dark there winders ben dug out of the rubbl it wer like that shaddery � lite youwl see amongst the trees on a grey day. When ever Id thot of a hoal with Eusa folk in it Id thot of some thing filfy with a terbel pong like the hoal in Bernt Arse where Id foun Lissener. This place wer clean tho nor it dint have no pong it smelt good it had jus the fayntes foller of a bernt smel like the goast of the blue smoak in amongst the aulders.

Seed of the littl

Seed of the wyld

Seed of the berning is hart of the chyld

I dont have nothing only words to put down on paper. Its so hard. Some times theres mor in the emty paper nor there is when you get the writing down on it. You try to word the big things and they tern ther backs on you. Yet youwl see stanning stoans and ther backs wil talk to you. The living stoan wil all ways have the living wood in it I know that. With the hart of the chyld in it which that hart of the chyld is in that same and very thing what lives inside us and afeart of being beartht.

The wood be come stoan in the woom of her what has her woom in Cambry. That place unner the groun where I wer it wer a wood of stoan it wer stoan trees growing unner the groun. Parbly that stoan ben cut and carvit by them as made them jynt music pipes I never seen. Roun trunks of stoan and each 1 had 4 stoan branches curving up and over Norf Eas Souf and Wes all them curving branches they connectit 1 tree to a nother. Stoan branches holding up the over head and growt in to it. Stoan branches unner a stoan sky. A stoan wood unner the groun the hart of the wood in the hart of the stoan in the woom of her what has her woom in Cambry.

I fel down on to my knees then I cudnt stan up I cudnt lif up my head. The 1 Big 1 the Master Chaynjis it wer all roun me. Wood in to stoan and stoan in to wood. Now it showit 1 way now a nother. The stoan stans. The stoan moves. In the stanning and the moving is the tree. Pick the appel off it. Hang the man on it. Out of the holler of it comes the berning chyld. Unner the stoan. See the bird boan. Thin as grass. Be coming grass.

I opent my mouf and mummering only dint have no words to mummer. Jus only letting my froat make a soun.

Becaws it come to me what it wer wed los. It come to me what it wer as made them peopl time back way back bettern us. It wer knowing how to put ther selfs with the Power of the wood be come stoan. The wood in the stoan and the stoan in the wood. The idear in the hart of every thing.

If you cud even jus only put your self right with 1 stoan. Thats what kep saying its self in my head. If you cud even jus only put your self right with 1 stoan youwd be moving with the girt dants of the every thing the 1 Big 1 the Master Chaynjis. Then you myt have the res of it or not. The boats in the air or what ever. What ever you done wud be right.

Them as made Canterbury musve put ther selfs right. Only it dint stay right did it. Somers in be twean them stoan trees and the Power Ring they musve put ther selfs wrong. Now we dint have the 1 nor the other. Them stoan trees wer stanning in the dead town only wed los the knowing of how to put our selfs with the Power of the wood the Power in the stoan. Plus wed los the knowing whatd woosht the Power roun the Power Ring.

May be all there ever ben wer jus only 1 minim when any thing ever cud be right and that minim all ways gone befor you seen it. May be soons that 1st stoan tree stood up the wrongness hung there in the branches of it the wrongness ben the 1st frute of the tree.

I put my han on a stoan tree trunk. There wernt no grean rot on it the stoan fealt clean and dry. In the � lite in the grey lite it lookit like it wer stanning in its oan time not the same time I wer in. Cud it hear the music of them los jynt pipes I wunnert. Fealing the carving unner my hans it wer like shaller runnels cut in the stoan. The runnels come down strait and parrel 1 to the other. Then they ziggit then they zaggit then gone strait agen. Running my han over the strait and over the zig zag. Fealing how other hans done the same thing time back way back. Some 1 carvit that stoan with a chiswel and mowlit then they run ther han over it. That carving wudve took some time too. 1st that stoan trunk ben shapit roun then the runnels ben cut in to it. Then there wudve ben the fitting to do the measuring and the cutting and the pegging and the hoaling and the joyning when they fittit them curving branches on to the trunks. They wudve had to prop them branches with shapers wunt they. All of that to make that wood of stoan. All them hans digging and cutting and hoysting and joyning and carving. All of that to put the Power of the wood to gether with the Power of the stoan in that wood of stoan trees.

This nex what Im writing down it aint no story tol to me nor it aint no dream. Its jus some thing come in to my head wylst I ben on my knees there in that stoan wood in the woom of her what has her woom in Cambry. So Im writing it down here.

_Stoan_

Stoans want to be lissent to. Them big brown stoans in the formers feal they want to stan up and talk like men. Some times youwl see them lying on the groun with ther humps and hollers theywl say to you, Sit a wyl and res easy why dont you. Then when youre sitting on them theywl talk and theywl tel if you lissen. Theywl tel whats in them but you wont hear nothing what theyre saying without you go as fas as the stoan. You myt think a stoan is slow thats becaws you wont see it moving. Wont see it walking a roun. That dont mean its slow tho. There are the many cools of Addom which they are the party cools of stoan. Moving in ther millyings which is the girt dants of the every thing its the fastes thing there is it keaps the stilness going. Reason you wont see it move its so far a way in to the stoan. If you cud fly way way up like a saddelite bird over the sea and you lookit down you wunt see the waves moving youwd see them change 1 way to a nother only you wunt see them moving youwd be too far a way. You wunt see nothing only a changing stilness. Its the same with a stoan.

Theres a kynd of stoan its all mos like a mud stoan it aint hard. Some times youwl see 1 broak open all mos like it ben shapit with a ax. It looks like 1 cut then a nother making a poynt like a short beak. Owl beak or hawk beak some times you can see the eye bulge unner the skin of the stoan. Wel them stoans aint ben ax shapit theyve broak ther selfs open its that bird head in the stoan what peckt the stoan a part. Some times youwl see the 2 peaces sill to gether the bird head and the other to gether they look like a broakin hart.

Come back a nother time the bird head wont be there no mor nor it dint grow a bird body on to its self and fly a way. What it done it growit a man body on to its self and off it gone walking its self a way. Stoan men growt out of the bird head in the stoan 1 for every 1 of us. Where they are theyre up side down in the groun. Like youwl see a picter of your self up side down in the water theres a stoan self of your self in the groun and walking foot to foot with you. You put your foot down and theywl put ther foot up and touching yours. Walking with you every step of the way yet youwl never see them.

Theywl stay unner the groun longs youre on top of it. Comes your time to ly down for ever then the stoan man comes to the top of the groun they think theywl stan up then. They cant do it tho. Onlyes strenth they had ben when you ben a live. Theyre lying on the groun trying to talk only theres no soun theres grean vines and leaves growing out of ther mouf. Them vines getting thicker and pulling the sides of the mouf wide and the leaves getting bigger curling roun the head. Vines growing out of ther mouf. Vines and leaves growing out of the nose hoals and the eyes then breaking the stoan mans face a part. Back in to earf agen. Them stoans ben trying to talk only they never wil theyre jus only your earf stoans your unner walkers. Trying to be men only cant talk. They had earf for sky wylst you had air. Its jus only stoan men walking unner the groun like that. Women have some thing else.

Your other stoans your stoan stoans not earf stoans they talk ther oan way which is stoan talk. They ben there wylst you ben walking theywl be there when you ly down. The hart of the wud is in the hart of the stoan where the girt dants is.

That come to me in the Eusa hoal in Cambry with the dogs all roun me that day. From now on when I write down about the tree in the stoan Iwl write _wud_ not wood. You see what Im saying its the hart of the wud its the hart of the wanting to be.

You cant all ways know when some things happent. Some times youwl think there ben some thing and realy it ben nothing at all. Other times you dont take no noatis til later it comes to you what happent.

This time in the Eusa hoal in Cambry I knowit wer some thing happent. Some thing come in to me. Some thing I lissent out of that place. Else how cud I have in my mynd how the saddelite bird a way way up over the sea looks down on the waves. I can sill see it in my mynd the blue water and the wite foam far far a way down be low me. Thinking then of when Goodparley ben terpiting of the Eusa Legend and there ben that part about the open sea which he terpitit that wer open _see_.

Thinking on that other thing that with the stoan men I cud see it in my mynd so plain that face with the vines and leaves growing out of the mouf. Them stoans like birds heads Id seen them times a nuff but the face with the vines and leaves Id never seen. I knowit that dint come out of my mynd it musve come in to it from somers. Where ever that mans face come from it fult me sad. It wer a thick kynd of face. Thick nose lookit like it ben bustit. Thick mouf � open and the leafy vines growing out of boath sides and curling up roun his head. Lookit like he myt be wearing a hood as wel. The way his mouf wer open and how his eyes lookit it wer like he dint know what to make of it. Like he ben breaving and suddn the breaf coming out of his mouf ternt in to vines and leaves. Cudnt swaller them back and tryd to bite them off but theyre too hard and thick and pulling his mouf a part wider all the time. His eyes wide open with sir prize. Lite grean eyes open so wide.

The look of that face saying so many diffrent things only no words to say them with. Never seen that face befor yet it wer a face I knowit. Take a way the vines and leaves and it myt be Punchs face or it even myt be Eusas face. Which wud be on the front of Eusas head wunnit. Id never realy thot much on that befor. How Eusas face and headwd go to gether.

That face in my mynd with the vines and leaves growing out of the mouf I begun to see it wer the onlyes face there wer. It wer every face. It wer the face of the boar I kilt and the dog that old leader. It wer the face of my father what ben kilt in the digging. It wer Belnot Phist hung up by his hans tyd behynt him and it wer the Littl Shyning Man. Wer it the Ardship of Cambry and all? The Ardship dint have no eyes in his face. And yet myt it be him? I dint know I cudnt say. I cudnt put that face to gether with his face. And yet we wer moon brothers. Goodparley? Yes it wer Goodparleys face moren any bodys may be. Orfings as wel becaws Goodparleys face all ways had Orfings in it. What wer it made the Ardship odd 1 out then? Why wer it every bodys face only not his? I dint know.