Ruining You (21 page)

I just stare at him, because
he still not answering what I want to know and what I desperately need to hear.

Shyly he grins at me,
emphasizing his dimples, and my heart melts. “You Jay, I came for you.”

One kiss, one small kiss,
has to be allowable. Peeking to make sure my mother is not looking, I press my
mouth to his and quickly pull back with his lips trailing mine. Pressing my
fingers against his mouth, I let my eyes make promises that I plan to keep.

“Jay, will you help me set
the table?” my mother asks.

Kane reluctantly lets me go
but not before he swipes one more kiss.

Breakfast is lively between
Kane and Eli. Turns out, they have a lot in common. Kane had taken some college
courses in architectural design and that’s something Eli is interested in. Eli
is also looking ahead for a summer job, and Kane thinks that he and Cole could
possibly hire him for their construction company.

When everyone is finished,
my mother starts to clear the table when she looks at Eli and asks, “Eli, could
you give us a minute? I need to speak to Kane and Jay alone.”

He smiles at my mom and
replies, “Sure, Mrs. Stevenson.”

Looking at me, he says,
“Going up to get my shower.”

What could my mother
possibly want? Kane looks at me and shrugs his shoulders.

Sitting down across from me,
she looks at both of us. “Kane, I was so happy this morning when you informed
me that you and Jay are going to work on things between you. Jay, my heart
swelled when you walked in and saw him. Your eyes lit up, and I can’t tell you
how happy it made me to see you genuinely smile. You know, your father and I
have come to love Kane, and we support you both, but there is something I would
like each of you to promise me.”

According to the look of
apprehension on her face, this can’t be good.

“Jay, yesterday you thought
Kane had moved on, which you yourself were trying to encourage. I don’t want to
embarrass either of you, but I was hoping that you could wait one month before
you get too serious.” She looks uncomfortable but continues, “Not emotionally,
but physically.” Her face flushes as she stresses that last word.

“Mom!” I exclaim. I glance
to Kane, and he looks as dumbfounded as I feel.

“Get to really know one
another since things have come to light. Jay, I know that we have spoken about
how your past has shaped how you react emotionally and physically to
relationships. I’ve been thinking about it, and I believe that you need to
build a strong emotional connection to overcome some of those issues.”

When did my mother become
Dear
Abby
or my therapist? First off, I have a close emotional connection with
Kane. I love the man he is and how he truly cares for me. I can’t help that I
want to jump his luscious bones every time I see him. 

“Listen guys, you have the
rest of your life to become serious. All I am asking is for one month of not
being physical.”

Oh no. No. NO! I’ve waited
long enough. I may explode if I have to wait any longer. Does my mother not
understand this? I mean, look at him, just sitting there with those sad green
eyes. He looks like someone just kicked his dog. Does she not see that he needs
to be kissed, I mean, comforted? Does my mom not see those kissable lips or
hear his raspy voice when he calls my name? Oh, and the freaking dimples. I
want to kiss each one. Every time he smiles, they wink at me. They are speaking
to me.

“Jay, are you listening to
me?”

Snapping me out of my
thoughts, I look at her, “No, absolutely not!”

Kane looks happy and
mortified at my outburst. I think happy is winning though.

“Jay, it’s only one month.”

“Mom, I don’t ever want to
be an over-sharer when it comes to you, but you really don’t understand what
you are asking. Kane and I have been through hell these past six months. You
really don’t understand what you are asking us to do.”

“Ok, I’ll sweeten the deal.
One month of no sex...”

Slapping my hands over my
ears, I yell, “Mom! Stop right now!” Looking over at Kane, he looks sick. The
color drains from his face, and he looks like he is ready to pass out.

Oblivious to our reactions,
she continues, “and your father and I will pay for a week’s vacation for you
both to go anywhere you want. Together.”

“No,” I say.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Kane says at
the same time

My mother looks from him to
me. Standing, she says, “Why don’t I let you two discuss it. I’ll be back
shortly.” Stepping away from the table and the mass destruction she has
created, she walks out of the kitchen.

Letting his head fall
against the table, I hear him murmur, “I have found the only thing worse than
my mother talking to me about sex -- your mother talking to me about sex. It
may have ruined me for life.”

“Why did you freaking
agree?” I say, slapping his arm.

“Ow...I wanted her to quit
saying the word ‘sex’, and I really don’t think it’s going to be a choice. Plus
Jay, the vacation would be awesome. Think about us on some tropical beach
somewhere.”

“Screw the tropical beach;
I’d rather be in your bed today.”

His pupils dilate at my
words. “Jay, me too. In fact, up until five minutes ago, that was my plan for
today, but I don’t know. Maybe your mom is right.”

“No, she’s not. How could
you even say that? Do you not want me?” I ask pouting.

Reaching to pull me across
his lap, he stares into my eyes and says, “One month. She said no sex, but
nothing about everything in between, and Jay, there is a lot of in-between.” He
kisses my lips as he speaks, “After the trial, you’re probably going to want to
get away. Wouldn’t it be nice if just you and I could go somewhere...alone?”

Whimpering, I nod my head.

“Ahh...girl, we’ve waited
this long.” Dropping his voice, he says, “I’ll take care of you, Jay.” He winks
as he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, nipping at it with his teeth and
soothing it with his tongue.

My nipples harden, painfully
aching against the fabric of my t-shirt. Pulling back, I see his eyes notice my
obvious state of arousal, and I’m sitting directly on his. My mother walks back
in, and I jump out of his lap and cross my arms over my chest.

Kane reaches his hand back,
rubbing his neck and looking at me as he waits for me to tell my mother what
we’ve decided. Well, what he has decided because screw this, I want him.

“Well?” my mother asks,
looking between us. She sees my indecision, so she adds, “It’s for you, Jay.
For you both.”

Shaking my head, I glance at
Kane, “Yeah, whatever.” He stares back at me and reaches to grasp my hand. I
squeeze his fingers and let them go before finding an exit. “I’m going to go
grab a shower,” I say, walking out of the kitchen. A freezing ice-cold shower.

An hour later, I walk down
to our basement and into my dad’s man-cave. My mom informed me that my boys
were hanging out down here playing pool. My dad has a huge bar, pool table,
slot machines, flat screens, and several sectional couches scattered throughout
the room. I hear the break of the balls and Kane laughing at something Eli is
saying.

When I walk in the room,
Kane looks up and smiles. One month. I can do this or die trying.

“There’s my girl. Want to
play pool with us?” Kane asks.

Shaking my head, I ask, “Do
you care if I invite Molly and Reed over to hang out with us?”

“It’s fine with me.”

“Eli?” I look to him asking
his opinion.

“Fine with me,” he says
smiling.

The guys continue to play as
I text Molly.

Me – You and Reed want to
come over to hang with me, Eli, and Kane?

Molly – Kane????????

Me – K A N E :)

Molly – Be there in 30. BE
READY TO SPILL. I WANT DETAILS!!!

Sitting down, I grab the
remote to the stereo system and turn on some music. Cold War Kids’ “Hang Me Up
to Dry” blares out of the speakers as I watch them play pool. Over an hour
later, Molly and Reed come downstairs carrying several pizza boxes and sodas.

“We thought we would go
ahead and stop for some lunch,” Molly exclaims as they lay everything down on
the bar. She walks over to talk to Eli and Kane.

Reed comes over, one-arm
hugging me. “Hey girl.”

Leaning into him, I smile
and reply, “Hey, Reed.”

“So, I’m assuming it’s not a
Mexican stand-off anymore with you and Kane. He’s smiling, and you’re in the
same room.”

Laughing, I nod my head. “We
are going to try.”

“Good. About damn time,”
Reed says. “Maybe the four of us can go out sometime before Molly and I go off
to college. She’s having a hard time with me leaving.”

Reed got into an art college
up north, and Molly is going to the University of Georgia. I can’t imagine
these two being separated. We’ve been close since we were kids, and these two
have been dating for several years.

“It will be okay,” I tell
him, knowing that it won’t be. One thing I know now is that nothing stays the
same. Neither of them wants to hear the truth, and I don’t have the heart to
tell it. I see Molly talking to Kane. He smiles at her every so often, so she
must be getting the low-down from him. Looking up, he catches me staring and
nods for me to join to him.

Walking past Reed, I squeeze
his arm and head towards Kane. He looks at me like he’s waited his entire life
to have me with him. When he gazes at me like that, everything else washes away
-- the room, my friends, my fears, and all doubts. It all becomes clear where I
should be and who I should be with.

Kane props his pool stick
against the wall and opens his arms as I move into them. Burying my face into
his chest, I turn my head to the side and look to Molly. “Mine,” I mouth to her
with a wink.

She bursts out laughing.
“I’ve been trying to tell you that, Jay.”

The afternoon passes with us
all hanging out, talking, and eating. Kane and I act like a couple. We always
find a way to touch, and we never miss a kiss when passing by one another. Even
though my friends are younger than his twenty-three years, he gets along with
them and enjoys their company.

After they all leave, Kane
and I sit downstairs watching some old scary movie. He leans into the couch
cushion with his feet propped up and me lounging against him. He drapes his arm
over the back of the couch as he plays with my hair, twirling it between his
fingers.

“Jay, are you going to
testify against him?”

Kane hasn’t spoken to me
about the trial until today.

“Your dad told me that you
refuse to. He also said that the D.A. believes he doesn’t have a case without
you.”

I stiffen, not wanting to
talk about it. “Drop it, Kane.”

“You know, I’ll be there if
you will let me.”

Sitting up, I turn to look
at him, “And you’ll what? Listen to all the details? Watch him as he watches me
sit on that stand, reliving painful secrets that won’t change no matter who I
tell?”

“He needs to pay for what he
has done. For all the pain he has caused you and others.”

“What about what I want,
Kane? I want it to just go away. Too many have already paid the price. So
whether he goes to jail or not, I still have to live with it. The memories
won’t magically wash away because a judge says ‘guilty’. The media is going to have
a field day. They already are. Trust me. I’ve already been told how much of a
high profile case this is.”

“Jay, I just want you to be
able to put this behind us.”

“And that’s what I am trying
to do, Kane.” Standing up, I walk away. He sighs and throws his head back.

Walking up the stairs, I
head into the kitchen. My mother is cooking dinner.

“Where’s Kane?

“Downstairs.” Opening the
fridge, I grab a bottle of water and walk over to sit at the table.

“Are you still mad about
this morning?” she asks shyly.

“Let’s see, Mom? My mother
propositions me and my date to not have sex with a bribe for a week’s paid
vacation. Yes, I would safely say that I’m completely embarrassed. Not to
mention how Kane feels. Couldn’t you have discussed this in private with me
first?”

“Jay, I panicked. I know how
you truly feel about Kane, and I didn’t want you to mess it up by rushing into
an intimate relationship. You both need time to discover things about each
other. I want this to last for you, if that’s what you want. And as far at the
vacation, it wasn’t a bribe.”

Cutting my eyes towards her,
I say, “It was a bribe.”

Sighing, she says, “Okay, it
was a small bribe, but in my defense, your father and I were going to give you
a trip for getting your high school diploma anyway. We already asked Molly if
she wanted to go, but she can’t travel anywhere this summer because of her
internship. We didn’t want you to go by yourself, so we discussed that if you
and Kane worked things out, we would be okay with you going with him. You make
it sound so sordid.”