Ruining Me (14 page)

I caught
Cal
looking at me, but then h
e looked down at his desk
.  He didn’
t look at me again during class,
but he was the only one.  Everyone else kept glancing and whispering all through the morning.  I could have asked
Cal
what they were saying, but I really didn’t care to know. 
I could only pray
that
JT
kept
his opinions to himself. 

Hiding out in my car during lunch
,
I
d
on’t
see
JT
.  During my Art class
,
I was working on my painting when a shadow
fell over my portrait.  I look
up to see Reed standing there. 

“You okay, Jay?
”

I immediately
glance to where Molly was sitting an
d she was staring back at us.  Looking up to Reed
I
say
, “I’
m fine Reed.”  My answer came out a little short and he winced.  For the first time in years I didn’t want to be this way toward him.  He started to turn away and I grabbed his hand and he looked back at me. 
“Thanks for asking,” I replied and smile at him.  I let his hand go and he turn
s to walk
away. 

My last period was the one I worried about
the
most
because of JT.  However once I arrive
d in the gym, I heard that he
and most of the other football players were
out on the football field
.  They were
practicing
for the first game
which was next
Friday
. 
A
t least
I wouldn’t have to deal with him. 

After the final bell rang,
I walk
out to my car and
groan
when
I see
the white piece of paper stuck under my windshield.   Part of me d
oesn’t
want to read it, but then ther
e is that sick sadistic part that
need
s to see what he’ll type next.  I
grab
the note and open it.

I missed you
yesterday
. 
I dreamed about you.  Do you have sweet dreams about me?

My breath caught in my lungs.  I look around to see if anyone was watching me.  Was he watching me?  There were so many students going out to their cars and just hanging in the parking lot. 
I toss it to the ground like
and get into my car
. 
As
I
was
try
ing
to calm down
,
my car d
oor was jerked open and Rhye stands
the
re
staring down at me
. 

“Can we talk?”

I gri
t my teeth and reply
,
“
We have nothing to talk a
bout.  I’m done with you Rhye.” 
I push
him away and try
to close the door, but he tug
s
the door back
open
.

“Damn Jay, just
try to
listen to me for a couple of seconds.  I really shouldn’t have said that the other night, but
when I s
aw
you with that guy
,
I just went a little crazy
,
” he said

“Leave me alone Rhye,” I yell
and
am
finally
a
ble to push him away
. 
Pushing the
lock button
,
I start my car up and drive
away. 

Going
straight home
I finally check my phone when I get there.  My heart hurts when I see t
here
are
still no calls or messages from Kane.  It’s hard to believe that I only met him a week ago.  Can you miss someone that you
don’t
really
k
now?  I went up to my room and f
a
ll across my bed. 
When I close my eyes I c
an
see him clearly in my mind. 
I
imagine
feel
ing
his hard chest underneath my fingers.  No guy that I had been with had a body like his, but it wasn’t just his bod
y I was thinking about.  I want
to get to know him better.  Hell, I j
ust want
to hear his voice. 
L
istening to him talk the other night gave me chill bumps.
  He probably never want
s
to see me again and I couldn’t blame him. 

The last two years
,
I ha
ve
fought for control of my life.  I used sex to control one aspect of
it
and never opened my heart to another
relationship
. 
I said who
and w
hen
,
t
hen I could walk away with my secrets kept to myself,
but I a
lso walked away alone. 
So what am I doing with Kane?  He do
esn’t want a relationship or does
he?  Did I? 
Now I’m not sure anymore.  I’ve kept my secrets this long.  Could I keep them forever and live with them?

“Damn,” I yell into the
empty
room.  Screw this
,
I thought a
s I
roll off the bed and
walk into
my bathroom to shower.
  After getting cleaned
,
I decide
I was going out.  This was my life and I decided
last year to live it up while I’m here. 
I curl my hair and put on a little make up.  I went in
to my closet and grab
my favorite little black dress and a killer pair of black sling backs. 
Spraying
my body down wi
th
my
coconut body spray
,
I smile at the reflection in my mirror.  It’s funny because I’m starting to see the girl I once was and I thought she was long gone.  Glancing once more I turn and
r
u
n down the stairs and out to my car. 

Driving downtown it didn’t take long for me to get to
O’Malley’s
and park
.  It was Friday night and I wasn’t sure if Kane was working tonight or not.  Either way I was going in.  I flash my ID to t
he bouncer outside and he smiles
and let
s
me through
. 
The bar was always crazy after
nine at night
no matter what day of the week it was
, but with it being the start to the weekend it was packed mostly with the college crowd. 
I made my way to the bar and
was glad to see that it was
Jill
working tonight.  She
smiled at me a
s
I sat down on a stool.

“What up Girlie? 
Are you meeting up with Kane tonight?”

I cut my eyes at her and
say
, “
No,
I guess you can say it didn’t work out.  Jill
,
please do me a favor and not mention it.  I’ve had a shit
week
.
I’m just here to have a good time tonight.
” 

Jill stares
at me for a second a
nd nod
s
.  “You want the usual
?”
 

I nod
back to her.  She pours
my
Jack and Coke
and set
s
it down in front of me. 
Turning away from the bar I notice K
ip
is
playing pool with some of his buddies.  There were a couple of people already on the dance floor.  When I turn back
I notice
a guy at the end of the bar staring at me.  He ha
s
shaggy dark blond hair and dressed in a
dark
suit.  He dip
s
his chin at me
,
noting
that I am loo
king at him. 
Turning back to the bar I saw that Jill was watching me. 

“I don’t know about that one.  He
just showed up tonight.
  Part of the work crowd
,
not the college.
”
  S
he glanced at the guy at the end of the bar. 
Following her eyes I saw that
he was still staring at us.  I smile
back
at him and
he stands and walks
toward me. 

“Kyle Larson
,”
he says as he grabs my hand. 

“Ja
y,”
I reply
back.  He kisse
s
the top of my hand and his eyes never le
ave
mine. 
 

“Would you like to dance Ja
y
?”

I st
and and say
, “Sure.”

He le
a
d
s
me to the dance floor and a slo
w song
starts
to play.  He pulls
me close to him and we move to
gether.  His hands at first rub
my back, but soon enough start to move elsew
here.  I close my eyes and try
to let the music just take me, but for the first time in years I knew that it mattered who I was dancing with
and
I couldn’t relax.  The music move
s
to something faster
and w
e continue dancing
.  I turn
in his arm
s
with my back facing his front.  His hands grip
b
oth si
des of my hips and touch the flesh below my dress
. 

I cho
o
se that moment to look up and across the room
and
Kane
is staring
back at me.  He must have just walked into the bar. 
My heart races
as I notice
how good he looks wearing d
ark jeans and a red polo shirt.  At his side was a guy that looked like an older version of him, but with a
completely shaved
head.  The guy at his side pointed toward the
bar and it broke his intense gaze
from
me and t
hey head that way. 

Turning my body toward Kyle I continue
to move to the music against him.  Sweat pour
s
down both of us.  Kyle whispers
in my ear, “Let’s get something to drink.”  I
nod
my head yes and we both head toward the bar wit
h him holding my hand.  I guide
us to the opposite end of the bar as
Kane.  Jill was talking to him, but stopped when she saw me and then
headed our way. 

Kyle looked at me, but spoke to Jill, “Line us up with some Patron shots.”  Jill did as he instructed and once
all
six shots
were in front of us
she
spoke
quietly
to me
.

“Hope you know what you are doing
.
”
 

I shook my head and told her the truth, “I haven’t know
n
what
I was
doing for
years.”  I looked at Kyle and lifted my first shot to him and drank deep.  I
n minutes I had
finished the other two
. 
Kyle started laughing and finished his
drinks.  He
grabbed my hand
to
le
a
d me back to the dance floor.