River: A Novel (34 page)

 While
hanging almost upside-down, I could only stare at the advancing lights,
expecting to hear something malevolent.

 A tearing
sound… it was fabric shredding.

 Hissing
gravel trailed the claw-marks made by frantic scraping.

 Even the
air slicing past me was silent.

 It was only
blood hammering in my ears, my heart.

 And then,
nothing.

 When I woke
with a jolt, my white-knuckles had a painful grip on the blanket. Slowly coming
back to consciousness, I noticed Dan sitting across from me. After straightening
my glasses, he came into focus, staring intently.

 “What is
it?” I whispered under the quiet music.

 
You tell me
.
His eyebrows were
raised to his hairline as he signed.

 I squinted
at him.

 He half
smiled and leaned toward me.
Quite a fall you had there.

 I felt my
eyes stretch open. “How…?”

 Realization
dawned on me to the possibility that Dan had probably had a front row seat to
my little dream theater. Lengthening the pause, I sat up and covered my mouth. “I
don’t know what that was about,” I mumbled into my hand.

 
What
are you running from, Elodie?

 “Nothing,” I
stated unconvincingly, even to myself. “It was only a dream.”

 His lips were
quirked with doubt.

 I shook my
head and caught a glimpse of the clock. I’d been out for four hours.

 “We need to
get ready.”

 Dan nodded,
pulling out a vial of anti-Lull. I yanked the twisted blanket off me, heaved
myself from the sofa, and headed toward the coffee pot.

...........................

It’s not
like me to pretend, even though reality hadn’t always been pleasant in my
lifetime, but I now understood that pretending things were not what they seemed
would get me through the next few hours.

 We packed
as much food, clothing, and first aid supplies as we could into my two bags and
Dan’s shoulder bag. To bring anything more would cause suspicion—something we
could not afford. I breathed a little quicker than usual on the way to the
theater. Whether from coffee or anxiety, I did not know. The cold walk took no
time at all, for I was far away, daydreaming.

 Until I was
actually on the stage, I would pretend that none of this was happening. Instead,
I was in New York again with Dan and Petra in a year-old life. Only this time
there were additions to our little group: Gwen, her son, and her lost love,
Thom. Asher. Grandma, too. We had never been in River; I had just met them
through normal channels. And we were happy. I bumped into a mirror on my way to
the theater, lost in my fantasy.

 Danny eyed
me curiously when I shook my head to clear it. He must have observed how
terrified I was because he took my hand, leading me through the maze to the
dressing rooms and stage area.

   I  P-R-O-M-I-S-E  W-E  W-I-L-L  B-E  O-K-A-Y

 Shooting
him a sidelong glance, I noticed how nervous he looked. We needed to figure out
how to hide our tense faces, and fast. I spun around and chopped the air,
demonstrating my best karate pose. He shook his head and laughed at me, silently
of course, but with real feeling. I smiled back and chopped him in the arm, coming
down from my fight stance. Just then, Danny sucked in a breath and stood bolt
upright to peer behind my shoulder.

 I turned
and tried not to panic. Dan looked so alarmed that I didn’t know what to
expect.

 Petra was
exiting a restroom with her arms full of cleaning supplies. She stood startled
like a frightened fawn, eyes wide, wrecked leg at an odd angle. I glanced back
at Danny, severity still in his glare, though the hateful look had dissipated. Shocked
Dan was capable of looking that way toward Petra, I placed a pleading hand on
his arm. His frown stayed grim, but the hard expression changed to guarded. I
turned to Petra just as she grabbed her cane and began to limp in the opposite
direction. It was now or never.

 I dropped
my bags and scurried forward; determined to tell her somehow of the plan and that
she had to come with us. 

 She
practically ran from me.

 “Petra,
stop!” I whispered recklessly. 

 She dragged
her leg for another step, all her things dropping in front of her. She whirled
to face me and lost her balance slightly. Her expression was grave.

 I knew
without looking that Danny was seething with disapproval of my use of voice,
but it was all that I could think of to get her to stop.

 I’m
sorry about what happened to you
,
I signed clumsily before she fled
again.
I know you are innocent.
It was not your fault.

 She
regained her composure, standing a little straighter
.
I know. It was yours
.
Her eyes were wide and foreign in their misery.

 Unable to
deny it, I could only agree. But I had to be honest
.
If it was, I don’t
remember.
 

 
How?
She asked after a long moment, pointing to her throat.

 I just shook
my head and shrugged, deciding to feign amnesia now, and tell her of my strange
memories later. If given the chance.

 Petra
obviously didn’t believe me and began again to gather her things. I surged
forward, taking her hand. She flinched.

 “Wait,
please,” I murmured under my breath, trying to be cautious in case of hidden
Speaker cameras. Though by this point, they would have caught on to it all.

 Petra took
a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they were full
of tears.

 I decided
to sign, unwilling to push my luck further
.
I need you to follow us
later.

 
She shook her head, not understanding. 

 
Please, trust us.

 
Before she stumbled away, I saw a
tear fall from her eye when she turned. 

 Slowly folding
my arms across my chest, I watched her hobble down the bright hallway. There
was nothing more I could do.

 When Petra was
out of sight, I felt my shoulder weighted down. Dan had his arm around me, leading
us to the dressing area.

..................

Make-up on,
costume fitted, and toe-shoes tied—I was trying not to hyperventilate. For over
an hour, Danny stayed with me in a rehearsal space while I warmed-up. We were both
still in a sort of depressed shock from the interaction with Petra. I only hoped
she would heed my request and look for us when the Speakers passed out, which
was the signal to make our move. Dan would stall the audience after the show by
having a special listening session of his new piece. Heavy with Lull, the Mutes
would be immune to its effects while the Speakers succumbed, thus providing an
exit point for those willing to escape River. 

 I’d asked
Danny about the Mute lackeys, and if they had the choice of leaving. He said
that the Caravs didn’t trust them. Dan had given it much thought and argument, for
his own parents were included in the Speakers’ faction of subordinates, and
decided the lot of them were brainwashed. Feeling I couldn’t voice an opinion,
I trusted Dan’s judgment. Asher’s as well. I was sure he had been involved in
the decision.

 As I
stretched and fretted, Dan repeated that the performance was nothing to worry
about. I just looked at him in a way that should have made him question his own
sanity. He grinned again, with less smugness, because I think our little interlude
with Petra had shaken him up more than he let on. He could have just been tense
about the rebellion in general, however, because he was looking a little green
and drinking a ton of water. Then again, he could’ve just been having an
adverse reaction to all the coffee and anti-Lull we’d been consuming for the
last hour.

 Only able
to take shallow breaths, I could hardly swallow the closer it came to show time.
When I became completely paralyzed from stage fright, of course that was when Dan
poked me on the shoulder and signed that he was depositing me backstage. 

 You
will be fine, Elodie
.
We
all will. I promise
,
he added when my frozen face gave him its most dubious
expression.

 He smirked.

  T-O-L-D  Y-O-U  I  H-A-V-E  G-O-T  T-H-I
-
S

 Danny patted
my shoulder after coding and turned to leave. Relentless in my need for
reassurance, I grabbed his shirt, trying to keep my terror hidden from any
onlookers. People were beginning to fill the wings on the outskirts of the
stage, making the finality of the situation more real; less something I’d been
dreading, now one of my nightmares greeting me. My feet were numb.

 We had a
silent and still moment of communication.

 My eyebrows
pushed together, insistent.
(
I can’t do this
.
I’m not ready.)
 
 

 He stared
into my eyes, lowering his head to my level. (
Yes you are. You will
be fine.)

 (Long pause.)    

 
I
scrunched up my face, disagreeing
. (I’m
going to fail.)

 
He
raised his eyebrows and tilted my chin up with his finger. (
No, you
are not. I told
you—I’ve got this).

 Dan winked
and grinned at me, dropping his hand. My shoulders slouched, defeated, as he
walked away. I wouldn’t see him until after his special overture of an encore,
and I just wished I could fast-forward through the whole night.

 While watching
him go, my peripheral vision caught someone signing to my left. Resigned to my
fate, I turned to face Nanette; who seemed more than a little bit irritated with
me.

 
You forgot to check in with me this morning,
again. How do you think I’ve been? Wondering if my lead was showing up to the
performance? What were you thinking
,
Elodie
?

 I shrugged.
By her caustic expression and beet red face, it was not a good enough answer. I
immediately felt guilty. She had been nothing but kind and understanding. 

 I’m
sorry.
I paused for a few seconds to take a deep breath,
searching for an easy no-questions-asked excuse for my absence
.
Flu relapse. But I’m perfect now
.

 Well,
I’m looking forward to your routine, since I have no idea what you are going to
do.
The acerbic expression was back as she continued her
passive-aggressive scolding, but also held a hint of forgiveness. Very motherly.

 I could
only smile at her with awkward reassurance before walking out behind the
unopened curtain.

 That made
two of us.

So much had
happened in the past twenty-four hours. I shouldn’t have been surprised that
life in River would become even stranger. Deciding to trust Danny was easy;
even without a clue as to how he was going to help me with the performance. I
had to pull this off for the sake of the rebellion and our friendship. As I
paced in a tiny square, trying to breathe, I wondered what Asher was doing. I
knew he had a plan to safely extract anyone willing to defect, but I was fuzzy
on the details. How would the regular civilians know what was happening? 

 My thoughts
were interrupted by a majestic flourish in the music coming from outside the
curtain. The heavy burgundy veil with enormous gold tassels was all that stood
between me, and the reason my feet were suddenly glued to the wooden floor. I
closed my eyes and tried to take a deep breath.
Trust Danny. He will take
care of me.

 Without
knowing where to start onstage, I swiveled as the curtain rose much too quickly
and took in the excited crowd. They spun with me when I hurried to place my
concrete-block feet into fourth position. Presuming a theme to the dance, with
my costume being deep red satin and tulle, I searched the stage briefly for any
other clues. The set was stark. Gray and white clouds mingled with bare trees
and tall grasses—I could have been outside. It reminded me of Asher’s work, and
immediately I knew he had designed the set. This would be something strong, something
unbreakable. I had grabbed a lacey fan earlier and given my glasses to Nanette
for safe keeping. Praying not to fall off the stage, I plastered on a falsely convinced
expression as the first pulses of the score began. 

 At first,
nothing happened. Silently cursing Danny’s overconfidence that he was going to
get me out of this, I flicked the fan open, just for something to be moving. Without
any notice, my feet took off from under me like a bullet. A fraction of a
second went by as I glimpsed the wings of the stage to catch Dan’s knowing grin.
I didn’t have to struggle long to regain my balance; my torso, arms, and
perfect knee caught up with my feet in an instant. The music floating through
the air moved around me like a current of water. It was solid and present, as
if an orchestra surrounded me. Gliding across the stage, I laughed silently at
the weightless feeling. My breathing was steadier than I ever remembered it
being while each of my limbs tingled with the air flying around them.