Rockstar Daddy (Decoy Series) (15 page)

  "Yea, erm."

He scratches the back of his neck and looks straight at me.

      "Last time you were upset about us not saying anything so I thought I'd just come and tell you straight away."

I roll my hand for him to carry on but I'm shitting myself. Every time I have been upset with the guys recently is because they didn't tell me about seeing Jax, Rhys, Leo or Max and I have a really bad feeling that's what James is going to say.

      "Right OK, well I stayed out last night and I was just walking it back when a guy was jogging towards me and he was giving me a funny look. He had his cap on low so I couldn't really see his face but when he came up close I saw exactly who is was. We both looked back at each other so he knew it was me too."

   "Who James?"

I ask desperately.

      "It was Rhys."

Oh fuck. Wait didn't he talk to him?

      "Where was this? Did you talk to him?"

   "On that quiet road going up to the big houses at the back of town. Probably has a place down there. No we didn't talk, it was pretty weird."

I give James a slight nod. I wish he could have spoken to him, I need a number or an address for Jax.

      "Well that's three out of the four of them. Jax is definitely here, if you see any of them again I need a number or something please James. Tell the guys for me.

He frowns at me and just nods his OK.

     "You gona finally tell him?"

I smile and nod my head yes.

      "Thanks for letting me no James."

   "I didn't know weither to wait or not because your at work but I had to tell you Kendal. I felt like shit last time and I think you'r doing the right thing by the way. He needs to know, Finley's an awesome kid."

He gives me a big hug and another kiss on the cheek and whispers he loves me. I watch him walk away before I go back into work.

   I set up for when Maisy arrives. As soon as she sees my face she knows something is wrong and I don't hold back on her. I don't even start her nails until after I've finished my rant. Giving her every detail that James told me. I really respect him for telling me but I can't help but wish he would have waited until after I finished work because now my brain is thinking overtime. Maisy listens to every I say and gives her input at appropriate times like a good friend. After I have unloaded and calmed down I start on Maisy's nails.

      "I suppose it's only a matter of time until one of us sets eyes on Jax now."

I smudge her nail art on her middle finger. Shit! She could have warned me she was going to come out with something like that.

      "Oh shit, sorry Kendal, me and my big mouth, I didn't think I'm sorry."

I wish everyone would stop saying sorry and looking at me like I'm on my death bed. I appreciate them being here for me and I feel really ungrateful but I don't need them to pity me. It makes it to hard to cope.

      "Maisy it's fine, I'd wish you would all stop being all sensitive around me."

   "We just don't know what to say honey and then we don't know how your going to react to what we say. Were just looking out for you, were worried about you. This is a big thing, you know were all here for you don't you? We would do anything to help."

Well now I just feel like a piece of shit. But she's right, I am being ungrateful thinking badly of there sympathy. They really are the best group of friends.

     "I'm sorry too. It's just hard, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm shitting myself. I just want all of you to go back to normal, be yourself's and  that will really help."

  "I'm sure we can all do that."

After I redo Maisy's nail that I messed up, I finish the rest and then I only have time for a quick cup of tea before my next appointment is here. While I'm half way through cutting the girls hair Tanya walks in and gives me those darn sad eyes. I'm going to have to sit everyone down and tell them what I told Maisy, I need to give it them all straight. I can't look at those sad eyes anymore, if anything there making me feel worse. I could be forgetting for a little bit about Jax and all this stress but then I see one of them and there pity face reminds me of everything. I can't wait to finish work and spend the est of the day at the park with my little boy.

*~*~*

       "Mummys home!"

I've only just taken off one shoe when two little arms wrap around one of my legs. Finley is jumping up and down, I would like to think his this excited but his missed me and his pleased to see but I know it's because were going to the park. I take what I can get though and pretend it's for me.

      "Hello rockstar, you been good for grandad?"

   "Good as gold" My dad into the hallway from the living room, my dad looks a bit mean looking. All big build and deep voice, a few tattoos. If he doesn't like you, you have problems but if he likes you he will do his best by you every time. I've always been a daddy's girl, me and my mum have our moments but me and my dad don't get into bitchy fights and he leaves me in peace. He may look like an angry rocker but his my big teddy bear. My dad won't let anyone tell me this but he gives the best hugs ever.

      "Thanks for fetching him today dad."

   "Don't even mention it kiddo, you know me and your mum love spending anytime with Fin. Anytime you need us were there you know that."

God his words bring a lump in my throat. He has a cup of tea waiting for me so we have a little chat at my kitchen table.

      "If you can't talk to ya mum ya no ya can always come to me don't ya angel?"

I look up to my dad and wish I could crawl up into his arms and have one of those hugs. He may not realize but his words just made my insides crack a little. Talking to my dad is a lot different than a talk with my mum.

      "I'm OK dad."

He doesn't buy it.

      "Kendal ya mum told me everything. I know she can be a pain but she's ya mum, she cares for ya. If ya can't talk to ya mum about me ya always got me."

I stand and rush into his big strong arms and snuggle into him. This is what I needed, my dad. He squeezes me tight and kisses me forehead.

      "Ya not on ya own angel, got it?"

I nod because if I speak I will cry. I'm relieved he hasn't put the Jax mum told him about to my Jax. I put myself together before Finley barges in from the garden. Before my dad leaves he kisses mine and Finley's foreheads. I get out of my work clothes and into my light blue denim shorts, white vest top. I patch up my bun and I'm good to go. I pack me and Finley a sandwich and then were ready for the park.

      "Can I take my bike?"

Hmmmm. Last time he took his bike I ended up pulling it along on the way back giving me cut ankles where the peddles kept bashing me.

      "Only if you ride it there and back Finley. I'm not rolling it home this time."

   "Promise mummy"

I agree and put on my blue vans and he fetches his bike from the cupboard under the stairs with his matching helmet. We eventually make it to the park because Finley can only ride his bike so fast and he doesn't stop talking on the fifteen minute walk. He talks about his friends, what he did at school, Sam and Jessica's puppy and he even his shares his thoughts on my hair colour.

       "Logan said his mummy hair is brown and I said my mummy's is purple but Logan said you can't have purple hair but I said it is. Ben told Logan he saw my mummy with the purple hair. I said my mummy hair is purple because my mummy is the cooliest mummy!"    

I know he was just rambling on but that little speech of his made me feel so proud of my son. The fact he called me the cooliest is just so dam cute.

      "Aw thankyou Finley. Your the coolest little boy too."

He beams his best smile up at me and squints his eye in the sunlight. This boy is my whole world. I try and do best for him as much and as best as I can. I'd love to spend every minute of every day with him but he has school and I have work. My odd work hours are a pain sometimes but when we have chances like this I like to be with my son. He seems happy and that makes me happy.

   When I was pregnant I had nightmares of Jax being angry at me for trapping him and blaming me for giving up his dream and it made all three of us miserable. That's why I was so scared and did what I did but I'm regretting my choice more and more each day. We reach the park and I sit on a bench watching Finley run like crazy all over the park. As I watch him I think about telling Jax he has a son. I wouldn't even know how to contact him but I could bump into him or the band anytime soon anyway. I've sent a text to everyone that if they see any of them again try and get me any of there phone numbers or address. I now now it's best I tell him. I mean you never know it might be easier for him at this time in his carrier because his now signed up to a record label. His made it and has songs in the chart. His living his dream now but when I found out I was pregnant he was still trying so hard to make it. He wasn't making good money, he traveled everywhere and when I wasn't at college I would be at his side. If I would have told him he would have gotten a normal job to support us because his a good man. He would have done that for us so I couldn't let him. I love him to much for him to do that. I was doing what I loved, why couldn't he?

   I need to properly think about how I'm going to do this. Jax tours the world now and goes of doing god knows what a rock star does so he might not even have the time for Finley. I look at my little boy and smile to myself, I can't believe how much he looks like his dad. He will be a little heart throb when his older I know it. He will be a good man though just like his dad, I know it.  I get up from my bench and join him playing, I chase him around and where both laughing so loud. He squeals when I find him hiding in the tunnel and we spend time on the swings before we go. He sits on my knee, facing me with his legs wrapped around my waist and his arms hugging me. I rock us slowly on the swing for a little while listening to Finley singing one some of his school songs and a few chart singles. His voice is lovely, so sweet and innocent. He rides his bike home like he promised to do. When we get home his so tired so I quickly run him a bath. We have a little something to eat and then I get Finley to bed. His eyes shut straight away and within two minutes he was softly snoring. When I get downstairs I hear my phone vibrating on the kitchen side. A picture of me and Sophie pulling stupid faces at the camera flashes up.

      "Hey Soph."

   "Hey, how are you?"

      "So tired. Had work until 3 and then I took Finley to the park all afternoon."

   "Wow you have been busy."

      "Yea I'm feeling it now though. So whats up? How are you and Maisy doing with the wedding plans?"

  
"It's going great, Maisy is brill. I got a call from Sarah and she said your dresses are ready. She's coming next Friday at 9 to check they all fit. She's also bringing the shoes too Sarah says there amazing, I can't wait."

I imagine her jumping up and with a huge smile on her face.

       "I think I'm working Friday morning but I'll see if one of the girls will swap a shift with me. Shouldn't be a problem."

   "OK great! I'll talk to you later."

       "See ya"