Sasha's Dilemma (12 page)

“You’re so pretty,”
I tell him. Okay, now I’m definitely drunk.

“Okay, Sasha, I think we
need to get you home,” he says while grabbing hold of my arm.

“Noooo! I can’t go
back there, and I won’t.” I stamp my foot like a
two-year-old.

“Okay, where do you want to
go?” he asks.

“Just a hotel will be fine.”

“How about you stay at mine
and see where you want to go from there?”

“No, I can’t. You’re
too good for me, and too
nice.” Wow,
too much alcohol for me.

“I’m not asking for
anything, Sasha, just to let you sleep this off.”

“Why couldn’t have you
come into the picture earlier, Dylan? My heart would have been safe
with you,” I say while leaning on his shoulder.

“It still could be,”
he whispers in my ear.

Now I know I’m about to pass
out, but I’m not sure if it’s from his words or alcohol.
I feel him carry me out the bar like a toddler. He places me in his
car and leans over to help seat belt me up. While he is leaning over
me, I grab his face and kiss him. At first, he is shocked and doesn’t
respond, but then he starts kissing me back really slowly.

He pulls away abruptly and sighs,
“Sasha, I won’t take advantage of you. I have more
respect for you than that.”

I look up at him and whisper,
“Okay.” He shuts my door and climbs into the car with me.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, he is
carrying me into his apartment. Well, at least that is what my foggy
mind is telling me. He places me on a bed and I’m pretty sure
I’m in his room. The pillows smell like him. After he takes off
my shoes, he places a bottle of water next to the bed. He turns to
leave, but I stop him before he gets to the door.

“Sleep with me, please. I
don’t want to be left alone,” I mumble into the pillow. I
hear him curse, but I feel the bed dip. I roll over and cuddle up to
him. I hear him sigh and that’s the last thing I hear.

I wake up sweating and my head
pounding. I quickly
discover why; I’m
draped all over someone. At first, I think it’s Josh, until my
memories come back of yesterday’s events. I look up and see
Dylan sleeping peacefully. I make my way to the bathroom, and then
head to the kitchen for a much needed cup of coffee. I’m so
lost in my own little world that I’m startled and nearly drop
the mug I’m holding when Dylan says good morning from directly
behind me.

“Hey, sorry, I was just
going to have a cup of coffee and be on my way,” I tell him
quickly.

“It’s okay, Sasha.
You’re welcome to stay,” he assures me.

“Oh, no, I don’t want
to intrude. Thanks again for last night, you know, for looking after
me in my drunken stupor,” I say with a smile.

“It’s fine, Sasha. All
you ever have to do is ask and I’ll help you out. Anyway, the
reason I’m up is ‘cause your phone hasn’t stop
ringing since last night.”

He hands me my phone and I know I
need to deal with all this, but I just don’t want to.

“How about I take you to
breakfast, Dylan, for letting me stay here last night?”

He looks up and smiles at me. It’s
so warm and kind; I just want to cuddle him again.

“Sure, I’ll grab my
phone and we’re good to go.”

I grab my purse and have a look at
my phone while I wait. There are thirty missed calls from Josh, and
quite a few from Lola as well. I also have several text messages, but
I’m not ready to open them yet. Dylan walks back in as my phone
starts ringing again. It’s Josh. I stare at the screen. I let
out a heavy sigh and decide to put my phone on silent. I look back up
and see Dylan watching me.

“You can’t ignore them
forever, Sasha. It’s better to deal with it, than ignore it.”

“I know. I’m just not
in the mood
at the moment to hear their shitty excuses.”

“We all make mistakes. It’s
what we do after the mistake is made that counts,” he states
wisely. He is so forgiving and so kind. I wish I had fallen for him
instead of Josh. I let Josh in and he has crushed me. I’m so
glad I didn’t give him all my heart; otherwise, I would be a
far worse wreck than I am.

I have managed to avoid my sister
and Josh all day, but I had to switch my phone off because they
wouldn’t stop blowing it up. Breakfast with Dylan was pleasant.
He never brought up last night again, which I’m thankful for.
He has also offered to let me to stay at his house, but I don’t
think that’s fair to him. I see the way he looks at me, and I
know there are some feelings there, but I really don’t want to
hurt him. So I’ve accepted Rose’s offer to let me stay
with her.

Before I head there, I have to
stop at my place to get some stuff. I obviously still have to work
and continue on. I’m trying not to let this put a downer on me,
but every time I think about it, it hurts so much. The two people
that I loved the most hurt me so much and then kept it a secret on
top of that.

I head to the apartment when Lola
should be at work, but I find her in the lounge room watching a
movie. I’m not sure if I should shut the door and hope she
won’t notice, or just head straight to my room.

“Sasha, you’re home.”
She jumps off the couch and comes over so we’re face to face.

“I won’t be here long.
I’ve just come to get my things,” I say sharply.

Her face drops. “What do you
mean? This is your home.”

“Look, Lola, I’m not
in the mood to get into this with you right now, so please leave me
alone.” I start to head to my room and feel her following.

“Please, Sasha, don’t
be mad. I didn’t tell you ‘cause I thought you two
wouldn’t last, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh, that’s rich of
you. Aren’t you so thoughtful,” I sneer at her.

“That’s not what I
mean. Josh never does serious. I thought you were just having fun,
but I see from last night that you both do love each other and I’m
really sorry.”

“I SAID DON’T TALK TO
ME!”

She backs up after I scream at
her. Just as she gets to the door, I walk forward and slam it in her
face. I grab all my necessities, throw everything I can in a duffel
bag, and head out as fast as I can. Lola stops me just before I reach
the door.

“Josh has been going psycho.
He wrecked his apartment and hasn’t stopped drinking. He says
you won’t call or text him back.”

“What do you care, Lola?
Aren’t you glad I’m not with him now?”

“Yes and no. I can see that
you and he are different with each other and he really does love you.
I think maybe you should talk to him.”

“You know what? How about
you stop trying to fix our problem, and work out your own. Why don’t
you stop whoring yourself out, and just admit to yourself you’re
in love with Blake.” I stand there and cross my arms over my
chest, waiting for her reaction.

“Is that what you think of
me? That I’m a— a— whore?” she stutters.

“I don’t think
anything. Do what you goddamn please. I’m out. Stop trying to
call me.” With that, I grab my bag and walk out the door.

I haven’t had a chance to
talk to Rose, and I have a shift at the hospital tonight, so I just
drop my stuff off in her spare room and get ready for work.

I’m halfway through my shift
when I see Josh walking towards me. He looks really bad, and not just
heartbroken. He looks sickly bad, and I wonder what is really wrong
with him. I try to walk away, but he calls my name and I freeze. He
grabs my arms and holds me in place.

“Can we please talk? It’s
been torture not hearing your voice.” He looks in pain when he
says this. I start to feel sorry for him, but then remember why I am
angry with him and yank my arm out of his grip.

“Sasha, are you okay?”
Dylan walks up behind me. I can see Josh’s face scowl.

“Yes, I’m fine.”
I turn to him and see him looking between Josh and me.

“Well, if you need me, let
me know.”

“What would she need you
for?” Josh barks at Dylan.

“Josh, shut up. If you want
to talk to me, you’re going about it the wrong way by being
rude to my friends.”

“He isn’t your friend.
He is just looking for a way back into your pants.”

“You have some nerve, after
what you have done to her, Josh.” Dylan gets closer and he is
almost in his face, and I don’t want this to happen. I step in
the middle of them and look at Dylan.

“It’s okay. I’ll
just have a chat with him and he will be on his way.” Then I
turn to Josh. “You have five minutes to talk and you better
make it quick.”

They both nod and Josh follows me
to the cafeteria. I see people checking Josh out because he is just
so hard not to look at. I take a seat, wave my hand for him to talk,
and look at my watch.

“Come on, beautiful, please
don’t be mad. I didn’t do it to hurt you. It was before
we met.”

“You’re joking, right?
You think that makes it okay, that you slept with my sister and
didn’t once mention
it to me?”

“No, it’s not all
right, but what was I supposed to say? Hey, I’m in love with
you, but I slept with your sister. Yeah, that would have come out
great,” he says with an eye roll.

“It’s better than not
saying anything at all.”

“I couldn’t risk
losing you. I love you too much.”

“So you decide to lie? Well,
that just makes it all better.”

He grabs his hair, pulls it, and
looks back up at me.

“You don’t get it.
Arghhh! I fucking love you, Sasha. I never meant to hurt you!”

“Well, I’m glad this
came out now before we got too serious.” I say softly because I
know he is on the verge of losing his temper, and I don’t need
this at the moment.

“What are you talking about?
We are serious.”

“I’m saying I don’t
want to see you anymore, so please leave me alone.” I get up
and start to walk away when he bellows my name.

“Sasha, you can’t end
us like this.” I can hear the pain in his voice when he says
this, but I don’t want to turn back because I know I’ll
run over to him and hug him. So I continue to walk until I’m in
the bathroom and finally the tears come pouring out.

I’m near the end of my shift
and Dylan has come to check up on me a few times, but I keep on
telling him I’m fine. I get a call to go to the head nurse’s
office; once I’m in there she drops a bombshell on me. She
offers me an unexpected opportunity and possibly a much needed
escape.

“I know it’s a lot to
think about, but we would help you with the transfer and it’s
one of the best hospitals. You can finish the rest of your studies
online.”

“Can I think about it and
let you know in a few days?”

“Yes, of course you can, but
don’t wait long, otherwise someone else will get the
opportunity.”

I walk out of the hospital in a
daze. I can move, just pack everything up and go to Sydney. Or I
could stay here and deal with all of this shit. I think I know my
answer, but I’m going to head over and chat with Lola.

“You home, Lola?” I
yell as I enter the apartment. She comes out of her room looking like
she just got up.

“You’re home?”
she asks looking hopeful.

“I’ve come to talk to
you.”

“Oh,” is her only
response.

“Look, you’re my
sister and I love you, but I can’t trust you anymore. You hurt
me the most because I didn’t think we kept secrets from one
another. But I guess I was wrong. Anyway, I’ve come to tell you
I’m moving to Sydney. I’m going to come collect all my
stuff when I get a final date. Hopefully, the space will do us good
and we can try to rebuild our relationship, but I can’t do it
looking at you every day and wondering what else you have hidden from
me.”

“Please, Sasha, don’t
go because of me. I can move out.”

“I’m not going because
of you. I’m doing it for me. I need a fresh start and being
here is a constant reminder of all the bad. A fresh start will be
good for all of us.”

“Okay, are you going to at
least tell Josh you are going?”

“Why would you even ask me that?”

“Because you’re
talking about moving on, and you can’t do that if you don’t
settle everything before you go.”

“Okay, well, anyway, I only
came over to let you know I’ll continue to help pay my side of
rent until you find someone else.”

“Please, keep in contact,
Sasha. I love you,” she says in a soft voice that almost makes
me go over to her and cuddle her.

“I love you too, Lola, and I
will.”

Lola hurt me so badly, but I
don’t think she
realises it. It’s
always been me and her, yet her betrayal is too much for me to get my
head around. I walk out of the apartment and decide I need to tell
Josh. I walk into his tattoo shop and Pixie is at the counter.

“You come to hurt my boy
some more?” she sneers at me.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know, rip his heart
out. That’s what you’re good at, isn’t it?”

“Pixie, I’m not in the
mood for your games, especially when you have no idea what is going
on. So, is Josh back there?”

“Yes, he is, but I’m
not sure if you should see him.”

“Well, that’s his
choice not yours, now, isn’t it?”

Josh pokes his head out. I’m
guessing he heard us talking.

“Pixie, leave her alone.
Sasha, you came.” He looks so hopeful, and it kills me that I’m
about to hurt him.

“Yes, but we need to talk.”

“Okay, come to the back in a
private room.”

I follow him back and Pixie gives
me a death stare the entire way. Once we’re in there, he
gestures for me to sit, but I’m too nervous.

“You came to talk, Sash,”
he prompts.

“Yeah, umm… I’m
moving to Sydney. I am being transferred through work. I wanted to
come say goodbye in person.”

He is looking at me like I have a
third eye, and then shakes his head really slowly.