River: A Novel (29 page)

 “When you
were tranced, it was part of what I caught you saying. That and things about New
York. And coffee. Like I said, it was very interesting.” 

 I chuckled.
Yeah, my life in the past week had been quite intriguing. I decided to follow a
different tangent. “So, explain to me again why you think the cards were about
Gwen, and she thought that they were about me?” Not that I wanted them to be,
but she just seemed convinced of her interpretation.

 “Gwendolyn,
she is blind sometimes… and stubborn.” 

 
How
ironic,
I thought in response as my lip quirked in his direction.

 By avoiding
an in-depth answer to my question, he had apparently ended the subject. I heard
him push off the counter and walk slowly to the next room. He was dragging—as
if our conversation had taken a lot out of him. I wondered how long he’d been
keeping that story to himself. Instead of being annoyed that he was still
watching me… I became relieved. If I were being honest, I was a coward and
didn’t want to be alone with Speakers possibly casing the place. My mind was
flitting here and there, searching for a topic of discussion, when he casually
dropped down onto the white feathery sofa. 

 Unsure of what
to do, I stood and quietly padded over, wondering if the Lulling was getting to
him. There was only one thing I could offer; he was the one with the serum. 

 “Do you
want some more coffee, Asher?” I mumbled as I turned the corner of the sofa. He
had collapsed on the fluffy cushions, eyes closed. 

 “I
apologize if I burdened you with my past,” he said, ignoring my offer, eyes
still closed.

 “Really,
it’s okay. No burden.” I couldn’t believe he felt bad about telling me his
story. “I’m sorry, again, about everything that happened to you and your family,
to Gwen and Thom. I think, maybe, you needed to talk to someone, and I’m glad
it was me,” I whispered, uncertain if what I was saying was something he wanted
to hear, so of course I rambled on. “You seem to know all about River Elodie,” I
said in a light voice, changing the subject a bit. Sitting fairly close to him
on the sofa, I stared down at my hands. The both of us had pasts; mine was just
not nearly as horrific as his. As far as I knew.

 “Yes. Too bad
about Petra. It was a scandal, but she obviously had no idea.”

 My eyes
flew to Asher. “You know what happened with Petra?” I tried unsuccessfully to
keep my voice down.

 “She was
tricked by Mace, of course. Dan was heartbroken. I didn’t know what really
happened until you signed it all. Still unclear of the details, Gwen will have to
fill me in later.” Blinking his eyes awake, he stifled a yawn, barely getting
the last part out.

 “She’ll
have to fill me in too!” I exclaimed, slapping my hand down on the sofa with a
muffled
thump
. “I
knew
Petra was innocent! I knew it! Who’s
Mace?” 

 “Shhh,
Elodie,” he placed his hand on my leg. “He’s a Speaker. The ringleader. You need
to calm down.” I was staring at his hand unwillingly. He withdrew it slowly, and
my eyes went to his. Asher began explaining in whispers; obviously concerned
about the near-hysterical volume I’d achieved. “Again, I’m not exactly sure
what happened. Like I told you before, you were signing and talking at the same
time with lightning speed. I didn’t get it all. All I know is that Petra was
innocent. You signed it five times.”

 Lying back
on the cushions, I was flushed and disheveled. Overcome by a sudden urgency to
find Petra and clear her name, as well. Not that it mattered publicly with the
rebellion coming, but it mattered to me. And I had to make things right between
us. I just felt paralyzed. Waiting for the mutiny, hoping I could clear things
up with Petra before that, and above all else, praying that this plan of Dan’s would
be successful with no one caught in the crossfire. All of these thoughts reminded
me of another question for Asher.

 “So why
don’t the rebels fight back?  I know you said that your people are pacifists,
but they have been killed and tortured by the Speakers. Didn’t anyone ever try
to… use some kind of force? Against the Speakers, I mean.”  

 He looked
at me as cynically as possible for his utter lack of energy. “Of course we fought
back. Every generation had those who would try… and it didn’t do any good. The
elder generations have had to reinforce passivity to stop the Speakers from
murdering our people. Whenever one of us would fight, someone else would be
lost. Just got innocent people killed—my mother, for one.” 

 “Oh. God,
I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I brought it up.” Wincing, I had to look away from his
darkened eyes while pulling my foot from my mouth.

 “I don’t
remember her.” He leaned back and closed his eyes again. “I’ve got a picture. My
father told me once that our eye color was the same. He didn’t talk about her
much.” I thought about the photo of River Elodie with her parents. I hadn’t
studied it to compare, but at first glance her features were an even match of
both of them. My features, too.

 “I‘ve never
met my parents.”

 Asher
didn’t comment for a few moments. He just lay reposed on the sofa cushions with
his hands folded across his stomach; long legs stretched out in front of him. His
feet were crossed.

 “I believe
that you believe that. The picture over there doesn’t even really look like
you.” He cracked an eye toward me.

 “What do
you mean?”    

 “You don’t
make the expression that’s on her face. Ever.”

 “How would
you know that? You don’t know me.” He didn’t, did he? If he did know River
Elodie, he obviously wasn’t a big fan. But she didn’t exist here, if at all. My
head began to hurt as the caffeine wore off. The Lulling started to make me
drag as well, although it could have been the elusive answer to my existential quandary
haunting me. Again.

 He didn’t
say more about it. I let it go; it was enough that he no longer assumed I was a
traitor, as far as I could tell. If he did think that, he was awfully relaxed
after stationing himself in the heart of the lion’s den.

The room was
very still while Danny’s music floated through the air. We were both contemplating
the night. At least I was. Asher was near sleep, if not already. His breathing
was deep and even, and he looked… different. The hard creases and frown lines of
his features softened in the warm light, making him look less severe, more
youthful. I imagined he had aged much in the past few years. Pain and suffering
did that to a person.

 I stared at
him, wondering what he’d meant before about the expression on River Elodie’s
face in the picture. She just looked happy. Someone who didn’t stay up at night
worrying about anything, content and sure that any problems she had would be
resolved with little effort on her part. Maybe Asher was right. Fear and uncertainty
had followed me since I’d woken up here, however many days ago. The days and
nights bled together at this point. 

 In New
York, I had usually been apprehensive, anticipating the next pothole in my path.
Things could’ve been worse, and I think maybe I was always waiting for just
that. I wouldn’t have called arriving in River worse, exactly, just a
semi-lateral move—a shift to a new kind of stress. I still missed the
familiarity of home, but was adapting to the best of my ability. If the plan
worked, River would no longer exist anyway. A new shift. Nothing was constant.

 My eyes grew
heavy, and the music began exuding a very calming rhythm. Slowly, my head fell
to the side and landed on the soft white fluff. The strangeness of this place
never ceased to surprise me, but I was getting used to the turmoil River was
causing in my life. The anxiety came and went with the minutes. I didn’t want
to let my guard down by sleeping, but my mind felt more at ease after knowing Asher’s
story. And having him around, I admitted to myself. The tragedy he and Gwen had
been through only made me certain that we were doing the right thing by rebelling.
By forcing the Mutes to choose a side and giving them the right to that choice.
I just hoped no one would be hurt because of our boldness.

 As comfortable
as I was on the sofa, as calming as Asher’s breathing mixed with Danny’s music
was… my lungs began to ache while my muscles locked up. I was so cold that I
couldn’t move, and my deadened cries just let more air bubbles escape. Helplessly,
I watched the precious little circles leave my body, and then float away in a
synchronized line through muddy liquid. I was drowning, dying. And they would
never know.

 The shaking
startled me. One second, I was numb; the last rays of light tunneling through
my vision into nothing, the next my whole being vibrated as if driven down a
bumpy road.

 “Elodie.”

 I felt my
lips move, though nothing came out. I couldn’t catch my breath.

 Shouted
words filtered into my mind from a great distance, or they could have been
muffled through layers of fabric. “Elodie, wake up.”

 My hand
grabbed at empty air before catching something. There was a jolt of warmth, then
nothing. I was freezing and began to shake.

 “C’mon, now.
Wake up. Can you wake up, Elodie? Please?” The words were right next to my ear,
but I wasn’t sure who was asking.

  I clawed
again at the air with numb fingers and found something. Someone. I opened my
eyes, and it was not to murky water but soft light. My hand was on the back of Asher’s
neck.

 “What the—”

 “Okay. Good,
you’re up.” He sounded irritated and relieved at the same time. “Took you long
enough.”
He’s smiling at me
, I thought through the blurriness.

 I waited
for the blood to rush back through my dead limbs before trying to move. Both of
my legs had fallen asleep, along with one arm. Finally, the blood rushed in. I
could almost hear it pouring throughout my body from my heart.

 “Oh, sorry.”
 Embarrassed, I looked away and took my hand off him, steadying myself. I was
on the floor, and Asher’s arms were loosely holding me up. He let go as I gradually
found my balance. Searching around for my glasses, I realized I was in the
kitchen. “Great,” I moaned.

 “What?” Asher
seemed slightly alarmed.

 “I must’ve
been sleepwalking again,” I grumbled.

 “Again? Do
you sleepwalk often?”

 “Only since
I’ve been here.”

 My hands and
feet were still prickling, but at least I could feel them enough to try to
stand. I slowly pushed myself from the ground and felt Asher’s steady hand
touch my back. He stood right in front of me, so of course I wobbled, momentarily
gripping his arm for support. We stared at each other for a second; I was
startled by veiled apprehension beneath his lack of concern.

 Straightening
my shirt over my jeans, I changed the subject. “Sorry if I woke you. I didn’t
think I would be able to fall asleep.”

 “I’m the
one who should apologize.”

 I tilted my
head at him, confused. “For what? Falling asleep or waking me up from a
nightmare?”

 “Is that
what you were having?” he asked quietly.

 “If that’s
what you call drowning and suffocating… well then, yes.”

 Asher leaned
toward me, and I fought the urge to step back. I may have started to be more
comfortable around him, but he was still intimidating. 

 “Elodie,
you were signing in your sleep.”

 “Oh?” I
asked, feigning innocence, my eyes darting away from him. I just wanted to
forget the whole thing; fearing I could have signed something potentially
detrimental to our newly found acquaintance—or
worse
.

 “Don’t you
want to know what it was?”

 “Not
really,” I murmured, turning toward the coffeepot after picking up my glasses
from the floor.

 Asher
didn’t say anything. It was refreshing. Danny would’ve bombarded me with
theories following a re-enactment. Thinking of Dan made me suddenly aware that
he was coming over first thing in the morning. I looked for the time. It was
only twelve-thirty. I’d slept for about an hour, although it had felt like minutes.
At least it was something; I’d been going on such little sleep.

 “Did you
get some rest?” I asked Asher, evading the whole sleep-signing thing.

 “Yes, I’m
fine. Sorry, again.” His voice had turned very formal.

 “Why do you
keep apologizing?” 

 Waiting for
an answer, I assembled the filter and coffee grounds, filled the carafe with
water, and flicked the power switch to
on
. The coffee maker made
soothing gurgling sounds and drizzled out my favorite heavenly nectar before Asher
spoke. He was right beside me while I studied the filling pot.

 “I panicked
a little when you passed out in the elevator. It’s not what I’d meant to
happen, of course. I was just so…
certain
that you were a Speaker anomaly
working undercover. Either as a façade to get Dan to give you information, or possibly
Dan was working for you. That you just woke up one day with your voice intact… it
makes no
sense,
Elodie.” I looked at him then. How well I knew my being
here made no sense.