Rise (28 page)

chapter 38

Dad and I sat on opposite sides of the kitchen table eating our blueberry bagels. Other than our chewing and Baby’s breathing as she slept on the chair next to me, there was no sound. We weren’t speaking.

It wasn’t that we were angry with each other; it was just … we didn’t have much to say. Well, let me take that back. We had a lot to say to each other, a lot that needed to be said, but neither one of us actually wanted to say it.

“I’m off,” he suddenly announced. “I guess I’ll see you later on tonight.”

He grabbed his computer bag off the table and leaned down to give me a kiss on the forehead. I turned in my seat and watched him walk toward the front door.

“What were you missing?” The words surprised me as they slipped out of my mouth because I hadn’t even been thinking them.

He turned to face me. “Pardon?”

“That you had to throw it all away. What were you missing out on, exactly?”

Dad stood motionless as the color drained from his face.

“You and Mom were high school sweethearts. You had a child together. She supported you in everything you did. She loved you. I loved you. So what were you missing?”

“It’s not that simple.” His voice sounded empty. I heard the words, but there was no life in them. No weight. They came out of his mouth and fell to the ground. They had no meaning to me at all.

“You have an amazing career. You’re admired by people that haven’t even met you. You travel the globe getting to do exactly what you love. You win awards and impact people’s lives. For anyone looking from the outside, you had everything a person could ever ask for: a successful career and a family that loved you. What was so darned important that you had to give us up to get it? What exactly were you missing?”

Again, he didn’t answer.

I sat for several moments and forced him to stand in an awkward and painful silence. I wanted the words to settle in his mind. I wanted him to realize what he’d done, and I needed him to realize that nothing could have been worth all the damage he’d caused.

“Well,” I said, finally standing, “I hope you found whatever it was you were looking for because I ended up paying the price for you to get it.”

“What was the price?” he whispered.

“Everything.”

His shoulders slumped.

“And I didn’t get the option of giving it away—it was all taken from me. Ripped from me, actually. I was the one left suffering for your actions. They were your choices, not mine. Then I was the one trying to make it all right, as if that were even possible. I gave up everything I’d worked so hard to get back in order to come all this way to try to fix what you chose to break. Finally, what I’ve discovered is that there are some things that just can’t be fixed.” I walked to within a foot of him. “You made the choices. You have to suffer the consequences. I’m getting on with my life. I would like for you to be a part of it if you want, but I’m not going to pretend anymore.”

“Of course I want to be a part.”

“But it’s not going to be under your terms. I’m a different person than who you knew two years ago.”

“What does this new life look like? Will it be here?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do; I need to look at my options.”

“I can help you with that.”

“No offense, but I’m not so sure you can be impartial.”

“I can be.” He dropped his computer bag onto the floor and took a few steps in my direction. “I do want what’s best for you, Attie. I may not have handled things correctly, but you have to know that I want you to be happy.”

“I appreciate that.”

“I want to help you. I can’t fix what I’ve done, but at least let me try to improve things going forward.”

“Dad, I’ve been here since December, and you haven’t made any effort so far. Why would I think you’d start now?”

“I didn’t know what to say.”

“All you had to do was say something. Anything. Even just an ‘I love you’ would have been nice.”

“I do love you, Attie. I love you more than anything in the world. I don’t do a great job of showing it, but it’s true. Just give me a chance to prove it to you. What can I do? Just tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it.”

“No. That’s part of what this is all about. You getting to know me and finding out what it is I need. That’s your responsibility, so you need to figure it out. I’m here. I go to school, I come home, I hang out with Coop, I make your dinner, and I go to my room for rest of the night. I’m here; I’m easy to find. If you want to fix this, then you’re going to have to make some effort.”

“I understand.”

“If I’m important to you, then you need to figure it out. And you should know—”

“Know what?”

“You’re running out of time.”

I turned away from him.

“Attie?”

“Yes?” I asked, facing him again.

“And you should know … I didn’t find it.” Tears streamed down his face. “What I was missing and what you paid the price for. I didn’t find it.”

“Well, maybe we can find it together.”

chapter 39

I sat on the kitchen counter and watched as Cooper washed the dishes in the sink. It was his newest form of entertainment. At my house, he lived like “normal folk,” as he called it, and I practically hadn’t had to do a single chore since he’d been hanging around. So far, washing the dishes and vacuuming were his two favorite activities. The only thing I wouldn’t allow him to do was my laundry. We certainly weren’t close enough for that.

“So you don’t do the chores around your apartment?”

“No.” He threw me a hand towel. “My parents wanted me concentrating on my studies, so I have someone that comes in and does all of that.”

“Every day?” I picked up the cookie sheet next to the sink and started to dry it. “Oh wait, you missed a spot. There’s some goop right here.”

He snatched the pan out of my hand and inspected it. “Where?”

“In that corner over there.”

“I thought I got that,” he mumbled as he picked at it and then started scrubbing.

“So this person comes every day?”

“Yes. I’m extremely coddled; I admit it. Let’s drop it.”

“Consider the topic dropped.”

“Thank you.” He inspected the pan again. “I think I got it … nope, wait … ” He scrubbed it some more as my phone vibrated on the kitchen table.

I hopped off the counter and gave him a quick pat on the shoulder. “Keep up the good work.”

“M-kay,” he muttered.

I looked at the caller ID and immediately answered. “Hey, girl.”

“Hey, chick,” Tammy greeted. “I can’t talk long. I was just calling to check on you. What’s goin’ on?”

“Not much, just hanging out.”

“With Truman?” I heard the sound of disgust in her voice.

“Yes.”

“Ugh! That’s so dang gross. You’ve seriously gotta cut that out.”

I walked into the living room to escape Cooper’s earshot. “He’s a nice guy, Tammy. Besides, you and I’ve already talked about this. I thought you weren’t going to dog on him anymore.”

“I only said that ‘cause I thought you would’ve dumped him a long time ago. How long have you two been going out now, anyway?”

“I don’t know. A month and a half or so maybe.”

“A month and a half or so too long. It’s time for you to come home.”

“That’s not going to happen, regardless of what happens between Cooper and me.”

“So you’re gonna keep it up with him then?”

“Tammy, it’s nothing serious. We aren’t boyfriend-girlfriend; we’re just hanging out.”

“Well, how long are you gonna be doing that?”

“I don’t know. I guess as long as we’re having fun and there isn’t a bunch of drama.”

She sighed heavily. “I do have to admit that you’re sounding better and better every time I talk to you. Is he getting you out of the house?”

“Yes, and he’s helping me get caught up on school. Really, he’s a nice guy.”

“Fine then. Put him on the phone.”

“What?”

“I said put the boy on the phone.”

“Why? What are you going to say?”

“None of your business.”

“Don’t you embarrass me.”

“Put the boy on the phone.”

“Good grief.” Nervously, I stomped back into the kitchen and held the phone out. “Coop?”

“What?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Someone wants to talk to you.”

“Who?”

“You’ll see.”

He looked down at his wet, soapy hands. “I can’t really hold the phone right now.”

“Here.” I ducked underneath one of his arms and squeezed between him and the sink, jumped on to the edge of the counter, and then held the phone up to his ear. We were practically eye to eye.

“Hello?” His eyebrows raised in surprise. “Tammy?”

His hands played in the water behind me as he got an earful from my best friend. I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but by the look on his face, it was nothing less than interesting and comical.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” he said before going quiet again for several minutes and passing the time by splashing water onto my backside.

“Stop,” I quietly scolded.

He shook his head. “That’s not what I’m doing, Tammy.”

My arm eventually got tired, so I rested my elbow on his shoulder.

“T— … T— … T— … ” He couldn’t get a word in edgewise and eventually shrugged at me and rolled his eyes.

“Sorry,” I whispered.

He laughed quietly and rolled his eyes again. “Yes, I hear you … I will … No, I don’t want you to have to do that either.”

“Do what?” I whispered.

“Fly up here and kick my butt,” he mouthed.

“She said that?”

He nodded with a silent laugh.

“ Okay, okay … It was great to talk to you … no, really, it was great. Okay, here she is … here— … here— … here she is. I’ll talk to you later, Tammy … uh-huh, bye.”

I pulled the phone away from his ear before he got stuck listening to her anymore.

“Tammy?”

“My work here is done,” she announced. “He’s been warned.”

“He’s been warned, huh? I appreciate that.”

Cooper placed his forehead on my shoulder. His entire body vibrated with laughter, but Tammy was all business. “I gotta go. I’ll call ya on Tuesday at the same time.”

“All right. Thanks for looking out for me. It looks as if you put the fear of God in the boy, so I should be safe.”

Cooper looked up at me and flashed his white smile. “Yes, I treat you so badly as it is,” he teased quietly.

“You don’t have to thank me; that’s what friends are for,” Tammy said.

“Love you.”

“Love ya too. Bye.”

“Bye.” I hung up the phone, placed it on the counter, and slid it out of reach. “I’m mortified,” I admitted.

“She’s very protective of you, that’s for sure.”

“What did she say?”

“I don’t think I can even repeat it.”

“That bad?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He gently kissed me below my left ear. “I’ll get you back.”

His breath on my neck caused a shiver up my back, which made him laugh.

“Thanks for putting up with her. You might as well get used to it. I’m sure you’ll be hearing from her often.”

He leaned back slightly and gazed down at me for several seconds before he leaned toward me again. I prepared for another kiss, but instead he grabbed me underneath the knees and shoved me into the sink, drenching my pants and causing the water in the sink to spill out all over the counter and the floor.

“Cooper Truman!”

In retaliation I turned on the faucet, pulled out the sprayer, and shot water directly into his face. Of course, this caused a tug of war for the spray hose, and the more we wrestled for it, the more water sprayed around the kitchen. Seeing as how I was stuck in the sink, I was at a serious disadvantage. Before I knew it, he had control of the nozzle and was literally showering me with it. I was sopping wet head to toe within a matter of moments, which seemed to only encourage his affections. As he held the spray nozzle over my head, he leaned in to kiss me.

“What on earth?” My father’s voice bellowed from the doorway, causing us to instantly stop what we were doing and turn our attention on him. “This place is a mess.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Cooper said. “We got a little carried away.”

I watched my dad’s eyes focus on me, and what he saw caused his face to turn crimson. Although it had happened completely innocently, my legs were straddled around Cooper, and he was practically on top of me.

“Cooper, you better step away from my daughter right now.”

“Dad, this looks much worse than it is.”

Cooper turned off the water and helped me out of the sink before handing me a towel and walking toward my dad. “Honestly, Dr. Reed, nothing inappropriate is going on.”

“Attie, get your butt downstairs and get on some dry clothes.”

“Yes, sir.” I hopped off the counter and darted out of the room but stood just on the other side of the wall so I could hear their interaction. I could feel water as it ran down my leg and puddled on the floor beneath me.

“Cooper, you clean this mess up and then get out of my house.”

“Sir—”

“When you came to me and asked to spend time in our home so you could watch out for her and cheer her up, I never would’ve dreamt this was what you had in mind. I trusted you! I even let you take her out of town!”

“Sir—”

“You aren’t going to come into my house and disrespect me or my daughter like that.”

“Yes, sir—I mean, no, sir. I didn’t mean to show any disrespect to either one of you.”

“Attie’s seventeen years old. I’d like to know what about you two hanging all over each other is appropriate behavior?”

“None of it.”

“You’re older than she is and presumably more responsible. I trusted that when the two of you were here alone, you were making sure you were acting responsibly. Evidently I was wrong. What if I hadn’t come home when I did?”

“I promise, Dr. Reed, nothing would have happened. Even if I would have wanted it to, which I didn’t. Attie wouldn’t have let it. No matter what you may think of me, Attie has her boundaries.”

“What about you? What are your boundaries?”

“Whatever hers are.”

“Wrong answer. Cooper, you’re old enough to know that in the heat of the moment, no matter what boundaries someone thinks they may have, they have a tendency to go right out the window.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Get this cleaned up and then get out of here.”

“Sir—”

“Not another word out of you. And Attie … ” Hearing my name startled me. “I know you’re eavesdropping. Get your butt to your room immediately or you’re grounded for a month.”

Without another word, I ran to my room and left Cooper to clean up the mess and deal with my father alone. Poor guy. In one day he’d been read the riot act by both my best friend and my father. I was certain I’d never hear from him again.

I didn’t go back upstairs until it was time to make dinner. My hope was that my dad’s level of anger would have diminished greatly before he saw me again.

When I walked into the kitchen, he was sitting at the table.

“Sit down,” he ordered.

“I was going to make dinner.”

“Dinner can wait. Sit down.”

I would have argued with him, but he sounded too angry. “Yes, sir.” I slid my chair out and took a seat without even looking at him.

“Are you going to sit there and act like you don’t have explaining to do?”

“No, sir.”

“Then get with it.”

I wanted to call him a jerk and tell him he had no right to question me on anything. I wanted to tell him he didn’t know me from Adam and therefore shouldn’t be accusing me of anything—for the second time, no less. This was the second time he chose not to give me the benefit of the doubt when it came to boys. There were a lot of things I wanted to say, but none of those things would make things better. They’d only cause the gap between us to grow. So I made the decision to let him parent, or at least try. He was making an effort, even if it was pretty harsh.

“Cooper came over and we did our homework. Then he wanted us to go to the stables, but I knew I had to have my chores done first. So he was helping me.”

“That was doing chores?”

“Not that exactly. He’d been washing the dishes, and Tammy called to talk to him. So I sat on the counter to hold the phone to his ear—”

“He’s in college. Can he not hold his own phone?”

“His hands were wet and soapy.”

“And drying them off would have been too difficult for him?”

I shook my head.

“Go on.”

“Once he got off the phone, I started teasing him about what Tammy had said, and he pushed me into the sink. I retaliated by spraying him with water, and then we started fighting over the hose. That’s when you walked in. Nothing else was going on, I promise.”

“Attie, let me ask you a question.”

“Okay.”

“Would you have been allowed to get away with that behavior in Mr. Bennett’s house?”

“No way.”

“So why would you think it would be acceptable here? Why would you show Mr. Bennett more respect than you show me?”

“It’s not intentional. It’s just … ”

“Just what?”

I pressed my lips together, not wanting to say what was running through my mind.

“Say what you’re thinking.”

“I didn’t see it as being disrespectful to you. I just—”

“Spit it out.”

“You weren’t around … by choice. I didn’t think you cared one way or the other.”

“I do care. And you’re right, I wasn’t around. I don’t know you, or this older you, very well. I don’t know how your mind works or what your morals or boundaries are. Or if you even have any.”

“When I got here, you never set any boundaries, so I—”

“Really? Are saying that you only follow boundaries that are placed on you? You don’t place any on yourself?”

“I do. Dad, you’re not being fair here. You’re getting on to me for rules and expectations I never even knew you had. Not to mention, it’s a little hard to suddenly take correction from someone who just one year ago didn’t want anything to do with me. Honestly, I don’t know what to think.”

“Fair enough, but the fact that I wasn’t around last year doesn’t mean I don’t want to do this the right way now. I’m trying to get to know you, and I’m trying to understand where you’re coming from. Can’t you meet me halfway?”

I shrugged. “I didn’t realize I wasn’t, and I wasn’t intentionally stepping over your boundaries.”

“Okay. Then is what was happening here acceptable under the boundaries that you’ve placed on yourself?”

“I hadn’t thought about it.”

“Think about it now. I’ll wait for an answer.”

I thought back to the conversation about boundaries that Riley and I’d had with each other and the additional discussions with Joshua. “No, sir. None of that would have been allowed under the boundaries that I placed on myself and Ri—” I stopped myself before saying his name.

He sat forward and looked me directly in the eye. “Attie, you’re seventeen, and you’re telling me that you’d like to start making decisions for yourself. This needs to be one of those decisions. Are you going set standards for yourself and live up to them or aren’t you? I made the mistake of ignoring some of the standards I’d given myself, and look where that got me. As you said, I destroyed my family. But just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean that I can’t instruct you in a way that attempts to keep you from doing the same.”