Safe (16 page)

“That’s exactly why I can’t get involved with him,” I said quietly.

“I don’t think you would be the same as Meg,” Lauryn said seriously.

Looking her in the eyes, I asked, “Why do you think that?”

She sighed. “Sadie, he’s different with you. When he looks at you, his face seems to light up. It’s just different from what I’ve seen before.”

“I can’t take that chance,” I said.

“Why not? You never know.”

“I know enough that I need to stay away from men. I need to be me … with no attachments, and this is too big of a risk … for what, nothing,” I replied.

“You don’t know it’s nothing,” she whispered.

“And you don’t know it’s something.” Lauryn was bringing all my confused feelings to the forefront, and it was just getting worse—more confusing, more draining … “I’m gonna go eat breakfast.”

“And watch the guys.” Lauryn’s smile was back.

“Yeah, and watch the guys.”

Lauryn and I spent most the day watching the guys work their asses off. We took out water and tea for them. Lauryn even made sandwiches, which they devoured. All of the men had wonderful bodies, don’t get me wrong, but my eyes always landed on a certain one. No matter how I tried, I couldn’t tear my eyes from him.

“Renzo’s here!” Lauryn screamed.

“Okay, calm down. Jeez, you blew my eardrum,” I said, rubbing the feeling back in my ear.

“Shit, do I look okay?” Lauryn was seriously freaking out.

“You’re fine, and who gives a shit if you’re not.”

“I do!” Lauryn ran to the bathroom to ‘check herself,’ and I opened the door.

“Hey Renzo. How’s it going?” I asked.

“Good. I hear that Landon is here. I need to talk to him.” His voice was authoritative and all business, but not rude or disrespectful.

“He’s outside working.”

“What? Working?” Renzo gasped.

“Yeah. He’s working on the deck,” I said quietly.

“Oh, this is good. Can I come in and see?” I moved out of the doorway and used my arm to motion him in.

“What’s good?” I asked him.

“Oh nothing. Just a brother thing.”

“Hey Renzo,” Lauryn said, coming down the hall.

“Hey Lauryn,” he responded, and walked out to the backyard.

I could see the disappointment in Lauryn’s eyes. I walked over to her and without saying a word, wrapped my arms around her, and hugged her tightly.

She melted in my arms, but didn’t shed one tear.

“Thanks Sadie. I needed that,” she whispered.

“He’ll see one day,” I whispered back.

“By then it will be too late.” Her tone took on a more determined one.

“Then too bad for him.” I smiled, releasing her just as Renzo and Landon came into the room.

“Everything okay here?” Landon was eyeing us suspiciously.

“We’re great! What’s going on?” I asked, Lauryn remaining silent.

“Just a problem with the lumber order, which Landon would know if he was doing his job.” Renzo was seriously angry with Landon. Wait ...

Eyeing Landon, I asked, “Landon, I thought this was your job?”

Looking down to the floor, refusing to make eye contact with me, he shuffled his feet.

“Landon?”

He finally looked into my eyes, as he said, “We have guys that do the actual work. I just wanted to come make sure it was getting done the right way. I just decided to stay.”

“A certain someone wouldn’t have anything to do with that, would they, Landon?” Renzo barked.

“Shut it, Renzo,” Landon clipped back giving me a weary smile.

“So you really don’t do the work? You just wanted to sweat your ass off so you could see me?”

“I wasn’t sure you’d talk to me after yesterday,” he said quietly.

Renzo began laughing and suddenly stopped as Landon’s words hit him. “Wait … what happened yesterday?”

“I really don’t want to relive it, bro,” Landon pleaded.

Before I could say anything, Lauryn snapped out of her mood. “Meg called Sadie one of Landon’s whores and told Sadie that Landon would go back to her.”

“She called you a whore?” Renzo asked, shocked. Landon just hung his head.

“It’s okay. Meg and I came to an understanding. She’ll leave me alone now,” I said confidently. I wanted to say …
because if she doesn’t leave me alone I may have to use some of the tricks Rob taught me
, but of course, I didn’t.

“It is not okay, Sadie. No one, especially Meg, should be referring to you as a whore,” Renzo spoke up. “Did you talk to her?” he asked, looking at his brother.

“I did, but I don’t know if she gets it.”

“What’s not to get, Landon? She needs to leave Sadie alone … end of discussion,” Renzo said.

“Can we just forget it happened please?” I asked. “Can I get you something to drink?”

I was hoping my switch would get them to stop talking about yesterday. I didn’t want to think about it. All it reminded me of were the notches on Landon’s bedpost and the fact that I refused to be on it.

The next two days went by quickly with Landon coming to work on the deck, even though I knew he didn’t have to, and me watching from afar. He would come in briefly and say hi or ask something mundane, but never went any further.

I felt relieved and sad. My emotional rollercoaster was worse than PMS. I was relieved that he had moved on, but at the same time, utterly sad that he did.

I needed to talk to my mom. I called her from the prepaid phone she hooked me up with before leaving.

“Hey Mom.”

“Hey sweetie! Are you settling in?”

“Yeah, I’m getting there.”

“So, tell me about it there.”

“It’s going good. I met some people, and I’m waiting for Aunt Maggie and Uncle Jim to get back so I can square away the job thing.”

“That’s great! I know that Maggie will find something for you.”

“They haven’t gotten back yet from Alabama. They’re due here in the next few days.”

Mom was silent on the phone for what seemed like minutes. “I have to tell you something, but I don’t want you to freak out.”

My body went rigid, and my stomach instantly felt as if it was going to empty its contents. “What is it?”

Hearing a huge sigh on the other end of the phone, she continued, “Rob came to the house looking for you.”

That did it. Trying desperately to control my breathing, I sat on my bed and rested my head on my knees. “‘What?” I whispered.

“Don’t be upset, Sadie. He came by looking for you, said he kept saying he was going to marry you, running his mouth. I said over my dead body. He laughed.”

Chills formed on my arms, standing at attention. Rob would have no problem seeing to my mom’s dead body. She kept going. “I told him that you left and wouldn’t be back. I told him to leave you alone, and you didn’t want to see him anymore.”

“What did he say?”

“He laughed harder. He told me that he was going to find you. Then he said he would be back.”

I felt the tears well up, but I would not cry while I talked to Mom. I really thought this would die down. Boy, was I wrong. “What should I do?”

“You stay there. Do
not
come back here. Do you hear me?”

In my gut, I knew she was right, but how would I live with myself if something happened to my mom? I couldn’t handle that.

“Mom, if I just come back, it will keep him away from you.” I barely heard my own voice say those words.

“NO. I’m taking precautions. I’m having a better security system installed here, and I think Jackson is going to stay for a while.”

Did I dare tell her that if someone wanted in badly enough then a damn security system wasn’t going to help? Closing my eyes and shaking my head, I felt lost. This was not how my life was supposed to be. I should be happy and safe. I shouldn’t have to look over my shoulder every minute of the day hoping that Rob was nowhere to be found.

I should have a husband, or at least a boyfriend, start settling down with my life, and a career that I didn’t have to drop in a flash, because I had to move to Tymbuktu. I should have something more than … this.

Snapping me out of my thoughts, my mom said the one thing that I never thought I would hear come out of her mouth. “I think you should get a gun and learn to shoot it.”

Now, if the all the rest of what she told me didn’t get my attention, this definitely did. Mom didn’t mind guns. Daddy had some that he kept locked up when he was alive. She just instilled in us that guns were dangerous and should be respected. So for Mom to suggest that her little girl get one for protection, she must have been scared for me.

“I don’t know what the laws are here.”

“Find out and we need to look into it. I can send you the money for it. And I’ll be sending you some ‘til you get on your feet.”

“Momma, you don’t have to do that. I’ll have a job here soon.”

“I know, but until then. Also, get a security system now. Call whoever you need to and send me the bill.”

I didn’t want my mom spending her money on me, but rather than arguing, since she was right anyway, I conceded. “Okay Mom, I will.”

“Sadie?”

“Yeah Momma?”

“He doesn’t know where you are; you’re safe there.”

“I don’t feel very safe, Momma.”

“I know you don’t, but you haven’t really felt safe for a while now … yeah?”

Now was not the time to snap at Mom, but I so wanted to. “I know, Momma … I know.”

“I love you. I should go.”

“I’ll talk to you soon. Please take care of yourself.”

“I will, Momma.”

Hitting the end button, my tears began to flow. I wasn’t safe here or anywhere. He was going to find me. My staying here was really ridiculous. He would find me. He would find me. He would find me.

What the hell was I going to do?

My chest constricted into a tight mass of despair. The ache was too much to bare. I needed to get control.

Trying to stop my tears, I went into the bathroom. Seeing my face in the mirror, tears and snot running down my face, just reminded me of how pathetic I really was. It was all my fault.

I was the reason my family wasn’t safe.

I was the reason that Rob wanted to hurt everyone I love.

I was the reason I had to move.

I was the reason that Rob never got in trouble.

I was the reason there was a dirty cop still on the force.

I was the reason my life was a royal fuck up.

Anger mixed in with my tears and all control was lost. Yelling at the mirror, banging on it with my two hands, I heard it shatter, but I just kept banging and kept screaming at it. “You fuck it all up, Sadie …
you
. This is your fault.”

I didn’t even register the large arms that wrapped around my waist and pulled me away from the mirror. Or those same arms that wrapped themselves around me and began to hold me. I didn’t register Landon at all.

Panic rushed me. Sadie was covered in blood, and I didn’t know for sure where it was all coming from. Worse yet, her eyes were glassy, and she was as limp as a noodle.

“Lauryn! Lauryn!” I yelled as loud as I could.

“What?” She came rushing in the door. “Oh my God … what happened?”

“I don’t know, but we gotta find out where the blood is coming from. I can’t let go of her. I think she passed out.”

Lauryn inspected Sadie’s hands and arms. “It’s just her hands. There are shards of the mirror stuck inside. A few of them look pretty deep.”

“Shit.” Why the hell would Sadie do this to herself? “Okay, she’s breathing, so let’s move her to the bed and lay her down. You go get a first aid kit, bandages, towel … something.”

With very little effort, I lifted her from the floor, placing her limp body down as carefully as I could.

Her skin was so pale, cheeks stained with tear marks, eyes red and puffy, nose a mess, but she was still the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

Tearing my eyes away from her, I got to work on her hands.

“Do you know what you are doing? Maybe we should take her to the emergency room.” Lauryn was terrified, and I couldn’t blame her one bit.

“Let’s just clean her up and see if she comes to.” I tried to keep my voice calm, even though every part of me wanted to shake her to wake up.

“What do you need?” Lauryn asked.