Rock My World (15 page)

Sure, in
high school,
she
coasted on the rails
of the nepotism train, before the days of celebrity kids being famous from
birth onward. She got into clubs, always had the best of everything, and got a
modeling agent before she’d ever auditioned. But all that was small potatoes in
comparison to the temptations and traps of the celebrity culture today. Celebrities’
toddlers
now appeared on best and
worst dressed lists, for
pete
’s
sake.

The thought
of paparazzi stalking Felicity at school to find out about Alex and
Airika
made the little hairs on her neck stand on end. She
picked up the cabin phone and dialed.

“
Allo
?”
Airika’s
fake accent
grated on Jenna’s ears.

“Hello
Airika
.”

“Jenna?”

A pregnant pause spread between them. Jenna felt
the anger well inside, making her teeth chatter. She gripped the phone tighter
and willed herself to sound calm and steady.

“I want to
know why.”

“Why what?”

“Why
my
husband? Why are there pictures of you
two in the tabloids?
 
Why were you
on a hotel balcony with Alex first thing in the morning?”

Another
silence. Jenna refused to cave first.
Do
not make this easy for her
, she told herself.

“Look, I
know this isn’t the politically correct answer or whatever, but I love him. The
Barcelona thing is crap. Alex saved me from a guy that got out of line and let
me cool off in his room. Don’t be mad at him for that.”
Airika
said. “Nothing happened,” she added, almost under her breath.

Jenna exhaled, her shoulders relaxing slightly.
Her grip loosened infinitesimally on the phone.

“But you know Jenna, you’re not the only one whose
life changed when you got pregnant. We were dating. You two had broken up. He
cheated on me, not you!” She said.

Jenna inhaled sharply. She was speechless.

“We didn’t mean to hurt you, but not everything is
about you.”
Airika
said, sounding dejected.

Airika
breathed on the other side of the line, waiting.
Jenna had no retort. She had absolutely no idea what to say. The word “we”
clanged incessantly inside her head, compounding her worst fears.
Airika
was right. Technically, they hadn’t done anything
wrong. Technically. Girl World operated under a different set of rules though,
and there was no question those rules were obliterated. Even if Jenna believed
Airika’s
sincerity, so what? She had no idea what it meant
to be married.
The sacrifices, the love, the compromises.
And trust.
Airika
knew nothing about trust. It
crossed her mind that she sacrificed her career for Alex, not
Airika
. She made those life-changing decisions and divisions
of labor with him, not her. Maybe it wasn’t fair to put so much of the blame on
Airika
, and yet logic and emotion rarely went
together.

***

“Mom?”

“Is
everything okay?” Anya asked.

“No.”
Jenna’s voice wobbled. “There’s an article out. It’s bad.”

Anya listened as Jenna told her about it. When she
finished, Anya remained quiet.

“Mom? What should I tell Felicity?”

“What do
you
think you should tell her?” Anya
asked.

Jenna
sighed. “I want you to tell me what to do.” Her voice sounded small and
pathetic in her own ears.

“Only you
can answer that.” There was that obnoxious calm again. Jenna didn’t want to
admit that deep down she knew her mother was right. But she had no idea what to
do. Until now, she’d been taking a breather from her marriage. With this
article and the inevitable press storm, she’d have to make a decision.

“I’m coming
home.” Hands shaking, she hung up the phone and sank down into the couch,
staring straight ahead at the blackened fireplace. The sky outside was a steely
grey, the color of armor.

Despite the
warmth of the cabin, goose bumps covered her flesh. Half of her wanted to crawl
under the covers and wake up when the whole thing had been
resolved—preferably by someone else’s decision-making. If only there were
a highlight reel for relationships like in sports. She’d like to know the
game-changing points all at once, rather than being bombarded by them, one by
one.

Unfortunately,
the world of motherhood was never so simple. She couldn’t even get proper
self-pity time in before her mommy alarm went off. She took a deep breath,
wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes where they threatened to break
through the dam of her resolve.
No
,
hold it together!
For Felicity, she
would.

The image of
Alex and
Airika
sitting on that balcony, looking like
a pair of happy lovers assaulted her again, twisting the knife in a little
deeper.

***

“Hey.”
 
She said, answering the door, seeing
Zach on her doorstep.

“How was
it?” He asked, oblivious. It felt like a lifetime ago that she’d been so
excited and inspired.
Was that only a few
hours ago?
She plastered on a smile.

“Noelle was
great. Thanks for getting me the job.”

“You’re
leaving, aren’t you?” He sounded sad. It took her off guard.

“How did you
know?” She asked.

“Your tone.
You’ve got the it’s-not-you-it’s-me voice,” he said. She laughed and told him
she did need to go home but that she planned to come back.

“You’re a
good mom,” he said. She blushed from the compliment.

They stood
in the entryway for a long moment before her inner hostess kicked in.

“Would you
like to come in? Coffee?”

He nodded
and followed her inside. She went to the kitchen to start the coffee while he
headed toward the couch in the living room. She sat on the large armchair next
to the couch and let out a sigh.

“Is
everything else okay?” He asked, brows knitting together in concern.

“I don’t
know anymore. I just got off the phone with
Airika
.”

“Oh?” He
shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Yeah, I
just wanted to know why she did it.”

“Did what?”

“Kissed
Alex!”

Zach was stunned into silence.

“She said she was in love with him and that
I
was selfish.”

The coffee maker pinged and Zach sprung up to pour
their coffee. Her teeth started chattering again and she fought to calm down,
tears pricking the backs of her eyes.

He returned,
handing her a steaming mug. He sat down, instantly taking a sip from his own.
She didn’t want to talk about it either. But when she caught him looking at the
diary she left on the coffee table, she smiled, longing for the simple days of
having crushes and worrying about brushing hands in a movie theatre.

“May I?” He
asked, picking it up.

“Why not?”

She had a
pretty good idea what part he must have gotten to when he looked up at her with
his big brown eyes. Instead of feeling embarrassed, she felt amused.

“You didn’t
know I had a crush on you?” She asked.

“Um, no. I
thought I annoyed you. Whenever I came into a room you stopped talking and
found excuses to leave.” He didn’t take his eyes off her.

“I was just
nervous and awkward.” She laughed at the thought of herself as a tongue-tied
teen.

“I liked you
too,” he said quietly, studying his mug.

Chapter
25

After Jenna
hung up on her,
Airika
felt particularly vulnerable,
certain she’d just destroyed her relationships with both Alex and Jenna. Her
phone rang, still in her hand.

“What?”

“Um … how
are you?” Meg said.

“I told you
only to call if there was an emergency. So?”

“I … I just
got a call from Martine’s rep. Her mom … ”

“What?”
Airika
demanded.

“She fired
us.”

Silence.

“I tried to
ask why … ” Meg sounded near tears.
Airika
hung up
without response. She clenched her jaw so tight she felt it turning into a
headache. This was her father’s fault.
That
philandering no-good bastard!

She headed
down to the hotel bar. She only knew one sure-fire way to calm down: she needed
to get laid. Some people turned to drugs or alcohol. She turned to orgasms.

When she saw
Simon sitting at the bar, she sighed.
Slim
pickings
. She strutted over and tapped him on the shoulder. He smiled that
lascivious smile of his.
He better be
good
.

“What’s
doin
’ doll?”

“
Wanna
fuck?” She said,
straight-faced.

***

“Alex! Hey,
wait up.”
Airika
called down the long hallway. He
turned around.

“What’s
that?” He asked
,
pointing to the magazine she held out
to him. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath. The pained look on
her face made his heart sink.

“For fuck’s
sake!” He threw the magazine on the floor, slamming open his hotel door.
 
He sunk onto the bed, head in his hands.
Airika
stood in the doorway, unsure what to say. He
collapsed onto his back, pulling at his gold and copper hair.

“If it makes
you feel better, I already told her you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“You what?
When did you?” he stuttered, eyes open wide in horror.

“She called
me.”
Airika
said, gazing at the floor.

“Where is
she?” He couldn’t keep the hurt out of his voice.

“Tahoe.
Don’t worry, she’s fine. She’s with Zach.”

“What do you mean ‘with Zach’?” He sneered, eyes
flashing.

“I mean,
they’re both there and Zach has been checking up on her making sure she’s
okay,” she said, frustrated at the reminder that her brother was more
interested in attending to poor Jenna’s hurt feelings that helping his sister
sort out a legitimate family dilemma.

“She went to
Tahoe? With Zach?” He asked, eyes glazing over.

“Yeah. You
didn’t know that?” Her lip twitched in the hint of a victorious smile.
Maybe Little Miss
Perfect has secrets too
.

“I
gotta
go. Sound check.” He sprung up, grabbed a jacket off
the back of a chair, and left her to let herself out.

***

His hands
trembled
as he pulled on his jeans, looser now than a week
ago. He tried to warm up his voice but it kept cracking, hitting off notes
everywhere. He hated being the last to know Jenna’s whereabouts, let alone the
fact that she was spending time with another guy. The irony was not lost on
him.

Thunk
!
Thunk
! “Five minutes!”
the stage manager shouted through the door.

He made his
way out of his dressing room, winding through the backstage labyrinth to the
stage. He transformed onstage as the spotlight warmed him and the crowd’s
thundering cheers spread across the stadium, feeding his soul, bearing his
burden. “Hello Portland!”
 
They
cheered to his pandering, tingling in anticipation. He lingered for a
suspenseful beat before counting in. “Two, three, four.” He thrashed his head,
signaling the band as the crowd whooped and whistled, feeling the kick of the
drum, and the first few chords of the song they all recognized—their
first big hit. On a great night, it was the better than sex (almost).

Chapter
26

Felicity flicked through a pile of index cards in
front of her, spooning giant mounds of cereal in her mouth. She loved studying
in the morning. In the quiet breakfast nook the chill of morning dew evaporated
with the rising sun. The salty smell of the ocean wafted up carrying with it
faint hints of citrus and freshly cut grass. It smelled like home.

The warm
fuzzy feelings did not, however, extend to the homework assignment she’d been procrastinating
working on. The vignette. “Ugh.”

Eventually she knew she’d suck it up and ask for
her grandmother’s help, unwilling to ruin her 4.0 GPA. She just hated the idea
of asking questions she might not want the answers to.

Since the
beach party, she’d been stewing over what Sadie said about her parents. Sadie,
Queen of the Rumors, wasn’t big on petty things like fact checking to stop the
spread of juicy gossip. Even so, Felicity couldn’t shake the feeling that there
might be truth in what she said.