Ruining You (16 page)

“Jay, what is it? Talk to
me.”

“I was just wanting to hang
out...,” I start to say when he interrupts me.

“I’m outta here. Meet me at
Chris’s in a half-hour.”

The line goes silent as he
hangs up.

Turning the car around, I
drive to Chris’s apartment across town. Chris is one of Rhye’s best friends and
band mate. I met Chris when I was a high school freshman and he was a junior.
I’m pretty sure he quit school at some point. Spotting a convenience store, I
pull in and park. Digging through my wallet, I search for my fake I.D. It’s the
first time I’ve needed it since, well, since before. Pulling out all my credit
cards and my real I.D., I realize it’s missing. Damn. My parents must have
found it and confiscated it.

Throwing the car in reverse,
I back out and head to Chris’s apartment knowing he’ll have something to drink.
Pulling into the parking lot, I’m about fifteen minutes early. As I wait on
Rhye, my phone rings. It’s my mother. I’m sure Mrs. Higgins called her, but I
don’t want to talk. I decide to send her a text message instead.

Me – I’m fine, just need
some time.

Mom – Where are you at? Do
you want me to come get you?

Me – Mom, chill!!! I’m good,
not alone. Call later.

Mom – CALL ME NOW!!!

Me – Call later, love you.

With that, I toss my phone
back into the passenger seat and get out of the car. I take off my jacket and
throw it over my phone. I don’t want it to smell like Chris’s apartment when I
leave. Locking the doors, I tug my black long-sleeve t-shirt down over the
waist of my jeans. I walk up the stairs and knock on the door. Chris answers,
looking like a new-age Jesus with his long locks of hair and ratty bathrobe.
I’m pretty sure if you look up “stoner” in the dictionary, Chris’s picture
would be right under the definition.

“Hey girl. Rhye called and
said he’s on his way. C’mon in. Mi casa es su casa.”

He doesn’t leave much room
to squeeze by, and I’m pretty sure it’s on purpose. Once I get through, the
smell of marijuana almost knocks me back. Taking a deep breath, I turn around.

“So glad you didn’t kill
yourself.”

“Thanks, Chris,” I reply
with a smile. I’m not sure how to respond to that.

“Want a beer?”

I nod, and he turns to head
into the kitchen. Making myself at home, I sit down on the couch. His apartment
is known as party central, and usually, you can find someone hanging out. I’m
surprised to actually be the only one here. He walks back and hands me a bottle
of beer. Twisting the cap off, I gulp down the first bitter swallow.

“So when you died what did
you see?”

Choking on the light ale, I
clear my throat and say, “Excuse me?”

“You know, did you see
Heaven or Hell? Ooh...did you see, like, dead people?”

His face lights up like a
child telling Santa what he wants for Christmas.

“I heard you were, like,
dead for thirty minutes before they brought you back.” Nodding his head up and
down, he continues, “I bet you saw a lot of crazy shit.”

“Actually, I don’t remember
seeing anything because I’m pretty sure I never died.”

“They probably didn’t tell
you. My friend’s, cousin’s boyfriend has a sister that is an E.M.T., and she
was at your house that night, and that’s what she told him. You should be
hypnotized or some shit like that so you can get those memories back.”

His stupidity knows no
bounds. You can’t argue with that type of logic. I’ve been around enough
“burners” to know it’s a losing battle. There is only one logical thing to do.
Agree with them.

“You’re so right, Chris.
I’ll check into it.” He continues to nod his head at me, grinning like an
idiot. Taking another drink of beer, I perk up when I hear the front door open.
Rhye walks in, looking sexier than I remember. His black and yellow-streaked hair
hangs over to one side as his dark-brown eyes exude happiness when they see me.
His black t-shirt has his band logo “The Mavs” across the front, and his blue
jeans are well-worn and hanging low on his hips.

I stand before he can reach
me, and he lifts me up into a fierce hug. Rhye is not muscular like Kane; his
body is lean, but there is hard muscle there. He smells of a dark rich cologne
and cigarettes. Nothing has ever smelled better. Smiling, I can feel his nose
and lips against my neck, and I bet he is sniffing me, as I am him.

Slowly he leans back,
looking into my eyes, “I’ve missed those sad grey eyes.”

Looking back, I start to
reply when I can’t help but notice that he does have a lower case “j” tattooed
underneath the corner of his eye where most people would have a tear drop.
Placing my finger against it, I shake my head. “I’ve missed you.”

I’ve surprised him. Standing
on the tip of my toes, I press my mouth against his cheek and then pull back.
Turning to sit down, I’m yanked back against his chest with both of his hands
gripping my hips.

“Can you give us a minute,
Chris?” he says over my head. Chris smiles at us as he walks into his bedroom
and closes the door.

My back tingles where it’s
pressed up against him, and lust surges through my body. I don’t know if it’s
because of him or because it’s been so long for me. No matter the reason, it’s
not why I came here, and I refuse to ever use somebody like that again,
including myself. I try to pull away, but he holds tight.

“Do you still ache from the
emptiness inside or is it filled in with pain?” he whispers into my ear,
letting his lips linger against my face.

God! See. He knows me better
than anyone else. I didn’t have to tell him. I never have. Nodding my head, I
let it drop forward, and I feel his tongue trace across my neck. I try to jerk
away, but he tightens his grip.

“Do you want this?” he says,
grinding his hard pelvis into my backside. “Is that why you called?”

Drawing a groan of longing
from inside of me, he pulls me closer, and my eyes flutter shut. Shaking my
head, I finally say, “No. Please, I don’t want to use you.” He lets go, and I
stumble forward, almost falling to my knees.

I turn to see the fires of
lust burning bright within his eyes; I know that look. It has burnt me a time
or two. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have called you.”

“Why did you call me, Jay?
Did you want to get high? Forget for a little while? I mean, that is your usual
M.O. when you call. What an idiot to think it was me you wanted to see.”

“I did call you to forget my
life for a while and to escape, but I wanted to see you too. Everything became
too much, and I guess, I fell back on old habits. My life is so complicated.
I’m sorry.” I turn to walk out the door when he grabs my hand.

“Please don’t leave. I was a
dick. I told you several times to call me if you needed to get away. Damn, I
fall back into our old shit just as easy. Turn around, please?”

Looking back, I zero in on
him worrying his lip ring with his teeth. I can’t help but think how sexy that
is. Attraction has never been mine or Rhye’s problem. Maybe this
was
a
bad idea.

“Don’t leave, tell me what
you want.” His voice pleads. “Your eyes say ‘me’, but something tells me your
mind is screaming something else.”

“No, my mind is pretty much
in agreement with my eyes,” I say, only to quickly add when I see his pupils
dilate, “but, I can’t. Not now anyway.”

Rubbing his hands over his
face, he sighs, “Okay, sit. Let’s just talk.”

He pretty much drags me back
over to the couch and pulls me down to sit next to him. Picking up my beer, he
starts chugging it until it’s gone. “What happened today?”

“I went to visit Mrs.
Higgins, and let’s just say that Kip wasn’t happy to see me.”

“Actually, I had to shut his
drunk ass up a time or two these past couple of months when he ran his mouth at
the bar. Sucks that you had to hear that.”

“Yeah, it did. You know,
I’ve tried my best to deal with what happened. I had to let JT go to get past
everything, but it’s so hard seeing the pain that it has caused Kip.”

“Kip is an asshole,” he
replies.

“Doesn’t mean that he
deserves to go through this hell. He loved his brother.”

“So what? You can’t change
what happened. You move on, deal with things that you can change, and let the
rest of the shit go.”

I nod. He’s right. Beating
myself up for how Kip feels doesn’t fix anything. It only brings me to
emotional places that I don’t need to be.

“Want to get high?” he asks.

It’s why I thought I came
here, but maybe not. I needed a friend, and well, I found an old true one.

“No, I just came to talk to
a friend.” I smile at him.

“Oh, don’t get all high and
mighty on me now.”

Laughing at him, I reply,
“I’m sure we’ll do that soon enough. So, have you heard anything else from the
record label?”

“Fuck no, but hey, I still
have the local paying job, and that’s better than nothing.”

“You’ll make it. I know you
will. You will have so many chicks falling all over you.”

Rolling his eyes, he
startles me when he says, “Shut up, Jay. I don’t want ‘chicks’ falling all over
me. I get that shit now. I only want one certain girl to open her eyes and
finally see what has always been in front of her.” Standing up, he pounds his
chest, “Me...Jay. Me.”

“Rhye, my head is so messed
up.”

“Newsflash, Jay. Your head
has been fucked up for years. You’ve went through hell and back. Nothing is
ever going to be normal. Quit trying so hard. Damn. Just live your life for
yourself. Isn’t that what you did before when we were together? Think about it.
I know there were times you were happy. When you didn’t care what anyone thought
and just did what made you smile.”

“Yeah, well newsflash for
you Rhye. I also didn’t care about who I did it with. That’s if you want me to
be honest.”

Placing his face against
mine, he sneers, “Honest? You want to be honest? You’re a walking contradiction.
You want freedom, but you want it bound and restricted.” Narrowing his eyes, he
continues, “All wrapped up in a nice little bow. Damn you! I tried to give you
up, but I’m fucking addicted like a cracked out junky.” He sighs loudly.

“I’m sorry, Rhye. I do care
about you.”

“How do you care about me?
Do you see yourself ever being with me?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“I’ve seen that guy, Kane,
out with other girls recently, so I know he’s out of the picture. Is there
anyone else?”

“Yes Rhye...me! I need to figure
out me, before I can give myself to anyone else.” I can’t handle this anymore.
This time I shrug away from him as I walk by so he is unable to grab me. He
follows me out the door and down the steps. The temperature has dropped since I
got here. Caging me against the car, he reaches for my hands as I slap them
away.