River: A Novel (30 page)

 “I didn’t
mean to hurt you.” Asher’s pleading eyes were on mine, remorse evident in them.
I didn’t want him to feel that way. He had only been looking out for everyone:
Gwen, her grandmother, Colin. The fact that he would put himself at risk… the Carav
families would have been devastated if I
had
been a Speaker who had
lured him into a trap.

 “Don’t be… you
didn’t,” I stuttered, trying to make him feel better. “I would have done the
same thing for them.”

 Once again
he stared at me as though trying to piece together a shred of sanity within my
words. Well, at least he’d lost the guilty-and-sad expression. Uncomfortably
trapped in his gaze, I attempted a slight change of subject matter to deter his
eyes from mine.

 “So, Dan
said that some of you had been to the areas for refuge. Have you been out
there? Outside the boundary, I mean?” My voice held a hint of forced lightness as
I poured us both coffees. Asher added anti-Lull along with cream and sugar in
mine, then into his own cup. He nodded his head after sitting down. Trying to imagine
life after the rebellion, I pressed him for more information. “What is the camp
like?”

 “Simple,” he
answered after taking a deep breath.

 “Are you
happy with how it turned out?” He was really making me work for answers, and I
felt awkward now that I had brought it up, though still genuinely curious.

 “I
suppose.” 

 Pursing my
lips, I was trying very hard not to become annoyed while prodding. “Care to
elaborate?”

 His lip
quirked, noticing that my not-so-patient attitude had gotten the better of me. “People
won’t be as comfortable as they are here, and that worries me.”

 I suspected
as much. People usually resisted change, especially if they are taken from
their comfort zone. “What does the area look like?” 

 “It’s a
field beyond a forest and a lake, about two miles from here.”

 “It’s only
temporary,” I said in an effort to make him feel better. Again. “People will
adapt. They’ll see that it’s better than being in a cage of a town and mutilated.”
We both flinched a little at the word, but there was no other description. “Did
the Caravs ever think of trying to hypnotize each other to get through the
boundary without being affected by the Lulling? Or trancing the Speakers into
letting them out?” 

 “The
Lulling works on every molecule in the body. Hypnosis doesn’t work that way. It’s
mental, not physical. As for the latter, trancing Speakers is too risky. If we
were caught, it would be detrimental to everyone. Also, Speakers are never
alone. They travel in packs, so it’s nearly impossible to separate them long
enough to trance them.”

 “Are they
always with their minions?”

 Asher
chuckled slightly at my term for Mutes the Speakers had on ball and chain. “Usually.
They don’t like to do mundane affairs themselves. Their followers are also the
reason we don’t trance non-Caravs during the muting procedure to save more
voices. We can’t trust anyone else. Not entirely.”

 Ah. Apparently,
I wasn’t the only possible double agent in town.

 “Does Danny
know you can speak?” Questions I would never have asked earlier in the night were
coming freely now. Surprisingly, I wasn’t quite as nervous around Asher. He was
still a force to behold, but instead of feeling afraid, I felt safe. I sensed
myself smile minutely.

 Shaking his
head
no
, Asher took a drink of his coffee. That wasn’t a good enough
answer for me.

 “Are you
planning to tell him?”

 “Possibly. If
we escape.”

 “Wouldn’t
it make things easier? And don’t you think that he deserves to know?” Dan was
putting his life on the line for these people, after all.

 “Dan will
find out in time. These secrets have been kept for over a century. One doesn’t
just break them on a whim.” He scowled at me. “What do you think the masses
will do when they find out
you
can miraculously speak?”

 “I would
explain it to them,” I answered feebly, wondering why Asher wasn’t bargaining with
me to keep quiet about the Caravs and their secrets.

 He huffed,
and then shook his head slowly in the way one would to a child who knows
nothing of the world.

 “Listen,” I
spoke directly to him, my voice shaking a little, “I can’t lie about who I am forever. 
It’s unnecessary and exhausting. If you want to go around pretending, that’s
fine with me, but don’t tell me what to do—”

 His finger
pressed lightly on my mouth.

 “Volume, Elodie.”

 My eyes
widened when he slowly freed me with a bit of a superior grin. Well, at least
he was feeling better about himself. Mission accomplished.

 “So, can I
ask
you
something now?” The smile vanished from Asher’s face as he
crossed his arms over his chest and stared at me intently.

 Musing on
how outwardly scary he appeared, I sipped my coffee. “I guess,” I replied in my
most flippant whisper possible to hide how self-conscious his gaze made me. 

 “Why did
you say that I’m going to save everyone?”

 I had to
think about it for a second. When I had said that, he’d been impenetrable to me.
Now, he was a bit more vulnerable and open, but only because he’d decided to
let me in. If the Speakers knew how to break Asher, they could break anyone.

 “You just
seem very… strong. I can’t imagine you ever faltering or making a wrong move.” 

 “You don’t
know me.”

 He could
only have been referring to what happened to his father and Thom. I then asked
a question I really didn’t want to know the answer to. “How do the Speakers
know how to take away what means the most to someone?”

 “They have
their ways,” Asher answered in rigid voice. A voice not meant for me. I had
difficulty breathing for a second.

 “Is it hard
to come back after breaking out through the boundary with the anti-Lull?” I
assumed it would be torturous—knowing how to escape, but then having to force
yourself back into a cage such as this. 

 He stared
at his coffee. “Yes… and no. I just think of everyone stuck in here, and it’s
not hard at all.” 

 Either it
was the anti-Lull or the strangeness of being in Asher’s good graces that gave
me the idea, but I was uncharacteristically speaking ahead of analytical
thought. “Would you show me the refugee camp? I’d like to see it.”

 Asher
looked at me again as if I were a puzzle or map undecipherable without a
decoder ring.

 So, of
course I went on, buzzed by the idea of breaking out of River. 

 “I know
it’s late, but if we hurry, we could make it there and back before daybreak.” It
was near the winter solstice, the longest night of the year, and would stay dark
for hours.

 “You want
to break through the boundary tonight?” He barely whispered. No expression.

 “I need to
see what we’re getting ourselves into. Or out of, rather.”

 After studying
me for what seemed an eternity, Asher finally sighed. “Do you have anything… stealthier
to wear?”

Fortunately,
Asher’s dark shirt was too big, because I had to wear two sweaters underneath
it. The night was cold enough that he had worn extra layers, enough to spare. If
River Elodie had been a rebel, it was only in the wardrobe department; she had
nothing in black, and Asher didn’t need to elaborate that it was of utmost
importance to be invisible on this little mission of mine… of ours. Still in shock
that he was going along with me, I’d assumed he would be unwilling to trust me
with any secrets, and flat out say no. Although, he had been unusually laidback
in guarding someone he was suspicious of, and I was beginning to wonder if he possibly
liked me.

 Heading to
the fire escape through the bedroom, I briefly contemplated writing a note for
Danny and hiding it somewhere inconspicuous, in case we didn’t return. Before I
could get too far on that plan, I decided to leave it to chance. If we were caught,
the Speakers would probably ransack this place, and I couldn’t implicate Danny.
We would just vanish. Almost confident of success, I followed Asher out the
window.

 Having each
taken an entire dropper of anti-Lull, I suspected Asher felt as good as I did. The
drug, or anti-drug, was like opening up a curtain to a bright sunny day. My
vision, thoughts, and even reflexes were sharper. Alertness was the key to any Covert
Op, and this was no exception. Every sound was monitored while we ghosted through
cast lamplight, and then instantly back into the shadows. My stride was quick and
weightless, which was a good thing—Asher was not easy to keep up with.

 We stole through
the quiet winter night. In what seemed like minutes we had reached the boundary,
and I wasn’t even breathing much faster than normal. Past the invisible line, recently
fallen snow had blown in drifts around the concrete at the base of the hill, giving
us a footprint-free exit. Asher glanced at me to be sure I was ready. One quick
nod told him yes, and he grabbed my hand to pull us through.

 At first, the
air just felt heavy. Attempting to ignore the forlorn cello wafting through the
atmosphere, I concentrated on moving my feet forward. Asher’s hand around mine
helped as a distraction—he had an ironclad grip on it. I would’ve asked him to
loosen it a bit because he was cutting off my circulation, but found myself
gritting my teeth with frustration. Invisible weights pressed down, and just as
my legs were about to give out, there was a slight tugging on my arm. He was trying
to tow me out of what could only be described as a wind tunnel; only it was gravity
pulling and pushing at me, not air.

 Slowly, slowly,
my legs moved one by one. It felt as if the inches took hours while I struggled
up the incline and tried stay calm. There was nothing I could have done, already
in the thick of it. My shoulders ached from the power bearing down on them, heaviness
that edged me toward collapse. I was determined, however, and took a deep
breath through my rigid jaw—in another movement, another two feet, I would be
through. 

 I watched Asher
search for me in slow motion before he turned his head from side to side. Always
paranoid, my first thought was that we had been caught. Again, I forced my dead
weight forward and broke through the constraints, straight into Asher’s chest.

 “Oomph,” I
involuntarily grunted as I smacked into him.

 
Okay?
he
mouthed.

 My eyes
must’ve looked a bit bewildered because he shot me a skeptical glance before
releasing my hand. He then signed which direction to go, and we fled the
exposed area.

 Racing into
the surrounding forest, I was almost giddy with the shock of it. We had made it
with no real problems, though I hadn’t been prepared. I imagined it was similar
to skydiving for the first time. After that first jump, you may not get used to
it, but at least you would know what to expect. All I knew was that I dreaded
the return trip.

 One more
day, just one more of living in fear and then we would all feel this freedom. Leaving
River was so liberating that I couldn’t conceive the crushing desolation
waiting for us when we crossed back over the boundary. If nothing else, our
little field trip was giving me even more confidence in instigating the
rebellion and risking lives. I just hoped that if anyone were to be hurt—it
would be me. I didn’t have family here, except for Dan, and I had already lived
my life in the sheer liberty of New York City. The jailed citizens of River deserved
a chance at freedom. I’d had mine.

 These
thoughts floated around my mind for the time that we flat out ran and then finally
slowed to a jog. My feet found their way easily, but I had to watch for icy
roots. The snow was actually good for running, and I could just fit my stride
into Asher’s footprints. I had been focusing so hard on the uneven forest floor
that I hadn’t scanned the view. As dark as it was, the snow reflected enough light
to see, and the half moon hanging low in the west gave me a sense a direction.
I was feeling good about the decision to come out here until Asher suddenly
stopped.

 Throwing
his arm out, he caught me before I scrambled ahead of him, intent on speed and
not direction. I gasped when he covered my mouth.

 Asher
pulled me close to him behind a tree. After a moment of neither of us
breathing, he faced me and whispered intensely, “Stay here.” Then he was gone.

 I couldn’t
see much but black tree trunks, snow covered limbs, and low-hanging moon in the
indigo sky. An odd intuition or déjà vu struck me, and I grasped at a memory to
try to hold on to it, but it was gone within seconds, as corporeal as melting
ice crystals. Abruptly feeling the cold, my muscles locked and I shivered. Concentrating
on breathing in and out, I questioned why Asher would have left the way he did.
Danger was the only answer. Speakers or their faction had followed us here. My
mouth went dry, and I tried to swallow, feeling real panic. How long had Asher
been gone? Five minutes? About to take a step forward, I told myself that I was
expendable. He simply had to get back to River. He was going to save everyone. Dan,
Gwen, little Colin, Grandma. All of them. Cursing my stupid plan to see the
refugee camp, I stepped into his footprint to save the savior.