Rockstar Daddy (Decoy Series) (9 page)

   "I did this for Jax, I went away for him Sam so he could have his dream. His going to be so angry."

      "We know babe but I don't think he could be angry at you. He loved you, he will understand."

   "No he won't, I'm so scared Sam. Everything's so fucked up."

He holds me tighter and I see Mark step closer.

      "I can walk you home Kendal. I don't want you driving home like that."

I see Tanya roll her eyes. Sam hands me over to Mark and he smooths my sticky wet hair off my face from all the tears. I dread to think what Sam's top looks like.

      "Come on I'll take you home."

I shake my head, I open my mouth to speak but he cuts me off before I'm able to.

      "I'm not letting you drive home on your own Kendal. If you don't want to walk I'm driving. I drove James over, he can follow us in my car."

I watch Finley playing outside, he seems happy enough. I'm not harming him keeping Jax from him am I? I thought that that was the right thing to do. But as Finley is getting a little older there's moments when I feel Jax should be here. He has asked if he has a daddy, I told him he has but he lives far away. He took that fine and carried on.

     "Should I tell Jax? I want to but Finley's happy isn't he? What if Jax doesn't want to be apart of his life? Or his so angry with me? Did you get Max and Leo's address or number?"

Mark lets go of me and frown down at me, Jessica stands by him and wears the same frown.

     "You know that Jax will never resent him Kendal. I can't believe you would think that. I've said this from the beginning, he never would have. He needs his dad, being with Sam, James and Mark is fine and yes he loves them but there not his dad. He needs Jax Kendal, he might be angry with you but he can't be forever. You have to understand what you did."

She gives me a hug and I know what she's saying is true. Mark shakes his head.

      "No we didn't get anything from them Kendal."

Why does he look a little angry at me? If they had gotten there numbers I could have asked for Jax's number. Doesn't he get that? I hate that they all think bad of me, I'm a terrible person. What person lies to the father of there child. Jax wakes up everyday not knowing he has this beautiful boy as his son. I can't believe what I have done. I wonder if Jax would be where he is now if he did know about Finley. Could he still have lived his dream and be a father? I guess we will never know now.

Jessica lets me go and Finley runs into the kitchen, clean face now. Mark won't let it go so I just give in and let him drive me home, even though it's only around the corner. I say goodbye to everyone and hold Finley's hand to the car while Mark sulks behind me. Honestly what is his problem? Not even five minutes later Mark pulls up in front of my house and opens my door for me and then Finley. He hugs me goodbye and looks a little awkward as he says goodbye. He gives me a little kiss on my cheek and gets into his car with James. As soon as we get inside we go straight upstairs and I get Finley ready for bed. It's getting late and I suddenly feel tired. I finish reading Finley his bedtime story and set it back on his shelf.

      "Mummy?"

I smooth down his messy hair.

   "Yes honey?"

      "Who is Jax?"

My hand pauses on his hair and I bite my lip. Bleddy hell, what do I tell him?

      "You remember when mummmy said your daddy lives far away?"

He nods his head and I get myself together. I have to tell him, I won't lie anymore.

     "Well, Jax is your daddy baby."

I see him take this in and he yawns.

      "Did he make you cry?"

Jesus why does my son have to so observant?

      "No honey he didn't make me cry, I cried because I missed him."

Yes thats seems that a good enough reason and it also feels like it's true too.

      "You miss daddy?"

I gulp. I didn't think I would be talking about this for a long while yet.

      "Yes I miss your daddy Finley. Maybe we will see him again."

He nods at me with a big smile and his eyes roll and his lids look heavy. I stroke his hair and his breathing slows and evens out. I remove my hand and sit and stare at my beautiful baby lying asleep. His such a good little boy, caring for me like that. It's scary how much he pays attention to, I will have to be careful from now on when Finley is near. While I'm looking at him I decide there and then I know I have to tell Jax. Finley does need his dad and I can't hide the fact that I feel like I need him too. Yes I have the help from my friends and my parents more than enough but I suppose it's a different kind of help when you have the father of your child with you there helping. I'm scared to see him though, I know I still love him. What will happen if I do see him? Will he still be the same man he was when I knew him? Has fame and money changed him? I wouldn't be surprised, being a rock and roll sex symbol would do that to a guy. I lay down next to Finley of his bed and cuddle up to him and whisper so I don't wake him up.

      "I will try and fix the baby I promise."

I kiss him on his head and snuggle in closer.

*~*~*

   A beeping sound makes me jump. It's now darker in Finley's room, his beside me snoring quietly. I must have fallen asleep with him. I sit up and quietly exit Finley's room. I get my phone out my jean pocket and I see I have a text.

TANYA:   I love u honey, hope ur ok. Dont think about skipping our shopping trip tomorrow, I think u need it. B at mine at 10  xxx

Yes I think I do really need this shopping trip tomorrow. Some retail therapy is definitely needed.

Chapter 5

   I wake up in my usual manor this morning. Yes Finley is jumping on my bed shouting at me to wake up. I hope his not going to carry this on as he gets older because it will only get worse. He makes me move this much when his three and a half never mind in another three years.

      "Yay! Your awake mummy!"

Like I had a choice to stay asleep through the bouncing. I roll out of bed and groan, I feel so tired today but today is shopping day. And the way Tanya is all hyped up I know I can't cancel. I chuck my dressing gown on and walk with Finley downstairs. As soon as we hit the bottom of the stairs he makes his demands. I'm pretty surprised, usually it's as soon as I stand.

   "Juice and toast mummy."

      "Magic word Finley."

I decided that if his going to keep up with these demands then at least he can ask nicely.

   "Juice and toast mummy pleeease."

      "Good boy."

  The rest of the morning goes by nice and smooth. No tantrums or accidents, Finley didn't even take long deciding what he wanted to wear today. After I give Finley a kiss and say goodbye I drive to Tanya's house, she told us to be there at ten but it won't matter if I'm early. I look down at my outfit and make sure Finley didn't get any ceriel on my clothes. I'm in my super skinny high wasted jeans in a light blue colour, my white blouse is tucked in loosely to the high waistband of my jeans. I have my red wedges on so I have my red handbag to match. It's a sunny day so I have my big sunglasses on and my hair in a high messy bun. despite what happened at dinner last night I'm feeling OK. I think that little talk with Finley really helped and getting in his bed for a cuddle. I have however told everyone I don't really want to talk about it and Sophie doesn't know so nobody can bring it up in front of her. I will have to tell her soon though. I pull up outside Tanya's apartment and buzz her door number on the intercom

     
"Hello?"

   "Tan it's me."

     
"Eager beaver. Come on up."

She buzzes me up and I walk through the apartment lobby and to the elevator. Tanya lives in a very nice small block of modern apartments. There's five floors and Tanya lives at the top. Before I can knock on her door she pulls it open, she's looking her usual gorgeous self. Her shiny blonde hair pulled in a slick ponytail, she's wearing purple jeans and a pain white vest top. She's barefoot at the minute, that's because it's a strict rule at Tanya's place. No shoes, so as I shut the door behind me I slip off my wedges.

      "So you'r early."

We walk down her bright hallway barefoot on her light wooden floor.

      "Yea I came straight from school."

   "No prob, you wana cuppa?"

      "Please, I haven't had one yet."

She giggles and starts making out teas. I sit down at her stylish breakfast bar. While the kettle is boiling she bends over and rests her elbows on the bar right in front of me and quirks her eyebrow up at me.

      "How you feeling?"

   "Erm no I said no talking about that."

She pouts and goes over to the other side of the room to finish making our drinks.

      "Oh come on Kendal, I won't be able to ask you when Sophie gets here."

I sigh in defeat.

      "I'm feeling OK Tan, don't worry. I told Finley last night that Jax is his dad."

She stops and turns to look at me, her eyebrows shoot high on her forehead.

      "You did?"

Tanya is one of my friends that really stuck by me these four years. Jessica has but she lets me know that she never agreed but Tanya didn't care, she just took what I said and agreed with me. Didn't say what she thought about it herself, she's very protective of me when it comes to the topic of Jax. I've always thought she agreed with Jess and the rest of them but she's never said. Mark has always sided with me to but I think he agreed with me 100%. I nod slowly

      "He asked me last night who Jax was and I couldn't lie to him. He thinks he lives far away."

   "Well until a few weeks ago he probably did babe."

She sets my drink down in front of me.

      "What are you going to do? Are you going to try and find him?"

   "I duno, I want to but I'm scared shitless. I don't know how his going to react. He has a right to get mad at me. I carried his baby and kept Finley a secret and his four this year, he doesn't even know his son. I'm an awful person and an evil mother."

  Tanya slams her cup on the breakfast bar making her tea spill. I look up at her in shock but she has a pissed of look on her face.

      "Don't you dare say that shit Kendal! You'r the fucking best mum I know, you did what you thought was right! To be honest if I was you I think I would have done the same."

She grabs me in a big hug.

     "Don't you dare talk shit like that again Kendal. You're everything to that little boy."

She kisses my cheek and I hug her tight. I love this girl to death. My sister and one of my best friends. We break apart and she goes to wipe up her spilt mess. When she's done she sits on the stool next to me and places her hand over mine.

      "You still love him don't you?"

I take a sip of my tea, ouch too hot.

      "Your still in love with Jax?"