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Authors: Getting Old Is Murder

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46

Book Soup

T
he girls haven't stopped
talking about food the whole drive over here. Visions of pot roasts and
chicken livers dance in their heads, so naturally when I stop the car
at the Lauderdale Lakes public library they are puzzled. Especially
since the library is closed.

I give no explanations. I walk to the back entrance, I
knock three times for dramatic effect, and it is unlocked for us by
Conchetta. With Barney right alongside. I do the introductions.
Conchetta Aguilar and Barney Schwartz meet my girls. They all shake
hands, most bewildered. And even more so when Barney identifies them by
the books they read that I take out for them.

"Bella," he says. "The lady of the romance novels. Large
print. And Evvie and her Hollywood biographies and Ida who likes
best-sellers and Sophie who likes
Reader's Digest
."

Evvie beams. She's getting into the spirit of this. "So
that's what you meant when you called off the names of restaurants.
They were book titles. And a few movies, too."

I wink at her, but Ida is not pleased. "OK," Ida says,
hands on hips. "Just what is going on here?"

"Yeah," says Sophie, whose mind is never far from the
subject of food, glaring at me, "I thought we were going out for
dinner."

"We
are
out. And we
are
going to have
dinner. What we have to do tonight is very private, and this is as
private as we can get."

"I brought in food that I cooked at home," Conchetta says
cheerfully, leading us into the main reading room. There along the
checkout counter are hot plates with an assortment of covered dishes.
"I hope you'll like Cuban food."

There is much consternation at this.

"What's Cuban food?" Bella asks nervously.

"Hot and spicy," Barney says mischievously.

Conchetta jabs him. "You know I kept the spices down."

The girls peer suspiciously into each pot as Conchetta
lifts the lids and identifies them. "
Potaje de frijoles negros,
masa de puerco fritas
with mango sauce, fried plantains and rice,
with
boniato
and chimichurri." She opens all but the last.

"I never eat beans," says Ida, recognizing only one word.
"They give me the gas."

I grab a plate. "Well, I'm excited here. I can hardly
wait to try these."

The girls continue to hang back, except for Evvie who
also takes a plate. "Hey, I'm game to try anything. What's a plantain,
Conchetta?"

"Like bananas."

"And chimi . . . whatever?"

"That's a green sauce with garlic and lime juice you can
dip your bread in. I'll finish translating. The
masa de puerco
is a pork dish.
Boniato
is sweet potatoes.
Mojo
is
another sauce. And the
potaje
is a wonderful black bean soup."

So Conchetta, Evvie, Barney, and I pile up our plates,
but there is no forward movement from the others.

Barney breaks into laughter first. "Let's put the girls
out of their misery," he says as he unveils the contents of the last
pot. "Stuffed cabbage, for the less adventurous of the Jewish
delegation. Compliments of my mom."

Needless to say there is a rush on the stuffed cabbage.

"Save room for the apple strudel afterwards," he adds,
grinning.

As we spread out at the library tables, which Conchetta
has set prettily for us with tablecloths and linen napkins, I glance
over the pages Barney hands me: their research on oleander. I nod
vigorously. "I knew it!" I say victoriously.

"You were right on target. From the time the victims
ingest, they go through severe abdominal pain and heart palpitations,
paralysis, then death."

"But it takes an hour or so before they die, and that's
the big issue here," I say.

The girls look at me, befuddled.

"Isn't it about time you filled us in, Glad?" Evvie asks.
"Why are we getting phone numbers of telephone booths and visiting
Meals on Wheels?"

"In a moment, the big picture." I smile as I see Bella
and Sophie, one by one, taking tiny portions of Conchetta's food,
liking what they taste and coming back for more. Not so Ida, of course.
"Did anyone at Meals remember anything?"

"You were right about going to see them," Evvie says.
"One volunteer remembered that on the date that Selma died, someone
ordered a meal, then at the last minute came in and insisted they
better deliver it themselves to a frightened elderly aunt. He
remembered it because it never, ever happens that way."

"Good. Good. Could he identify the person?"

Evvie shakes her head. "He didn't think so. All he
remembers was someone in a baseball cap and sunglasses."

"But at least we know it happened. And the phone booths?
How many did you find?"

"Five of them, between Lanai Gardens and across the
street at the Florida Medical Center," reports Sophie.

"Excellent."

"And what about my applesauce crumb cake?" Ida asks.
"What on earth was that for?"

"To bribe a chubby bank teller, who loves to eat, to do
the unthinkable--give me confidential information. Which she did."

"So, all right already, I'm about to bust from not
knowing," Sophie says. "So, tell us already!"

"Since we're in a library, let me tell you all about
it--in a story."

47

The Very Sad Story of a
Very Foolish Mother

S
ix pairs of eyes are riveted on my face. Six sets of ears
are listening to my every word. Dinner is forgotten. Even dessert is
forgotten. Not a chair is allowed to squeak. Since the earliest
campfire, the storyteller has held his audience enthralled as he spun
out tales that made the dark a little lighter and life a little
clearer. And so I, a storyteller, begin my tale.

"Once upon a time there lived a very
foolish old woman. After her husband died the old woman was afraid of
being alone. Since she had no one in the world but her daughter, she
was determined to make her daughter live with her and take care of her.
The daughter didn't want to, so the old lady pretended to be crippled
and tricked the daughter into moving in."

I already hear the whispers starting.

"The old woman happened to be quite rich."

"Shush," Evvie hisses.

"But she wouldn't share any of her money
with her daughter. This turned out to be her biggest mistake. So what
little money the daughter had was what she earned at her job, or what
her mother doled out to her. This made the daughter very angry. She
couldn't stand her mother, but she pretended to everyone that she loved
her. All the while she kept waiting for her mother to die. Her mother
boasted how long people in her family lived, and she just kept on
living."

There's more whispering and plenty of
speculating.

"Be quiet!" Evvie says.

"The daughter finally got tired of
waiting." And here I stop for a very long attention-getting pause. Then
softly, "So Harriet Feder decided to kill her mother."

Suddenly all movement comes to an abrupt
halt. Dead silence. Then all hell breaks loose.

"What!" Evvie cries out.

"Say that again!" Ida says.

"What are you talking?" Sophie asks.

"Why didn't I bring my hearing aid?" Bella
whines. "What did she just say?"

"Harriet wanted to kill her mother!" Evvie
exclaims.

Ida is about to explode. "Harriet!? But
what about Denny? I thought yesterday he admitted killing Esther!"

Sophie is benign about change. "So, today
he didn't."

"Oy, could we start all over again?" Bella
whines, leaning her good ear in.

"Then who killed the other girls?" Sophie
asks.

"She killed them all."

I promised them they would be amazed. And
dumbfounded.

"Glad, are you sure?" Evvie asks.

"All the pieces fit. It's the only thing
that makes sense."

The uproar and general carrying-on stops
abruptly because I start talking again, and they aren't about to miss
one single breath of the rest of
this
story.

"But Harriet knew if she killed Esther, no
matter how cleverly she did it, she would still be the prime suspect,
especially when it would come out eventually that her mother was worth
nearly four hundred thousand dollars."

Another round of sputtering.

"Oy gevalt,"
Bella cries.

"You found that out at the bank, with my
applesauce crumb cake!" Ida shrills triumphantly.

I smile. She's got it.

"That's a lot of money, four thousand
dollars," Bella says.

"Not four thousand, forty thousand," says
Sophie in amazement.

"Everybody needs hearing aids around here,"
Ida says impatiently. "That was
four hundred thousand
!"

Sophie reaches nervously for her strudel.
"Who could have so much money besides a Donald Trump?"

"I am going to smack the next one who opens
her mouth!" says Evvie angrily.
"I am trying to hear this!"

Everyone quiets down. For the moment. I
continue.

"So she came up with this idea. What if
there was a serial killer loose who was murdering old women, and poor
Esther just happened to be one of them? But Harriet decided a phantom
serial killer was too risky. It had to be someone who could be caught
so that she'd never be suspected. And she found the perfect patsy:
simpleminded Denny."

Bella gets so agitated, she falls off her
chair. Barney and Conchetta help her back on.

I'm determined not to let anything
sidetrack me, and I just keep talking.

"So she did some snooping and found out
exactly how Maureen Ryan died. Maureen died while eating food. Died
reaching for the phone. Died on the night before her birthday. So
Harriet recreated the pattern. The food our unlucky friends would eat
would be poisoned. And where would she get the poison? Why, from the
oleander that happens to grow in Denny's garden, a plant Harriet gave
Denny as a present."

"I still don't know how Francie would eat a
flower," Sophie insists.

"My very clever friends, Conchetta and
Barney, did some research. Guess what they learned from Harriet's
hospital resume?"

"She used to work in a lab?" Evvie guesses.

"Right on," Barney says. "Toxicology is one
of her specialties."

"So the die was cast as to who would be the
victims: the next birthdays to come up in Phase Two before Esther's. If
you recall, Harriet managed to point out to us how nice it was that
Denny made a birthday calendar of everyone in our Phase. Calling our
attention to Denny knowing everyone's birthday."

This time Evvie interrupts. "That was when
we were clearing out Francie's apartment. She just showed up. And said
she was too sad about Francie to go to work."

I nod. "She planted the hint so that I
would figure out that it was too coincidental that these women would
die in order of their birth dates. Three birthdays came up before her
mother's. Selma, then Francie. However, lucky Eileen O'Connor became
rightfully nervous, and saved her life by going to her sister in Boca
Raton."

"And she doesn't even like her sister,"
Sophie has to add.

"Greta Kronk, who prowled around at night,
probably saw Harriet going in and out of Francie's apartment, so she
had to die, too. Then everything was set up for the one murder she was
waiting for: her mother."

I am aware that it's very quiet now. I
think they're all in shock. I take Denny's tape out of my purse and put
it on the table.

BOOK: Rita Lakin_Gladdy Gold_01
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