Save Me (4 page)

“What time is it?” I ask, having lost track of time a few days ago. “It’s bad luck for you to see me on our wedding day.” Noble pulls the corners of the towel covering my head and moves my face closer to him. He kisses me in the way he does that makes me forget what we’re talking about.

“Charlotte, I need you tonight.” He kisses me again.

“I need you every night,” I say, and lose myself in the gentle giant who, as of tomorrow, will be mine forever.

I open my eyes and Noble’s arm is under my own, and his hand’s up near my face. What time did we fall asleep? The curtains are open; the dark night is gone. The sky on fire, blazing with the sunrise.
Red sky at morning, sailors take warning.

It’s our wedding day.

“Noble! Noble.” He rolls onto his back, a tranquil peace exuding from him. “Noble, wake up. You have to get out of here,” I say, and jump out of bed and step into the closet. I watch him stir and reach out for me before fully waking and sitting up.

“Where are you?” he asks.

“I’m in the closet,” I say without peeking out.

“This is the time you’ve chosen to tell me you’re gay?”
Noble, Noble, Noble.
He does make me laugh.

“You can’t see me on our wedding day. You’ll curse our union and we’ll have bad luck forever.”

“You sound insane,” he says. He searches for his clothes, putting them on as he finds them.

“Your mother will kill us both. Didn’t you hear her talking to your sisters yesterday about keeping an eye on you?”

I glance up and Noble is standing in front of the closet door looking directly at me, without an ounce of fear in his eyes.

“I love you, Charlotte Sinclair,” he says with a naughty grin.

“Oh, you are
so
playing with fire. We may as well call this whole thing off right now,” I spout at him playfully. “This is going to be a long, wretched marriage.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Noble says, and kisses me in the closet. “I’ll see you at six. Call me if you need me.” He walks out, leaving me in the closet. I hear the door to my room close and out the window I see Noble sneaking into the house next door. His mother is going to kill him.

N
adine puts the final coat of mascara on and sprays the final spritz of hair spray with a sigh. She’s satisfied with her work. She’s fast, too. I have time to grab a quick bite to eat. Wouldn’t want to pass out at the altar. I stop and study my reflection in the hall mirror. She brought a special foundation primer and concealer for my scar, and I can barely see the half-inch reminder of a tragic good-bye. It’s been a year since the last time I saw Jason, since the day of the accident that left a scar on my face and a hole in my heart. If only there was something that could cover the rest. I reach up to touch it but hear Nadine screaming in my head and my arm snaps back to my side.

Nadine leaves and I sit at the kitchen island and eat my cheesesteak sub as I watch through the side window the mansion on the point. It’s buzzing with activity. Chairs are delivered by a team of men all dressed in white, caterers walk in and out with coolers and trays of food on rolling carts, and decorators double-park their cars and carry flowers and baskets and God knows what else down the street.

Noble and his family are staying at the main house. I hope all the activity isn’t overwhelming. His sister seemed thrilled to be in charge of the venue operation. I was thrilled to have only my hair and makeup to worry about, and Nadine made sure I didn’t have to think more than ten minutes about either one. I told her I wanted it to be soft and wavy and pulled loosely back from my face. Something told me Noble would not want it tied up in a tight bun of some kind. He’s gentle; I could be more like him.

And now I find myself alone. Kind of strange everyone else is with their dates and the bride is alone. The bridal party is dispersed in houses throughout the surrounding blocks so Noble and I will have this one to ourselves tonight. I walk up the stairs to my room with no particular purpose other than to not sit and think of how alone I am.

I slip into my dress and shoes. My eyes follow the wind as it blows down the shoreline. It blows through the windows and into my bedroom and over my bare shoulders in my gown. The storm is coming. The ocean’s too rough to enter, and the rain will be here soon.
How soon?
I check the Doppler on my phone. The storm is already threatening the coast. What does a violent storm on your wedding day mean?

My grandmother would say the rain washes the past away and cleanses for the new day.

“Let it rain,” I say.

I turn toward the bed and gasp at the sight of him.

Jason Leer stands before me, paralyzed as well. I wait for my instincts to kick in, but they’ve long been rendered useless when it comes to this cowboy. I just stand, captured in his stare and forgetting every other thing that is happening around us. His cowboy hat is missing. I run my thumb over the pads of my fingers, remembering what his jet-black hair felt like in my hands. He gray eyes dip down to my hands, noticing everything. His button-down shirt sprawls across his chest and I can feel the buttons sliding through their holes. I stop at the belt buckle I gave him that is covering the top of his jeans. Any farther would be cruel, and there’s been enough pain already.

The wind blows the bedroom door shut behind him and we both turn our eyes toward the door. The door that will open soon, the one I will walk through to my groom, Noble Sinclair. I watch the door and contemplate just walking out and never looking back.

“I was hoping you’d marry me,” he says, and I fight to find my voice.

“No, you weren’t. You know the answer is no.” Jason is completely unhurt, which does nothing to put me at ease.

“Did Sinclair kill dinner for the festivities?” he asks with his smug grin splattered across his face. Jason nods toward the window as more food is carried into the mansion. My reception hall. I turn back to him, my eyes wanting more.

“He is a barbarian,” I agree. “Unlike you, who chases animals, dives on them, and wrestles them for money,” I say, satisfied with the contrast.

“It’s never for the money.” He steps closer to me. A familiar chill lands in my breastbone and my lip quivers.

“It’s never for the food,” I manage to get out. I turn and shut the window as rain begins driving against the east side of the house and the wind howls, announcing the storm’s arrival.

“Did you come to ruin my wedding day?”

“I’m not here to ruin anything. It’s all been ruined before,” he says, and moves even closer. “I wanted to see you in your dress.”

The lights flicker and I defy the sadness settling under my skin.

“You’re like a witch. You wave your arms and the thunder responds. You’re evil.”

Jason’s gray eyes dance in the light that flickers again, threatening to exit the party.

“Charlotte, I came to get you before the storm ge—” Margo says as she swings the door open. She freezes in disbelief.
What’s so hard to believe? Are there any two people more fucked
up than Charlotte and Jason Leer? Of course he’s in my bedroom just minutes before I’m supposed to walk down the aisle to another man.

“Okay…,” Margo says slowly, trying to decipher everything she’s seeing. “I’m going to stand outside this door and guard it,” she says, and turns toward Jason. “Because if Jenn finds out you’re in here, she is going to rip you a new asshole.” Jason practically laughs at his childhood friend’s threat. “I mean literally. You’ll be walking around with two holes in your ass.” He’s still unmoved. “And the little one from Rutgers—Julia.” She points a finger at him as she speaks. “She’ll take you out and they’ll never find the body. Not to mention what Nadine’ll do if you mess up her hair.”

“Margo,” I say, and she takes a deep breath. “It’s okay.” Margo walks over and stands between me and Jason. She puts both hands on my shoulders and stares up at me, trying to decipher where I am in this situation.

Is this a situation?

“No matter what happens in the next few minutes, no matter what direction you walk in, I’ll be one step behind you. Got it?” she says, and tips her head. I nod slowly, not sure of exactly what she considers a possibility for my future. “I’ll be right outside.”

Margo walks to the door with evil eyes fixed on Jason until she closes it behind her. I turn to him and although he’s not angry, I’m vulnerable. He could crush me at any moment.

“I know you’ll go through with it. You’re too loyal not to. But I figure you’re probably feeling guilty about me,” he says, and I can’t take my eyes off him. I could lean into him, sit next to him, climb on top of him…I could have all of him. “Trapped in your loyalty, tied by your mercy, but still stubborn enough to see this through.” I stay silent, unsure what to say. “You’re beautiful, Annie.”

I can tell by the way you look at me.

“But you know that.”

“Are you planning on being here for the ceremony?” I ask, knowing his presence is the one thing that can stop this wedding.

“Would you like me to be?”

“I would like nothing less than to have you watching as I say my vows to someone else.”

“Why is that, Annie? Because you wish it was me?” he asks, and takes my face in his hands.

“I thought you said you weren’t here to ruin anything,” I eek out, barely above a whisper. The touch of his hand on my face is making my stomach clench.

“It’s been two long years since you left and not a day has gone by I haven’t wanted you.”

I close my eyes and lean into his hand. The lights flicker for the last time and we stand together in the darkness. “You need to go,” I say, and open my eyes, begging for him to listen. “We had our day. Plenty of them and we squandered them. Took us for granted.” I swallow hard, acknowledging my role in our demise. “I’m not going to make that mistake again.” I take his hand from my face. “Not even with you.” The touch of his rough skin tears at me and I run my fingers across his palm. “Promise you’ll leave.”

“I will. This is the one and only time I don’t want to see you.” Jason runs his lips across my cheek and whispers in my ear, “I love you, Annie.” A chill runs across my breasts and down my legs.

I step back and take a deep breath.

I think of Noble and our families waiting for my arrival. Jason’s right. I’m too loyal to do anything but marry Noble Sinclair today. Lucky for me, he is perfect.

“Be careful with perfect, Annie,” Jason says, and I hate him…

And want him…

And love him.

“I’m ready,” I say as I open the door to an anxious Margo.

Margo drives me next door, from one garage to the other. I am delivered in perfect condition, at least on the outside. The mansion is magnificent, and it’s loud. It’s a hive of bees swarming, creating a colony fit for a queen. Two caterers stop and nod my way, but otherwise I move about completely undetected. I take a deep breath and center myself. I’m well versed in separating Jason’s emotions from my life. I learned to ignore his anger at Rutgers. I kept him just between the two of us, and now I’m leaving him alone.

Sean locks me away in my castle right before Nadine shows up to put on my veil. She’s pleased with the results as I stand in front of her, displaying the finishing touches.

“Charlotte, you’re beautiful,” she says, and I beam.

“Do you think Noble will like the dress?” Nadine’s expression calls me ridiculous without her having to say a word.

“He is going to love the dress. The way he looks at you, you could wear sweatpants today and he would love it.” Nadine slides the small silver comb hooked to my veil into the back of my head and fluffs out the netting. She watches me in the mirror as she finishes her work.

“Are you okay?” she asks. I must not seem okay. I turn to the window and scan the house Jason and I just stood in. It’s calm, painted the color of summer’s perfect sky. I was just next door with Jason, and now Nadine is asking if I’m okay. “You look a little…I don’t know.” She steps in front of me and examines my face again. I smile, but it’s fake. I’m guessing it’s not fooling Nadine at all. “You seem agitated since I last saw you.”

Oh, that’s a great term for what he does to me.

“I’m fine.” I try the smile again. “Just feeling a little haunted.”

“Maybe it’s the necklace.”

Or my mother’s hands choking me for wasting even one emotion on Jason Leer today.

“I’ll see you outside,” she says, and the wind whistles at the windows. Nadine winks at me reassuringly before closing the bedroom door behind her.

I survey the room and it’s obvious someone’s prepared it for my arrival. There are flowers on two tables in the room, candles lit on both sides of the bed, and shells leaning against the mirror on the dresser. Each shell has a different letter spelling out “I Love You,” and I realize who’s been here. The same person who will always be here.

Sitting in front of the shells is a wide silver bangle. I examine it closer and realize it has my monogram, my new monogram, in script letters on the front of it. I will soon be Charlotte Anne Sinclair. I lift the bangle and right before I slip it on my arm, I realize 9/10/11 is engraved inside with the verse, “Noble and Charlotte sitting in a tree,” the childhood rhyme we all used to tease each other with.

My hand lingers over the seashells. I pick up my phone and text Noble:

He texts back and makes me laugh.

He is always so naughty.

I put the bangle on my wrist, the rhyme ringing in my head, as the door opens and Lily toddles into the room, followed by Michelle.

“Well, hello, Lily,” I say, and beam at the sight of her. She has brought more joy to my family in her short year of life than anything else on this planet. We are utterly enchanted by every sound, giggle, word, and step of Lily Charlotte O’Brien.

“Aunt Shar piddy,” she says as she inspects me from the top of my head to my shoes. Her eyes then fix on the turquoise necklace around my neck. Lily touches it, at first with only a finger, and then she takes the whole thing in her fist and pulls it to her.

“No no!” Michelle says as she pries Lily’s hand off my jewelry.

“Someday,” I say to Lily. “Will you take a picture with Aunt Charlotte?” I ask, and Lily nods. Michelle takes my phone and snaps a picture of Lily and me. Probably my last picture as Charlotte O’Brien. The memory of my wedding will fade for Lily by next week but will forever guide me.

A horrible crashing sound fills the house, and Michelle and I just look at each other.

“I think I’d better go downstairs and help set some things up.”

“Please don’t go to any trouble. It’ll be fine. Really, Noble and I could be married in the back of his truck and neither of us would care.”

“That’s what I love about you guys.” Michelle beams as she picks up Lily and walks out of my room.

I open the door to my balcony and the wind blows my dress behind me. The ocean is gray, the violent surf welcoming the storm as it crashes onto the shore. I breathe in the salty air.
Even a girl who worships the sun loves a storm once in a while.

“Get away from the balcony,” Sean says, and closes the door in front of me. I didn’t hear him come in. I was lost in the storm. “You’re going to get soaking wet.” Sean studies me, trying to gauge if I’ve lost my mind.

“I’m ready,” I say.

“He’s waiting for you. We had to switch things around a little. Jackie might have a heart attack, but it’ll be fine.”

“I’m sure it’ll be perfect,” I say, and step into the hall, shutting my bedroom door behind me.

I can hear people shuffling around below me as I approach the landing. BJ catches wind of me and barrels up the stairs. I lean over and kiss his head while I rub behind his ears. Sean grabs my arm and keeps me out of sight of the guests. He moves me to the far wall, completely out of view.