Rise (24 page)

chapter 33

My eyes scanned the room as the teacher lifelessly read from the Power Point presentation flashing on the Smart Screen in front of the room. His lack of enthusiasm for the subject matter matched my lack of enthusiasm for life in general.

Since returning to New York almost a month before, my life had become nothing more than a series of days that I was left to trudge through until I could manage to make my way back to the sanctity of my bedroom. Back from Christmas break for only a week, as of right now, I had less than ten minutes until the final bell for the day announced that I was free to escape again to the freedom of the weekend.

The noise level increased around me as the students, neatly dressed in their school uniforms, began to get restless. Papers ruffled, chairs slid across the carpeted floor and clanked against the metal desk legs, and pencils pounded rhythmically on desktops as the kids’ attention spans reached the nonexistent level.

Even with thirty people surrounding me, I was the loneliest I’d ever been. More lonely because now I knew what I was missing. I’d been given a glimpse into having a full life, and in an effort to repair my relationship with my dad and try to clear my head, I’d given it all up. When I’d lost Mom and Melody, I’d grieved the loss of their lives. Now, I was grieving the loss of my own.

Finally making my way out of the building and toward home, I was surprised at the amount of fog that hung over the college town. Visibility was less than a few feet, and I was relieved that I’d chosen to walk to school that day rather than drive. Traffic was sure to be slow and dangerous, and I for one wasn’t interested in risking another car accident.

Staying off the sidewalk, I listened as I sloshed through people’s front yards. The ground was practically seeping with water due to the large amount of rain that had poured down on Ithaca over the past several days. Although most everyone was ready for the rain to come to an end, I was hoping it would remain. The sad weather matched my mood and brought me a bit of comfort. Were the sun to start shining, I might feel the need to improve my outlook, and I wasn’t quite ready for that to happen.

“Attie, is that you?” Dad yelled from the back of the house as I walked through the back door.

“As if it would be anyone else,” I muttered. “Yes,” I called back. “The one and only.”

He stuck his head out his office door and smiled; I knew the smile wasn’t sincere. When his smiles were sincere, they were wide, showed his teeth, and caused lines to form around the edges of his bright eyes. With this smile, the one he’d started giving me once I returned home, his lips were tightly closed and barely curved up in the corners, and his eyes stayed dull. “How was your day?”

“Great.” I was trying to act like I was happy to be home. We were living a lie, and I think we both knew it.

“Sicily called and invited you to a party tonight.”

“Sicily? A party?”

“Betty’s daughter—you remember her, don’t you? I think she’s only a year older than you.”

“Yes,” I lied. “I remember her.”

A college party sounded like exactly what I needed to pull me out of my funk, if in fact I wanted to be out of my funk, which I didn’t.

“Anyway, she’ll be here at eight o’clock to pick you up. It’ll be good for you to get out of the house for a little while and have some fun.”

“Great,” I lied. I looked over and noticed Baby lying on the couch. She hadn’t been the same since we moved up north. Her excitement for life was completely gone.

“What about dinner?” I asked. “Do you want me to make us something?”

“Can’t do dinner, sweetie. I’ve got to head out. I’ve got a meeting.”

“On a Friday night?”

He gave me a sympathetic smile.

“Okay … well, maybe tomorrow we can go to lunch or something.”

“I wish I could, but I’ve got to work at the clinic tomorrow. Maybe dinner?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

I turned and moped down the stairs, dragging my backpack behind me and letting it fall down each riser as I went. I’d given up everything to come back to New York and repair the relationship with my dad, and so far, he hadn’t given up anything. He was gone almost as much as he had been before I moved to Oklahoma. The only difference this time—he was acting like he was happy to have me. And that was the problem. He was acting.

After jumping onto the bed, I fumbled through my backpack, pulled out my cell phone, scrolled through the names, and dialed.

He answered on the second ring. “Attiline! Hey, baby girl, how are you?”

“I’m good.”

“I can tell in your voice that isn’t true. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s going on.”

“How are you and your dad?”

“We’re okay.”

“Is he spending time with you?”

“A little bit. Not much since Christmas, or tonight or tomorrow—but eventually I guess.”

“I’m sorry. If he doesn’t come around soon, I’m coming up there and dragging you home.” I could hear frustration in his voice.

He made me smile even though I knew he wasn’t telling the truth. It wasn’t his place to interfere, and we both knew it. He wouldn’t come and get me unless I asked.

“It’ll all be all right. I know Eddie; he’ll come around.”

We were silent for a few moments before I finally spoke again. “I guess we shouldn’t go on avoiding the obvious.” I took a deep breath. “So do we dare talk about it?”

“I don’t know. I’ll follow your lead. What do you think? Can you handle it?”

A large, disappointing sigh flew out of my throat. “I’m upset, devastated, heartbroken—I don’t know what other words I can use to describe how I’m feeling. It all looked promising for so long, and then it went and ended so badly.”

“I know.” I could hear his pain. “How do you make it so far and then lose it—again? What on earth is happening?”

“I don’t know. They looked horrible. I haven’t seen the Sooners look that bad in I don’t know how long.”

“Since the last bowl game we lost—that’s when.”

I laughed. “Oh yeah. Since then.”

“The entire time we sat watching that game, all we could think about was how on earth you were handling it.”

“I wasn’t. I wasn’t handling it at all. My dad finally had to leave the house. He couldn’t listen to me scream anymore.”

“Molly and I were afraid you’d end up back in the hospital.”

“I almost did. I mean, to end a football season on that note—seriously? It was like they didn’t even try, like they’d given up.”

“I know.” I could picture him shaking his head in disgust.

“Why do I have to care so much? Why can’t I be normal and not care? It’s just football, for crying out loud. And it’s not like I need anything else to be depressed about … ”

Pops and I continued talking for over an hour. We managed to talk about everything and everyone—everyone but Riley.

At eight o’clock Sicily rang the doorbell, and by twelve o’clock I was hiding out in the bathroom of some complete stranger’s house; I wasn’t feeling well and wanted to go home. Problem was, Sicily was nowhere to be found, and I didn’t know any of the college students well enough to ask for a ride. From what I could tell, I was the only person in the house that wasn’t completely intoxicated, and there wasn’t any way I would be getting in the car with anyone there.

I tried my dad’s cell phone and our home phone several times, but he never answered. Had it been Pops, he would’ve had the cell phone attached to his hip until I made it home.

Finally, as a last resort, I called the only other person I had the phone number for, begged for him to come pick me up, and waited a few minutes before I trudged out to the couch to languish until he showed up.

“Hey,” a tall boy said with a slur. “Yur new ‘round here. I haven’t seen you b’fore.”

“Yes, I’m the new girl … again. Lucky me.”

“You’re scrawny.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Want sum company?”

“Not so much.”

He plopped down on the sofa next to me. The smell of alcohol radiating from his body was so overpowering that I almost vomited on the spot. As a matter of fact, the fumes were so heavy, I was beginning to feel a little intoxicated myself.

“Waz yur name?”

“Daphne.”

“D—what?”

“D—Daphne.”

“Well, that’s a purty name.”

“Uh-huh.” I scooted toward the end of the couch.

He followed. “Where do you live?”

“In a galaxy far, far away.”

“Really? Thaz purty cool. So you wanna make out?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

He leaned over a little too much and fell onto me.

“Get away from her!” The boy jumped off the couch as Cooper Truman raced toward him. “You get away from her right now or I swear to God … ”

“Stop it, Coop,” I screamed.

“Not a word out of you.” He held his hand up at me but didn’t take his eyes off the boy. “Look, she’s messed up right now. Trust me, you don’t want to get involved.”

“I am not messed up!”

He looked over at me. “Really?”

I shrugged.

He turned back to the boy. “Go on, get of here.”

The wimp slinked his way around the room until he could finally slide out the door without Cooper actually reaching him.

“Having fun?” Cooper asked, walking toward me.

“Listen.” I tried to climb up out of the couch but couldn’t. “He wasn’t doing anything you wouldn’t have tried if given the opportunity.”

“Nice to see you too.” He grabbed me by the arm and helped me stand up before shoving his hands in his back pockets.

I started feeling dizzy and latched on to the belt loops of his pants to steady myself. “I’m just saying that you shouldn’t go judging others for something you’ve probably done yourself. What are you so mad about, anyway?”

“This isn’t who you are, Attie. The girl I knew last summer wouldn’t have had to call me from hiding in a bathroom asking me to pick her up. You don’t do this. You don’t act like this.”

“Maybe I do.”

“No, you don’t.” He glanced around the room as if to make sure the boy hadn’t returned.

“Relax, Coop, it’s not like I’m drunk or anything. You’ll be glad to know that no alcohol passed these lips.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“No. I didn’t touch the stuff.”

“I can smell alcohol on your breath.”

“I swear.” I held up my left hand. “I didn’t drink anything.”

“Wrong hand, Einstein. If you’re going to swear you hold up the right.”

“Whatever. I promise I didn’t drink anything.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “So you haven’t had one drink?”

“No. I already told you that.” I stumbled a bit. He grabbed me by the arm. “Although I am feeling a little woozy.”

“Did you drink anything? A water? Soda?”

“No. I’ve watched the videos; I know you aren’t supposed to trust that stuff at parties like this. I’ve had a little bit of fruit and that’s it.”

“Fruit?”

“There was some fruit in the punch.”

“You ate the fruit out of the punch?”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“What were you thinking?

“I got hungry,” I whined. “There’s no crime against eating fruit.”

“Attie, the fruit absorbs the alcohol. You probably got more alcohol in you by eating the fruit than if you’d just drank a few cups.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I wondered why it tasted so weird.”

“Girls as innocent as you probably shouldn’t be hanging out at parties like this.”

“I’m not innocent, you big jerk.”

“Spare me.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know not to eat the fruit? They don’t teach you that in those creepy anti-drug and alcohol movies.”

“Trust me, you shouldn’t even be allowed to be out after midnight.”

“Look, if this is going to turn into a lecture, then I’ll find someone else to drive me home. I thought you’d come out of the goodness of your heart and to make amends for your sabotagery. Instead, you came so you could rub it in my face.”

“I came because I was worried. And what on earth is sabatogery? Is that even a word?”

“You know exactly what it is.”

“No, I don’t, but right now I don’t care. You were hiding out in a bathroom, for Christ’s sake.”

“Look at you lecturing me when you just took the Lord’s name in vain. You big sinner.”

“I think there’s plenty of sinning going around.”

“Well, you’re right about that. I’ve never seen anything like it. These kids are a bunch of hoodlums.”

“I bet they are. Now come on, I’m getting you out of here. Can you walk?”

“We’re leaving right now?”

“It’s past one thirty in the morning, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“It’s that late?”

“No. It’s that early.”

He wrapped his arm around my waist and led me outside to his car.

“Ooh, you brought the Hummer. I’ve been waiting for months to see this thing.”

“Too bad you’ll be too hung over to remember it in the morning.” He opened the car door and practically flung me inside before fastening my seat belt and slamming the door.

I explored the inside, but the more I moved my head, the more sick to my stomach I felt.

I listened as he climbed into the driver’s seat while mumbling. “This isn’t quite how I pictured seeing you again.”

“How did you imagine it?”

He turned and stared at me for a moment before shaking his head with a laugh. “Not like this.”

“Were you hoping I’d run in slow motion across a meadow and into your arms?”

“Something like that.”

“Well, I don’t do meadows anymore.”

“Too bad.”

He started the engine and drove away from the party as my head fell back onto the headrest. I closed my eyes, but doing so made my brain feel like it was on a tilt-a-whirl. I tried looking out the window, but after just a few minutes, even that was making me nauseated.

“Coop, stop the car.”

“No!”

“Coop … stop the car!”

“I’m getting you home; I’m not stopping this car!”

“Then I hope you don’t mind if you have puke all over everything.”

His foot found the brake and slammed it to the floor. “Don’t you throw up in this car, Attie Reed. My parents paid a lot of money for this car; you better not throw up in it. Do you hear me?”